Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Writer B Is Me

   I am so lucky today to nab this incredible writer for WWW! Please welcome my dear friend Beth Teliho, of Writer B Is Me. I love the diversity on Beth's blog---some posts are so funny that you might need to wear a Poise pad (or be near a bathroom) because you'll be laughing so hard. Yes, she is THAT funny! Other posts she has written are so poignant they've moved me to tears. Sprinkle in a little poetry and some vegan recipes, and you've got one very special blog site written by an up and coming blog star. Please welcome this lovely lady to MM today and shower her with LOTS of a comment love!
 


 That Time I Showed A Chiropractor My Hoo-Ha. 

 I sat on the table awaiting my new Chiropractor. She’d come highly recommended, and I desperately hoped she’d be able to ease the lower back pain that seemed to elude all the other doctors. My eyes flitted over the sophisticated equipment in the room: scanners, and X-Ray machines, wands, and computer screens, to name a few.

This was far more than a typical back-crack visit.

She came in the room with a friendly smile. As usual, I was a little nervous meeting someone new, and when I’m nervous, I don’t process things well.

We chatted about this ‘n that and I told her about my back issues. To my delight, the banter was flawless. Hell, I even made her laugh. AND she seemed confident I’d be pain free in just a handful of visits. Score!

“I’m going to do a scan of your spine,” she told me. “I’ll need you to put on this cover-up with the opening in the back. You can leave your bra on.”

That’s what she said. What I heard was, “Take off everything but your bra.”

She left. I stripped nude except for my bra - not once thinking why she’d need to see my vag for a spine scan - and rustled into the paper shirt making sure to leave the opening in the back like she’d asked.

Yeah. You read that right. Shirt. It only covered my top half. And it still didn’t occur to me that this was unusual.

 I nervously tugged at the top, making sure it covered my lady bizness. A few minutes later, she glided back in the room. When her gaze lifted to my naked thighs, she did one of these:

  shocked gif photo:  jackshocked.gif 

 “I…I…you didn’t have to take your pants off,” she stammered.

 Thick, toxic dread draped over my body as I realized my mistake. All I could do was stare at her with heat burning in my face.

   shocked gif photo:  Shock.gif 

“Oh, I thought you said take off everything but your bra,” I finally mustered, adding a high-pitched-crazy-person cackle to ensure she knew I was deranged. 

 I walk-of-shamed out of the clinic a different person that day. One who no longer trusted herself to leave the house or drive a motorized vehicle. For the record, I did continue to see her, and she did get rid of my back pain. But the humiliation? Still there…. 

What’s the worst misunderstanding you’ve ever had? Do you manage to embarrass yourself often? Ever end up nude when you weren’t supposed to be?


BIO:


Beth Teliho is a wife, mother of two lunatic boys, writer, and artist living in wouldntyouliketoknow, Texas. Writer B is Me is where she unleashes her candid, crazy, sometimes filthy, a little naughty, always-leaves-you-with-a-smile stories. You’ve been warned.
Twitter: @beth_teliho

104 comments:

  1. Oh sweet lord, woman! I nearly fell off my chair laughing.

    Let's see, accidental nakedness? The husband once told me to go upstairs and get ready for bed. We were at his mother's house, and he doesn't normally give such commands, so I thought it was some kind of "Hey, let's have some sexy time, go put on something nice" statement.

    Then he and his mother came up with a pile of blankets and pillows and I was standing there naked but for the really nice red fuck me pumps I had on. I dove under the blanket on the bed, while his mother cackled.

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    1. OH. MY. GAWD! I would die, Laura! hahaha How embarrassing. Okay, I'm feeling better already.

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    2. HAHAAAAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAAA!!Holy snappin' duck shit, you both had me reaching for a Poise Pad, hoop, sheesh!

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    3. I'm impressed that your mind would immediately think "sex" -- I don't EVER think "sex" in my in-laws house. I believe my husband came about by immaculate conception.

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  2. I loved this, Beth. It reassured me that I'm not the only one to suffer excruciating embarrassment when visiting health specialists - I've a couple of posts about it on my blog (one regarding a ball-ache and one about my hemorrhoids!).

    Now remember Beth - the next time you visit the dentist or pharmacist you can keep your pants on!

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    1. Hey Bryan! I've read your "balls" post and it was hilarious! Yeah, I'm really careful at appointments now. I go in wearing a shirt that reads, "speak slowly. I'm blonde"

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  3. Oh Beth! I am totally seeing this whole thing happen and I just shot coffee out of my nose! That is painful but I'll live with it. Why is it that I can so see this happening with you?!?!? Thank you so much for this....oh my God, I'll be laughing all day long!

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    1. Ah yes, I'm familiar with "coffee nose scald". Sorry about that. But I'm glad it made you laugh!

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  4. Oh my... hilarious..

    My embarrassing moment... tucking my skirt into my pantyhose and walking out into a packed bar with 300 hundred people or more... oh and I walked around like that for a good 15 mins.. before some kind woman let me know.. haha

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    1. MY WORST NIGHTMARE! Well, other than stripping for strangers, but STILL. I'm always so paranoid about tucking skirts or dresses into my tights. Thank goodness someone told you about it! LOL

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  5. Beth, Beth, Beth! Absolutely hysterical!!! I am so glad I have your stories to brighten up my miserable winter days! Classic, truly classic!

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    1. Hi Audrey! You know, I get that a lot (Beth, Beth, Beth) usually accompanied with a sigh and slow head shake.

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  6. Hahaha! This is hilarious! And totally me. This happens to me all the time. The nurse will be all "Please put this on" so I start getting undressed and they get all flustered. "Wait till I leave the room." And I'm like "I don't give a shit if you see me naked." And I really don't anymore. As far as I am concerned: you people chose to go into healthcare, that means naked bodies. Deal with it.

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    1. I'm officially horrified to be naked. Ever. Even in my shower.

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  8. I'll bet this doctor is more specific with her instructions after this educational experience. Hahaha! Thanks for the great start to my day. :)

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    1. What's funny is I continued to see her for a couple years after that, and we joked about what happened. She WAS more careful about how she worded it after the incident with me, so maybe I helped prevent other accidental nudities (?) Not sure if I'm proud of that.

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  9. Priceless! And I'm laughing with you, not at you!!
    My embarrassing moment happened at that new gyno's BEFORE I had to get naked. Here goes:
    He came to greet me at the waiting room. What a gentleman! "Go right ahead" he told me as he opened the door to his office, "take a seat at my desk first." Sure, first we talk, then I undress. So far so good. I walk AROUND his desk and take a seat on HIS leather swivel chair. The moment I looked up it hit me: wrong side of the desk! Wrong chair! All wrong!
    He was very cool about it. "That's OK, just stay there. We'll do it a bit differently today. You get to ask the questions!"

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    1. hahahaha Tamara that's hilarious! Why does this sort of thing happen so often to me? I wish I could remember all of them at once. I'd pre-write my posts for a year in advance.

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  10. Well, at least the chiropractor could help deal with any spine issues from cringing after you realized what happened!
    I try (mostly successfully) to not let my embarrassments get to me.

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    1. Oh I'm sure I had spinal collateral damage from that day. *sigh* So embarrassing. Well, now it's mostly funny. Time heals most humiliations. :)

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  11. Bwhahaha. Holy shit!! This is just too freaking funny! I hope you were uhhh...presentation ready when it came to your lady bits. It'd probably be even more humiliating if you had a jungle going on down there.

    I can't remember anything I've done in recent years that's that humiliating but I have been dumb enough to put my underwear on inside out a few times in recent weeks. I told my husband I should not be allowed to dress myself.

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    1. I don't even remember if I was "groomed", but let's just say I was because this memory can't be more embarrassing as it is.

      haha undies inside out is a sure sign of being a busy blogger who's always thinking of their next post! That's what I decided, anyway.

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  12. Hahahaha!! I rarely laugh out loud when I read posts. I did today!
    My most embarrassing naked story...I can never tell it on my own blog as too many family members read it...
    Our first year of marriage, we were typical married couples if you know what I mean. One day, I decided to surprise him when he got home by being ready to go, naked as the day I was born. It was the one day in 20 years of marriage that he brought a co-worker (whom I'd never met) home with him from work. Thankfully, my husband stepped in first, I saw the look on his face, and dove into the bathroom. Did I mention, we lived in a studio apartment, and our clothes were in the bedroom/living room? We don't speak of it. Ever.

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    1. "we don't speak of it. Ever." LMAO! Seriously, you guys don't ever bring it up and laugh about it?
      That's a great story, Christine. I've heard of that happening a lot. My most embarrassing stories at home are when my husband gets home from a bike ride, and I burst into the garage to bitch at him about something and he's standing there with a bike buddy! Of course I'm usually dressed in my best SAHM mismatched sweats with ponytail all crooked. Yeah - I make great impressions.

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  13. Beth, this is one of my favorite posts of yours ever! I can just see it. Were you going for that?
    I can't believe I'm going to type this and put it on the INTERNET, but it's the only embarrassing naked story I have. So here goes nothing.... My high school boyfriend and I decided to skip school one day and go back to his house which was a little secluded place way out in the country. No neighbors. Needless to say, I ended up completely naked. He didn't have curtains in his room, and it was a gray day. At one point, I opened my eyes to see his dad walking up the walkway. Before I could move, we made eye contact. Then his eyes moved. Down. Mortified doesn't even begin to describe it. Luckily, he was a cool guy, went straight to his room and closed the door, and never mentioned it at all, just gave my bf props for getting me naked in his room. Good grief.

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    1. ERMAHGERD that's horrific!!! BF's dad seeing your lady biz is NOT a happy occurrence. *shudder* *and grinning cuz it wasn't me*

      LMAO!!!!! I'm so glad you shared this story in response to one of my stories. I'm so happy I can evoke that. haha!

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    2. ERMAHGERD is right. He saw it all. Every single bit of it. GAWD!!!! You evoke a lot of things, Beth, but this you know!

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    3. I can't even begin to portray how shocked I am at this, young lady! Shocked! And a little delighted.

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    4. It was probably one of the best days of his father's year!! Free beaver sighting!! WOOP!

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  14. OMG that's beyond funny. I can't believe you stripped all the way down. An honest mistake, though. Really. I actually once wore pantyhose with a dress at a wedding. Went to the bathroom and somehow tucked my dress into the hose in the back, so walked around with my ass hanging out for everybody to see. Yup.

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    1. OHMYASSCHEEEKS and at a wedding???? NO NO NO. Like I said to an earlier commenter....this is my worst nightmare! I'm so paranoid in dresses/skirts! My mom does this ALL the time, so I'm hyper aware of it. haha!

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    2. It happened to me once, too, but thankfully there was a little girl in the bathroom to tell me before I walked out. Sorry no one was there for you kristi.

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    3. HAHA you were so lucky, Christine!

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  15. OMGOSH,
    ((giggling))) in Minnesota.

    You. DORK!!!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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    1. That would not be the first time I was called that. haha! MWA KIM!!! xoxo

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  16. Oh, I am DYING. There's a meeting going on like 8 feet from me-- I had to literally hold my hand over my mouth to keep this inside. Beth-- I have BEEN THERE. Granted, it was maybe slightly less bad because I was at the lady doc and just assumed I was meant to get butt naked when, apparently, that wasn't the case. Doc did the same thing-- walked in and was like "my eyes, my eyes!" I think I need to go hide in the mail room so I can finish laughing.

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    1. OMG you did it too?!?! LMAO. We are so made to be sister-wives. But they probably shouldn't let us out of the house anymore.

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  17. haaaaaaaaa am still recovering from the laughing fit you've given me Beth, thank you!!! The only similar thing I can recall is having a Smear test at my gyncologist and just after she'd put the (ice cold!) stirrups in the phone rang and she went to answer it. That happened twice! So I was left legs astride on her table with those metal things in me while she talked about cats and appointments next door haha

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    1. SHE ANSWERED THE PHONE???? OMG I would die, Sandy!!! That's so unprofessional. I'm giggling like mad picturing you stuck there, legs splayed....hahaha that's so awful it's funny. Wait.....was the scapula IN you? Or your legs were in the stirrups? Or both? OMG.

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  18. thank you SO MUCH, Marcia!!! I LOVEADORE you to pieces. It was awesome being on your site today. MWA XOXO

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    1. Love you too! Look at all the comment love you got! WHOO-HOO!

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  20. lol @ Beth! Hi doc, just sort of standing here with my vaj out is all, why do you look so shocked? You're a goof. I was in Wisconsin one cold as fuck November for a college soccer road trip. One night, the sadistic fucktard upper classmen on the team decided it was my turn to be hazed, so I was duct taped naked to a chair and left outside in the parking lot of the hotel and it's accompanying strip mall. Thankfully, this was before everyone had a cell phone camera, but I did school several carloads of ladies as to the mystery of shrinkage. Fuck you, it was REALLY cold!

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    1. suuuuuure it was cold.

      BTW, boys are SO mean about hazing! I can't believe the stuff they do to people. Did it hurt when they took the duct tape off? ohhhhh, the embarrassment!!! LOL so funny, Don, thanks for sharing your humiliation with me.

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  21. This story is so comforting to me!!! I CANNOT process the instructions about what to take off and what to leave on from doctors. I always have to ask for a repeat or try repeating the instructions back to the doctor. I think it's partly a private parts nervousness thing and partly that I just don't process auditory information that quickly. Thank GOD I've never been in your situation, though!

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    1. hahaha Sarah, I'm so glad someone has trouble processing in moments like these, too!!! Since my "incident", I'm very careful and make doctors repeat the info, too. Otherwise I'd probably end up in just my socks at the dentist or who knows what!

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  22. Oh thank gawd there is someone else out there like me! Sans your specific incident. Hun, this is some funny a$$ stuff and I was howling laughing!! I think an e-Book collection would be in order, Beth lol! :)

    I have a whole stash of these over my lifetime. Remember I told you a couple of weeks ago about the grocery store door incident. Well, ten years ago some co-workers and I had to go to another agency in California. They went into a large room with numerous cubicles in the center. Offices were lined all around the perimeter. I had to go retrieve some bolt cutters for our chains that didn't fit right on the tires our vehicle so I didn't get to see them enter that room. I was led back to the big room a few minutes later with bolt cutters in tow. I saw my group in one of the offices waving me over with smiles. I strode confidently, bolt cutters in hand, at full stride to enter the office. CLANK!!!!!!!! (*(**&^%@$#% My head was swirling, dizzy. I had just walked full speed into a floor to ceiling window that was the outside of the office. The glass door to enter was 10 feet off to the side. Numerous heads surfaced quickly from the cubicles to erupt into laughter!! I spun around to look at my co-workers who were all doubled over crying laughing!! eff'ers! I left a full facial print on the window. Yep :)

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    1. OHMYGODMYCHEEKSHURT hahahahahha! I don't think I've heard of anyone walking into as many glass doors as you! Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to hear - LOL. Once my brother and I were at my Grandpa's marina club during the day while he checking on some things. As we were leaving, my bro and I were racing out of the building. Next to the door was a tall, narrow window with a fishnet draped across it. My brother ducked under the net and smashed right into the window!!! LOL we laughed about it for y-e-a-r-s. (that story was to help you feel better) :) *snort*

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    2. Oh $hit that had to hurt like heck for your brother!! LOL that is frickin' funny as heck though too!! And it totally made feel like I have more brethern, Beth! Thank you :)

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  23. This is hilarious!!! Thank you for making my day!!! : )

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    1. I'm very happy to display my humiliation for other's amusement. LOL Thanks for reading Lissa!

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  24. OH my gosh! I don't think I would have been able to go back! SOOO funny Beth!

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    1. If the doctor hadn't been really funny and cool about it, I wouldn't have. Trust me. Thanks, Meredith

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  25. This is freaking hilarious! I busted out laughing at work hahaha you are going to get me fired girl = )

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    1. Oh no, don't get fired! LOL Glad you got a laugh out of it, my friend. Thank you.

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  26. Try figuring out what to leave on under that heated sheet for your first massage. I think she said "take off as much as you're comfortable with". I'm not really shy, but I still remember her getting to where there (probably) should have been under wear. Like "oh. Uh. Well, sure. Yeah that's fine." After that I left them ON.

    wish they'd be more specific...

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    1. OMG YES! Massages are so uncomfortable! I remember going to this masseuse that was also labeled a physical therapist at a different chiropractor (I should just avoid chiropractors altogether), and she left the room saying to take my clothes off and get under the sheet, and I was SO panicked cuz I'm thinking, okay this isn't a typical masseuse....does she expect me to go all nude, or leave on my bra and undies....or WHAT? I ended up leaving my underwear on. Eeek. So awkward.

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  27. I barely even need to leave my comment. I know you can feel it...

    I have no naked counter-story, but I have giggled SO HARD seeing how you managed to inspire SOMANYPEOPLE to join theirs in!

    Only you... XD

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    1. *shudder* I feel a Lizzi eye roll. haha!

      Yeah, can't tell you how nice it is to hear everyone tell their stories!! I'm not so dorky afterall!! Probably.

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    2. Yup. That's the one.

      Aaaaaaand, you may just be AMONGST dorks, my dear. Which is why you feel at home there :p

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  28. One of your greatest, by far. I bet your chiropractor tells that story in almost the same way too! Haha!

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    1. OMG I never thought about that before....I'm her cocktail party story!!! ACK! *blushes*

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  29. Hahaha, Beth, that is hilarious, and I am glad you and the Doctor were able to laugh about it later.

    But, I am stunned by your comment in reply to someone else's comment "I'm officially horrified to be naked. Ever. Even in my shower." Just not what I expected, lol!

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    1. I know, sort of doesn't make sense. I mean....I'm Beth. You'd think I couldn't wait to be naked! haha! It's true though. I'm very uncomfortable in the nude, which is completely separate from my sexuality. That I'm comfortable with. Seems like an oxymoron, but to me it's different.

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  30. OMGosh, I'm dying. The only reason this could never happen to me is that I hate being naked in front of anyone, and so I will try to leave on as many items of clothing as I can get away with.....

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    1. hahah Jenn, I know! It's so opposite of me, too. But, I'm also really eager to do the right thing and not disappoint people, so if she had said put on this tutu and tassel pasties I probably would've done it!

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  31. HAhahaha that .gif was just so perfect for this story! I do stuff like this all the time. Maybe not JUST like this, but close! I'm easily distracted by things, shiny or not. This is pretty funny though!

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    1. So I could jingle my car keys and get your attention at any moment? Yeah. I get that. Totally.

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  32. I blushed for you, Beth - big time. But that is hilarious! I embarrass myself on a regular basis, but never anything that big. You win!

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    1. The crazy thing is.....this isn't even my most embarrassing story. GAH. So many humiliations....so little time to tell them all. LOL oh and thanks for the sympathy blush. :)

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  33. Oooh! It's funny how I can almost see myself not questioning it either. Doctor wants you naked - uh, kinda weird, but, okay.... Whatever to get your back fixed. I'm blushing for you ....

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    1. haha I'm getting so many sympathy blushes, I love it. Yeah, I know, you don't even think to question what doctors tell you! "here, put on these cowboy boots and wear a pointy hat" uh....okay.

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  34. Hahaha! That is hilarious. I would have told her I was doing research for my next erotica novel. :D

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    1. Oh, that's good! *scribbles idea down for next time*
      You're sort of genius, Starr. :)

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  35. Ah Bethie, I laughed so hard it makes want to go make a naked story for you...geez, you're a funny bugga!

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    1. You know I love it when you call me Bethie. :)
      And DO IT! I want to hear your naked story! That was a really weird sentence to type.

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  36. OMG this is awesome - mostly because it isn't me! How did you even meet her eyes???

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    1. A part of my soul died that day, that's for sure. I had to go away. Far, far away to continue through the appointment.

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  37. My embarrassing moments seem to involve incontinence and poop (not my own). THank you for sharing and making me have yet ANOTHER incontinent moment. You should totally turn this post in to When Crazy Meets Exhaustion's Oversharing series! :-D

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    1. I could turn it into an oversharing experience, but I'm waiting for my REALLY embarrassing story for her blog. Yeah. There's a worse one.

      And I totally hear you on the incontinence. GAH. I was walking my friend's dog today and he was really pulling me hard (huge dog) and I was wishing I'd emptied my bladder before we left! I thought, omg, I'm going to piss myself and have to walk all the way back to her house with wet pants!!

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  38. You are NOT alone, girlfriend! My OB/GYN sent me to get an ultrasound and, based on a previous experience years before, I assumed I was getting a trans-vag ultrasound. So, the sonographer told me to "lay down on the table" -- and I was kind of confused, because they hadn't given me a gown or anything. But I figured she just did things differently -- so I dropped trou to my knees and laid down on the table. When I saw the stunned looks the sonographer and her assistant were exchanging, I then understood that this was NOT a trans-vag ultrasound. I still can't think of it without cringing.

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    1. DING DING DING DING You are the winner of having a story as horrible as mine!!! OMG that's SO SO funny!!! I'm blushing just thinking about how embarrassing that must have been! LOL.

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  39. I think I need a cold shower...two of my favorite chicks on one blog, and there's talk of nakie parts..like McDonalds I'm lovin' it.

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    1. hahaha Mike you're just the right mixture of pervy I can appreciate. :) Thanks, friend.

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  40. OH this is HILARIOUS!!!!! I AM STILL LAUGHING!!!! And those little video clips sent this whole scene HOME! bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

    Um... When I was over here I shared my fun experience so similar to yours- but a bit more, um... shall we say 'upper oranisque'??? You DID read that I tried to lay my BREASTS (that were soon to be carved out of me) on the TABLE where my breast surgeon said to lay the 'papers' RIGHT THERE. NOT MY BREASTS!!!!!

    I believe I may have sweated through my paper napkin top and shamefully stepped back to the patient bed with the most dreaded realization... and then just freaking let LOOSE with laughter. Nervous, terrified, "I am SO FREAKING STUPID" laughter....

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    1. OHMYSIDES I'm LAUGHING SO HARD! Yes, yes, I do remember your story now!!!! LMAO. Now that is a total Beth thing to do. 100% hahahaha! oh my gosh I'm still giggling like crazy!!! I LURVE you!!!

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  41. oh my god ROFL :D that's epic :D ohh I am still laughing :D I don't think I would have ever mustered enough courage to meet her again :P Loved the post :D

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  42. She made it easy or it would've never happened! Thanks for reading, so glad you got a laugh! :)

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  43. Beth, I suspect you wrote this post for the lone purpose of hearing other people's nekkid stories.

    You should have said "this stuff needs adjustin', too." (Maybe you shouldn't have).

    Mine got down to just boxers.

    I worked the lunch shift at a Mexican restaurant in college. I had class one afternoon, and needed to get out on time. But, I had one table of two middle-aged women who'd lingered with their sweet tea and chips for most of my shift. I checked on them once more, and ducked behind the bar to make a quick costume change out of my greasy work clothes.

    I got all the way down to my socks and boxers - yellow ones with black polka dots - when I looked up to see that one of the women had ventured to the back. "Um, do you have any matches, honey?" she said, and I searched the bar in my skivvies, constantly aware of that little flap in the front of my boxers and how nothing really keeps it shut.

    I handed her the matches, she thanked me, and gave me one more once-over. I was sure I'd be fired. The women were with my boss, also a woman, as I came out to apologize, but the woman who came back said, "babe, you have nothing to apologize for!"

    I got a really nice tip, actually.

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    1. You're right, I am enjoying everyone's nekkid stories!!! And yeah, I bet you got a nice tip. We women appreciate a little show from time-to-time. Yummmmm....where's the whip cream?

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  44. Oh my gosh! I would be so embarrassed, especially since my chiropractor is my father. Once, while getting an adjustment, I asked him how many people have pooted during adjustments. He said "Thousands." I know that's off-topic, but I felt it added something worthwhile to the conversation.

    As far as my worst misunderstanding, I'm not sure. My husband and I have some sort of miscommunication at least every 48 hours. I don't know why, but it is freaking annoying!

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    1. He's your father??? COOL. Dang I wish I had a chiro in the family!

      Oh I bet chiros and massage therapists have hilarious toot stories.....oh and yoga teachers!! LOL

      I don't think it's possible to be in a marriage and not have constant misunderstandings. Sometimes they're hilarious, but most of the time...yeah...obnoxious as hell. Always his fault, of course! haha

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  45. Oh Lord, Beth, that is totally hilarious! I'm almost feeling embarrassed for you. I think I would've walked out the door and found myself another chiropractor to avoid facing her again. Thanks for sharing, made my day.

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    1. I was very close to never walking through those doors again, trust me! She made it very easy to not feel too embarrassed to come back. Had she acted any different or been a man (I suspect) I wouldn't moved to Borneo.

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  46. "Take off everything but your bra"- hahaaa.... That's golden. Seriously.

    I remember the time I was pretty dang embarrassed at my OBGYN: I was probably 7 months pregnant and my doctor was new, and so naturally, I felt the need to make small chitchat while he massaged my breasts in circular motions to make sure that...they were still attached I guess? (Really doc? Is this the best time for an impromptu mammogram? Can we like...have dinner first or something?) So there he was, saying briefly that he was going to be "feeling my breasts and it might be cold at first" (etc.). I said, "Don't worry, they'll get bigger..."

    I had actually tried to be funny. I was trying to say that they'd be getting bigger as I grew closer to giving birth, but really, it was already so awkward- there's just no minimizing those feet in the styrrups! It sort of went over like a lead balloon, he didn't laugh, and he didn't make eye contact. Um...it was painfully silent afterwards. K, can I die now?!

    RIGHT. <<<

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    1. OMG hahahahaha that might even trump my embarrassing strip down! I'm seriously laughing my ass off right now! I always do those awful "trying to be funny but it blows up in my face" comments. I need to just shut up.

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  47. Hi Meno Mama: Claps & bows to you for hosting the amazing Beth Teliho! We're fans of both you ladies so we've been handed 2 Queen of Hearts. As for the post Bethie...once again, you've delivered the best laugh of the night! Thank goodness the Chiropractor didn't have Stirrups or she'd of gotten a whole new kind of Alignment! phenomenal post sharing now!!! ;)

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    1. AW, I hope you know how much I genuinely love you both. Completely, rationally, adore you and your support! MWA.

      I haven't even started telling my embarrassing stories at the gyno.....

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  48. HAHAHA! I wish I would have been there to seen that! Then again, I would have needed an instant ajustment myself!

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    1. Oh Phil, lucky you, I'm very skilled in that type of adjustment.

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  49. That was hilarious, Beth! It would go really well with my mortifying moments. You're such a talented writer - looking forward to reading much more!

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