Friday, July 22, 2016

Fly On The Wall In An Orb Weaver's Home

    Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings, hosted by Karen of  Baking In A Tornado. Today 10 bloggers are inviting you into their homes to give you a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in their house.

     Normally when I write these posts, I never identify the people behind the conversational tidbits that I share. But this time I have to give credit where credit is due. My husband has been on point lately with his creative comebacks, but I did my best to get a few jabs in there myself. I'm sure that nosy fly on our wall was throughly entertained by some of these conversations:

INSURANCE SALES REP: (on the phone with my husband): "Mr. Doyle, I'll need you to sign the insurance documents we sent to you, then scan and email them back to me. You do know how to do this, right?"
HUBS: "Are you kidding me? My wife and I are so old, we still use Wells Fargo to deliver everything by horse."

HUBS: "I feel like crap today and it's all your fault."
ME: "How is it my fault?"
HUBS: "You made me drink too many of those strong concoctions you prepared last night."
ME: "I thought you loved my Moscow Mule cocktails."
HUBS:" I did, until I woke up this morning feeling like the mule kicked me in the head."

SON: "Mom, how old is that box of cereal in the pantry?"
ME: "Which one?"
SON: "The one on the floor behind the cookbooks."
ME: "That's really old----don't eat it. Throw it out."
SON: " I thought this was Raisin Bran cereal and I already ate half a bowl. But now I can see these aren't raisins."
ME: "What do you mean?"
SON: "These are weevils.....and they're swimming in my milk."
ME: (trying not to throw up in my mouth) "Look on the bright side---you just got your allotment of protein for the day."

     Last weekend, Hubs and I went with the family to a Brazilian steak house that has an all-you-can eat buffet and waiters who approach each table with skewers of sizzling meats to choose from. The quantity of meat is unlimited, which means it's a carnivore's dream. Hubs took full advantage of the restaurant's generosity, sampling pretty much every type of meat that was offered. Two hours into it, he was groaning and rubbing his belly. When I asked him what was wrong, he grimaced and said, "I just ate every animal on Noah's Ark."

SON: (attempting to iron his shirt) "Who the heck put the iron setting on wool, for godsake?"
HUBS: "I did. I ironed sheep yesterday."

     One of our pugs sleeps at the foot of our bed every night. She really is a sweet dog, but if you try to push her aside or pick her up while she's in a deep sleep, she growls and sometimes snaps. Hubs is terrified of waking her, and when she sleeps between his feet, he's too afraid to move. The other night, he needed to pee really bad, and inadvertently woke the dog when he moved the blankets. She sat up and glared at him from the foot of the bed. I grinned and said, "Good luck getting to the bathroom. You just woke the Kraken."

SON: "I have to do my brain training exercises today."
HUBS: "Well, that shouldn't take long."

     Late one night several weeks go, my son had a run-in with a nasty looking spider. This was no ordinary house spider; it was large with claw-like front legs and a hump on its back. The spider dropped from a tree near our driveway and onto my son's neck before scurrying back up to its web. My son let out a howl and woke Hubs to come outside and kill it with a broom. Once things settled down, my son researched the spider online and learned that it was a Cat-faced Orb Weaver. For days, Hubs couldn't resist singing a certain song every time our son entered the room. He sang a different version of the old Gary Wright song, "Dream Weaver" by changing the lyrics to "Cat-faced Orb Weaver" (my son was not amused). Not to be outdone, I made a special poster and hung it on my son's bathroom mirror:

     Ironically, my daughter also had a spider issue of her own recently. A friend spotted a small spider in her apartment but didn't bother to kill it. A few days later, another larger spider appeared on my daughter's drapes, and she called me in a panic....
DAUGHTER: "Mom, my worst nightmare just came true! That little spider that my friend saw earlier was just in my bedroom. Do those things grow overnight, because this thing was HUGE. What if it was sitting in the corner of my bedroom all night, just watching me and waiting until I fell asleep so it could lay eggs in my ears??
 MOM: "You need to Google it and find out what type of spider it is."

     Yep, you guessed it. Cat-faced Orb Weaver. If you're not prone to nightmares, go ahead and Google it. I dare you.

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I had my first article featured on Grown & Flown: " 8 Things That Surprised Me The Most About Having Grown Children." You can read it HERE

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
Baking In A Tornado         
Juicebox Confession                                     
Menopausal Mother                                   
Spatulas on Parade                                 
Searching for Sanity                                 
Never Ever Give Up Hope                           
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy                     
Southern Belle Charm                                 
Go Mama O                        
Molly Ritterbeck                                                                                                       


  1. I love these conversations - they are such a reflection of long term, committed, "I get you" relationships - you wouldn't have any of these conversations if you were a newly wed!

  2. From the raisin bran to the spider -- yuk! I adored the pic of you with your grand daughter. Enjoyed the snippet conversations. Glad you're "back"

    1. Thank you----taking it one day at a time. The spiders and weevils really were gross!!!

  3. Now that song is playing min my head! Gawd, that spider sounds scary and no, I will not google it! Haha, your little dog sounds like me when someone tries to wake me up early.

    1. Me too---I always snap and snarl when someone disturbs my sleep.

  4. No freaking way am I googling that thing, I'd never go to sleep again.
    And, true story, when my sister and some friends were in their first apartment, they called their landlord to come kill a spider.

  5. OMG I almost threw up in my mouth too! I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Raisin Bran the same way again.

    1. Me too-----now I check EVERYTHING I'm the pantry before eating the items there.

  6. Haha, this was hilarious... I laughed so hard when your son realized that he wasn't eating raisin bran... I am pretty sure I will never eat that cereal again.. lol

    Eww to the spider, I am pretty sure I would pay someone to come get rid of it... but how incredibly funny... because it wasn't me... lol

    My sister accidentally swallowed a spider when she was younger, we laugh about it all the time... haha

  7. These were fun stories to read. Thanks for sharing. Now I'm off to check for spiders.

  8. **Good luck getting to the bathroom. You just woke the Kraken.**

    I can visualize the dog looking at him with glaring red eyes and sharp wolf fangs.

    I can see who rules your house, Marcia!

    Hilarious! xxx

  9. And yes, Dream Weaver is looping in my head as I check everywhere for nasty spiders...........

    1. It has been an ear worm for me for days after writing this post.

  10. This was fun. Always fun to be a fly on your wall.



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