Friday, August 21, 2020

Fly On The Wall With An Achy Old Man

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, three of us are inviting you into our homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

Like many people during this pandemic, I feel as if I have aged ten years. I get easily fatigued during the day and often struggle to get things done around the house. Mostly it's from boredom. I miss going to the gym, socializing with my girlfriends, and going out to dinner. My husband also complains about aging (but he has been doing this long before COVID-19 struck). He claims that doing even the simplest activities brings on achy muscles for days afterward. I'm not sure if this is just his way of getting out of mowing the lawn or trimming our trees. Either way, I don't mind his excuses anymore. After all, I'm the one sitting in the cool A/C who has adopted the lifestyle of a sloth. I keep promising him that I'll get out in the 95-degree temps to help with the weeding, but then I get distracted by a piece of chocolate cake and a good book and....well, you know the rest. Just living my best sloth life.

But I really DO listen to my husband when he complains, and I take those complaints seriously... sometimes...

"My knee is killing me today. I think I twisted it while pressure cleaning the deck."
"What's the number for that knee surgeon? I need to get you an appointment for the knee replacement we've been talking about."
"Oh, did I say knee? No, I meant that my finger hurts. Just my finger. I don't need surgery."

"I'm too old to crouch down. If there's something on the lowest grocery store shelf, I'm not going for it."
"Oh, so that's why you come home from the store and tell me they were out of my favorite crackers."

"The doctor mentioned 'hyper-gonads'. Hell, I don't even know where my gonads are anymore."
"If you can't bend down to see what's on the grocery shelf, then you're definitely too old to bend down to search for your missing man-parts."

"I've had a headache every single day this week."
"What's the number for that neurologist? You need an MRI. It might be a brain tumor."
"Did I say headache? No, I meant that my earlobe is sore. Just my earlobe. I don't need an MRI."

"That's a LOT of vegetables for dinner. If I eat all of those, I'll go into a food coma and turn into a vegetable."
"Yep, just like the ones at the back of the veggie drawer in the fridge---shriveled up and decayed."

"AARP sent me a reminder notice to renew my membership."
"No, that was a notice to remind you that you're still an old fart."

                           PHOTO: Courtesy of Mommy Needs Vodka

"I think I've misplaced my metabolism. Have you seen it?"
"No, but if we search together, maybe we'll find mine, too."

"Honey, you're still handsome. You could be an underwear model."
"More like Depend undergarments for men model...."

"My back hurts so bad today. I think it's from bending over to paint the pavers."
"What's the number for that back surgeon? You probably need disc replacement surgery."
"Did I say back? Noooo, I meant that I stubbed my toe on the pavers and it hurts now. Just the toe. I don't need spinal surgery."

I think I've finally found the solution to whatever ails my husband. And it didn't cost me a dime.

Check out these other bloggers for a peek into their homes:

Baking In A Tornado        
Never Ever Give Up Hope   


  1. Look for my metabolism while you're searching, will ya?
    Oh, and you know I like your final solution!

  2. You folks certainly believe that physicians have magic powers!

  3. "Just living my best sloth life." It does sound like you have it figured out! As always, I enjoy your one-liners and try to find a way to recycle them.

  4. Hahahahaaaaa!! Love this. And the little dog, standing on hind legs :D Suggesting surgery is a great cure for what ails him. Great job, Marcia!

    1. Isn't the dog hilarious?? When I saw that meme, I couldn't stop laughing!!

  5. Men grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    Although they do make us laugh at t imes

  6. Ya, I don't bother telling my wife anything any more except "Honey, I changes all the codes on my computer so if something does happen to me, I'm not sure how you will access the bank accounts" Maybe if I had a nice glass of ice cold lemonade and a couple of cookies I could remember those passwords and give you a copy.

  7. So fun, Marcia!
    It’s amazing how just the mention of a doctor heals his aches and pains! I must try this with my husby!

  8. LOL! You do seem to have hit upon a solution.



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