Friday, January 6, 2017

How To Age (Somewhat) Gracefully In The New Year

     Every New Year's Day, we make resolutions to eat healthier, get fit, find a new job, appreciate life more, and focus on changing our priorities. But within 24 hours, most of these resolutions have already been broken after the first slice of apple pie.

     A new year is also a reminder that time is fleeting, and many mid-lifers begin searching for alternative strategies to slow down the aging process and reclaim their lost youth. Here's a few ideas to help you look your best in 2017:



COMBAT WRINKLES: People who want instant results are the first in line for Botox injections. This is fine if you want lips that look like you've been sucking on a tailpipe or if you prefer your duck face smile to be permanent. Skip the botulinum toxins and get yourself a good face cream with plenty of SPF. No more tanning by the pool, unless you want to be mistaken for a large prune.

LOSE WEIGHT: Cut out burgers, pizza and Chinese takeout from your diet. In other words, cut out  everything you love and eat only the things you hate. This way, you'll eat less. Boiled zucchini, anyone?

NO MORE ALCOHOL:  You should cut out all alcoholic beverages if possible. Uh-huh. This is usually the first resolutions that's broken. Research shows that Pomegranates are loaded with antioxidants, so drink a pomegranate martini and you'll be just fine.

EXERCISE MORE: The definition of exercise changes when you get older. In your 30's, you can easily run a 10K with your friends. But by the time you reach 60, exercise consists of walking outside to retrieve the newspaper (as long as the paper is near the front door). If you want to bump up your cardio, lug the trashcan from the end of your driveway to the side of your house. You'll burn even more calories if you move all your neighbor's trash cans, too.

GOOD GROOMING HABITS: Keep the Sherwood Forest in your nose neatly trimmed. If necessary, grab a hedge trimmer to get the excess foliage out of your nostrils. Nip those chin hairs and skin tags too, while you're at it. Also, toe nails become more brittle as you age, and are harder to cut. If they're super thick, you might need a chainsaw to trim those suckers.

IMPROVED SEX LIFE: If you want to feel 30 again, have sex three times a week with the help of Premarin or Viagra. Consider spicing things up in the bedroom with role playing and costumes. But no Disney or Star Wars characters, please. No one wants to make love to Yoda or Olaf.

DYE YOUR HAIR: Some people look like beautiful, silver foxes when they gray. But if you're anything like me, the grays are a wiry salt & pepper mix that belong on the head of a wort-nosed witch. No thanks. I've discovered that a blend of blonde and neon purple make me look like a kid who belongs in an emo band. It tricks me into thinking I'm seventeen again.

DELETE NEGATIVITY: It's time to disconnect from anyone who lies to you, judges you, gossips behind your back or does not appreciate you for who you are. These people drain the joy out of your  battery life until you're depleted. Jump start the battery by dumping the people who make you feel like shit and find new friends who appreciate your individuality. Surround yourself with positive people and your world will be a happier place full of butterflies, daisies, and chocolate cupcakes (okay, I made that part up).

THINK YOUNG:  "Age is just a number." yeah, it's a BIG number, but it's still just a number and you shouldn't let it define who you are. You want to stay up late and party with the younger crowd? It's okay to nap a few hours before you head out the door (ain't no shame in the nap game). Try seeing the world with fresh eyes instead of with your magnifying glasses. Remember who you were in the 1970's when Led Zeppelin topped the music charts and channel your inner teenage soul.

     Make 2017 your best year yet. Pack away that Yoda costume, grab a pomegranate martini and toast to the new, younger you. Cheers!




48 comments:

  1. Love those recommendations. I think they apply to all the age groups.
    Happy new year, Marcia!

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  2. It has never occurred to me to resolve to have a better sex life. Lol. I am going to run this one by my husband . I think he will be on board with that one. That's one resolution he will help me keep. Lol.

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    1. Just don't let him wear an Olaf costume to bed.....

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  3. I swear I didn't really even get the power/grasp the power of thinking young until the past few years… It helps so much!!

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  4. I all for positive people and getting rid of the light suckers who drag you down. I'm over drama and negativity - it ages you faster than the sun does! I'm also big on hair dye too - I'm blonde and fuschia pink atm and loving it - you keep rocking that neon purple girl x

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    1. Thanks! And I love that you colored your hair, too. Rock on!

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  5. Fun suggestions Tamara! I HATE your suggestion for losing weight though! Surely there's a better suggestion? Like only eat chocolate for a month?

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    1. I would love to try a Chocolate only diet.....but then I just know I would start craving my beloved pasta....

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  6. Ha! I was wondering how Yoda was going to fit in... so funny. I cannot give up the beach. I know I will have more wrinkles and freckles, but I don't have the kind of skin or facial structure that is going to age gracefully anyway, so I figure I might as well be happy! (I do use the spf...I'm claiming that one!)

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    1. As long as you keep up with a strong SPF and moisturize daily, you will be fine!

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  7. Great tips!!! Love the pomegranate martini one :-)

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  8. Age is totally just a number. I still think I'm 17... ;)

    Happy New Year!

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  9. The tip for losing weight is one I considered -- for about 30 seconds

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    1. Ha-Ha I hear you. I'm trying my hardest to diet right now but it is HARD.

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  10. Those may be great ways to age gracefully, but it sure seems to me that a graceful life would not be any fun. Nobody's touching my junk food. And if I drink enough alcohol, I may just pickle myself into a longer life without giving up all the fun.

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  11. Great advice. These will be helpful since I've already broken the New Year's resolutions I've come up with.

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    1. You're not alone----I've broken a few, too.

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  12. I'm pining for a pomegranate martini now! Ha. I'm not cutting back on wine and didn't even delude myself into thinking I would by making a lame resolution as such. These are hilarious, Marcia!
    thanks for the laughs :D

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    1. I can't give up my wine, either. Nope. Not gonna happen.

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  13. Great tips, sweets.
    I never make resolutions.
    And I shall NEVER grow old gracefully!
    Thanks for the SMILE :) xxx

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    1. I doubt that I will age gracefully, either. I'm too much of a hellion, LOL.

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  14. I LOVE these! Just what I needed right now. I've been counting calories and walking every day, but I did save my calories up for a glass (or two) of wine tonight!

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  15. See? I make my resolutions in September, so now it's clear (ornot) what sticks. I'm pleased to say the exercise portion has; I never added (or is that subtracted?) alcohol.
    Woo hoo!

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    1. Exercise is the best thing you can do. Keep at it!

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  16. Chine Hairs! No one told me about chin hairs! My tweezers have become my best friend.

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  17. Pomegranate martinis and a night of dancing? That should work!

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  18. I love your idea how to get more exercise... it reminded me of how I missed a week (it's only picked up every other week here)... I did not miss the next one but I really got my exercise taking it to the curb... lol... I did not have the energy to help my neighbors... haha

    I might need to purchase a small chainsaw for my toenails... but then I would have to trust someone else to take them off... lol...

    I love your blonde and purple... I have been neglecting my hair, I am getting in for an update of my chunks of purple and I am getting rid of the nasty gray wiry hair... lol

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    1. I hate my grays---more and more coming in. Purple is a great way to hide them!

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  19. I stopped dying me hair a year or so ago, can't afford the dye to do it as often as it needs so now I am going grey and have salt and pepper hair but thankfully it looks ok or so I have been told, unlike my sister who looks terrible with grey hair but she also often looks older then she is, hell she looks older then me and she is 7 years younger then me. I rarely drink grog and even rarely get drunk so that is good, I also try to think you, Leo helps with that

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    1. Sounds like you are on the right track. I'd love to keep my hair long and gray if I could, but my gray is not the pretty kind.

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  20. Wise advice, Marcia. And I totally agree with your 'avoid Botox' comment - that stuff has ruined many a pretty girl's face. Wishing you joy and fulfilment in 2017.

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    1. Thank you and Happy 2017 to you as well, my friend!

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  21. These are too funny. Yet, if I followed some of this plan my body would fall apart!

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  22. Great advice, especially dying the hair. Happy New Years to you! I hope it's a great year for you.

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    1. I swear, dying my hair was the best thing I could have done!

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  23. Great advice. I'll try to follow... A lot of thanks!

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  24. New Year is a reminder that we break promises we make like we did the past years. Pomegranate martini sounds good. :)

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    1. That's why I'm not a fan of resolutions but I AM a fan of pomegranate martinis!!

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