Friday, March 27, 2015

Fifteen Things No Parent Should Have To Say To Their Teen Daughter

 
     I have two adult daughters who are the light of my life, but I have to admit---their teen years were not the brightest. I could have done without the arguments over the boys they dated, the clothes they wore or the fact that they mastered crawling out of a bedroom window late at night without disturbing the dogs.

     Any parent who makes it through their child's teen years unscathed deserves a metal of honor. Perhaps more so if they've been able to successfully raise daughters.

     There are certain things that no parent should EVER have to say to their little darlings once they've transitioned from the tea party, dress-up stage to Cyndi Lauper's girls-just-wanna-have-fun stage. Although the parent may feel they have a handle on raising their teen girl, it's inevitable that one or all of the following lines will be uttered from their lips at one time or another:

*Drop that hem about four more inches before you leave the house.

*You want to put a tattoo where?

*I know you consider twerking a skill, but that still doesn't mean you should dance like that in public.

*You'll need to buy another cell phone just to store all your bathroom selfies.

*Of course you won't gain five pounds from eating three Milk Duds at the movie theatre.

*No, I'm not leaving work just to bring you a tampon at school.

*You could save a lot of money by actually washing your clothes instead of buying new ones to avoid doing laundry.

*There's a great deal on Amazon right now for chastity belts.

*No, you're not allowed to get your belly button, nose or nipples pierced.

*You're not going to experience life on the back of a motorcycle until you're over twenty-one.

*Yes, there really is such a thing as too much eye liner.


*I don't care how cute he is---if his I.Q. matches his shoe size, you can't date him.

*No, you won't be scarred for life by scraping old food off the dishes before you load them into the dishwasher.

*If the clock strikes twelve and you're not home, your car won't turn into a pumpkin but your social life will turn into the black hole while you're grounded.

*No, you're not allowed to use your college loan money for a Brazilian butt lift.



     I'm proud to say that I survived raising two teen girls----despite a few tattoos and piercings along the way. Thank God for BOGO sales on chastity belts!

   


Want more Meno Mama? This week, my article, "The Invisible Generation," is up on The Huffington Post.  You can read it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/the-invisible-generation_b_6938344.html

61 comments:

  1. Oh the reminders Marsha... when Andrea turned 12 I swore I would never have another child... she and I butted heads on too many occasions... one of us would inevitably end up in tears, the joys of raising teens... Now my sweet Valentina is creeping up to these years, I knew it was coming, I tried to ignore it... lol... The attitude is starting, I thankfully am more calm... or maybe I am at the age that I will put up with less... I am hoping I survive the teen years again... if not, I can always move her down with her sister Andrea... lol (I think Andrea deserves that for what she put me through... oh wait, she has her own little darling daughter on the way... I think her pay back is coming) ... xox

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    1. Too funny! Hey, congratulations on your daughter's pregnancy. You will love being a grandma---and watching Karma come around full circle if she has a daughter!!

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  2. Oh Marcia, I wish I could have chatted with you about 5 years ago. My oldest had a rough road through the teen years... and I felt like a terrible mother. My quote to add would be "Yes, it COULD happen to you!"

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    1. Absolutely! So many parents say, "That will never happen to me with my teen---I won't allow it." I just laugh and laugh.

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  3. I still have a few more years before I have to say anything close to these phrases. Although, the eye-rolling and door slamming has begun. The selfie one is hilarious! Why do people take so many selfies??? I'm all for memories, but I don't think I want to remember what my disgusting bathroom looked like while I puckered my lips. Haha.. Great post.

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    1. Thanks! My oldest daughter is obsessed with taking Selfies----it drives me nuts!

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  4. Great post! I could quote you on that last paragraph on being proud to have raised (only one daughter in my case) with the worst being a couple of tattoos and piercings - fortunately she never got around to having a tongue or nipple done (phew!) Your girls look lovely so you did very well!

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    1. Awwww, thanks!! The nipple thing scares me----thank gawd neither one of mine did that!

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  5. Sometimes I still can't believe I survived it! I'm thrilled to have made it to the other side!

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    1. You sure did! And now you get to be an outstanding grandmother to those adorable twins!

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  6. Okay, this will sound weird, but I LOVED the teen years! My daughers and I got along really well. Our big problems stemmed from them getting along with each other. And that is still ongong into their twenties and thirties. Sigh.

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    1. The teen years are interesting, that's for sure. My girls, despite fighting when they were young, are best friends now. I know that isn't always the case in a lot of families. Perhaps when your daughters are a little older, they will come to respect the sisterly bond more. Give it time----they're still young and have lots of exciting things to share together!

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  7. So funny, glad I have two boys - but that has its own list of crazy that comes out of my mouth.

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    1. I totally get that---I have two boys as well. Stay tuned…that particular blog post will be here in a few weeks!

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  8. So where did you get that BOGO deal on chastity belts? Asking for a friend...

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    1. I Love that!!! HILARIOUS! P.S.---just let me know and I'll ship 'em to your "friend."

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  9. Congratulations, it isn't easy.

    My Daughter once asked me "Does this dress make me look too slutty?"
    I told her "No, you look just slutty enough!"

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    1. HAHAHA!!!! OMG my hugs would have had a hard attack. He was always on our girls about the way they dressed when they went out to parties.

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  10. I am not now, nor have I ever been a mother, and I am well past menopause, so. But I was a teenager, and this was funny.

    Anita

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    1. Thanks, Anita! We've all been there, so we can relate. I'm just glad I don't have to tell my kids about my own teen years……they just might use it against me, ha-ha!

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  11. Aw. Looking back, I just thank God I'm an adult now. :P

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    1. Right? Sometimes I wonder how I made it out of the teen years alive---I took waaaay too many chances in life when I was young.

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  12. Mine will turn 6 in a couple of weeks....but already she has a head full of attitude...I can't even imagine what the teens are going to seem like ....sigh!!!

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    1. Hey---maybe you'll get lucky and she'll get it out of her system at an early age. If not, buckle up…it's going to be a bumpy ride….

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  13. We had a boy so we didn't go through much of what you've so humorously described, not that there aren't challenges to raising a boy.

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    1. I have two boys as well, so that topic will definitely be explored in an upcoming blog post!

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  14. My dad could have probably used this list when I was a teenager. I wasn't easy to tame then and I'm still not easy to tame now. Ha!

    Now, about those tattoos...hehe. I have one. For now.

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    1. I always say a woman who can be "tamed" is probably dull….. :)

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    2. Agreed! And I refuse to be a boring person. =)

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    3. I don't think you ever could be!!!

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  15. I thought raising boys was hard, but you just made me grateful to have had all boys instead of girls.

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  16. Oh this is just too funny!! And scary!!!! I'm calling you in a few years... please HELP ME!!!

    Btw- your girls are so GORGEOUS!!! (Just like you!)

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    1. Awww--Chris, you are so sweet! Thank you!!!! And yes, you can call me anytime! :)

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  17. The teen years are a challenge - but boys are definitely easier. My niece is only eleven but acts like she's sixteen. Heaven help her mother! This was so funny - and yes, you deserve a medal :)!

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    1. They are definitely drama queens in their teens but I'm happy to report that they turned out to be lovely young women.

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  18. This was great. My husband has daughters and yes, he deserves a medal indeed! I had to disagree with one point, though:

    "You're not going to experience life on the back of a motorcycle until you're over twenty-one."

    My dad rides. My husband rides. The majority of bikers are incredibly good and family-oriented people and my parents will celebrate 40 years next year. I always say a motorcycle is the secret to a great marriage - and a great childhood, too!

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    1. That's awesome! We no longer have helmet laws here, and that really worries me about the riders.

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  19. This is one of those times when I'm thankful I have two boys (and no daughters). Each child does offer their own unique challenges for the parental units of course but I think I'd go bat s*** crazy with girls. Kudos to you, Marcia. :-)

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    1. Thanks, Kdcol! I have two boys as well---that's a whole other brand of crazy, isn't it?

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  20. Ok so not my total take-away but I LOVE LOVE that you are in the background of your one daughter's selfie standing in the doorway!!! Like LOVE. Also I'm a little bit convinced that teenaged girls are assh#les to begin with - I certainly was. My husband's daughter? Um yeah. Huge a$$h#LE! And your daughters are so beautiful.

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    1. Thanks! They aren't easy, that's for sure. And I meant to crop myself out of my daughter's Selfie pic, ha-ha!

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  21. Three of my kids were teenagers at the same time. Two of them were girls. I'm sooooo glad they didn't tell me about all their antics until AFTER they were grown! I empathize!

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    1. YES!!! My girls are only two years apart, so they grew up as close friends….and very mischievous!

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  22. OMGOSHHHHHHH
    I can COMMENT!
    I've been waiting.
    You are all TOO gorgeous.
    Damn you!
    xxxx

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    1. You are too kind. Hey, I got rid of Captcha so people could once again leave comments. Im so glad you're back. And btw, I think you're pretty damn gorgeous, too!

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  23. The clock striking 12 one is my favorite! My parents would always take my car keys away even if I was a minute late. My dad would just stand at the door with his hand held out. Now? Now I'm dead asleep by then, except if I'm at my friend Marcia's house....

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    1. Ha-ha! We stayed up way past our curfew that night you came over!!

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  24. I do remember my mom putting up with my sister who is three years younger than me and saying things like this. Normally she sent me to do the dirty work when it came to the guys she hung out with. Too funny back then.

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    1. I'll bet you were good at guarding your sister, too!

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  25. Once my teenaged daughter sneaked out in the middle of the night, so I locked all of the doors except one and grimly waited for her. But she crawled through her little sister's window, causing her sister creeper-window-anxiety that lasts to this day.

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    1. OMG I would be scarred for life if that happened to me! I'd have to sleep in a room with the windows nailed shut!

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  26. I've got one girl who just turned 16. The attitude is the thing that kills me. I just keep thinking, hurrah this attitude thing is going to pass. ;)

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    1. It passes all right…passes on to "Drama Queen" mode, ha-ha!

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  27. Ha! Oh my gosh, I am kinda relieved I have boys! And what is a Brazillian butt lift, and is it as painful as a wax? LOL

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    1. Way more painful----the surgeon suctions fat from your stomach, thighs or upper back and then injects it into your butt to give it a firmer, rounder appearance. Think Beyonce…..like THAT kind of butt. :)

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  28. Yes, parenting teenage girls is a challenge. My daughter is now 21 and got through this phase relatively unscathed - although she did get her nose pierced at 19 years old just to spite me!

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    1. One of mine did that too, around that age!

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  30. I lost the belly button piercing battle, but I have to say, if I had her stomach, I would want to adorn it as well! :) My daughter also believes she will be scarred for life for scraping dirty dishes especially if they have egg on them. Great list! :)

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  31. Hahahahaaaaa! The selfies, my God! What up with those? my daughter got her first tattoo when she was 18. She has many piercings as well. She is covered in tatts now at age 22. Her father and grandfather disapprove and make much noise about it. I've come to accept that's just her self expression. She may one day have to spend a lot of $ on tatt removal! Teenage years were interesting to say the least. Great list, Marcia!

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