The editing process of my book is coming along nicely. We've been making some major changes to the manuscript, so it's taking a tad bit longer to than expected. I want this book to be perfect for my readers, so I'm going over every word with a fine tooth comb. It will be worth the wait, I promise. We're finishing up on the feedback from our beta readers, and then the manuscript will go through one more round of edits before going to print. We should be done (hopefully) within 3-4 weeks. I'll probably be completely gray by then or even bald, and I'm pretty sure none of my clothes will fit since I've been living on a diet of Nutella and popcorn (too busy to eat right). I'm going to need to double up on Zumba classes before I start my book tour---otherwise, I'll be wearing muumuus to the signing events.While you're waiting for all this fun stuff to happen, I'm sharing one of my favorite posts that was featured at In The Powder Room last year. Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning know what an animal hoarder I am, so I think you'll enjoy this post!
WELCOME TO THE ZOO
I was raised in a zoo-like atmosphere
that could rival Dr. Doolittle's home. Once my sister started working
at a wild bird care center, we ended up housing a menagerie of exotic
animals. It wasn't unusual to find a pelican in the shower, a vulture
on the desk, hawks in the kitchen or baby bats on the sofa. We dined
with a toucan and cradled Burrowing Owls in our hands.
After I married years later, my
husband and I adopted our share of cats and dogs to round out our
family of six.
By the time our kids hit
elementary school age, they wanted pets of their own. We started with
goldfish and ended up with more floating at the top of the bowl than
swimming at the bottom. The turtles came next, their mossy tank
stinking up my son's room like a sewage dump. We gave them away after
my husband threatened to make turtle soup. Soon after, my daughters
adopted a long-haired guinea pig that resembled a stoner from
Woodstock. We learned quickly not to be fooled by his calm demeanor.
Apparently tickling guinea pigs under the chin is a big no-no.
We tried our hand at raising
hamsters and it was all fun and games until mama hamster gave birth
to nine babies and decided to eat three for lunch. Not the best way
for my girls to learn how stressed-out mothers feel while raising
their young.
Our home earned a reputation for
being an orphanage for exotic animals, and pretty soon we were
inundated with nocturnal pets. My husband suggested I tattoo the word
“SUCKER” across my forehead due to my inability to say “no”
to every animal that crossed our threshold.
At one point, we owned a sampler
platter of animals that included a sugar glider, two albino rats, a
pigmy hedgehog, a stray rabbit and seven chinchillas. My food budget
for the critters equaled the national debt of a small, third world
country.
It didn't stop there. I began
feeding the outdoor birds and squirrels, which earned our home
certification as a wildlife sanctuary. In short, permission to own a
smaller version of Noah's Ark and my reputation as an animal hoarder.
Nowadays my husband gets nervous
every time I visit a zoo and has banned me from watching Animal
Planet for fear I will bring home a family of penguins or lemurs.
He's convinced that whenever a child leaves our nest, I replace him
or her with a new pet. This would explain the three rescue dogs I now
own. One pug in particular cannot be potty trained and wears a doggy
diaper made out of feminine hygiene pads. His digestive system is
like a Tampax factory---he eats the Kotex pads lining his diaper and
poops out tampons on the lawn.
My husband is waiting for the day
I stop hoarding animals and start collecting yard gnomes or AARP
discounts for travel, but.....oh look! Teacup pigs are on sale!
Want more Meno Mama? This week I was featured on the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop. Find out how I keep my man happy right here: http://humorwriters.org/2014/08/01/keep-husband-happy/
