Menopausal Mother

     If you're menopausal like me, chances are you're suffering from hot flashes that keep you awake at all hours of the night. There is nothing worse than waking up in a sweat on damp sheets. 

     Today on the blog I have Lauran Tilden from Perfectlinens.com who is here to share her simple solution for making your sleep more restful, whether you're suffering from menopausal night sweats or if you're just a person who perspires regularly while you sleep. 

               Relieve Night Sweats With Cool Sheets

Hot flashes at night are perhaps one of the most aggravating symptoms of menopause and perimenopause. Not only is the discomfort nearly unbearable, but when your sleep is affected, your whole life turns to chaos. A lack of sleep leads to more than just fatigue: memory issues, mood changes, weakened immunity, and weight gain, are also other issues associated with sleeplessness. So, what’s a gal to do?

SLEEP! Easier said than done, right? You’re thinking, “How can I possibly sleep when I’m so hot and sweaty?” Well, there is a solution. https://www.perfectlinens.com/pages/best-cool-bed-sheets offers luxurious sheets for chronic sleep problems, including a whole collection dedicated to hot and perspiring sleepers. A few of the sheets from this collection really stand out with menopause and perimenopause sufferers. 

Easy Breezy sheets are one of the best sellers, and for good reason! They’re the lightest cotton sheets in the market (they tested over 200 sheets so they should know!)  Weighing less than half of other sheets, you won’t feel them against your skin.  As for cooling sheets, these are also unmatched for their softness. Plus, they’re Oeko-Tex Standard100 certified free from 100 harmful chemicals. Their softness and coolness aren’t due to any chemical treatment; rather, it’s inherent to the Pima cotton fiber and unique weave. I used to always think that higher thread count meant higher quality, but now I know that quality means more than a thread count number! Higher thread counts can mean denser and heavier fabric… less room between threads for body heat to escape. It makes sense that Easy Breezy sheets are 320 thread count and so very cooling; body heat can escape through the unique batiste weave.

The next sheet I love is Luxe Bamboo. When Perfectlinens.com says Luxe, they really mean it! These sheets feel like they belong in a 5-star hotel. Bamboo is known for its cooling properties since it possesses such a high content of water. These sheets feel like a liquid fabric hybrid against your skin. It’s like always being able to sleep on the “other” side of the pillow. I’ve had bamboo sheets that seem great but end up pilling and wrinkling, which irritates my skin. Luxe Bamboo doesn’t do that because the sheets are made with a rare weave to prevent irritation. I also love that Luxe Bamboo sheets are Oeko-Tex Standard100 certified free from 100 harmful chemicals. Did you know bamboo even possesses an anti-microbial quality? So, they naturally kill all that gross microscopic bacteria that can accumulate on your sheets every night. These sheets are truly luxurious, and I love that they come in 4 colors in addition to staying cool all night long.

Let me tell you, they did their homework! Perfectlinens.com uses precise and objective testing instruments to evaluate a sheet’s ability to help solve chronic sleep problems. They bring a uniform, easy-to-understand system to measure and describe sheets that help relieve chronic sleep problems.  Perfectlinens.com even tests sheets through multiple washes, so you’ll know that your sheets won’t change with time and constant washing. They have an out-of-this-world 45 Night Love It Guarantee... you get to sleep on these sheets for 45 nights, and if you don’t love them, Perfectlinens.com will take them back – no questions asked.

Can we talk about the hot flashes, ladies? Men, feel free to weigh in as well because you experience them too, if only in empathy for the woman you try to love.  When these flashes first began, I didn’t even realize it was really a hot flash, per se. Every night around 10 pm I would warm right up and have to take off my sweater or a layer.  I just thought the room had warmed up for some odd reason.

Denial isn’t just a river, you know.

Eventually, when the sweaty brow, pits, breasts and neck all began to go along with these random tropical vacations, I had to finally face the truth. I was entering into menopause—like it or not.

Hot Flashes of Confidence or Rage?

I try to look at it as hot flashes of confidence although I have to admit it can also be hot flashes of rage. It really depends on what I’m trying to do the moment the hot flash sneaks up on me. For example, when I’m on the hunt for something but can’t find it for the life of me (say a AA battery for my mouse)—or I’m trying to thread a needle, or I’m stirring something over a hot stove, and a hot flash strikes—I feel rage momentarily and lose my concentration.  BUT if I have a hot flash start up while I’m on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, I just nonchalantly remove a layer, lift my hair off the back of my neck and carry on.

“Hot flash and carry on” Hey, that’s a good slogan.

OR “Hot flash and rage on” That’s good too.

Hot flash and rage on!

CLICK TO TWEET

Guys, look out!

All I can say is Guys, look out if the lady you’re divorcing is going through menopausal symptoms. It’s your head. Better be careful what kind of shit you try at, cuz she in’t puttin’ up wit it. I just went all southern slang there.

I have resorted to tying a favorite cotton kerchief to my purse. That way it’s at hand for a hot flash when I’m out in public…I can quickly use it to discreetly dab at the beads of sweat that have magically formed on my forehead, upper lip and cheeks. Yes, ladies, we’re positively  glowing! My daughter refers to this as my “meno buddy”.

My Hot Flash Theory

I was recently out with my girlfriends where I shared my theory about the purpose of menopause. It’s a perplexing phase a woman goes through and hardly seems fair considering everything her body has done up to this point. That’s why I wracked my tiny brain to try to reason with nature to explain this bizarre ‘change of life’.

That’s when it hit me. This must have begun in the caveman days. Likely, the unions of the day were purely to reproduce and make cave drawings, and fires. Yes? So, it stands to reason that as the woman ages, the caveman continues breeding but must do this with the younger woman. He’s a caveman and therefore of small brain, large balls and a non-stop drive to breed…likely he has a harem.

My theory is that the caveman exiles the older woman as she passes child bearing years. He has little use for her now (and she perhaps has even less use for him) and casts her out for the younger cavewoman.

Nature kindly bestowed the symptom of hot flashes as an adaptive measure to allow women to survive (happily) on their own outside the cave.  Eventually they found their own caves and became the “hot” queens of their castles without any need for the caveman. In fact, we could go further and say the menopausal cave woman, found younger men to help her around the cave and keep her fires burning. She’s burning plenty.

Confidence and rage can be summoned in equal measure by the menopausal woman…so let’s use these little flashes of heat to our advantage, just like the cave woman probably did.

Confidence and rage can be summoned in equal measure by the menopausal woman.

CLICK TO TWEET

How ’bout you? Have you experienced the heat? Or are you one of the lucky ones who doesn’t get hot flashes (I hate you).

About Lisa:

Lisa Thomson is the author of two self help books for women navigating divorce. The Great Escape; A Girl’s Guide To Leaving a Marriage and A Divorce Companion are both available on Amazon. ***The Divorce Companion is FREE March 2-3 if you order now!*** The impetus for both of these books is her own tumultuous divorce. But there’s more to this writer than her divorce. Besides writing, she loves to paint, practice yoga and eat chocolate. Lisa is currently writing fiction and readying her first short story collection for publication. Stay tuned and check out her website and blog for more. You can also find Lisa on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Googleplus and Tumblr.

     There are several things a woman needs once she hits menopause. If my husband and kids are smart, they'll attach my list to their letters to you. A happy mother equals a happy home. A raging, hormonal woman stuffing Dunkin Donuts down her throat, not so much. 

     The first thing I need is a body makeover. If you think liposuction, a Brazilian butt lift and Botox are too extravagant, I'll settle for a new girdle. Remember Wonderbras? How about getting those lazy elves of yours off the shelf to invent some WonderSpanx? My body could use the extra lift and tuck.

     Santa, can you do something about my hot flashes? I'm tired of feeling like I swallowed the sun. I'm burning from the inside out like a potato left too long in the microwave. If this keeps up much longer, I'm going to end up looking as brown and wrinkled as an overcooked spud.

     While you're at it, I'd also love a good night's sleep for Christmas. Insomnia and fatigue are sharing the same straw and sucking up all of my energy these days. At first, the insomnia part was fun. I discovered that they sell some pretty amazing stuff on the Shopping Network at 3:00 a.m. Doesn't everybody need a nose hair trimmer that doubles as a toenail clipper? 

     The extra hours of being awake were great until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror after several days without sleep….and all this time I thought vampires couldn't see their reflection. 

     I've tried to sleep, but I'm a hot mess in bed. And not in a good way. These hot flashes have me waking every hour and sticking to the bedsheets like a rat caught in a glue trap. I'm tired of looking like a nocturnal creature or a cast member from The Walking Dead. 

     The lack of sleep is spoon feeding my mood swings. This Jeckyll and Hyde thing is getting old. Nobody wants to see a menopausal woman with OCD tendencies organizing dust bunnies according to size and weeping over the ones that die at the hands of a Hoover upright. 

     This is why I need your help, Santa. Let's make a deal. You stuff my stocking with Prozac, WonderSpanx and miracle chocolate that makes the extra pounds disappear. In return, I'll bring you my hot flashes and a palm tree to warm the North Pole so you can work on your tan.  I'll even throw in a pair of nose trimmer/toenail clippers as a gift.
     What do you say, Santa?                                                      

****Meno Mama was all over the internet this week! Here are several sites that featured some blog posts from me, including my weekly feature over at In The Powder Room:
http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2013-12-10-reasons-why-i-adore-my-husband.html
http://midlifeboulevard.com/hot-flashes
http://whattheflicka.com/holiday-hoarder
http://aiminglow.com/2013/12/guest-post-author-marcia-kester-doyle-five-wishes-for-santa-rtp/