Friday, February 13, 2015

The Little White Lies Men Tell Themselves


     Last week I admitted to the little white lies that my female peers and I are guilty of telling (you can read the post *here*), but I've decided it wouldn't be any fun if I didn't share the male side of the equation. I've gotten a few brave men to 'fess up about the lies they tell themselves and their significant others, and some of these go way beyond the usual, "Of course I don't think you look like you've gained weight" tales they eagerly tell their women in order to avoid a night in the dog house.

     Fellas, I'm betting there are quite a few remarks here that are going to sound painfully familiar to you. It's time to put down the TV remote and admit that you're just as guilty as your partner when it comes to stretching the truth like a giant rubber band. Just remember how much it stings when that band snaps back.


*I'm only going to watch one game this weekend.

*Of course I'd rather order a tofu burger from the menu than a juicy Porterhouse steak.

*Yes, it was on sale.


*If I lose a few more pounds, I can squeeze back into my Speedo.

*My wife won't notice if I leave a few dirty dishes in the sink.

*A man can never have too many flashlights. Or screw drivers.

*I don't mind taking all the kids with us on our romantic vacation to the Bahamas.

*It's okay that no one else in the family notices that the trash can is overflowing.

*I never fart in elevators.

*No honey, those jeans don't make your butt look big.

*I don't mind giving up my championship game tickets to stay home and help you pick lice out of the kids' hair.

*This isn't fat---it's muscle.

*No one will notice I'm going bald if I wear a baseball cap 24/7….or wrap this long, single strand of hair around the top of my head.

*It wasn't a mistake…. I meant to do that.

*Of course I remembered our anniversary is today.

*My in-laws won't care if I burp at the dinner table.

*It doesn't bother me that I have to drive thirty miles to the store that carries that special shade of lipstick that you love so much.

*I don't mind getting up at 3:00 a.m. to investigate the strange sound that you heard outside.

*Sure, I can last all night without Viagra.

*My boss won't notice if I'm late to work three days in a row because the drive-thru line at Starbucks is ridiculously long.

*As soon as I get the prototype for my invention of an atomic sponge made, I'll be able to retire on the millions I'll make from it.

*Of course I understand your moodiness.

*I don't mind spending $400 on Justin Beiber concert tickets for my daughters.

*It's perfectly fine to let the snoring, farting dog share the bed with us every night.

*Even though I'm in my fifties, I can still keep up with the teenagers and play several rounds of basketball in 90 degree heat.

*I'm not overweight---I'm just big boned.

*Size doesn't matter.

*I love having my in-laws over for dinner every weekend.

*My wife won't notice that I went to Home Depot for a packet of nails and came home with a pressure cleaner.

*Of course I don't mind working over time without extra pay. My family won't mind, either.

*I didn't clog the toilet.

*It's good to let the grass get knee-high every now and then. I'll mow it next week.

*I know where I'm going and I don't need to ask anyone for directions.

*I don't mind that you're feeling too tired and grumpy for sex. I can wait.

*You still look beautiful to me even with that unidentifiable rash on your face.

*I never think that you and your girlfriends talk too much.


*Of course I love your creamed brussels sprout and salmon pie. Who wouldn't?

*My wife thinks my love handles are sexy.

*I'd be happy to teach our Evil Knievel--wannabe teenager how to drive.

*Men don't gossip.

*I'm not crying over that Hallmark commercial. I've got something in my eye.

*Just because I'm giving you a sexy body massage doesn't mean that I expect something else in return.

*I'd be happy to stop by the drugstore on my way home from work to pick up a box of tampons for you.

*Just one more beer, and then I'll stop. I promise…...



     That wasn't so hard now, was it, fellas? So how about a big slice of creamed brussels sprout and salmon pie with a tofu burger on the side….unless, of course, you were lying about that?



This week Meno Mama was all over the place!  I shared the "Do's and Don'ts of Valentine's Day Gifts on the Huffington Post:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/the-dos-and-donts-of-vale_b_6660278.html     I was also a guest on the blog "Take A Walk In My Shoes" with my Valentine post, "How To Keep A Husband Happy":   http://terri-grothe.blogspot.com/2015/02/how-to-keep-your-husband-happy-guest.html   

      





29 comments:

  1. Of course men don't fib... lol... right... They are human after all... we all fib a little here and there to keep the peace xox

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  2. My husband totally tried to tell me after a workout that his belly is going down, which is code for I am trying to convince myself more then you by far! But still, I guess we (men and women) all are guilty of telling white lies often enough! ;)

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    1. That's too funny! Yep--- we are guilty of the white lies!

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  3. the length & detail of your lists always amaze me. It's clear you are the world's BEST observer and have a lot of insight into this stuff! Enjoyed this morning laugh -I mean read- tremendously, as usual! I could add a few.

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    1. I love "researching" this topic----I could have gone on and on, but I figured this blog post was long enough.

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  4. I hear 'It was on sale' waaaaayyyyyyy too often and know it's a lie! And men don't gossip??!! Yeah right! This was fun to read, Marcia. Thanks for the tell-all! ;-))

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    1. Thanks, Joy! Yeah, my husband definitely gossips----but I'm the one who gets blamed for it, LOL!

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  5. I've heard most of those before myself, except the Tofu Burger one. No matter how much I'm loved, a night out wasted on aTofu burger is the line in the sand.

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  6. What??? These are all lies?? Yeah, I've heard just a few of these. :-)

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    1. Yep---I think we're all pretty united on this.

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  7. Oh my goodness you are bloody funny

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    1. Ha-Ha!! Thank you, Jo-Anne. Love seeing you here!

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  8. lol that made me laugh! I think men think they are perfect. This clearly shows they are not! Thanks for starting off my day with a smile!

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  9. Without incriminating myself too much, I'm guilty of some of these.

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  10. Haha! So fun to get inside the world of men. Fun indeed.

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  11. Oh the things we tell each other just to get along. My husband's would, "Of course I didn't buy lottery tickets on the way home." or "No, I didn't win any money playing lottery tickets"!

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    1. OMG I forgot that one----my hubs tells me this all the time!

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  12. Oh the things we tell each other just to get along. My husband's would, "Of course I didn't buy lottery tickets on the way home." or "No, I didn't win any money playing lottery tickets"!

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  13. Just shows how much they love us, right? :)

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  14. This is also so true too...but I refrain from sharing...you know why ;)

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  15. We men don't lie because we want to, we just protect ourselves from the female kind going all cray cray on us, so we embellish a little bit.

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