Menopausal Mother

Welcome to another edition of  Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, four bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors. 

Now that the world is opening up again, the opportunities for freelance writing gigs have exploded and I don't think I have ever been busier! The nosy fly has seen me buzzing around my office all month as I navigate new websites and rush to meet the article submission deadlines. BUT I LOVE MY JOB!!  

Having said that, there hasn't been much time to record all the weird conversations that have taken place around our house lately, I'm sharing some of my most favorite comments from past Fly On The Wall Posts---particularly those from 2017. It was quite the year....

"How come the grass at the funeral home is growing so much better than ours?"
"They have an endless supply of natural fertilizer."

"I'm giving you the delicate nose hair trimmer designed for ladies. I'm taking the man's trimmer that uses a chain saw to cut the log hairs out of my nose."

"Being a good dog owner means knowing how to open a cheese stick wrapper without making any noise."

"I forgot to shower and my armpits smell like tacos. I've sniffed them so many times today that now I'm craving Taco Bell."

"Ancestry.com has a package deal on sale today. You should get one so we can finally find out what your DNA is."
"No thanks. I'm too afraid to find out that I might be kin to a schnauzer."

"You know you're getting old when you have to keep floss in every room."

"I'm scared to book a cruise. I've never been on one before."
"Come on, Mom, it'll be fun. Let's just go ahead and make the reservations!"
"No way---I remember how Titanic ended."
"Mom, there are no icebergs in the Bahamas......"

"I really want to breed our pup at least once before he gets neutered. I need to find a good breeder."
"What are you trying to do, pimp out our pug?"

"Cheese sticks are your remedy for everything. Hungry? Eat a cheese stick. Tired? Eat a cheese stick. Angry? Anxious? Got diarrhea? EAT A CHEESE STICK."

"The medical form asks what my marital status is. Doesn't that depend on the day?'"

"I was just talking to a bluejay outside. Seriously, in bird language."
"Snow White has nothing on you."

(Me, after a hurricane and no electricity for days): "My God, I wish the power would come back on soon because this house smells like sweat, dog pee, and the ghost of old farts."

"How was your birthday trip to St. Augustine? What did you guys do?"
"Fat. We got fat."

ME TO HUBS: "It's time for me to teach you how to twerk."
HUBS: (dressed in underwear and socks) "Are you making me do this because I may or may not have had too many glasses of wine tonight?"
ME: "No, I'm asking you to do it because I need to be entertained."
HUBS: (grabbing bedrail in an attempt to hold his balance while he moves his butt back and forth) "Is this the right way?"
ME: (gasping for air because I can't stop laughing) "It's right if you're trying to imitate a manatee during a mating ritual."
HUBS: "Glad I could amuse you, but I think I just threw my back out...."

"You walked the dogs, right? Did everyone poop outside?
"Well, the dogs did, but I haven't yet."

"I accidentally put tanning lotion on my toothbrush."
" I don't think your molars would look good with a tan."

"Let's buy our Halloween candy now before the store runs out of the good stuff."
"You're not fooling anyone with that excuse. Those mini chocolate bars are for your personal stash. If I buy the treats now, there will be nothing left to pass out on Halloween except for candy corn and gum."
"After 33 years of marriage, you know me too well. Time to trade you in for a newer model..."

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? EXCITING NEWS! You can find my debut article for The Independent HERE and my latest for Always Pets HERE

 

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

 

Baking In A Tornado                  https://www.BakingInATornado.com

Never Ever Give Up Hope             https://batteredhope.blogspot.com

Menopausal Mother                   http://www.menopausalmom.com/

Wandering Web Designer      https://wanderingwebdesigner.com/blog

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking in a Tornado. Today, four bloggers are welcoming you into their homes for a glimpse at what goes on behind closed doors.

     The past few weeks at the Doyle abode have been busy indeed. As promised in my last Fly post, I  have some photos from my daughter's baby shower, along with pics from my vacay in St. Augustine and a lovely birthday dinner celebration with my family.

     The games played at the baby shower were INSANE. One was a baby bottle beer drinking contest (the men really appreciated that one), another involved wrapping people in "diapers" made from rolls of toilet paper, and then there was my personal favorite---twerking with a tissue box filled with ping pong balls strapped to your butt. No, I did NOT participate, but I couldn't stop laughing.

     My daughter received so many lovely gifts, but before this baby comes next week, I need to load her up with some Carter's outfits and some other cool kids' gear. Her c-section date is Oct. 25th, and I'm ridiculously excited to welcome my new granddaughter into the world!

     Last week the Hubs and I went on our annual trip to St. Augustine, Florida, for an early birthday celebration (Yes, I am the type of person to extend my birthday celebration for an entire week). But it wasn't just about the birthday---this was truly a celebration of life after my recent health scare. The whole ordeal was an eye opener and made me appreciate my blessings even more than I already do. Cliche as it sounds, life really is short and we need to make every minute count.

     There's just something special about the historic town of St. Augustine, and how it always feels like home to us whenever we visit. We spent our time exploring museums, shopping in some cool hipster boutiques, and eating our way through the town's finest restaurants, but I have to say that my two favorite activities involved a horse-drawn carriage ride and what I jokingly refer to as our "clown car" rental. There's nothing like zipping around the backroads of a city in a tiny, yellow convertible with a loud horn.


When we returned home, we gathered the family and went to a dinner celebration at one of my favorite seafood restaurants. After all the eating and drinking I've been doing this past week, I think it's time to renew my diet vows....but not until I finish this last box of Godiva chocolates....


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Check out my latest on Weekly Humorist: "A Sampling of Brett Kavanaugh's Home Brewed Beers."




Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

     I've written before about the odd little tchotchkes in my home---stuff that other people may see as a collection of junk, but to me, they're treasures. Each one carries a specific memory, and for that reason, I hang onto them. I'm not a hoarder (well, maybe when it comes to squirrel stuff I am, but....), and I DO try to keep my tchotchkes organized. Just the other day, I removed all of my pug-faced pillows and stored them in the closet so that they wouldn't clutter up my bedroom. Perhaps I should have donated them or tossed them out, but you never know when someone might be in dire need of a pug pillow.

     My home is full of amazing little items that make me smile whenever I happen to spot them on a table or shelf. Or when it's time to bring out the duster, because God knows, the more tchotchkes you have, the more dusting you'll do.....

   
    Welcome to another Fly On The Wall group posting, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, 10 bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a peek into their private lives.

     For years, I have wanted to visit St. Augustine, Florida. I'm a native Floridian, and believe it or not, I have never visited one of oldest cities in the U.S. even though it's only a five hour drive from my home. Say What?? Yeah, I was too busy carting the Family to Disney World a gazillion times over the last 30 years. I've traveled all over the country, and after college, did the whole student tour thing in Europe where they cram 20+ countries into four weeks. I think I might have slept on the bus through a few of them.

     With my husband's birthday looming on the horizon, I thought it might be a good time to seize the moment and book a trip to St. Augustine...... Best. Decision. Ever. So much to do and see there! We stayed at a cozy little B&B and pretty much ate and drank our way through the city. Incredible seafood dishes and the best handcrafted cocktails I've ever had. For those of you familiar with the city, here are the places we visited during our four days in St. Augustine: St. John's Jail, Potter's Wax Museum, The Fountain of Youth, The old wooden school house, the old Drugstore, and both the Tolomato and Huguenot cemetery. We also did the ghost tour, plus the Old Time Trolly Tour; visited the oldest Museum store, the history museum, all the shops on St. George Street (the historic walking mall district), the Cathedral Basilica, Flager College, Lightner Museum (and we ate in the famous cafe in the old swimming pool area), San Sebastian Winery, and the Castillo de san Marcos fort. We also ate at all the yummy restaurants that were recommended to us: O.C. White's, Harry's, The Columbia, A1A Ale Works, and the Raintree.


     There were a lot of funny conversations going on during our trip, but I can only remember a handful of them (I was too busy stuffing myself with lobster and pomegranate martinis). If you had been a fly on the wall during out vacation, here are a few snippets of conversation you would have overheard:

"Those figurines in the wax museum look younger than me, and they've been here for over 100 years."

"This ghost tour can't be the real deal. How are we supposed to believe in this stuff when we have Casper the Friendly Ghost as our tour guide?"

"As many bars as there are in this town, no wonder so many tourists see ghosts in St. Augustine. I just saw a pink elephant float by on St. George Street."

"On the outside I'm older, but on the inside, I'm still 33 and living in the moment. Which means I mentally do everything but physically do nothing."

"If I was a soldier back in the 1700's in this fort, I would have gone AWOL because there was no A/C and they had to wear wool uniforms, even in the summer."
"Thank God none of them were menopausal in this heat. Then they would have really had a mutiny on their hands."

"For us, the saying 'Ride or Die' is the equivalent of sitting in a motorized wheelchair and pretending we're Peter Fonda reliving his role in Easy Rider."

"The food here is incredible, but this B&B needs to have a midwife on call because I'm so full I think I'm birthing a food baby."

"This reminds me of our trip to St. Petersburg when we went to the Titanic exhibit. I'll never forget those gorgeous first class staterooms."

"If my family had been on the Titanic, we would have been in the third class section because we were so poor. Actually, we would have been the ones working in the boiler room. In other words, we would have been dead."

ME: "I know you thought it was a good idea to walk to the Fountain of Youth from our hotel because you thought it was just a few blocks from the fort. But we've been walking forever and I still don't see it."
HUBS: "It's just around the corner, I swear."
***THREE MILES LATER***
ME: "We're still walking, and its been almost an hour, in 96+ temps with only a drop of water. Even the drivers are laughing at us because we look like stupid, sun-baked tourists. I could kill you for this!"
HUBS: "No worries---I was already contemplating jumping in front of one of the tourist trolleys."
ME: " Good, because at least then I'll get a free ride back to the B&B."

"Isn't it cool to think we're staying on Aviles street---the oldest street built in the U.S.?"
"As old as you are today on your birthday, I would think you'd recall watching them build it."

     It was a great trip folks, and if you are ever in the area, I highly recommend a trip to St. Augustine. Just be sure to bring pants with elastic waistlines.....unless you plan on hiring a midwife for your food baby.