Friday, June 21, 2019

Fly On The Wall In Sauna Season

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, six bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a glimpse at what you might see and hear if you were a fly on their wall.

     We're too hot to do much this month as we deal with the interminable heat of summer. Living in south Florida from June to September is like living in Satan's armpit for four months. Or like experiencing a hot flash that never ends. This is my life. The only way to keep my sense of humor is to stick my head in the freezer every 30 minutes. My husband also has a sense of humor. He bought me a "wearable sports fan." For real. I don't care how dumb it looks on me; it's worth it not to melt into a puddle every time I walk the dogs.

     Anyway, here are some snippets of conversation the fly overheard while he was sweating on the wall:

"I love riding my spin bike at home, blasting tunes and singing along with the music. But this morning, I don't think the dogs appreciated it when I hit that high note on A-ha's 'Take On Me.'"

"I remember in high school when my best friend and I went to this small gas station near her home, there was a big guy who worked there and he had a crush on her. Every time he saw Ginny, he made a point of trying to impress her by telling her that he was a firebug."
"Well, that's not creepy at all..."

"I can't believe that after 15 attempts, I FINALLY got a publication acceptance from McSweeney's on my funny post about those nasty seaweed chips! Do you think this will make me famous for humor writing?"
"No, it'll make you famous for hating seaweed chips."

"I love coming home from work and popping open a few beers."
"Yes, I can tell. You do it every single night."
"Yep. The only difference between me and an alcoholic is that they go to meetings every Tuesday night. "

"You really need to start using a moisturizer on your face."
"Yeah, I know. There isn't enough lotion in the world to smooth out my deep wrinkles. I've got a map of the Grand Canyon on my face."

"I've eaten so much meat tonight that I'm pretty sure I've consumed Noah's entire ark."

"What's taking so long for the waiter to bring out our food? All he has done so far is set our table. I'm so hungry, I might chew on the silverware."
"Maybe that's all he thinks we need for dinner---edible napkins on a plate."

"I don't know why they call this a memory foam mattress. I still don't remember anything after I wake up."

"My mother served us beef tongue when I was a child. She tried to disguise it under layers of ketchup and pass it off as meatloaf. I knew something was wrong when I saw the pointed end of a tongue and taste buds on the surface. This is why I have trust issues today."

     I don't have trust issues, but I DO have fan issues. As in, I need MORE!

***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I'm thrilled to have a new essay published on the website Human Parts: "The Healing Power Of Ink." You can read it here:

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:

Baking In A Tornado        
Never Ever Give Up Hope   
Menopausal Mother           
Spatulas on Parade           
Bookworm in the Kitchen  
Follow me home              


  1. I don't know how you handle that swampy heat - I'd knock back a few beers every night too! And maybe for breakfast. We ate tongue as a kid too. This brought back very VERY vivid memories. Bleh. You're sure on a roll with your writing - congratulations on McSweeney's!

    1. Thanks! I'm super excited about McSweeney's! Oh gawd, you had to eat tongue, too? My husband said it was truly wretched.

  2. I never correlated my lifelong trust issues with the tongue mom served when I was a child, but now it all makes sense!

    1. LOL I feel pretty damn lucky that I was never served tongue....but I WAS forced to eat calve's liver, which is almost as disgusting.

  3. Actually, there are TWO differences between the alcoholic- yes, they go to meetings on Tuesday night- and Tuesday night is when you celebrate by drinking more.

  4. I love your explanation as to why you have trust issues -- best I've heard yet. I remember being served some pretty weird stuff while traveling -- none of them were pleasant memories. (snake steaks, beef brain, and others)

  5. Loved this one, Marcia! :D Love the line about the remembering nothing after sleeping on a 'memory' foam, LOL. the Sports fan looks perfect for the weather ;)

    1. It is 95 degrees here now, so you can bet I'm using that fan!

  6. Okay, the memory foam line has me rolling!!! I feel like my brain is being punctured by an invisible force and my thoughts are just leaking out...



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