The fly at our house is going a little stir crazy since our town is pretty much on lockdown due to COVID-19. No restaurants, schools, bars. gyms....and even our beaches here in South Florida are closed. You know things must be bad when even your adult kids choose to hang out at your house on a Saturday night to play cards because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO. But the good news is, the gatherings offer some pretty funny conversations:
"Eat as many carbs as you want, dear. Calories from stress eating definitely do NOT count when you are quarantined for the Coronavirus."
"It's understandable that we have to keep washing our towels during this virus, but why do the wet towels left overnight in the washing machine smell like death in the morning?"
"They died from the virus."
"I just stress-ate all three packages of the Hot Tamale Peeps and now my colon will never be the same."
"Have fun with that since there's no toilet paper to be found in the stores."
"Where are my car keys? Who took my damn car key?!? Oh wait---- they're right here..... in my hand."
"Forget about the keys----call the doctor instead. You're either feverish from COVID-19 or you're already exhibiting signs of early dementia."
"I almost took one of the dog's chemo pills by accident instead of my antibiotics. I probably would have grown a third arm out of my back if I'd taken it."
"Yeah, and that new arm would also have Carpal Tunnel."
"Social Distancing? Awesome! I finally have an excuse to avoid all the idiots in my life."
"There's only one solution to getting around town and staying virus-free. We need to learn how to levitate."
"That skill will definitely come in handy in five years when you're too old to walk anymore."
"When they were testing the basketball players for the Coronavirus, they found that a lot of the guys only had 3% body fat. I have more than that in one earlobe."
"I was looking on Amazon for arch supports, and the ad right next to it was for filet knives. Am I supposed to trim my arches?"
"Yeah, they did it that way so that you can make Filet of Sole."
"I predict three things from the outcome of the COVID-19 quarantine: A boom in births in December, a higher demand for therapists and anxiety meds, and everyone on the planet will have the cleanest homes this world has ever seen."
Hope this Fly Post brought you some smiles during these trying times. Stay safe, my friends. Sending virtual hugs to all!
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I'm so excited to share the news that I had my very first humor piece published in Slackjaw! I had a blast writing it, too! It's called, THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF WHILE BUILDING AN IKEA ENTERTAINMENT CENTER.
***I also have my first humor piece published on Manopause, which you can read here: THE LITTLE WHITE LIES MIDDLE-AGED MEN TELL THEMSELVES
***As always, I have new work on CONSIDERABLE this week. You can read all of my articles for them here: https://www.considerable.com/contributor/marcia-kester-doyle/
Baking In A Tornado https://www.BakingInATornado.com
Never Ever Give Up Hope https://batteredhope.blogspot.com
Menopausal Mother http://www.menopausalmom.com/
Spatulas on Parade https://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com
Medicated Musings https://mymedicatedmusings.blogspot.com
'Specially loved the one about social distancing...
ReplyDeleteRight???
DeleteAs I watched the news of people cleaning places of business, my first thought was "It's about time." I take a ferry several times a week and it is filthy. No more. So, when you said 'everyone on the planet will have the cleanest homes this world has ever seen.' It made me laugh out loud. Thanks for the smile.
ReplyDeleteFor real---my house hasn't been the spotless in a long time.
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ReplyDeleteGot a kick out of this...thanks for the grins and laughs. I love this...and I read your Ikea post too the other day
!!!
By the way, love the hair - that pink
!!!
Than you so much! Glad I could make you smile!
DeleteI must be living under a rock, I've never heard of Hot Tamale Peeps. Oh wait, I AM living under a rock, just like the rest of the country. Thanks for the laughs, needed them today.
ReplyDeleteThe Peeps are only available online. I actually liked them---lots of cinnamon.
DeleteI was also going "hot tamale peeps??????????" :D
DeleteYep---they are a real thing!
DeleteHot Tamale peeps?? My husband loves hot tamales but not peeps. LOL
ReplyDeleteBe safe!
Dawn aka Spatulas On Parade
They taste like cinnamon. Kinda yummy.
DeleteSo great, Marcia! I can imagine it still being fun at your place even during quarantine. :D The towels died of Corona virus! LOL. Also, I predict a whole new baby boom and they'll be called "The Coronas".
ReplyDeleteOMG the title is PERFECT!!
DeleteFilet of Sole. *snort*
ReplyDeleteI just realized: I've been social distancing for most of my life. Ahhhh....
GREAT time to be an introvert!
DeleteYes, I was thinking there will be a post-pandemic baby boom too. Fun read!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dorothy!
DeleteThis made me giggle and laugh and made me feel light annd happy
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I could make you smile during these trying times. Thanks!!
DeleteLOL! Thank you. Take care and stay healthy...and keep smiling and laughing.
ReplyDeleteThanks---you too!
DeleteSo great to laugh as much as we can right now! I'm enjoying seeing into every TV personality's home as they livestream their show or newscast. I'm thinking I could give some tips on home organizing to all the famous people out there LOL! Wishing you good health, Marcia!
ReplyDeleteThat would be a GREAT job for you to organize their homes!!
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