Menopausal Mother

     When I remind my kids that my generation grew up without microwaves, cell phones or cable TV, they pretty much envision me being raised by a pack of wolves in the forest. They have no idea what it is to WAIT for things, because instant gratification is the name of the game nowadays. Sure, I enjoy the convenience of text messaging, Netflix and Uber Eats, but there is something to be said about the good ol' days when anticipation led to a deeper level of appreciation.

     Millennials are probably relieved to have missed out on many of the things that we once considered a convenience, just as our Baby Boomer generation is thrilled that we grew up with modern washing machines and didn't have to scrub our clothes on a board like our grandparents did. Or do our business in an outhouse at 3:00 in the morning!

     If my future grandchildren ever want to know what life was like in the 60's, 70's or early 80's, they'll have to go to a museum just to see how it felt to dial a rotary phone, write in cursive, wind a clock or adjust the rabbit ears on a sketchy black and white television set.

     I'm guilty of digging my heels in when it comes to modern technology. I was the last person in my family to own a cell phone, and I completely resisted the idea of buying a home computer until it was obvious that my kids needed one for school. More importantly, I didn't take kindly to comparisons of our family living in the Dark Ages, or that our level of technological communication was on par with early cave drawings.

     Life without my cell phone or my trusty laptop is unimaginable now. When the power goes out and the Wifi is down, I feel as if I've been cut off from civilization, stranded on an island with two tin cans and a string for communication.

     A quick trip down memory lane serves as a perfect reminder of what will forever be lost on future generations:


*The thrill of renting a VCR tape from Block Buster to see the latest movie release (which was usually six months past by the time it was available). God forbid if you returned the tape late or---the horrors---you forgot to rewind it!

*The joy of receiving a 10 page, handwritten letter in the mail from a friend (Emails lack that personal touch). I really treasured those long letters and anxiously waited by the mailbox when I heard the postman's truck down the street.

* Flipping cards in a Rolodex to find a phone number. I also kept a small address book that contained every phone number I would ever need in my purse. This was accompanied by a pocket calendar and a notepad.

*Airplanes had wider seats, served full meals at no cost, and your baggage amount was unlimited, free of charge. I know this because I traveled frequently and carried enough luggage on my trips to open up a clothing boutique.

*Using cassette tapes to record our favorite songs off of the radio. This enabled us to pop our favorite tunes into the car stereo system for road trips. A few diehards stubbornly stuck to their 8 track tapes, but I loved my cassettes and kept dozens of them in a large carrying case the I dragged with me on every trip.

*MTV was actual non-stop music videos, not freakish reality shows featuring Botoxed women sipping champagne and complaining about their sugar daddies.

*Passing private notes that were folded into paper footballs across the aisles in both junior high and high school. Of course, there was always the risk of getting caught by the teacher, but it was a helluva lot more fun than texting.

*The sheer anticipation of waiting for your camera film to be developed at the Photo Mart Kiosk. It usually took 5-7 days to process, but if you were super anxious, you could pay extra and have those glossy prints in your hot little hands within 24 hours.

*Full service gas stations were THE BEST convenience. You never had to leave your car to use the pump or swipe your credit card. A nice man with his name stitched across the front pocket of his shirt came out to fill your tank, wash your windows and check your oil while you waited. If you had car troubles, the garage for repairs was right there. No mini grocery stores, though. If you were hungry or thirsty, you had one vending machine for sodas and one for candy bars and chips.

*Research of any type was time consuming. If your folks didn't own a set of World Books or the Encyclopedia Britannica, you had to trudge to the local library and spend hours searching through the card catalog or scanning microfiche film to find the information you were looking for. Siri and Google have made this practice pretty much extinct, THANK YOU JESUS.

*Road trips were quite the adventure in cars that didn't come equipped with GPS systems, electric windows or even seatbelts. This was great when I was kid, because my siblings and I could crawl to the back of the station wagon and build a fort with suitcases while Mom and Dad argued over the directions on a road atlas.

*No television remote controls, so we got our daily exercise by getting up from the couch numerous times to switch the dial around the only three channels available. You could lose five pounds in a day if you changed it often enough.

*Phones were attached to the wall and placed strategically in busy areas of the house so that everyone in the family knew your business. If you were lucky, the phone had a long, curly cord that could be dragged into the bathroom for private conversations.

*Automatic ice makers were not part of the freezer. If you wanted ice, you bought several metal ice trays, filled them with water and waited several hours before being able to chill your drinks. Something that could be heard nightly in every house in America: "WHO LEFT THE ICE TRAY IN THE FREEZER WITH ONLY ONE CUBE LEFT?"


     Our generation survived just fine without ATMs, Alexa, water purifiers, craft beer and Starbucks. The list goes on and on, and although I'm incredibly grateful for my espresso machine and Bullet blender, I still prefer a handwritten letter and a bowl of popcorn that was popped on the stove, not in a microwave.

     Now if you'll excuse me, someone is calling me on my princess rotary phone and I can't miss the next episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show.