Friday, July 10, 2015

Super Summer Guest Post: Linda Roy of Elleroy Was Here

     My guest today for my super summer blogging series is one of the FUNNIEST writers in the blogosphere (and I am honored that she just so happens to be one of my best blogging buddies, too!). Please welcome Linda Roy of Elleroy Was Here!! She truly is my sista from another mista. A lover of all things pug-related and an incredibly talented mixologist, she is a woman after my own heart. We've been chatting online for quite some time now and sharing far too many laughs over the quirky things in life that we both find hilarious. We "get" one another,  and that was never more evident than when we finally met at the ERMA conference last year. This was the first writing workshop I had ever attended, and I'll admit, I was a nervous wreck. Along came Linda, and she graciously took me under her wing. We were pretty much inseparable during the trip, and I cannot thank her enough for sharing her wisdom, humor and friendship with me. Whenever I visit her blog site, I know I'm going to be laughing out loud within seconds because she uses such inventive language (and some of the best blog titles I've ever read!!).

     I'm thrilled to share one of my favorite blogs from Linda's site with you today. Please welcome my dear friend with lots of comment love and shares. **For more giggles, you REALLY should subscribe to her blog and follow her on social media for your daily dose of laughter! **Links are below**



 I See Old People 



Wait a minute. What's this kid gassing on about? Old people? I thought it was dead people.
Is old the new dead?
Oh, shit.
You know, if I were Bruce Willis, (which by the way, if I could actually be any movie actor, he'd be tied for last place with Bill Bob Thornton) but if I were, I'd be asking this kid a slew of questions to get to the bottom of why specifically, he thinks he's seeing old people.
Tfile://localhost/Users/marciadoyle/Desktop/I-SEE-OLD-PEOPLE-.jpeghe little punk.
I know, I sound bent about this. Truth is, I'm menopausal and just a tad offended. Maybe he's just talking about the over 60 crowd. But I get more and more touchy about the subject the closer I get to 50, and it's looming. Believe me, I can feel it encroaching like arthritis on a precipitous day.
Little Haley Joel Osment was a cutie pie, wasn't he? Now he's a man for chrissakes, with facial hair. When did that happen?
Oh my God. I'm old.
So. You think you see old people, Haley? What gives? Tell us why.
I channeled my inner Willis and psychically queried man-Haley. Here's what he psychically told me.
1. They're driving at 10 miles below the speed limit with the blinker on. The whole time. 
2. A conspicuous trail of bingo cards. 
3. Ticket stubs from a Celine Dion show at Caesar's Palace.
4. A Golden Girls VHS tape.
5. A framed Thomas Kincaid print.  
6. Saw them having hot coffee with lunch. 
7. The crowded early bird seating at Lobster Shanty.
8. A pile of Readers Digests, pages dog eared on articles about the actual existence of angels. 
9. A bookshelf full of John Grisham novels. 
10. A bowl of Werther's Originals. 
Thank God he's not talking about me. This is obviously the over 70 crowd.
Because if he was, that would be scarier than the dead people.
Photo by chrisinplymouth  used under CC/Desaturated from the original 

Linda Roy is the writer behind the humor blog elleroy was here. A 2014 BlogHer Voice of the Year for Humor, she's contributed to The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Humor Outcasts, In the Powder Room, BLUNTMoms, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, BlogHer, Mamapedia, BonBon Break, Ten to Twenty Parenting, Project Underblog, Midlife Boulevard, Aiming Low, Funny Not Slutty and The Weeklings. Her essays have been published in several anthologies, including I Still Just Want To Pee Alone, The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets, Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor, Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee, Clash of the Couples, Motherhood May Cause Drowsiness and The Stigma Fighters Anthology. She was co-founder and Editor-in-Chief of Lefty Pop and a co-editor at Aiming Low. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Google+, and YouTube. No wonder her family is always running out of clean underwear.


                                                
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35 comments:

  1. Samantha July 10, 2015 at 12:49 AM

    Gah! I love Werther's! And I still use Golden Girls references. Matter of fact, I call my dogs "Sophia and Rose" all the time because they are funny old ladies!
    This was hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 9:41 AM

      Thank you Military Pug Wife! Pug solidarity! I love Werther's and Golden Girls too! My favorite was Bea Arthur. I was a big Maude fan. I can sing you the theme song to Maude right now if you want...no?...;) I was in the back of a New York City cab when her death was announced on the little TV in the back seat. I cried. The cabbie was like "What's the mattuh wit you, lady?"

      Delete
  2. LIVJuly 10, 2015 at 8:02 AM

    LOL. We went to a fancy restaurant last night and the credit card machine was down so they brought out one of those big carbon copy thingies with the slider on top. The waitress was joking with my husband that the papers were even yellowed with age as they rarely had to use it - and that some of the under 25 crowd had never seen one...I of course got offended...she clearly thought I was over 25...(ok...we were celebrating my fortieth...but just the same...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 9:43 AM

      OMG! I remember those things! How funny. Remember when all the gas station attendants had them? Seems like so long ago, but there's no way it was. Right? ;)

      Delete
  3. UnknownJuly 10, 2015 at 8:19 AM

    Laughing because I just saw military pug wife's comment and was going to make the same. I did not know that made me old. I'm owning it and running to grab one now… :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 9:44 AM

      No way does it make you old! But my grandma loved them, and now my mom does...I've noticed there's a high senior citizen to Werther's ration going on! But Werther's are for the people - young and old! :)

      Delete
    2. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 9:46 AM

      Thank you so much for having me, Marcia! It's an honor to be here today, my friend! I can't wait to hang out with you at the next Erma conference! (Because you're going, right?! Of course you are!) Cheers! Raising my margarita glass to you. What? It's not even noon yet? Eh, it's Friday. That counts. ;) xoxo

      Delete
    3. menopausal mamaJuly 16, 2015 at 11:04 PM

      Loved having you here, Linda. You rocked this post! And you betcha I'll be at ERMA!!!

      Delete
  4. UnknownJuly 10, 2015 at 9:22 AM

    I was relieved to not find myself anywhere in the top ten. Thank Gaawd. Made my smile wide....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jodie's Touch of StyleJuly 10, 2015 at 9:39 AM

    Old is just your frame of mind....but hey, I love John Grisham's books!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownJuly 10, 2015 at 10:10 AM

    Now I know what to avoid! (*as she puts the VHS behind her back) So funny. But this will never, ever be us, right??
    Kimberly
    http://FiftyJewels.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. Battered HopeJuly 10, 2015 at 10:42 AM

    The only one I am guilty of is number 10 -- My hubby loves Werther's Originals! Age is such a matter of the mind, isn't it? I know I am younger than many younger people I know. I think many of us are, right? Attitude is everything, Werthers or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 12:17 PM

      You're so right. That's true. I feel (and often act) like I'm still in my 20s. :)

      Delete
  8. Mithra BallesterosJuly 10, 2015 at 10:58 AM

    Hilarious list. I keep kleenexes in my bra. And my shirtsleeve. But no Werther's for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 12:18 PM

      Me too. And I've recently started stuffing them in the waistband flap of my yoga pants. Very convenient! haha

      Delete
  9. Lisa ThomsonJuly 10, 2015 at 12:20 PM

    Love this, Linda! Ah!!! Hot coffee with lunch. Guilty. A bowl of Werther's. Guilty. I'm thinking DVD's might be the almost as bad as VHS? . But that's where it ends, I swear. Sixth Sense ifs one of my favorite movies. Now, I won't be able to watch it without laughing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaJuly 10, 2015 at 1:04 PM

      I still have my VHS player and tapes…..hahaha!!

      Delete
  10. Lisa EhrmanJuly 10, 2015 at 12:37 PM

    Very funny! I love your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. menopausal mamaJuly 10, 2015 at 1:03 PM

      Thanks, Lisa! I love having Linda as a guest----she is very special to me XO

      Delete
    2. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 8:47 PM

      I still have a VHS player and the full seasons of Thirtysomethibng and Northern Exposure on video tape!

      Delete
  11. Janie EmausJuly 10, 2015 at 1:29 PM

    I guess you are seeing me! Well, I'm not that old, yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 8:48 PM

      No way are you old Janie! We're all fabulous, Werther's or not! :)

      Delete
  12. UnknownJuly 10, 2015 at 3:58 PM

    Yeah, I think once your kids can say the word old you are no longer considered young by anyone under 20. I was carded once at the grocery store and I laughed at the cashier. When I tried to explain why I was laughing to my kids I told them it was because the cashier didn't think I looked 21 and old enough to drink to which my then 8 year old daughter said, "She's like 3 times 21" :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 10, 2015 at 8:50 PM

      Haha - our kids keep it real, don't they? I got carded at the liquor store a couple of years ago and before I could get excited about it, the cashier carded the 80 year old guy behind me too. I guess they're not taking any chances. lol

      Delete
  13. stephen HayesJuly 10, 2015 at 8:22 PM

    Hilarious! I'm not yet seventy, but I'm guilty of several things on this list.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda RoyJuly 13, 2015 at 11:16 AM

      Based on my findings here, I'd say our 40s and 50s really are the new 30s! We can all eat our Werther's and watch our VHS tapes with reckless abandon, confident in the knowledge that we are as cool and fabulous as we ever were!

      Delete
  14. MichelleJuly 13, 2015 at 6:49 AM

    Holy shit, Linda...I love you. HAHAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lux G.July 16, 2015 at 7:24 AM

    LOL! So funny. I'm looking forward to my golden years if it's this fun. :P

    ReplyDelete
  16. UnknownJuly 20, 2015 at 10:35 PM

    Old people stuff? That list reads like something those on their deathbeds do. No thanks.

    Also, what's a VHS tape?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anne FlournoyJuly 22, 2015 at 9:29 PM

    #6!!! Way to go, Linda!

    ReplyDelete

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