Wednesday, July 12, 2023

One Year Later And I'm Still Grieving

Today, July 12th, marks one year since I lost my sweet girl pug Savi. They say that the grief gets easier over time but I'm not sure about that. The pain of losing her still lingers; she was my best fur companion and I loved her more than I ever thought possible. She left a hole in my heart that I fear no other pet can fill. The tears still come when I think of her---as I often do. I remember the way she stared at me just before she closed her eyes for the last time while she was being euthanized. And I remember how my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. I don't know if I can ever get past that painful memory. Of course, I'm grateful for the two pugs I still have---I hold them extra close now---but they are not like Savi. She was my lap dog, my shadow, my baby. She loved to be cuddled and slept beside me every night for nine years. In my dreams, she's still there---until I wake to the empty spot beside me and remember she is gone. 

Maybe you think it's silly to grieve so hard for a pet, but if you've ever been in my shoes---as many of you have---you understand this unique kind of grief. I've lost a lot of close family members and friends over the years, but this particular loss hit me extra hard. I know that pets ARE family, no matter what anyone else thinks. Unlike humans who become ill and are close to death, pets are innocent and do not understand what is happening when their body starts failing. They depend on us to help them through the pain, even though they are often unable to communicate these emotions. They have no understanding of a higher power or faith in the afterlife. All they know is the here and now---with us beside them---as they are leaving. And we are left with their names forever etched into our hearts.

My husband has offered to get me another dog, but I'm still not ready. I may never be. Savi can never be replaced, and the thought of going through this pain again with another dog terrifies me. All I have left of Savi is a tattoo of her paw print, a box of ashes, and my memories.

Some very kind people reached out to me after my loss and gave me extraordinary gifts to memorialize my love for Savi. One is a stone plaque created for her and another is a painting that an artist sent me after reading my story about her in AARP. At times like this, I lean heavily on my husband and the kindness of strangers. I'm still taking the loss one day at a time, holding my fur baby close to my heart in every way possible. 

There is a video on Tik Tok that makes me sob every time I watch it but in a hard way, it's also comforting because it gives me hope that I'll see my beautiful girl again one day. This is from @muthapuppa:

"If your dog could have just one more moment with you, they'd tell you this: I know you miss me. I miss you too. But I need you to know....I took it all with me. Your love. Your scent. The memories. Even my blankey. Thank you for giving me so much love and joy. I love you. Always have. Always will...."

I will always love and miss you, sweet Savi. I look forward to seeing you again one day on the other side of the rainbow.....


  1. Such a tender post and so touching, you know what can be annoying when people make comments like "it was just a dog/cat" maybe to them it is but to others it is the same as losing any other family member, I get how much a pet can mean to it's human.

    1. You are so correct. Losing Savi hurt as much as losing my family members.



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