Saturday, September 8, 2012

Menopausal Mama Drama

     Got a complaint? Pick a number and stand in line. It will be three lunar eclipses before I have time to address your grievances. I would rather spend the day scraping up the collective gunk in the corners of my refrigerator drawers than discuss these issues, but I just can't keep my mouth shut any longer. In the past, I was a pro at sidestepping conflict, but there comes a time in a woman's life (known as MMP---Menopausal Mean Phase), where we've just GOT to unleash the hormonal beast raging inside of us. I'm tired of being stretched in ten different directions like a Stretch Armstrong doll just to please the entire universe. Some days I'd rather pull the covers over my head and staple the blanket to my mattress to prevent people from disturbing me in my cotton fortress.  Just. Go. Away.
     Maybe I'm feeling this way because I'm menopausal-bitchy-hungry-tired-hot flashy, or maybe I'm just older and wiser and have realized I don't need to put up with the bullshit anymore. My kids and my husband, I can handle. But outside of that comfortable nucleus, if you see a sign posted on my front door that reads, "Beware Of Rabid Otter...Enter At Your Own Risk" trust me, it's up there for your own good.
     Things that REALLY piss me off:

     *People who shove their political agendas down my throat via emails, robo calls, television ads, bulk mail and Facebook. This is especially insulting if the political onslaught hits me early in the morning when my eyes are at half mast. I'm basically brain dead until 9:00 a.m. when the coffee kicks in, so don't ask me to support your cause or I may end up voting for Sponge Bob.

     *Waiting not-so-patiently in the "Ten Items Or Less Express Lane" at the grocery store only to have some jackass in front of me who:  A) Has 15 items in his basket: 8 cans of sardines, 6 jars of pickled pigs feet and a ginormous bag of kitty litter). Dude, what are you doing-- hosting a redneck feline barbecue in your backyard?  B)  Decides he can't afford that many jars of pickled pigs feet and has the check-out girl de-scan them all.  C)  Tries to pay for his purchases with a credit card that has been denied (guess that case of chewing tobacco he bought last month maxed out his card).

     *People who can't pay their mortgage but somehow scrape up the funds to book a room for a weekend at the beach, drive Beemer convertibles and suck down lobster tails at a five star restaurant.

     *Late service calls. "Dear Mr. Internet-Television-Telephone-Electricity-Repair Man: I don't mind sitting in a dark cave for two weeks, waiting for you to show up and restore our service. I'll just sit here in the candle light and crochet a pastel noose while I wait patiently for your visit.

     *People who criticize me or my family behind my back because they're too insecure to face their own demons. Criticize my kids and I'll go all Charlie Sheen on your ass. Yes, I know they've done some stupid things over the years, like sticking bubble gum in a sibling's hair or throwing a hot iron at someone who was poking fun at them...but at least they didn't shove a raisin up someone's nose like my older brother did to me when I was little. Raisins+nasal passage=emergency room.

    *Erratic drivers multi-tasking behind the wheel while speeding down a busy interstate. These people aren't human--they're aliens from a planet that produces colonies of octopus people. Amazing how they can text, apply makeup, slip a contact in their eye and brush their teeth, all while dodging in and out of traffic.

     *Diet products and expensive exercise equipment that promises to turn women into JLo. *NEWSFLASH* The money you wasted on these items could have been invested in a Twinkie factory, because either way you're going to come out looking like Melissa McCarthy from the Mike and Molly show.

     *Celebrities who whine about their lack of privacy and run-ins with the paparazzi. Well duh, after clawing their way to the top, what did they expect? They can always switch careers---I hear they're hiring janitors at the local middle school to scrub spit balls off the bathroom walls. No need to worry about paparazzi showing up there.

     *People who try to involve me in the he said/she said game. I'm tired of playing referee and would rather sit along the sidelines while they duke it out in the Octagon. Popcorn, anyone?

     *Door-to-door salesmen. In the dinosaur days before internet, people used to sell encyclopedias door-to-door. As a kid, it was pretty darn exciting to flip through the glossy pages and look at the mating cycle of the woolly worm. But nowadays, it never fails---we'll just be sitting down to dinner when the doorbell rings and some squirrelly looking guy who seems to be hyped up on meth is trying to sell me an alarm system, a magazine subscription or a set of Ginsu knives. The only sales people allowed to cross my threshold are the ones selling Girl Scout cookies or those giant World's Finest chocolate bars to support the high school glee club.

     *People who brag about their high paying jobs, yet bitch about the lengthy hours they put in each week...as if the rest of us poor slobs do nothing but sit around the pool all day and sip pina coladas. Who do the they think they're kidding? Just. Shut. Up.  Everyone knows they're the ones keeping TLC, MTV and the Bravo channel ratings up by never missing an episode of Honey Boo Boo, Sixteen And Pregnant, Real Housewives Of New Jersey and Toddlers And Tiaras.

     *Cheap people. Don't bring the Walmart wine-special-of-the-week wrapped in fancy trimmings when I know damn well you can afford the good stuff. You can wrap your trash up in a pink bag with purple bows and it's still gonna smell like crap to the garbage man.


     These are the types of people who have been sucking the life out of me for years. To hell with them. Now it's time for me to kick back, pour a glass of wine and watch back to back episodes of Koalas Gone Wild.










182 comments:

  1. Extremely well said, you never fail to bring a smile to my face or deep chuckle. Sot truthful and honest.. I LOVE it<3

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    1. Always happy to make you smile--even when I'm feeling snarky!

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    1. Thanks! I was nervous about posting this one!

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  3. I love it! My Fave you can wrap up trash in a pink bag and add purple bows and it will still smell like crap..That.is.awesome!

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  4. And while we're on the subject, if I hear...I'm whoever-the-heck-you-are-and-whatever-the-heck-you're-running-for, and I approve this message...one more time I'm just gonna scream.

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    1. I know, right?? I'm thinking I should change my number...especially after posting this and pissing off tons of people...

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  5. yikes!!! i hear ya... but i sure would not want to "cross" that line of "crossing" meno mama!!! ha, lol. great read. i'm right there with ya. here's to that glass of wine & kicking back. take care, slu

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    1. Thanks, Slu! Yeah, my husband generally runs for the hills when I go into bitch mode---can't blame him! And that glass of wine tonight will do wonders!

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  6. Wow! I thought for a moment a giant fist would come through the screen of my computer and hit me in the face! Woman, you have some anger management issues! Or are you menopausal? Ha, ha! I totally relate and I mean totally! I'm in the same state as you are. I'm fed up and sick and tired and 'my nerves are dancing' (and they don't need a partner-stay away)...Go ahead have another glass of wine!

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    1. Hey, I like that "nerves dancing and they don't need a partner" bit. Right on target there! But don't worry about me--just hormoning at the moment. Nothing a glass (or three) of wine won't cure!

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  7. A wonderful read..smiling all the while..;)

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  8. Great post as always. Nice topic as well - something we all relate to.
    PS - will pop over to your sons blog in a mo and leave a comment.......

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  9. Amen. My sentiments exactly. You rock!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Kathy! You know I'm lovin' your blog site too, Hun!

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  10. Love your words. I'm starting to master the hormonal staredown..One look and everyone knows I need a space-radius of at least 10 feet..Enjoy that glass (or bottle) of wine. You deserve it for speaking your truth!

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    1. Ohhh thank you for the support! I needed it for this bitch fest of a post! I like that needing a space radius of 10 feet--I might have to warn my family about that!

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  11. Great post!! I agree 100% about the political agendas. I am SO tired of logging onto Facebook and all I see is that crap. I'm seriously considering deactivating my account until Christmas! And the people who can't pay their bills yet have the latest "bling"... like iPhones, iPads, designer bags, etc. And then they criticize ME because I don't have those fancy things, yet I have no debt and always pay my bills in full on time! I just don't get it.... lol.

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    1. Isn't that the truth?? They have all the crazy gadgets, yet don't understand why I'm still using a to-go phone! And I will never understand in my wildest dreams how someone can blithely spend $5000 on a designer bag and think nothing of it! No thanks--I'll buy mine at Walmart--along with that cheap, boxed wine!!

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  12. Really True! I love your post & Blog! I am following you in GFC from Blog hop. I hope your visit!

    Namaste!
    http://www.mamiholisticaygenial.com

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    1. Thanks so much for the follow! I will definitely check out your blog site now!!

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  13. Funny stuff! Thanks for the laughs! Stacie xo

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    1. Glad I could bring a little laughter into you life today! Hope you keep coming back for more!

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  14. Wow, somebody REALLY pissed you off, but Amen to everything you said! Right on, right on, right on!!!!

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    1. Yes, they did, and they really are the ones who need to read this post but sadly, they never will...either that or they will just not get the point!

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  15. Whoa! I'm glad you got that off your chest and out of your head. Yesterday I nearly lost my voice screaming because of all the frustrations I had to go through just to perform one simple task that turned out to be so complicated I could barely complete it. But I did and today is a better day. Tomorrow will be even better as long as everything runs smoothly and everyone complies with my wishes. :)

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    1. Feeling better, now? You sound relieved! And yes, if everyone complies with the queen's wishes, the kingdom runs smoothly....that's the way it works in our house!

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  16. NOW YOUR SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE!!! Sometimes you just gotta let it out, and I say let em' have it. You go Momma... And even though your mad I love it that you can still be so funny. When I'm mad about something, I always speak my mind, but I'm not funny... at all. Sorry you're all flabbergasted, but this is one of my favorite posts yet.

    By the way, remind me some time to tell you the story of my Stretch Armstrong and Stretch Monster folly...

    And I wish there was a "LIKE" button for some of these comments. Not only do you have a great blog, you have some great fans.

    I hope you got everything out of your system, and your hormonal levels return to normal. I'll be looking forward to next time...

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    1. Surprised you liked this post so much--I was afraid I'd l lose some readers over it! But I guess deep down we all have this suppressed anger that just needs to be unleashed, so the post is relatable to all. And yeah, I think the hormone levels have evened out today...either that or the wine and koala bears calmed my nerves. How can you feel angry when you look at koala bears? Jon, I am looking forward to hearing the Stretch Armstrong story----gotta be something interesting there---we'll talk!! ;-)

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  17. As usual, you've brought out the laughter, BUT YOU SAID IT ALL, and I totally agree!

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    1. Thanks, Nell! I think I was speaking for ALL of us in this post, and boy, do I feel better now after getting it off my chest!

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  18. love this. wish we could get cranky together and go out for a drink:) I would REALLY love to have you hook up with my resurrection blog hop -- I'm trying to grow that and if you could link up (which means REposting an old post as a new one) AND grab the code, we might get some of your followers to link up too -- which you have a lot of! Please?":)

    http://www.awriterweavesatale.com/old-post-resurrection-hop/

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    1. We could definitely have a fun night out on the town! I also think it would be fun to repost something--I'm just not quite able to figure out how to do it yet---the technical end of it--I'm pretty slow in the computer and need help to do anything outside of the basics! But I'll see what I can do!

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  19. I love this and so agree with you! Particularly about the checkout. I've been through the same thing and had to wait in a long line for about 45 minutes at that. I absolutely LOVE your posts! Keep em coming! xx

    Brenda
    A New Day With Christ!
    http://anewdaywithchrist.blogspot.com

    My Tribute To The Beatles!
    http://mytributetothebeatles.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Brenda for checking out my site! Wow--I can't believe you had to wait that long in the grocery line---I would have gone all postal on the person by then!!

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  20. You do know how I love rants, so you're a girl after my own heart. But if I'm ranty like this ALL the time, what's going to happen when I do go through menopause? I may just have to stay inside all the time and not talk to anyone. Ever.

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    1. Yeah, you wait--menopause is a bitch and it will turn you into someone other people are gonna want to avoid until the "meanness" phase passes!! Sometimes I DO stay inside the house for days just because I don't feel like I can deal with people...and trust me, it's for everyone else's own good!!

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  21. Omigod. I think you have become the reason men invented football, and probably war! Sorry, dear, I'd love to hang with you but I'm off to Afghanistan where it's safer...and quieter...
    Another really good rant from someone that that says it like I see it - but don't really have the guts to say it! What's that? Oh, Melissa McCarthy? For me? Whatever could she want? Gotta run - will let you know how this turns out.

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    1. These mood swings and rants are exactly why men retreat to sports--at least that seems to be the case with all the men in my family. And BTW, I think you rant pretty well in your blog posts!

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  22. Good gods, in another few weeks the robocalls from the US should start soon. From CT, not the federal government. Because CT doesn't seem to have figured out that the 416 area code means Outside The US, which means I Can't Vote In State Elections Anymore. All I can vote in is the federal election. Not that anyone will care. I must hide.

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    1. Those robo calls have a way of finding you no matter where you hide, unless you live in a cave!

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  23. Wow, looks like I'm gonna stop the pink bags with purple bows on my trash. The collector has been telling me how great it smells all this time, and you're saying that's not true??

    Great, see you in the 10 items, or fewer, line. Oh, I have close to ten - I don't count multiples. That's okay, right??

    Hehehehe! ;)

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    1. Oh man, you nailed it! That's exactly what people say ---that multiples don't count---personally I think it's because they don't know how to add or subtract!

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  24. Mama, you crack me up. The redneck BBQ, the political agendas, and the lobster tail suckin' non-mortage payers were especially true ;)

    Thanks for following my blog and the comment you left! So glad to *meet* you and your blog ;) New follower here<3

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    1. Thanks Pamela! I'm just speakin' the truth and I'm glad you agree!

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    1. Thanks N! Glad you came back for another chuckle!

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  26. Love the post! All the things that are screaming in my head and trying to claw their way out of my head. WTG for just saying it! Def enjoyed your post!

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  27. Interesting and different... Great post

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  28. Those people in your list, they very much annoy me too but that doesn't mean that I'm going through MMP :)
    I believe that Stretched Armstrong can hit hard on people's face when its stretched too much, I've seen it!
    So the next time I come across such annoying people, I'll grab and dumb them behind the door of that Rabid Otter.
    And btw, I don't mind voting for Spongebob, although he annoys Squidward day and night :)

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    1. Wow--having Stretch Armstrong thrown at the face--yeah, that would definitely hurt. And I'm with you on electing Sponge Bob!!

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  29. sometimes it's nice to let of some steam! have a great day!

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  30. Hi! I’m your newest follower! Following back from GFC @thelifeofawife
    Check out my Mommy blog at:
    www.dawnsdisaster.blogspot.com
    Visit anytime!
    {All follows are returned}

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    1. Thanks for the follow--I checked out your blog and it's adorable!

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  31. Hi! Cute post. Following you from blog hop will you follow back.
    Patricia from Topiary Rose

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    1. Thanks for the follow--going over to check out your site right now!

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  32. P rolling down my legs...have SO been there! Following you because I know there will be more!

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    1. Better go buy some Depend undergarments because there is gonna be a whole lot more!!!!

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  33. Hi! Your blog is lovely! I found you through the blog party! Am a new follower! Would love for you to check out my blog and follow back if you like it! xx

    myprettymummy.com

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    1. Of course! And thanks for the visit/follow!

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  34. Thanks for visiting my blog! I have followed you back as well now!

    peace&love, Jill
    Favor the Brave

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    1. Aww, thanks Jill! I appreciate the support!

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  35. Ok I seriously love you! I think you are my twin or something because everything you just said..... Is something I go through on a daily bases!! Xoxo thanks for stopping by my blog! I appreciate the follow! I am following you now as well :)

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    1. Thanks, Natalie! I am honored!! I love your blog too so maybe all this blog love means we really are twins separated at birth!! Hugs!!!!

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  36. maybe it comes with age. I also try to stay away from people who bought negativity into my life maybe that's the reason why I got sick. Our motto should be "Don't worry, be happy!"

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    1. You can definitely get sick when surrounded by negative energy because it eats away at you! Time to cut people like that out of your life---I did and I feel much better because of it!!

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  37. Hi this post is ironically true. I swear that is how I feel sometimes and most times I just stay quiet about it. I found you on the Hop and love your blog. I am following you now and hope you follow back.
    Jillian

    http://puzzlemecomplete.blogspot.com/

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    1. You can't stay quiet about it forever---sooner or later you're just going to have to bust out and tell it like it is!! And then you will feel soooo much better!!

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  38. Thanks for saying what we all feel and if menopause gives us the fuel to vent what should have been said a long time ago, I'm embracing it head on. I too feel like crushing those people who moan about not having any money, yet go away ten times a year.

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    1. I'll take that as a compliment....thank you!!!!

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  40. OH my goodness! I am so glad you found me! I am in tears!! first of all 'scraping up the collective gunk in the corners of my refrigerator drawers' is classic, I will be using that for sure. Second, saying your blog is 'humourus' is an understatement. It is freaking hysterical!!

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    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You have officially just made my day!!

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  41. Oh, this is great! I'm with you on all of these. I rode side by side to work this morning while the girl driving next to me mad up her entire face while the car was moving. She probably had a phone converation going on at the same time. I waited to see if she was going to prop up her leg and start shaving next. Amazing...that she didn't wreck.

    Haha, and I just noticed the menopause/hot flash ads on your site. They need to pay you well for those, because you give them a great plug! I can now relate. My first hot flashes have started. Yikes. I think I'll write my own Things That Piss Me Off list soon. It won't be pretty.

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    1. Wow--shaving her legs while driving--I should have thought of that!!! And you are just now starting to get hot flashes? Are you ready to leave the house with eyes like a panda bear when your eyeliner runs from the sweat? You have my sympathy for what's ahead. Might as well get started on that list of things that piss you off because you'll be adding to that sucker on a daily basis!

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  42. Oh that one about people who can't pay their mortgage, but eat out or go on vacation really hit home. I got a few people who owe me money right now and are always eating out and posting it on facebook. Gettin old!1

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    1. Don't you hate that when they post it on Facebook? Talk about a slap in the face! You need to write directly on their wall, "Glad you enjoyed your big expensive meal. Now about that money you owe me...."

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  43. Oh hun you and I have been having a similar time of lately by the sounds of it. Hypocrites, All these people are hypocrites. The ones who complain about not having any money then they go out and buy designer handbags. The ones who say they want to lose weight then buy a months worth of shopping in a day because "it was all on offer". You know how we re-organise our wardrobes from time-to-time and de-clutter our homes? We should de-clutter our souls too. Rid ourselves of negative people and what not! I have been finding my faith again which has helped me rid my life of poison. What will you do? Great post hun xx

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    1. I like that idea of de-cluttering my soul...I think that is something to be seriously considered!!!

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  44. Great post.
    Thanks for linking up at the Friday chaos this week.
    I'm a new follower.
    Have a nice weekend
    www.ohsoamelia.com

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    1. Thanks for the follow--I love your blog hop--I've already met some terrific bloggers there!!

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  45. You are so right with every single one of these. The 10 items at the grocery store? People here break the rule all.the.time and it makes me feel stabby.

    Thanks for following. Newest follower here.

    xo
    SEL

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    1. Stabby? Oh God I LOVE that term!!! Thanks for following back!

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  46. Brilliant post!
    I shouldn't have tried to drink coffee and read at the same time.
    Coffee our the nose is a wee bit painful!
    I'm not close {I think} but I feel the exact way!!
    Just hopped with the blog hop!
    Heather @ www.adventureswithfour.com

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    1. Glad I made you laugh but sorry about the coffee out the nose!!!!

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  47. Absolutely love it! I am so glad you found my blog and commented. I will definitely be a dedicated reader.

    You rock out loud and are hysterical with so much truth thrown in.

    I'd like to speak to you about voting for Squidward. What time do you have dinner? ;)
    Susan
    http://75percenthippie.blogspot.com
    http://happyhippieheart.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh yeah, Squidward would make a great contender for Spongebob...but then you'd have to consider Patrick as well!

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  48. Yet again one of the funniest post Ive ever read :)
    You are amazing :)
    hugs

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    1. Awwww...you just made my day!!! Thank you!!!

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  49. Hi there, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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    1. Thanks, Chris--I'm always thrilled to get new readers/followers. So glad you like what you saw here. I will definitely check out your site!

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  50. Yeah, buddy, now that I'm 50, I'm allowing myself to remove the filter and call out the BS... :) Jane

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    1. That is one of the greatest privileges of getting older---being able to speak our mind and not giving a damn about what others think. At this point in life, I really don't care if I'm being judged anymore. I just feel so much better getting things off my chest that at the age of 25, I never would have said. Cheers to the middle aged, menopausal mamas!!!!!

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    1. Sadly, I don't think you are alone in this...too many rude, angry people in the world today willing to take advantage of others...gotta be on your guard and ready to deal with them!!!

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  52. Menopausal Mama. You sure did have me up in stitches with this one.

    The funny thing is, you are right, spot on. Getting in the fast lane shopping queues are always a nightmare, seeing people brushing their teeth whilst driving, as if they are in a virtual car off road, a big No No but they still do it. The one who claims to be so poor but can go on luxury holidays sipping champs with Prince William. You hit on so many things that only prove to get our goat up. I'm still laughing here.

    I must say, I wouldn't like to knock your front door on one of your bad days.. just the sound of you walking towards the door would get me in a wild panic ha ha ha ha. I loved the bit about the door sign. ha ha ha ha. It might be safer to stick to the normal traditions of getting a dog, ha ha ha ha.

    You should open a Saturday school teaching menopausal women and a Sunday school teaching men, and anyone who has to deal with these women, the survival techniques of how to stay alive, ha ha ha ha I think the Sunday school will be packed.

    Nice One. absolutely brilliant. :)

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    1. Hey, that's a great idea! I could start a "Menopausal Miserable"support group for the ladies and a " Menopausal Mayhem" group for their husbands! And you're right, it would be packed!!!

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  53. Ha ha I am the opposite of a cheapskate I always bring expensive wine to parties, even if I insist on having a glass!

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  54. I was at the grocery store yesterday and a lady got behind me in line at the self-checkout Express lane--with a full cart. I was surprised--because if I were her, I'd be too scared of people getting mad at me to do that!

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    1. You have more patience than me--I would have HAD to say something!!!

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  55. I hate when service calls are late, too. Actually i hate when anyone is late. It is so disrespectful. I mean occasionally, I get it, but every time you are supposed to meet them? Bugs me!

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    1. I agree that it is disrespectful--I guess they think their time is more valuable than yours! Glad you had a chance to vent here with me!

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    2. Stopping by from the Hop, New follower! Come back and say HEY!

      http://sarahmarieyankee.blogspot.com/

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    3. Thanks for joining! I will hop over and check out your site right now!!

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  56. Why hello! Just stopping by...and to tell you that is one heck of a post...agree in all ways possible! Thanks for stopping by Shauchunas Times! Hope to see and hear from you soon!
    Following you now!
    Xoxo

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    1. Thanks for coming by and of following me! Glad you agree with what I had to say---seems like there are quite a few angry women out there like me!!

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  57. You took the words right out of my mouth. Hilarious and so true. I was nodding my head all the way through.

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  58. Thanks for the add. Love the blog. I am a following back :)

    sjdmiller.blogspot.com

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    1. Glad you like it and thanks for the follow!

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  59. lady, you are HILAR!!! just added you to my GFC reader AND to my Funny Funny Girls reads.. just love your style!

    "Got a complaint? Pick a number and stand in line. It will be three lunar eclipses before I have time to address your grievances." bahahahahhaa!

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    1. That's great!! Thank you for adding me to Funny Funny Girls, and I am honored that you like my style so much!!

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  60. Lol...Love it! Believe it my motto to..Pick a number! Great blog, very funny and I'm truly enjoying scanning previous post! Just join via GFC!!!

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    1. I'm so excited that you are enjoying the blog enough to stick around for more--and that you joined the site as well! You rock!!

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  61. Misery LOVES company, and right now I don't mind if I join you.

    ~The political junkie I hate is the one who assumes I share his viewpoint, as if since I don't have two heads and a tail he can assume we both agree. Hello? Does it occur to you that you might be insulting me? Shut up! I might even agree with him, but the arrogance to just assume that since we like each other we must agree? Shut up!

    ~People who assume I am a christian because I am nice. I know a lot of different kinds of people. Some are nice. Some are jerks. Some nice people are christian. Some jerks are christian. But not all jerks OR nice people are christian. Got it? If not, get it, and then shut up!

    Thank you for the opportunity to share my misery. Now I think I'll grab a Coke and hit your follow button . . .

    :-)

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    1. Wow! Hope you feel better after that--I know I do!! Haha!! I am ready to bitch anywhere, anytime--just look me up!!

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  62. haha ha already in LOVE with your blog! you are hilarious and i can't wait to follow you (and send this to my mom!) i'm your newest follower, come follow back!! chaseandem.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes please--do share this with your mum!!! Hopefully she'll get a grin out of it!

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  63. To hell with them indeed!
    *sits back and sips on my wine*
    This post had me dying from laughter and nodding my head in agreement.
    (My sister thinks im a little bit crazy now since every 10 seconds i'd burst out laughing.)

    Presh~ CetteTaille.blogspot.com

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    1. Glad I could make you laugh so much in agreement with my post. Enjoy that wine! Cheers!

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  64. Thnaks for following my page!! I am now following you back :) I really enjoyed reading this post and I too would go Charlie Sheen on someone for talking negative about my kids as well. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

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    1. Thanks for the visit and follow. Yeah, I'm pretty protective of my kids. Ever notice the ones who complain the loudest are usually the worst parents???

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  65. Hahaha too funny!! Love your blog! thanks for the follow, have just started following you back!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for the follow back--I truly appreciate it!

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  66. following you back! I love the heart cursor with the falling hearts! Love your blog!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sometimes I get distracted by the heart cursor and start playing with it while I am thinking up new blog posts....

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  67. Replies
    1. Thanks for the visit!!! Ya'll come back again now, ya hear????

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  68. They should really have an option of blocking all political posts on fb. I'm so over it. Love your blog, funny stuff!

    xoxo,
    Melissa

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    1. I know,right? Every time I visit my "friends" on Facebook, there is an argument going on over who is the best candidate, etc. And then they post all these political ads with scary images to try to provoke you into their way of thinking. I hate that!! Anyway, thanks for the visit and I'm glad you liked my ranting!

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  69. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Sorry Ellen--accidentally deleted your comment!!!!!! Wanted to say thanks for stopping by and yes, I'll keep 'em coming!!

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  70. Hey(: Thanks for following my blog, following you back now.

    Nice post btw, you're spot on with all these things. I totally feel you on the 10 items or less and the celeb privacy thing, you can't complain about paparazzi when your name is known across the globe!

    Elle
    http://lipstickndlace.blogspot.com

    PS. Love the cursor~! Too cute.

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    1. I've never had much sympathy for celebrities...well, maybe Johnny Depp...that is, if he need it....

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  71. Is this what happens when you hit menopause...you could care if people like how you feel and if you get pissed off you can just let em' have it; well it sounds like the perks out way the cons of hot flashes and such. Love your words of truth! I am with you on the voting for Spongebob and the only sales person getting through my door is Girl Scouts and Worlds finest chocolate....either one make any day better. :) I saw you on The Blog Hop and wanted to come over and follow your fabulous blog. You can find me at http://onecreativeprocrastinatinggal.blogspot.com/

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    1. So glad that you found me AND that you liked my post enough to follow me!Thank you! I will definitely check out your site next!

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  72. Oh my gosh, I am so glad that I found you at the Friday Chaos blog hop!! I love your blog. I can so identify. LOL

    http://lifeonlakeshoredrive.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks Kathy! I am so happy to have you here!!

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  73. Replies
    1. So glad you stopped by and joined up!! Thanks!!

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  74. I am definitely with you on the express checkout thing! That happened to me not long ago and I was beyond over it. I'm now following your blog. Hope you'll stop by and visit me too :) Have a fantastic weekend!

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    1. I don't think anyone ever pays attention to those express lane rules anymore---maybe it's a "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em attitude."

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  75. OMG... totally just finding you and have been smiling ever since! Hope you follow me back and can't wait to see what comes next!!
    Be blessed,
    Julie @ Hey Mommy, Chocolate Milk
    www.heymommychocolatemilk.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sounds like you're having a good time here----my site is usually visited late at night by people who are on their third glass of wine---which is why they find me so funny. Hope you'll feel the same way about this blog in the morning!

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  76. Hey there!
    The Friday Chaos brought me here - new follower :)
    Have a wonderful weekend!
    xoxo
    Anni

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    1. That's what I love about these blog hops----making new friends through the discovery of new blogs. Thanks for following and I hope you will be back for more!

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  77. Good Morning! Thanks for stopping by and following through the Friday Chaos Blog Party!! I'm now your newest GFC follower :))

    Have a great weekend!
    Paula
    lifeasweknowitbypaula.blogspot.com

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  78. ^^ Paula is a gem, but she's not really your newest GFC follower, I am. :)

    Found you on Friday Chaos. Happy to be here! :)

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    1. Haha that's funny. See, another reason why I love these blog hops---we have a little community thing going on here! Thanks for the follow!

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  79. Looks like a lot of people can identify...lol Including me~~

    nominated you for the Lovely Blog Award - details on my blog.

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    1. Oh wow! Thank you so much, Pamela! I am honored and delighted to accept it!!

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  80. This post rocked my socks off!!!

    Have a great weekend, and stay the hell away from every single one of these people.

    xo

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    1. Glad I could do that for you--this is truly a high compliment coming from such a talented blogger as you!!! Thank you, and you bet I'm staying away from all these people who annoy me--keeping my life simple from now on !!!

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  81. Great I have more fun woman stuff to look forward too!! haha. I hated my hot flashes all through my pregnancies with my boys!
    New follower from Friday chaos
    Megan
    http://nicholsfam.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You had hot flashes during your pregnancy??? I hate to think of what they are going to be like when you hit mid-life menopause. Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones who only experiences it briefly...like only for a week? Not!

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  82. Hello,

    I am visting your blog through Blog Hop Everyday. You have a great blog and I loved your content as a first time visitor. I am now following your blog, please check out my blogs too and return the love: Empowered Mommy and Pregnancy Forum

    Thanks for your time. :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for stopping by--I love new visitors, and I appreciate the follow!

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  83. Preach on. Especially to the asshats who have like 56 items in the express line. AGH! Found you on the Weekend blog hop!

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    1. You are so right! Glad you found me through the hop--You've got me curious now so I'm going to check out your site next!

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  84. Your newest GFC. I hope your have a good weekend!

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  85. It's good to let it all out, if you (me, we, them) keep it bottled up then you end up looking constipated. Seriously. Think about the way stressed people look... They walk around with a painful grimace.

    Enjoy your wine and Koalas Gone Wild (lol). Thank you for following back and THANK YOU for writing what you feel!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Such a nice comment. You are AWESOME Ann! Thank you!

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  86. Neat post. I am your newest follower returning your follow. I look forward to more visits.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for the follow--I truly appreciate it!

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  87. Hi! I'm following you from the Weekend Blog Walk and thought I'd say hi. =D I'd love a follow back if interested. Thanks!

    I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog. =D Have a wonderful weekend (no steaming, no blowing, no falling apart allowed).

    Tina 'the book lady'
    http://givingnsharing.blogspot.com
    http://familyliteracy.blogspot.com
    @familyliteracy

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Promise I'll stay calm over the weekend...because that's when I open a bottle of wine!

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  88. New Fan from Mommy's Mingle!!! Love the blog..thanks for making me laugh this morning!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Anytime! I'm just glad you stopped by and hope you will come back for more!!

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  89. Wow!!! I love your blog and I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I am now relieved....I am looking forward to more posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope--you are definitely not alone on this. Thanks for the visit--look forward to hearing more from you, too!

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