"I can't eat this hospital food. The hamburger patty is too hard to chew and I'm afraid I won't be able to get it down without choking on it."
"That's because I just saw some guy down the hall pulling the heel off his shoe and putting it on a hamburger bun."
"Why do you take a nap on the couch an hour or two before going to bed at night?"
"It's a part of my 'Pre-Sleep' ritual."
"That breakfast burrito went through me like a breakfast torpedo."
"I think the kids are plotting to kill me. Every time I step into the living room and see that creepy, gigantic Valentine's bear on the couch, I think it's a stranger in the house and my heart stops."
"You carry enough cheese sticks in your purse to open your own dairy farm."
"I just ate two turkey burgers and now I have the entire bird stuck in my teeth. I don't think the floss I need has been invented yet that can pull this bird out of my food trap."
"My muse is in overdrive and I'm on fire."
"Quick---somebody hand me a fire extinguisher!"
"What is it with boys? Hover boards, an office chair and sparklers equal a scary night on our street. God help us all."
"A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand."
"Sorry I didn't respond to your text. My mind wandered off and I forgot."
"Wandered off? I think it left for good."
"I ate too much piccadilly tonight. I'm crop dusting beans and rice everywhere I walk. "
"What's the matter with you? Every man has lighter fluid in his garage."
"What are you, a dinosaur? Coals and lighter fluid went out after the 60's. Everyone uses propane grills now. "
"Of course I won't tell anyone what happened. I understand the girl code of silence."
"Since when do girls know how to keep silent?"
Well, there you go, folks! Another crazy month at the Doyle abode. And yes, this girl can't keep silent. Why do you think I'm a writer??
****WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I'm delighted to have my first ever feature on Elephant Journal, and it's a POEM! Yes, in a former life before writing humor, I wrote poetry. You can read my poem "Leaving" here: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/02/leaving-poem/
I also have a NEW blog post up this week on Bonbon Break titled, "Mirror mirror On The Wall, I Am My Mother After All." You can read it here: http://www.bonbonbreak.com/mirror-mirror-wall-mother
Buzz around these other participating sites for a peek into some other homes:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com Juicebox Confession
http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com Never Ever Give Up Hope
http://www.gomamao.com Go Mama O
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com Not That Sarah Michelle
http://www.southernbellecharm.com Southern Belle Charm
http://mybrainonkids.net My Brain on Kids