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I See Old People
Wait a minute. What's this kid gassing on about? Old people? I thought it was dead people.
Is old the new dead?
You know, if I were Bruce Willis, (which by the way, if I could actually be any movie actor, he'd be tied for last place with Bill Bob Thornton) but if I were, I'd be asking this kid a slew of questions to get to the bottom of why specifically, he thinks he's seeing old people.
Tfile://localhost/Users/marciadoyle/Desktop/I-SEE-OLD-PEOPLE-.jpeghe little punk.
I know, I sound bent about this. Truth is, I'm menopausal and just a tad offended. Maybe he's just talking about the over 60 crowd. But I get more and more touchy about the subject the closer I get to 50, and it's looming. Believe me, I can feel it encroaching like arthritis on a precipitous day.
Little Haley Joel Osment was a cutie pie, wasn't he? Now he's a man for chrissakes, with facial hair. When did that happen?
Oh my God. I'm old.
So. You think you see old people, Haley? What gives? Tell us why.
I channeled my inner Willis and psychically queried man-Haley. Here's what he psychically told me.
1. They're driving at 10 miles below the speed limit with the blinker on. The whole time.
2. A conspicuous trail of bingo cards.
3. Ticket stubs from a Celine Dion show at Caesar's Palace.
4. A Golden Girls VHS tape.
5. A framed Thomas Kincaid print.
6. Saw them having hot coffee with lunch.
7. The crowded early bird seating at Lobster Shanty.
8. A pile of Readers Digests, pages dog eared on articles about the actual existence of angels.
9. A bookshelf full of John Grisham novels.
10. A bowl of Werther's Originals.
Thank God he's not talking about me. This is obviously the over 70 crowd.
Because if he was, that would be scarier than the dead people.