Before entering my home, there are several signs posted outside that forewarn visitors what they might encounter inside.
Our Family is nuts:
We belong in the looney bin:
We take NO responsibility for unattended children:
If you are faint of heart, turn back now because this blog post is not for you. If you find the mentioning of certain bodily functions offensive, click out of my site now and find a nice blog post on DIY sofa covers or frilly lamp shades.
I have a teenager and 3 adult children. When we are all together under the same roof, things get interesting. If you were a fly on the wall in my house during this time, here are some snippets of conversation you would have heard:
"Dad is just a crusty old man who sunbathes with dinosaurs and eats bologna sandwiches."
"Stop singing Whitney Houston songs! My ears are bleeding!"
"Don't eat corn! That junk ricochets back at you in the toilet!"
"It's a sign of sisterly love that our toenails fell off on the same day. That's what I call true bonding."
"Why did you let me eat that much orzo? Now I need a stomach pump."
"I want a penguin. And a kangaroo."
"Yeah, well I wanted a yard gnome but I never got one."
"Don't you hate it when you burp and throw up in you mouth at the same time?"
"Can't be any worse than pushing out a fart and then end up peeing a little bit in your pants."
"Cut your damn Hobbit toenails!"
" I gotta pee so bad my bladder is gonna burst in my throat!"
"You let the dog lick your face? He just ate his own poop outside!"
"Stop hoarding all the peanut granola bars in your room. What are you, a squirrel?"
"Oh, she pooped in her diaper. That was a nice little surprise package."
"You need to get out of sloth mode and get busy doing your chores!"
"Don't cut your toenails next to me while I'm eating lunch. I don't want those flying missiles landing in my macaroni salad."
"I'm not putting my laundry in with his. I don't want our clothes rubbing together in the washing machine. I can't even dry my face off on those towels because they all smell like his dirty under ware."
"No, sweet potato casserole does not come from ear wax."
"Who the hell had a picnic in the bathroom?"
"What do you mean?"
"There's a meatloaf in the toilet and lemonade all over the seat."
And in the past week, I have been referred to by my children as a:
Rotten vagina
Poopsicle
Blogger whore
Wine bee-otch
Fatty McFarty
Don't get mad, people! These are terms of endearment in my home. Which is why I love my family so much.
Welcome to the nuthouse!
Check out the other bloggers at:
I AM DYING OVER HERE! I think my family and your family need to hang out! ;-)
ReplyDeleteVelch: A vomity belch. I made it up.
Toenails in the macaroni salad? Could add some interesting texture.
Sweet potatoes DO look like earwax!
I am proud to call you my friend! XOXO!
I LOVE "VELCH" !!! Wish I had thought of that. Thanks for the love--back at 'cha! XOXO
DeleteWho the hell had a picnic in the bathroom?? HA HA HA HA!! That was too funny. Your house does sound a bit like mine...except mine are a bit younger. Thanks for sharing :) Cheers, Jenn
ReplyDeleteYou'd think once they grow up it would stop, but sadly, no.....
DeleteNothing offensive here, I laughed and laughed. Love all the warnings, I thing they probably belong on everyone's door.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you participated. This was hysterical.
I was nervous about posting it, but apparently I'm not the only one with a family who obsesses over anything & everything gross!
DeleteLol - had a good laugh at the terms of endearment.
ReplyDeleteYup! It's Doyle law!
DeleteROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! You really did like this, huh? Thank you & glad I could make you laugh!
DeleteLove the signs! Your family sound so fun!!
ReplyDeleteNever a dull moment in the Doyle house, that's for sure!
DeleteAwesome post Ms. Fatty McFarty! It's a relief to know there are others out there living at the funny farm...
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤... Jennifer
http://jennsrandomscraps.blogspot.ca
http://pinterest.com/jennp6
Thank God you didn't call me Poopsicle--I get that one WAY too much! Nice to know we are not the only weird family out there....
Delete"Dad is just a crusty old man who sunbathes with dinosaurs and eats bologna sandwiches."
ReplyDelete^^^^ That is my favorite thing about today so far. No question.
Awwww.... thank you! I was nervous about posting it but I'll admit I had a hell of a lot of fun writing it!
DeleteAwesome!!! Just freakin' awesome!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your NUT HOUSE! <3
Thank you so much, Meg! You are welcome to come visit our nuthouse any time you'd like!
DeleteThose were soo funny, I forgot about my hot flashes, moodiness and puffiness for a moment.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Love another nut house:)
Anything to get through a hot flash, right? I am SOOO with you on that one!
DeleteMy favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete"Don't you hate it when you burp and throw up in you mouth at the same time?"
"Can't be any worse than pushing out a fart and then end up peeing a little bit in your pants."
Unfortunately this is too true...blech!
DeleteLOL! Awesomely hilarious! Sounds like a lot of fun at your house.
ReplyDeleteLiz
http://blendingafamilyofdorks.blogspot.com/
We DO have fun here--wacky and wild but I love 'em to the moon and back!
DeleteLOL!! I love that you have an embroidered cushion and all!!
ReplyDeleteI actually have a ton of squirrel things around the house--I collect squirrel,s and many of the things refer to the nut house. I think it was just meant to be....
DeleteOh.My.Word. Still laughing. Seriously, still laughing!!!
ReplyDeleteThen I have done my job! Thanks!
DeleteOh my gosh...Seriously died laughing!!! The terms of endearment are amazing and my FAVORITE quote was the flying toenails in your macaroni salad! Gag!! Hahaha!!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it happens all of the time. My son will cut his toenails anywhere, anytime!
DeleteWhat a fun hop theme love it and I get all those happenings except the toenails in the macaroni salad my family won't eat it anyway, so I only make it for outings outside the house, my mom name this week was droolsipper and sadly not referring to my own drool. Love the nut house!!
ReplyDeleteDroolsipper? Oh my! I couldn't have made that one up if I tried!
DeleteSounds like you are a fun bunch to me. LOL
ReplyDeleteKathy
http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com
We are--you should come visit us sometime!!!
Deleteyou always make me grin:)
ReplyDeleteI aim to please! Thanks, Sandra!
DeleteOMGosh Hilarious! Def sounds like loads of fun! :)
ReplyDeleteOur house is a crazy mess but we wouldn't have to any other way!
DeleteA nuthouse? Really? I thought that kind of talk was normal! Sounds like our house when the kids and grandkids come to visit.
ReplyDeleteGood to know I'm not the only one living in a looney bin!
DeleteHahahaha! That's too funny. Well, you know I sure as hell am not offended. I'm not even going to ask about "Rotten vagina." I do like "Blogger whore." Lol!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter thinks I spend WAAAY too much time on my blog, which is how I earned that lovely title from her.
DeleteWow, your dog poops outside? Lucky.
ReplyDeleteBut he DOES pee in the house---he has to wear a doggy diaper. He's my tough guy in a diaper!!!
DeleteHuh, sounds just like home... :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I do agree, you should never, never let a dog lick you. Especially in the face. Just before it was eating the poo, it was rolling on and licking the dead possum next door. Just sayin'...
I like the bathroom humor too. I think I'll use the picnic line on my brother. Thanks for the ammo.
You can always rely on the Doyles to give you some good bathroom humor. And the possum remark...EEEWWW! Today I caught the dog eating my granddaughter's poopy diaper from the trash. It will be a LONG time before I share any doggy kisses.
DeleteHa... too funny. You just gotta love "family" time. Take care, Slu
ReplyDeleteMy family is a bunch of crazies but I love them dearly!
DeletePlease, woman. You know I'm gonna LOVE a post with so many body functions. Mint! A family to aspire to. You knocked this one out of the park!
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks!! I had a blast writing it despite the embarrassment it caused my family!
DeleteI'm sitting here laughing out loud! OMG, can I come over? You need a Reality TV! lol!
ReplyDeleteI think you are onto something there--maybe I can give Honey Boo Boo a run for the money!!!
DeleteThe visuals I had reading this post, made me put on some protective clothing. I imagined the corn splattering around the bathroom mixed with gunge (you know what I mean), the vomit in the mouth after burping, and the bladder bursting in the throat. You should do a mini TV series and call it 'The Family', it sure would liven up up channels, ha ha ha.
ReplyDeleteAs for the names of endearment, my favourite was 'poopsicle' but I did wonder why you was labeled that way!
I hate to say this, but your family are nuts for true :)
I have no clue where my kids come up with this stuff. I think from their father. They are all wacky--I'm the only normal one in the family, can't you tell?
DeleteMy power went out last night, so I commented from my phone.. I see it didn't work.. oh well...
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, after I read this post, I had to take a break from laughing so hard... Don't we all have family like this... I that this was the norm.. haha
It's the norm for around here! Thanks for coming back again to comment--hope your power is back on!
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower from Thumping Thursdays. Have a good weekend!
xo
Gwen
http://junior-executive.blogspot.com
http://green-bellpepper.blogspot.com
Hi Gwen! Thanks for the follow--I'll be sure to check you out!
DeleteAh yes, I have tons of similar terms of endearment from my childhood home. ;) The sweet potatoes one was new to me though, lol!
ReplyDeleteOh, so I'm not the only one with a bunch of crazies at home going me strange nicknames! Good! And yeah, you will never look at sweet potato casserole the same way again.....
DeleteWe definitely all have our own nuthouse. :) I won't go into details about things that happen in my house that truly do make me want to bury my head. However, some how it still makes us laugh and be merry with each other.
ReplyDeleteSee, you're not alone!
DeleteIm your newest follower via gfc. Visit me.
ReplyDeleteVickie
OhAbbyDay.blogspot.com
Thanks, Vickie. I'll be sure to check out your site!
DeleteGood post...
ReplyDeleteThe one about farting and peeing reminds me of a time when I went to take a shit a work. Well the problem was I forgot to tuck and quite a bit shot out into my pants. I spent the next twenty minutes with the hand dryer pointed down my pants to dry me off.
Just gross enough to make a funny blog post out of it.
DeleteI love your "embarrassing things we shouldn't share with the public"! Sounds exactly like my family :)
ReplyDeleteThen you too, have a FUN family and you're in good company!
DeleteWell, at least you're honest with yourself about knowing that you're crazy! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd proud of it! Lol!
DeleteThat was so funny! Found you through Bloggy Moms.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by--I love new readers!
DeleteHey thanks for dropping by Tuesday's Tea Party, blog hop and ad space giveaway. Dont forget to enter to win free ad space every week! Yours Madly, Alice
ReplyDeleteI'll be sure to check it out. I love the hop you host----you have some really good bloggers there!
DeleteI just found your blog today via the blog hop and I love it! You are hilarious! I'm now a follower!
ReplyDeleteTiffany
www.fabulessinheels.com
Thanks, Tiffany. I'll be sure to check out your site!
DeleteHello, I'm a new follower. I enjoyed reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteAngel
Thanks for stopping by--I love new readers!
DeleteYou have me peeing my pants - so damn funny - my son just did something I posted about a few posts back - check it out - my family's as nuts as yours lol
ReplyDeleteXOX
Oh yes! Can't wait to read it!
DeleteYou have a very interesting and happy family.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am Harry from Jakarta Indonesia and I like your blog. I have followed on Google Friend Connect (No. 1496) please follow back. Thank you.
Thanks for the visit and the follow, Harry!
DeleteAs a 50 yr old mother of 3,grandmom of 4 you'd of thought I'd have found you before, but thanks to Thumping Thursdays Blog Hop I've found you now. All I can say is, Thank God I wear Poise 'cause JU SO FONII!!! Ya got yerself a new follower mujer. BB2U
ReplyDeleteAwww thank you, BB. Didn't mean to make you wet your Poise, haha! I will definitely be over to check out your blog site, and thanks for the follow!
DeleteOh my goodness this is so funny. I saw your name of Keith's blog and had to come over. I am an almost 60 year old grandma (in Feb.) and we say some of those exact things here! So funny.
DeleteI always say we're a nutty house too.
sandie
See, you're not alone! Now I think I'm going to go check out your blog site just to see how nutty you are! Thanks for dropping by!
DeleteHi thank you for visit my blog., I have just followed your GFC. http://pakitong.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jonathan! Nice to meet you!
DeleteYou are very much welcome, I just added mg GFC widget for you to follow me also. thanks ahead.
DeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog, the follow, and commenting. I'm now your newest follower:) Enjoy your weekend!
Carissa
Lillies & Silk
Thanks for hopping over--I love new readers and followers!
DeleteThis is hilarious! I’m a new follower of your blog from the Monday Mingle Blog Hop! Would love if you could stop by mine. Thanks :0)
ReplyDeleteThe Three Whiskateers
http://thethreewhiskateers.blogspot.com/