Sunday, October 28, 2012

Season Of Change

     Before going through "the change of life", I was a very tolerant person. But somewhere between screaming like a wild Banshee in the delivery room to my first hot flash, I became less tolerant. It didn't happen all at once, but gradually, like the leaves in New England; I went from vibrant green to crusty brown. In my youth, I never understood the impatience and general crankiness of elderly people. Now that I am a card carrying AARP member, I have a license to be cantankerous. It doesn't take much to spark my temper or tap dance on my last, sane nerve. For instance:
     It never used to bother me when people bought the newest gadget on the market. Back in the dinosaur days, that included microwaves, cordless phones and cassette tape players. Today, everyone HAS to own the latest technological wonder: iPhone, iPad....iBidet and i-Don't-Care.
     Another thing that bothers the hell out of me? People who hide behind their religion to excuse their repugnant behavior. These people interpret God's word in a language that could only be translated on Mars. If you're going to talk the talk, you'd better be prepared to walk the walk. And while you're at it, don't judge me until you've slipped on a pair of my well-worn shoes and walked a few miles in them.
     I have also become increasingly jealous annoyed by people who feel compelled to update me daily on their latest exercise regimen/diet plan. I'm standing in line at the bakery and they're all like, "Wow, I just lost 5 pounds!" and I'm thinking, "Butter cream or chocolate mocha frosting on those cupcakes?"
     And what's up with the fickle bladder in middle age? I used to be like a camel that could store fluids for days...but now this camel needs a colostomy bag.
     I don't have time for people with Type A personalities. When I was younger, I was accused of being one; I admired those powerful, aggressive people fighting for a cause. Now their passion exhausts me and I just don't have patience for their soapbox drama. I'd rather be playing corn hole with a band of merry meerkats.
     When I'm feeling particularly grumpy, the last thing I want to hear is how great your expensive, African safari was, how awesome your kid is at underwater basket weaving and how excited you are for buying that lucky, five million dollar lottery ticket. Unless you're feeling charitable enough to pay off my mortgage, I really don't want to know how the planets aligned perfectly for you while I'm stuck in the crossfire of a meteor shower.
     What disturbs me more than anything is menopausal fatigue. I used to be like the Energizer Bunny. I could simultaneously flip a pancake, nurse a baby, donate $100 to the penguin tuxedo fund and practice my Irish Riverdancing steps, all within five minutes. Now I'm yawning at 10:30 a.m. (and this is after two cups of coffee strong enough to invigorate the Walking Dead). All I want to do is hibernate under a quilt until somebody rings the dinner bell. I WAKE FOR STEAK!
     I've hit my 50's like the last person in a bounce house stuck in the corner crack with no one there to pull me out. But never fear, Meno Mama will persevere.











148 comments:

  1. I have so much to look forward too!! So I posted something recently along the same lines. Except I'm just starting into this wonderful adventure of life changing...and I'm not quite embracing it either.

    Cheers, Jenn
    http://www.wine-n-chat.com/2012/10/life-changes.html

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    1. Hopefully it will be different for you since each woman experiences it differently. But hang on, because it's a wicked ride!

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  2. I was always a little cranky in certain situations, today I have NO patience... lol. Menopause is so fun, NOT!!! Only one good thing about it and I don't miss that at all. The exhaustion is driving me crazy, I cannot get enough sleep no matter how I try, I am in bed by 9pm and sleeping... yet I wake up as if I never slept.

    Thanks for the honest and hilarious post, just what I needed:)

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    1. Yeah, the exhaustion is pretty bad, and everyone keeps asking "Why are you so tired?" That thrives me crazy! I just have to keep telling myself that it's not forever!

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  3. You know what I really hate?!?! Cantankerous bloggers who make me have a yen for chocolate cupcakes!!! Damn, I hope there's some at the Halloween party tonight because I didn't buy any ;)

    You know what? I think as you get older you just don't have time anymore for stupid shit. Which is as it should be. Remember how much drama we had when we were younger? Everything was a big effin' crisis. Our friends were just as bad. Oh, it was all very exciting then but now, who has time for that? Esp. since at our age, our friends should bloody well know better ;)

    Latest guy dump you? F**k it, NEXT!!! Kid come home late smelling of weed? F**k it, lock him in the basement until Christmas! Cat barf on your new $150 shoes? F**k it, lock him in the basement with the kid, and let them duke it out to see who feeds who until Christmas. ;)

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    1. I love this, Nicole! You could write a whole new blog post perspective on it. Thanks for the funny and encouraging words--that's why I love you, woman!!!!

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  4. Gosh, HOney, you are so up my cranky alley, I wish we could just meet for martinis (I'm having one now to welcome in my hurricane which will be shutting off cyberspace for at least a week...) I'm peri I think (will be 50 in feb) but I'm peri-cranky if you want to call it that. I snap, snap, snap. You don't have children at 40 and 42 but I did so I'm forced to stay young. Meanwhile, my hip hurts from walking an extremely youthful pup 3-4 times a day...the hurricane will be a great excuse not to walk!

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    1. I think you should use the hurricane as an excuse to sleep in and relax a bit--that's what we do when we get them! And keep drinking those martinis because then the storm won't seem like that big of a deal!! That's how we roll here in South Florida! Good luck to you and we'll touch base when your internet is back up!

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  5. OK, I'm really having more difficulty with this blog post than I should have. I thought you wrote that somebody was lap dancing on your last nerve. Which caused me to laugh uproariously as I tried to figure out how that could happen. Oh, well, wait until you're post menopausal. Along with the seasons, apparently eyesight changes as well. Now I'm going to look for someone who will agree to lap dance on my nerves.

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  6. Oh my God, the "t" does look like an "l". No doubt you aren't the only one who is going to mistake that letter! Yikes! But hey, if it still works by making you laugh, I'm all for it!

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  7. Youzer! I hope I get MORE patient when I get there...otherwise, world beware!

    Thanks for liking up with Super Sunday Sync!
    Glad you stopped by,
    Hope to see you next week :)

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    1. Trust me--it's hard to be patient once you reach my age!!! Thanks for letting me know about the blog hop--I'm going over now to sign up!

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  8. great blog! x I'm one of your readers who is greatly inspired by your stories <3 hope you could check out my blog and give some advises to improve it and be a better blog like as yours <3 i would love to follow each other. <3

    nicoleperezxx.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank for the compliment, Nicole--I'd be happy to check out your blog!l

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  9. I'm in my late 20s and I have a type a personality, I would probably annoy you in real life haha. Great post I was laughing so hard!!

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    1. At least you admit you are A Type and yet you can still laugh at this--I appreciate that!

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  10. Adore the humor and personality in your blog post!
    New follower from Moms Mingle Monday

    My Blog: http://bookofloulou.blogspot.com/

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  11. I'm not in menopause and I can't stand everything on your list lol... Maybe menopause will calm me down.... Bwahahaha. Especially the religion part. I love that the ones who say thou shall not judge are the ones with signs and posters telling people to judge, it ruffles me a little bit. I have an iPhone, And cannot use it to its best ability for the life of me. It is embarrassing.

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    1. Haha! You and I are definitely on the same page here. My husband gave me a new iPhone for my birthday and it is still just sitting here because I can't figure out how to use the damn thing. I really am a dinosaur...

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  12. Great post! I don't think you have to be "old" to be fed up with the narcissism of today or hearing what new iphone or ipad is the latest and greatest.

    ♥ Shia

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    1. Glad to hear I'm not alone. Maybe I just get tired of hearing about all the gadgets because I can't figure out how to use them!

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  13. DO you know why I love reading your posts? Because it almost feels like permission to have the same views. I had to go through changes early due to a medical issue. I feel that fatigue. I feel that dislike for Skinny Sally with the flat, unstretch-marked stomach. My husband often says, "What happened to you? You used to be so nice!" It's true. I Used to be.
    All that said, I'm extremely interested in the iBidet. :)

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    1. Hahaha and that's why I love ya, Michelle! You crack me up! My husband also looks at me a bit bewildered at times because he too, wonders what happened to that sweet, tolerant little wife of his. MENOPAUSE is what happened!!! And yeah, be on the lookout for an iBidet--I'll bet the good people at Apple are already working on the design!

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  14. This was a great one Mom. Luckily for me, I don't have to worry about these issues for another 30 years. I still love you though. :)

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    1. You mean all except the menopause part....hopefully I'll still be around so I can help you through it! Haha!

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  15. I enjoyed reading this! New follower from the mingle, would love a follow back.

    www.cumminslife.blogspot.com

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  16. following you, dear ♥ such a lovely blog. Keep in touch! x


    nicoleperezxx.blogspot.com

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  17. Ahaha! I love the getting stuck in the corner of a bouncer. That has SO happened to me before. All I can say is thank God I'm single, because NO man will put up with me when I go thru the big M.

    You must do a post on your poor hubby's perspective of your "change."

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    1. I actually did do a post a very long time ago about how he was handling my moodiness, but perhaps it is time to do an updated version since I seem to have gotten a bit crabbier this past year!

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  18. ha!!! and i want that steak... The "Wrath of MM." another good read. take care, slu

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  19. OMgosh another great blog posting! You said it all! Love the posting.

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  20. So my hopes that menopause after the peri part seem to be overly optimistic... ;-) "Will Wake for Steak" should be a mantra!

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    1. Yeah...it does get worse, I hate to say. But steak works...and chocolate; chocolate works!

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  21. Another 'too great' post, Marcia. Thought my old bladder was as sturdy and long-holding as ever, till I read your post. You had me laughing so hard. I'll leave it at that!

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    1. Oops! Yeah, don't laugh too hard---I know exactly what you mean about the ol' bladder!

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  22. Lovely post darling~

    -liv
    http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr

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  23. Love the post - keep em coming....

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    1. Always! Thanks, Lanthie. Glad to see your internet is back up!

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  24. Another great post from a class act. I actually have a brick type cell phone that I got at goodwill for $2. It weighs 3 pounds. I Loooooooove to take it out at business meetings and lay it on the desk beside my ipad. I-dontcare. I love it.

    I was thinking the other day about life in general,and got to that pathetic little place where you say "woe is me", and funny enough I looked up (at the Charlotte Airport no less) to see a soldier in line. I jumped up and bought this kid his sandwich and a coke. Airborne Regiment. Medic. 2 Tours in Crapholistan. I listed to him for ten minutes and was so ashamed of myself I wanted to run out of the building. I was pissed that I had to spend another day flying - he said it was the best day of his life because he got to spend a day flying home to see his mom.

    He mentioned he liked cigars. As do I. I gave him my entire travel humidor, a dozen $10 cigars and a lighter. He gave me his American Flag arm patch.

    I got the better deal,,,,

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    1. Wow! That certainly puts things into perspective! Meeting someone like that really does make our grievances sound petty. And yes, you did get the better end of the deal!

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  25. I totally can relate to a shortage of patience. At least you are ridiculously funny about it!!

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    1. Thanks! Humor is the only thing that gets me through it all!

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  26. Haha I loved your post! I just turned 31 and far from being in menopause (or so I hope), but I'm already cranky at all those things LOL. I love your sarcastic humor, you're such a great writer!

    Btw, I came by through Elie's blohop and I'm definitely following you! :) Feel free to follow me back, only if you want to ofcourse!

    Take care!

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    1. Thank you so much for the compliment, Natalina! I'm glad you liked what you read and hope you come back for more!

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  27. thank you~ you are so sweet!

    -liv
    http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr

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  28. Happy to be following you! Found you through the GFC blog hop, would love for you to stop by and visit sometime :)

    Ilda
    http://www.ilovedoingallthingscrafty.com/

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    1. Thanks for the follow--I will certainly check out your blog!

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  29. Underwater basket weaving, lololol

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  30. I Wake for Steak!!! LOVE it!

    It's our first time here and we are new followers! We found you through the Friday Chaos link up and would love if you would swing by and consider linking up with us as well at the More than Mommies Mixer! :)

    http://www.morethanmommies.net/2012/11/welcome-to-more-than-mommies-mixer.html

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and linking up to the Mixer! :) We would love to have you swing by again next week and maybe even share The Mixer with your readers! The more the merrier!

      Hope you have a great week! Remember, party at More Than Mommies on FRIDAY!!! :)

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  31. New follower via Friday Chaos.

    http://musingsofamommabear.blogspot.com/

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  32. I love how you are embracing the mellow!

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  33. Hello! I'm your newest follower from Blog Walk! :)
    -Mariely
    marielyvp.blogspot.com

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  34. i wish you posted more often, i absolutely love your blog. it's my favorite. you're such an inspiration to me and my friends. we talk about your posts all the time and can't wait to reach the golden years in my life.

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  35. I love your honesty! Excited to follow and read more posts :)

    xo!

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  36. Hi! I really enjoyed reading this, what a genuine post. Thank you! I found your blog on Friendly Friday blog hop and am a new follower of yours.

    Tiffany
    http://thedwellingtree.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks for stopping by--I love meeting new bloggers from the hops!

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  37. What a great, heartfelt post! Found you through the Sunday Sync!
    Helene in Between

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    1. Glad you stopped by--I'm "hopping" over to check out your blog next!

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  38. Oh.My.Goodness. I am so honored to be a new follower. I'm at the very very beginning stages of my menopausalness... so excited to see all that is in store for me, hee hee! Your writing had me both laughing AND nodding my head in agreement. I can't wait to hear what you come up with next!!! xoxo jules

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    1. It's a long and interesting journey, that's for sure, so buckle up for the ride!

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  39. Love how real you are! Following Back!!!

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  40. Soooo...Loving your blog but I need to get to the bottom of something RIGHT AWAY!
    I never had great skin but by the end of my 20s the acne was gone! Sadly, a few years later the sun-spots showed up. A few years after that fine lines showed up. I kinda had chubby cheeks until gravity found me in my 40s and now I have cheek bones.
    I'm happy to report I've always had consistent multiple orgasms with my husband....however, since you've got a couple years on me, I need to know the truth about my future...

    Do I need to invest in some battery operated appliances or start courting the pool guy or what?

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    1. Stick with the batteries--probably be a safer bet...that is if you still HAVE desire after going through menopause!

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  41. Enjoyed reading your blog and believe me most of what you write rings a bell! I'm also in my 50s, sadly closer to 60s.
    Btw, like you I'm a dinosaur where the computer is concerned. Never know how to add pictures or copy from other blogs so the reason I didn't pick up the award you gave me was because I didn't know how! (Blush..)

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    1. Oh believe me, I am the same way! I have to get my 17 year old son to do all the cut and paste stuff because I still can't figure it out!

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  42. I love this! So glad to "meet" you. I am bit younger, so have yet to go through the change, but I'm pretty sure I will be feeling the same way on everything. I am already there with most of it and snorting over "underwater basket weaving". Thanks for the morning laugh :)

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    1. Glad I could bring a smile to your day and I hope you'll be back for more!

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  43. My complaint about menopause was the whole independant modern woman schtick-While aquainting myself with hot flashes, skin crawling, sleep interuption-I had a full time job, two grown daughters living at home w/jobless boyfriends, and a pair of demented parents to try to care for-600 miles away! In the old days menopausal mama-just laid on the sofa after dad went off to work-and got up in time to dust and make dinner. I nearly killed myself surviving that time. Now I am retired and enjoy my crone-age-to hell with the world!

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    1. I can't wait to get to that point in my life! Right now every day brings a new challenge--I wish I was that woman who got to relax on the couch until her husband came home for dinner!

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  44. I'm not quite going through menopause just yet, but I agree with everything that you mentioned. All that stuff annoys me too. I have friend that get every new iphone that comes out & every other new thing. They told me that they got the new iphone & I really didn't know what to say. "Congrats", "So excited for you", "big deal", "Are you braggging about it"? What do you do for fatigue? I've been drinking Starbucks new fruit juice energy drinks, but there's got to a better way. I'm exgausted by noon.

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    1. If the fatigue persists, you may want to check with your doctor. I would suggest trying to get a solid 7 hours of sleep a night if that is possible and be sure and get vitamins into your diet. I am tired a lot myself and I hate to admit it but I drink a lot of coffee, too. If that doesn't work and I am really feeling desperate, I drink an energy drink a few times a week--but that's only if I have a lot to do and have to cut back a little on sleep.

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  45. Whoa..my first time here and it was like finding a twin-sister :))
    Enjoyed reading your blog and trust me, most of what you said rings a bell! Arghh...such is life!
    I can see, you have a huge fan following, and you get one more today :D
    Glad I found this blog. Would love to come abck again.
    Greetings from India/ Kolkata.

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    1. Thank you so much for the follow--I am thrilled you found my blog because I love getting new readers! I 'm going to check out your blog site next!

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  46. newest follower from the GFC hop! cant wait to hear from you!!

    xoxo - kyie
    www.kandcamera.com

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    1. Thanks for the follow--I'm on my way to check out your blog!

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  47. You absolutely break up here! You're just too funny. Life sure does take its twists and turns as we age, doesn't it? Congrats on being co-host this week on GFC Blog Hop. I'm already a GFC follower of yours, but whenever you get a moment and you wanna read anything on my blog, then hop on over to see what random post is on my home page for you to ponder over at Cathy Kennedy's Blog

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    1. Hi Cathy! Of course I remember you! I'm going to hop over now and check out your latest post!

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  48. Stopping by from the GFC blog hop, i'm already a follower of yours but would love for you to stop by and follow back?
    Erica
    www.ericastartwalking.com

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    1. Thanks for the visit--I will certainly check out your site!

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  49. I feel the exact same way only I'm not near menopause yet. I guess I know what I have to look forward to.

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    1. Yes you do! And it isn't fun--just hope for a short menopausal stage---some women get through it pretty quickly but I'm not one of the lucky few....

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  50. I'm not sure what happen, earlier it said I was already a follower! But I am for sure now :)

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  51. M.M. I have to say you have a wonderful blogging community. I often like to read the comments on your posts as much as the posts themselves. It's impressive to see how many people leave genuine thought out comments in response to your writing. I hope you can see what a gift you have not only in writing, but in relating your experience to people in a way that invites them to interact with you.

    Hope you enjoy the election with your Mom and Family... Cheers friend.

    Always a pleasure to visit your blog

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    1. I am always so delighted to see your comments Jon, because if anybody can keep it real, it's you. Believe me, I am thrilled to have so many readers---I am humbled by their loyalty and kind comments. It especially means a lot coming from a talented writer such as yourself. Thank you again for supporting me! XOXO

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  52. It's an awesome post. I like the way you have put your views here. Once again I love it and keep up the excellent work. Great one!

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    1. Thank you for always coming back to read my posts!

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  53. It's so nice to meet you, Mama. I'm hopping over from IWSG. I'm #192 on Alex's list. Crossing fingers and toes, but I think/hope/pray that I'm almost finished with menopause. (whispering just in case). I started early because of a hysterectomy, around 43. But 2009 to 2011 was the worst. I keep telling my DH he's lucky to be alive.

    Anyway, it's very nice to meet you, and as a new follower, I'll most definitely be back.

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    1. Awww, thanks, Joylene! Wow--2 years of menopausal symptoms! I've had them off and on for about that amount of time but not steady like you--I would have gone nuts by now if there wasn't a little break in between. Glad you got through it and thanks for the visit--I've been to your blog and it's awesome!

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  54. I'm not there yet but I think after you've lived for so long, you've earned the right to be as annoyed as you wish :). A lot of what you wrote gets on my nerves so I can only imagine going through menopause and dealing with it!

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    1. It's kinda the same but more intensified--like stuff that slightly pisses you off now will ENRAGE you when your hormones are out of whack. It's like being on a period roller coaster ride that never ends! But hey, you still have quite a few years before that happens, so enjoy your serenity now!

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  55. Haha wow. I feel like this all the time! But without menopause to blame it on. :-). Glad I have that in my future! Anyway, hey! I am your newest follower from the blog hop, and I'd love it if you followed me back: www.rachelroaming.blogspot.com
    Thanks!

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    1. Thanks for the follow, Rachel! Yikes---you already feel like this? Watch out for menopause!!!

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  56. LOL too funny! I can't wait to read more of your blog. Thanks for following Mommy Time Out

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  57. You don't have to be 50 to feel like that! Still it was a really enjoyable read - and hope you're feeling a little better now, since I'm so late in dropping by! Will be following you - and hope to see you visiting me sometime soon. You can find me at www.ColdhamCuddliescalling.blogspot.com, where I hope you'll get a little cheering up!

    All the best. Isobel

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    1. I am always in search of something that will make me cheery, so yes, I will stop by your site!

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  58. You have every right to be cantankerous. Now I feel bad about talking about exercise. My knees hurt from it, though; does that make you feel better? ;)

    Found this on the blog-hop, though I was following you anyway!

    -Kristen

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    1. Good to have you back, Kristen. Your knees hurt with exercise? Ok I feel better now because I'm not alone in my misery! Ha!

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  59. Really good read. Excited to read more! New follower from the blog-hop.

    Beki x

    www.adayinthelifeofcalleighemma.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and following me. I will definitely check out you site!

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  60. Great read, even though I am not particularly religious I can relate to many of the points you mention.

    I'm your newest follower through the Weekend Social blog hop. Hope you'll stop by, say hi and follow back :)

    - Erin xo

    365mu.blogspot.co.uk - One girl's attempt at creating 365 different make-up looks in as many days

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  61. Thanks Erin for the visit and the follow! Your blog sounds interesting--I'm going to check it out!

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  62. Oh I think I like the menopausal you-- so wonderfully honest. =)

    Aloha,

    I wanted to personally invite you too to join me and our beautiful team for An Aloha Affair-- it's a new sort of way of being/ growing together in a more meaningful way and we're truly committed to you having a great experience-- I hope you'll join us... save ya a spot?...

    xo,
    Nicole
    localsugarhawaii.com

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    1. Sounds interesting and I'd be delighted to join the party. Are pina coladas involved?

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  63. Thanks for following Carole's Chatter. I am now following you right back.

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  64. i definitely agree! i dont wanna hear how you just ran 20 miles and are eating flax for lunch- haha.
    thanks so much for being a part of an aloha affair and for the follow. i am following back and hope you have a fabulous weekend!

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    1. That's funny Kendra! I like the Aloha blog hop and plan to return next week as well!

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  65. Stopping by via mommy moments blog hop. I'm your {newest} follower :)

    Anne
    http://www.iamannekehn.blogspot.com/

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    1. That's wonderful! Thanks for following my blog! I'll be by shortly to check out yours, too!

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  66. LOL you are always so entertaining and funny. Love reading your post and visiting your blog. :) just want to say HI!! I hope I get you in a good mood! :P

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  67. What a fun read! Such a great blog :D
    Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I'm following back!
    Can't wait to read more from you

    <3
    http://www.indefinitestyle.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank for the follow and yes, please stop by again for more humor!!

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  68. Following you back from the Thumping Thursdays blog hop. Thank you for stopping by and for making me laugh. Today was a good day for it.

    Karina

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    1. Glad I could make your day a little better. Thanks for the follow!

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  69. My camel bladder super mutant power only worked when I was at work away from home. I could go from 7:00am to at least 6:30pm with no potty worries in sight! Now that I'm working from home, I feel like I should just run a line straight from my bladder to the toilet and save on toilet paper!!!

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    1. Oh God, isn't that the truth??? I never had this bladder issue until I was older---now I don't go anywhere without making sure there is ALWAYS access to a bathroom. But I like your idea of running a line from your bladder to the toilet. Just one long catheter!!

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  70. Haha, you make me laugh!! I'm the Type-A you love to hate so I wonder if I'll be hating on people like me in 20 years! LOL

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    1. I'll bet you will. We'll revisit this conversation in 20 years.....

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  71. This is great. I thought it was pretty cool you found the beginning of my blog, but I can't find yours, so I stopped here. Very funny and true!

    ReplyDelete
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