Friday, March 17, 2017

A Husband's Perspective: Eight Ways Menopause Has Changed My Wife

     As bad as I feel for women experiencing the symptoms of menopause, my heart goes out even more to the men who have to live with them while they endure "the change of life." When my husband and I exchanged wedding vows 33 years ago, neither one of us had any idea that I would one day morph into the Tasmanian devil at the onset of menopause. Most of the time, I don't even recognize myself. I have to give the guy credit for sticking by my side as long as he has. I'm not sure what's in it for him, other than the occasional back rub and someone to stop him from heading out to the pet store in his torn cargo shorts and t-shirt that reads, "Cat: The Other White Meat."

     Although menopause has changed me, my husband has learned to go with my emotional flow that's as unpredictable as a summer hurricane. All that matters is that we're still holding hands during the stormiest of times.

     Recently, I pressed him for details about the changes he has witnessed in me over the last few years, and he was a little TOO quick to fill in the blanks......

       
1. My wife once had the energy of a toddler after too many cups of Kool-Aid. But these days, sleep is her priority...even over sex and chocolate. She'd stay under the covers all week if I let her. But someone has to cook a meal every now and then.....unless the family doesn't mind the gastrointestinal apocalypse that would occur if I did the cooking.

2. When she's not in bear hibernation mode, my wife is a creature of the night. Insomnia often robs her of a decent night's rest, but rather than squeeze in some valuable writing time, she prefers to stalk Pinterest recipes or shop on Amazon for decorative pillows. How many pillows does one person need? The good news is that I no longer need an alarm system for the house. While I'm snoring in the bedroom, my better half is wide awake and will release a blood curdling war cry if an intruder tries to break in....or if a cockroach skitters across her path.

3. There isn't a husband on the planet who doesn't live in fear of the dreaded question, "Do these pants make me look fat?" The first year my wife started menopause, we went though four different scales because she was convinced they were all inaccurate. Her pension for chocolate and pizza had nothing to do with her weight gain. At least she can blame menopause for her extra pounds. The only excuse I have is beer.

4. We always "spooned" when we went to bed together. It was comforting to feel her body pressed against mine each night before falling asleep. Now that she has night sweats, if I try to cuddle up to her, I'll likely lose a limb.

5. Dear God, the pendulum mood swings. If I survive these, I can survive anything. Forget Jekyll and Hyde. I'm living with Donna Reed and Attila the Hun. To say that my wife is "a little on edge" is an understatement. If I leave so much as a dirty coffee cup on the counter, her patience level will snap in a nanosecond and I'll find myself fighting for space on the dog's bed each night.

 6. Ever since the hot flashes started, my wife has become a thermostat nazi. When I come home from work, I feel as if I've been magically transported to Alaska. It wouldn't surprise me if I came home one day to find icicles hanging from the ceiling.

7. My wife and I have always been a passionate couple, but after menopause struck, her sex drive plummeted. I'm not the virile youngster I once was, either, but nowadays in order to get things heated in the bedroom, I need a gallon of wine for my wife and the Jaws of Life for easy access.

 8. Forgetfulness comes with age, but menopause can make a woman senile. My wife was one of the most organized people I knew, to the point of being OCD about the house and our family routine. We depended on her to keep us scheduled and sane. If it was up to me, the kids would have gone to school late in their bedroom slippers and have nothing but corn chips in their lunch boxes. But along came menopause, sucking every organizational cell out of my wife's body and leaving me with a pod person who's suffering from constant brain fog. Car keys in the fridge. Water bubbling over on the stove. Dog poop on the carpet because SOMEONE forgot to take the fur balls for a walk after lunch.

     I think it's time to book a room for my wife at the Forget-Me-Not Manor for Senile Seniors. Better yet, I'll take the room for myself, because no one will yell at me for leaving a dirty coffee cup on the counter. And hopefully I'll get to keep all of my limbs.










26 comments:

  1. I remember you wrote a similar post a couple years ago and I believe we started a conversation regarding menopause at that time. Basically, women can go through menopause with very slight change as I did over 20 years ago. I still have more energy and stamina than women 20 to 30 years younger than me. It is possible with proper nutrition and wonderful not to have to go through all those negatives, i.e. mood changes, insomnia, fatigue, hot flashes, etc. In regards to your post, it was great for a smile first thing this morning as you always deliver!

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    1. I'm so lucky to have a patient husband with a sense if humor like Robin Williams. He gets me though this crazy thing called menopause. Can't imagine life without my funny Honey.

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  2. ha ha ha. great post. my hubby probably feels the same..

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    1. I think a lot of men feel the way my husband does, ha-ha.

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  3. Hahhahaaaa! Brilliant. I'm sending this to my better half. Well said from the ever suffering hubby. Yet, Marcia looks so sweet in her profile pic ;)

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  4. Ha! I love the male perspective on this. My wife experienced hot flashes but I don't recall her becoming a monster.

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  5. Delightfully accurate! 😊 Now we need a companion piece because men go through changes too!

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    1. They sure do--and thank you for the idea!

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  6. I'm afraid to let my husband read this, his head might fall off from bobbing it up and down so hard.

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  7. Hmm. My divorce was about the time this was happening. I wonder...

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    1. I'd say there was a connection there......

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  8. HA!!! I'm only at the beginning (I think??? horrid periods???) anyway, your husband is awesome and you're very well worth the wait for the mood swings and hotflashes to pass! You two are adorable together :)

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    1. Awwww....thank you so much, Kristi! Love you!

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  9. This cracked me up, some men do suffer when the woman in their life goes through the change, not mine though when I went through the change nothing much happened and the symptoms were said and done in a year yeah a year it was a breeze for me the symptoms I had were nothing much either

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    1. You are so lucky! I have been going through these symptoms for SEVEN years now......

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  10. Oh my gosh your husband is hilarious! My hubby and I have been married 31 years leaving me to wonder what he still sees in me. I too am going through the whole change thing, I can endure the flashes but it's the memory thing thats driving me crazy. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. My body feels like it bloated all the time where I don't know whats fat and whats just bloation - I stopped counting how long it's been, the years are all meshing together.
    you guys are a cute couple!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Saimi! Hang in there---this menopause thing has to end some time.....

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    1. I was nervous about using this comment of his but it is pretty funny!!

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  12. Your husband is so funny... I laughed when I read how he has to give you a gallon of wine to get romantic, so this why I see lots of wine on your Instagram... it's your hubby's idea... lol xox

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  13. I say, so much to look forward to in the future. I wish I'll have a husband who sees the humor in everything. :)

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