Menopausal Mother

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A  Tornado. Today there are three of us brave souls inviting you into our homes for a peek at what goes on behind closed doors. 

The nosey fly followed Hubs and me to St Augustine last week for our annual wedding anniversary vacation (this year was our 40th!). He definitely overheard some weird conversations but mostly he saw us relaxing on the bay and eating waaaay too much seafood. 

It was such a fun trip! Mac got to jet ski in the bay (I will never do THAT again after almost falling off into frigid water that was infested with little worms!!) and one evening we went out on a sunset cruise that was also a wine tasting party. The wind was CRAZY but we had a blast (who wouldn't when you're out on the ocean sipping wine for 2 hours!).

Our favorite part of these annual trips to St. Augustine is exploring the historic district and tasting all the culinary delights the city has to offer. Best seafood, best martinis, quaint shops, adorable old homes and B&Bs, friendly locals..... I'd buy a home here if I could afford it.

We went back to the special place that rents clown cars---a tradition of ours every year---but looking at those mini mobiles this time (and feeling horribly bloated from so much calorie-laden indulgence), we looked at each other and realized there was no way we could fit our fat butts into the tiny car---not to mention crawling back out. FUGGEDABOUTIT. So we rented a golf cart instead to toodle around town. Much more comfortable!

In typical Doyle fashion---and the motto we live by: "Go Big Or Go Home," Mac and I got matching tattoos to celebrate our 40 years together. We chose the Japanese symbol for love since we love Japanese culture and we're still deeply in love (yeah, I see your eye rolls....). It was a funny experience even though there were some OUCH moments while getting inked (but totally worth it!). 

ME: "That was a great meal and a great dessert!"

HUBS: "It was....but now I need to hibernate for a few months to digest it all."

ME: "There are vultures circling over our hotel!"

HUBS: "That's because I haven't showered in a few days."

ME: "Ah yes, they DO like the scent of rot."

ME: "Why are you lying on the hotel bed like that?"

HUBS: "I ate too much lobster at the restaurant---I have to lie in the fetal position to feel better."

HUBS: "My back is killing me from all the walking we've been doing at the tourist spots."

ME: "You should just get back surgery and be done with it." 

HUBS: "No way. The surgeons will remove one or two of my disks and then I'll be shorter. In fact, I'll probably be so short that you'll stick me in the backyard and use me as a yard gnome."

ME: "Or a door stop....."

HUBS: "We're eating too much rich food at all these restaurants. It's making me gassy. But at least my farts are kinda quiet---like tiptoeing through the tulips."

ME: "I wouldn't call that tiptoeing. More like galloping."

ME: "Aren't you glad I'm not a picky person like some other women we know?"

HUBS: "Yes, you're definitely not a picky person because you picked me. Happy Anniversary!"

Happy Anniversary Honey, and cheers to many, many more!

Want more Meno Mama? First off, some menopause humor (it felt great to write humor again!) over at AARP/The Girlfriend which you can read HERE. Next, healthy spring dishes for AARP/The Ethel that you can read HERE.

Now it's time to go buzz around with the fly at Karen and Diane's house to see what they've been up to!

Baking In A Tornado                                https://www.BakingInATornado.com

                               

On the Border                                         https://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/

     Welcome to another edition of Fly In The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, seven bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in their homes.


     The fly buzzing around my house can easily see that this is my absolute FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve---I love it all. It's a special time to share with family and close friends, to reflect on all the wonderful moments in our lives, and to be thankful for our blessings.

     But let's be real......I'm also pretty damn pumped about the turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie, not to mention a few games of cornhole in the backyard and listening to my kids sing and play their guitars around the fire pit after dinner. I strive to make each holiday better than the last, because the three empty chairs at my table remind me how precious our time here on earth really is. As always, I miss my father, mother, and sister, when the holidays roll around, but I'm incredibly grateful for my children and husband, who continue the tradition of love and laughter around the dinner table.

Speaking of laughter, there was plenty of it around the house this past month with conversations like this going on:


"You walked the dogs, right? Did everyone poop outside?
"Well, the dogs did, but I haven't yet."

"We've got the whole crew coming over again this year for Thanksgiving dinner."
"You mean we've got all the 'gobblers' coming over for dinner."

"Don't mix the good red wine with the cheap stuff that's left in your glass."
"I'd NEVER do that. What do you think I am---some sort of red wine savage??"

"Insomnia again, huh? Can't get your brain to shut off?"
"What brain?"

"I have to pick up the company donuts on Friday morning for the meeting. There might be several missing by the time I get to the office."
"We should keep dental floss in the kitchen. It would make things easier after dinner."
"Screw that---we need to keep dental floss in every room."

"I accidentally put tanning lotion on my toothbrush."
" I don't think your molars would look good with a tan."

"Milton's Paradise Lost was required reading for you in high school? I'm from the sticks, and the only sophisticated, required reading we had was Green Eggs And Ham."

"Thanksgiving is the best holiday......I love watching the Macy's Day Parade, sharing the day with our family, gathering around the table for dinner, and counting all of our blessings."
"You're not fooling anyone. It's the biggest feast day of the year, and other than Christmas, it's the only time you get a free pass on calories!"


     Have a lovely Thanksgiving, everyone. I'll see you again once all the turkey leftovers have been devoured.



****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Halloween marked the 8th anniversary of my sister's death. I wrote something new recently to honor her memory, and I'd love to share it with you. It is one of my most favorite pieces that I've ever written, so I hope you'll take the time to read it. Please check out The Fury Of Bereavement, published by Purple Clover. 

   
Welcome to another Fly On The Wall group challenge, hosted by karen of http://www.bakinginatornado.com. Thirteen bloggers are participating today to give you a glimpse into their private worlds. This month, that pesky fly crashed my birthday celebration and aimed right for the coveted birthday cake. I swatted him away from the sugary confection, but this is what the uninvited guest overheard:

     "Isn't it great becoming a year older? You recognize all the music playing in elevators and mysterious skin tags show up in your arm pits."

     "How would you like to spend your birthday?"
     "Tipsy shopping and drunk eating, of course."

     "The rabbit just peed all over my foot. Do you suppose that's his way of wishing me a happy birthday?"

   
 "You'd better stop poking fun at me for getting a year older. I have BIG plans for you."
     "Oh yeah? Like what?"
     "When you turn eighty, I'm going to strap you into your wheel chair with duct tape, slather you with peanut butter and sunflower seeds, then leave you out in the backyard all day to become a human bird feeder."

     "The first person who buys me adult bladder leakage pads for my birthday will be placed on pug poop patrol for an entire month!"

     "There will be no talk of corn porn on my birthday."
     "Why not? Don't you want to be 'buttered up' on your special day?"
   "Oh gawd, I'm living with a pack of neanderthals."

     "It's pretty sad that I can sum up the past year of my life in five words: wine, Nutella, squirrels, blogging and menopause."

     "I think you'd better slow down on the partying. It looks like you've either jammed or broken your finger. Do you need to go to the emergency clinic?"
     "Are you kidding? I can't do that. You were just there to have eight stitches put in your hand. That doctor is going to look at our double injuries and think, 'What have you kinky-ass people been
doing?'"

     "What are your plans for your birthday?"
     " Cleaning up the chinchilla's poop."
     "My, you lead a glamorous life."

     "I already know what I'm giving you for your birthday: a coupon organizer, miracle wrinkle cream made from goat pee extracts and a lifetime supply of ibuprofen."

     "I'm so sweaty in this dress, I have to wing out my thighs."

     "Go ahead and eat the leftover grounds from your Turkish coffee. I need you to stay awake tonight for the party."

     "You're lucky---you can eat as much cake a you want because you have the metabolism of a gnat. Mine, on the other hand, is more like a turtle's. In this case, slow and steady does NOT win the race."

     "What? No sexy thongs for a birthday gift?"
     "Your butt floss days are over. But I WILL buy you a case of dental floss."

     "Did you give the pug your birthday dinner leftovers? He just farted and I swear it smells like Cantonese shrimp."

     "Nothing is worse than waking up with a hangover. I smell stale garlic and rum on my breath. I need a mouth douche."

     "Leftover birthday cake and ice cream at 7:00a.m. It's the breakfast of champions."


     The night of my birthday celebration, we closed down the restaurant.....because folks, that's how we do birthdays Doyle style!



****NEWS FLASH**** I have more, exciting news to share with you! Meno Mama is once again honored to be a contributing author in another newly released book, Sunshine After The Storm. It's a collaboration of stories from parents sharing their stories of pregnancy and infant loss. The book is beautifully written, providing hope and support to grieving families. It is currently available through Amazon.com. Order your copy today!





     Please be sure to visit all 13 bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall group challenge!

http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado