Friday, July 6, 2018

My Brain On Menopause

     I've been in a menopausal state of mind for eight years now, and my brain could really use a break. The endless mind chatter keeps me awake most nights and disrupts my thoughts like an attention-seeking toddler when I'm trying to get things accomplished during the day.

     In a menopausal way of thinking, the little things become the big things, and not in a good way. My husband and kids think I've lost my mind because of the ridiculous arguments we've gotten into. I have always had an A-type personality, but these Jekyll and Hyde mood swings need to stop for the sake of my own (and my family's) sanity. Thankfully, I have a husband and some pretty awesome kids who totally get it, so they give me a wide berth when they see the steam coming out of my ears

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     If you were to crawl inside my head on any given day, these are the things my menopausal brain would say to you:

"I'm going to be really good today on my diet. I'll eat an egg white omelet, a small salad for lunch, then salmon for.....OH LOOK! A DONUT!"

"Geez, it's so effing hot in this house. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TURN DOWN THE THERMOSTAT??"

"Oh man, my bed looks so comfy....and I'm so tired. What would it hurt to take a little nap?"
**Wakes three hours later wondering what century she is in**

"I love you, but if you leave another strand of your used floss on the bookshelf, I swear I will strangle you with it in your sleep."

"It's 4:00a.m. Why am I still awake, wondering how people potty train rabbits?"

"Today was awful. I hate everyone and everything. Wait, you have chocolate? OMG I'm so happy! What a great day!"

"Where did I leave my damn car keys? Oh, here they are.....okay, which one of you numbskulls put my keys in the shower?  Huh? It was me? No way, I didn't do that. I couldn't have.....could I?"

"Sweetheart, you're my little shnookums and I love you so much....wait. Stop! ARE YOU KIDDING? DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW?"

"A BOGO sale on fiber pills? Hell yeah, I'm gonna stock up. One can never own too many fiber pills."

" I didn't forget to pick up the dog food. It's your fault because you forgot to remind me."

"It's raining and now our plans are ruined and my life sucks so I'm going back to bed and don't even think about talking to me right now."

"Let's order pizza tonight. No, wait---I think I want Chinese food instead....but tacos also sound really good. Actually, I could go for a juicy steak. Or maybe a burger. Or chicken wings---yes, that's what I want! Can I get a slice of pizza on the side with that?"

"Just pour the wine and don't ask any questions."

"Who used the last roll of toilet paper without replacing it? I will hunt you down and kill you."

"It's freezing cold in this restaurant. Honey, can I borrow your jacket?"
<<five minutes later>> "Waiter, can you please turn up the fans? It's ridiculously hot in here."

"Why am I always so bloated? My belly is huge! I look like I'm pregnant.....with a baby elephant."

"Yes, I know I've put on some weight recently. No, it has nothing to do with my eating habits. It's not my dumpling cravings either, I swear. It's just menopause."

    ISN'T IT ALWAYS JUST THE MENOPAUSE????





28 comments:

  1. I've been so lucky, "only" sweats/chills. After six years of drips from my chin, never knowin how to dressplus the tossing and turning in bed between hot and freezing I decide a little pill was the right thing to do. Now I'm fine. :-D

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    1. That's great---glad it worked for you!

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  2. Oh, YES! I can relate to all of these. Hot one minute, freezing the next. Weepy. Hungry...just pass the wine! WTFreak? It isn't fair that we must go through this! Great post, Marcia :)

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  3. Well, we have to blame it on something! LOL ☺ Sounds like I got off easy; just a few hot flashes and night sweats for a few years. There was significant weight gain, though, which I'm still struggling with. Here's hoping things will get better for you, soon!

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    1. Thank you! Yeah the weight thing really sucks. I battle this issue every day.

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  4. I call it menofreakingforever, because it's been going on for 8 years and counting. Whee!

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    1. I am so with you---eight years here, too. I am OVER it.

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  5. Well, I'm sorry you're going through this. I almost hate to even say this, but I never had any of the typical signs of menopause. Like my mother, my life went on as normal. Not even one hot flash. Feeling quite blessed.

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    1. Wow---you are super lucky! I have a friend who never had symptoms, either. I'm jealous!

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  6. I'm the opposite with take out, seems like nothing sounds good. But then when it comes to your "just pour the wine and don't ask any questions", yup, I am SO with you.

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    1. I knew you would appreciate that one :)

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  7. Memories- and not fond ones- from when my wife had her own tape player in her head.

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    1. It truly is tough on the guys as well!

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  8. Sorry to hear you are struggling! Weirdly enough...had no discomfort while in menopausal state. Went very smoothly. Thank God! :-)

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  9. I guess this is something to not look forward to. I’m still in the waking up several times for baby feedings stage of life.

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    1. Oh man, I remember those days---that part wasn't fun, either!

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  10. OMG! I'm not alone!!! I was laughing so hard, I interrupted my husband watching his baseball game. I sent him the link. He didn't laugh. (LOL)

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  11. Replies
    1. Yep---menopause makes us all a little bit crazy.

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  12. Those comments all sound familiar to me. Were you rummaging around in my brain several years ago? But there is light - and peace - at the end of the tunnel.

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    1. YIKES! You've got a lot going on in there. Would someone please hand Marcia a glass of wine and Nutella? That should calm your nerves for a few moments. I guess now I know what to look forward to.

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