I've decided to do something different this time with my prompt question, which happens to be: "Your significant other just gave you the worst Valentine's Day gift ever. What is it and how do you react?" This is my off-the-wall interpretation of the prompt, written in the form of a tacky, rhyming poem. Let's see who can make it to the bottom of the page without running for the hills.
VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT HORRORS
I asked my husband for a Beemer
he misunderstood and gave me a lemur
I had hoped for a diamond ring
years later I ended up with four offspring
"How about a fancy dinner?"
He said, "Forget it--you need to get thinner."
I asked for a pug puppy
I ended up with a Bubble Guppy
I was looking for romance
he offered to buy me implants
All I wanted was his heart
he pulled up in the driveway with an ox cart
I asked for a night on the town
instead he sent me a scary, fat clown
When I asked for steamy sex
he told me he was out of latex
I mentioned flashy jewelry
he took me instead to a warehouse brewery
I really wanted chocolate candy
I ended up with a mean guinea pig named Andy
I asked for sexy lingerie
but to my dismay
he gave me a pink bidet
I wanted roses that were red
he bought himself a tool shed
When I asked for a sign of his love
he sent me one white, pooping dove
I was craving a chocolate eclair
but I got a man with no hair
who danced like Fred Astaire
After years of misunderstood Valentine's gifts
we've had our share of tiffs
I know his gifts were from the heart
but they were all wrong from the start
Rather than cursing him to Hades
I bought him instead, a pair of hearing aids!
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