Menopausal Mother

    Welcome to the April edition of Fly On the Wall groups postings, hosted by  Baking In A Tornado.  Today, 15 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in their homes.
 
    As for my house, there has been a lot of yawning going on. Lately, I'm always tired. The Hubs is tired too, and now the teen is tired. Heck, I'm beginning to feel envious of my dogs because they get to nap all day long. I'm trying to combat my drowsiness with more coffee, but even after several cups of java strong enough to wake the dead, I'm STILL yawning at the gym and dreaming of when I can curl up on my Tempur-Pedic.

     Here's a glimpse of some odd, conversational tidbits going on around me while I was trying to sneak in a few cat naps over the weekends:


"I wish our female dog was spayed. When she gets her period, she leaves her doggy DNA all over the new carpet."

"Why don't stores sell elephant print leggings for working out?"
"Because no sane woman would wear elephants plastered all over her butt and thighs while doing squats at the gym."

"Don't bother me while I'm writing."
"Are you working on the new book?"
"Nope. This little piece is known as Book Proposal Purgatory."

"When you have A.D.D., your brain is like a computer with 20 tabs open all at once."

"You know we can't afford another car, Hon. You can still squeeze a few more years out of that 1999 Honda Odyssey minivan."
"That's easy for you to say! I'm the only man in Broward County driving the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car from hell."

"When it comes to quality time in the bathroom, our son defies the success of any odor-eliminating spray."

"Nana, do you want a lobster roll or lobster ravioli for dinner?"
"No thank you. I don't like my lobster adulterated."

"I'm convinced that stemless wine glasses were invented for sloppy drunks."

"On Pinterest, it says that pinning a dryer sheet to your shirt will ward off mosquitoes when you're outside.  I have a better idea---just pin a poopy diaper to your hat. I'm pretty sure that would keep the mosquitoes away."
"Yeah, but then you'd be inviting the flies to a feast."

"I'm so full from dinner, I feel like someone put a sandbag in my stomach."

"It doesn't matter if you're in your 80's---you can still join a Cross Fit Class. But it will have a different name----like "Wheel Chair Aerobics" or "Walker Workout."

"If you eat that blueberry, raisin, and apple bran muffin before going to Zumba, you're going to end up with fruit flavored flatulence at the gym."

"After all the margaritas I've consumed tonight, I think the last mosquito that just bit me is going to be hungover for a week."

     It's that time again! For those of you new to my blog, welcome to another monthly edition of Fly On The Wall group postings, where 14 bloggers invite you into their homes for a peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

     This has been a quiet month for us, so I believe the fly has been catching up on his naps. I wish I could do the same. Most of my time now is taken up with book marketing strategies---the difficult side of a writing career. It's incredibly time consuming and takes away from what I love doing most---WRITING! The good news though is that my tech girl designed a new page on my blog for the book, which you can see here: http://www.menopausalmom.com/p/who-stole-my-spandex.html

     If you were a fly buzzing around my house this month, here are a few remarks you would have heard floating around the Doyle house:


"I would never go on a cruise ship. Too many rogue waves out there."

"Hey Dad, come here and let me prove to you how strong I've gotten since I've been lifting weights. I'll pick you up."
"No thanks---I don't want to end up with a broken clavicle."

"I wish my inner editor would stop waking me up at 4:00am to share her ideas with me."

"A fart is just a warning sign of what's to come."

"Our neighbor is having a garage sale and he's selling a giant plastic worm that kids can ride. Should I buy it?"
"No, I'm not riding the worm with you."



"I'd wrap that in bacon."
"You'd wrap anything in bacon and eat it, including your pillow."

"Can you please tell our son that changing the toilet paper will not cause brain damage?"

"Karma takes too long to catch up. I'd rather just smack you right now."


"I don't have a bucket list but I have a F@%k it list that never ends."

"Just because my reality is different from yours doesn't mean I'm crazy."

"Of course I love you, but you sound better when your mouth is closed."

I'd like to share a funny little story with you that happened yesterday. If you read my previous post about the odd things that occur around my husband--- http://www.menopausalmom.com/2014/12/good-intentions-gone-wrong.html ---then this story will not surprise you.

One of my chinchillas had diarrhea late in the afternoon, which can be dangerous with these types of animals. I called my vet, only to learn that he was out of town for a few days. They gave me the name of another vet at a different office and suggested I take my chinchilla there. Luckily, my husband had just gotten home from work and offered to take our pet so that I wouldn't have to change my dinner plans.

He was gone for two hours, and I began to worry that something was seriously wrong. Just as I was about to call him, he walked in the front door with a big grin on his face. Apparently, National Geographic was at the vet's office filming for their series, "National Geographic in the Wild" and asked if they could video my husband and our chinchilla during their doctor's visit! How crazy is that? My friends asked if I was disappointed that I wasn't there, and my answer was a resounding "NO!"  I hadn't washed my hair in two days and was still sporting a bleach-stained t-shirt from the previous day that had a few grease spots on it from my lunch. I'm grateful that I WASN'T there.

The episode will air some time in the fall---I'll keep you posted. Now, hop on over to the homes of the other bloggers participating in today's Fly post and see what they've been up to!


Want more Meno Mama? A few days ago I was a featured guest again on one of my favorite sites--Blunt Moms. You can read the post here: http://www.bluntmoms.com/little-white-lies-women-tell/