Menopausal Mother

Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today six bloggers are bravely inviting you into their homes for a sneak peek at what you might find if you were a nosy fly buzzing around their house.

Things have finally quieted down since my son's wedding last month (You can read all about it here) but what a crazy month and a half it has been! My husband and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary together, and then one of my closest friends flew in from Louisiana to visit for a few days. To give you an idea of how things went when we spent some much-needed girl time together, we ended up closing down a bar. I'd forgotten what it was like to be 25 (but my body felt like it was 75 in the morning). The hangover struggle is REAL.

The wedding came and went (far too fast!!) on April 20th, and then two days later SURPRISE!! I ended up having emergency eye surgery for a torn retina. Actually, it was torn in three places and before you ask, no, I didn't have any kind of head trauma. My condition started as Posterior Vitreous Detachment, which is common when you get OLDER. Yeah, something else we get to look forward to as we age (as if wrinkles, menopause and weight gain wasn't enough). The surgery to cauterize the retinal tears felt like Luke Skywalker and Darth Vadar battling it out with their laser wands in my eyeball. But things are much better now, and I CAN SEE!!

Despite the crazy few weeks we had here, my husband was never short on humor....


"Why do I keep getting cobwebs all over me?"
"Because you're old."

"I don't feel good."
"Eat a cheese stick."
"That's your solution to everything! Got a stomach ache? Eat a cheese stick. Depressed? Eat a cheese stick. Sleepy? Eat a cheese stick. Enough with the cheese sticks! It's pissing me off."
"Well then....eat a cheese stick."

"Why is our pug humping a pillow?"
"She has an innate need to dominate all the pillows in the house."

"You just had the laser surgery. Be careful---don't cough too hard---your eye might pop out."
"THAT IS NOT WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID."

"If I keep dancing like this, I'm not gonna just throw my back out; I'm gonna lose a few vertebrae and be three inches shorter by the end of the evening."

"You must like Spandex---you wear it all the time."
"Oh sure, I love having my internal organs pushed up into my throat."

"Game of Thrones is over and my life will never be the same."
"That's because you never had much of a life to begin with...."
"Be careful what you say; I'll pull a Daenerys Targaryen on you if you don't stop."
"Not unless you hatch a few baby dragons first."

"Why does our toilet make that weird, high-pitched sound whenever we flush it?"
"It's screaming in horror."

"I noticed that you never use your expensive gravity blanket in bed anymore."
"It weighs too much. If a burglar broke in, I wouldn't be able to get up to stop him. But the real reason is that I'm afraid of being trapped underneath it when I need to pee at 3:00 a.m."


     I'm glad my eyeball is better now. I'd hate to have missed out on all the fun around here.



***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? Last week I was featured on Indelible Ink with a humor essay on clothes shopping. You can read it here: https://medium.com/indelible-ink/one-size-fits-none-c6157e38fcf2.  PSSSSSS! If you like what you read, click on the clapping hands in the left margin of the article---I actually get paid for readership! Thanks!


Click on these links for a peek into some other homes: