Friday, June 7, 2013

Father's Day Fails



 Today is a special day here at Menopausal Mother for several reasons. It's my official SITS day, where I am the featured blogger on their site, and secondly, I'm participating in another Secret Subject Swap with 11 other bloggers, hosted by the lovely Karen at http://www.bakinginatornado.com. First off, let me welcome all of my SITS sisters to my site! SITS is a large blogging community of over 40,000 women sharing tips, support and friendship. The site shares various forums and offers  resources for blogging opportunities as well as featuring a new SITS blogger daily. It's a great place to connect with other bloggers, so be sure to check out their site at: http://www.thesitsgirls.com.
     I have been participating in Karen's Secret Subject Swap for several months now, and I love the challenge of writing off a secret prompt given to me by another blogger. Today my prompt comes from Sarah at http://themomisodes.com. Her question for me is: "Tell us about a botched Father's Day gift for either your spouse or your own father." I racked my brain on this one but I couldn't think of any Father's Day gifts that were botched, except for the cheap pens I used to buy my father when I was a little kid. And maybe that expensive pirate coat I bought for the Hubs years ago for the Renaissance festival (what can I say? I have a thing for pirates!).
     To avoid epic fails on Father's Day, there's plenty of things NOT to give your spouse or your father on their big day. The following is a list of 10 items to avoid next time you're out shopping:


1)  Cologne bought out of the trunk of someone's car on the side of the road.

2)  Tickets to a Barry Manilow concert.

3)  A yearly subscription to Orthopedic Monthly.

4)  A box of Rogaine and discount coupons for hair plugs.

5)  A matching set of His and Her bejeweled cremation urns.

6)  Blue underwear depicting a train across the front with the slogan, "Blow My Horn!" Male thongs are an equally disturbing gift.

7)  A case of non-alcoholic beer.

8)  A jar of pickled pigs feet in habanero pepper sauce. Or a can of beans, for that matter.

9)  A tee shirt that reads: "Just because I have man boobs doesn't mean that I am lactating!"

10)  Do not sign him up for the constipation research study advertised on a late night infomercial or the Buy-One-Get-One sale on Fleet enemas at the drugstore.


     Still worried about what to get that special man on Father's Day? Show him this list, then offer him a silk, SpongeBob tie and a six pack of generic beer brewed by hog farmers living near a sewage plant. He'll thank you for the best Father's Day ever!


     Please be sure to visit all the other awesome bloggers participating in the SWAP today!


129 comments:

  1. HAPPY SITS DAY BABE!!!!! I love the gifts...imagine...OMG...I am just sticking to homemade gifts by Dino or naughty coupons from me.

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  2. OMG I am laughing so hard at this list. Uncle Jeffy actually said one time that he would rather poke a stick in his eye and cut off his right arm than attend a Barry Manilow concert. And sadly, he tried Rogiane and it didn't work. :(

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    1. You sure Uncle Jeffy wouldn't want some of that homemade brew? It might actually make his hair grow...but probably in all the wrong places....

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  3. Oh dangit, now I have to return the pigs feet and the enemas! ;-)

    My husband would LOVE Barry Manilow tickets. Is this disturbing???

    Congratulations on being able to sit, I mean being the SITS, I mean... oh never mind...

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    1. Hahaha! Seriously? Your husband would like to see Barry Manilow? I think I have some extra tickets here for him....

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  4. Interesting.... I don't buy gifts for people. And I think Father's Day is on a day he has to work so it's not really a special day for him. His day would be ruined anyway so there's really no point :P

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    1. Yes--having to work on a "holiday" or a birthday is the worst!

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  5. lol!!! those are good! Especially as I just agonize over fathers day. but guess what. I got nothin for mother's day, except thank god, some school projects the thoughtful teachers had the kids do...my husband's attitude is I'm not his mother so why must he get me anything...well, he's not my father.....

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    1. Damn right! You should put your feet up that day and read a good book---AFTER you give him all-day tickets to the zoo with the kids so he is out of the house all day and you can get some peace and quiet!

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  6. NOW you tell me. I'm going to have to return all those gifts, just great!

    Congratulations on the SITS and all of your recent features. Well deserved.

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    1. I think those Butterfinger brownies on your site today would make the perfect gift. Or you could just mail me a batch.....Lol! Thanks for the support, Karen! XO

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  7. Well there goes everything on my list this year! ;)

    Love how you did this. And congrats on being featured!

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    1. I am so glad you like it--it was a great prompt from you and I had so much fun writing it!

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  8. First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

    Secondly, TOO FUNNY!!! LOVED IT!!!!

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    1. Thanks, Stacy! Karen's Swaps are always so much fun to write!!

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  9. I am laughing so hard! Thank you for all the wonderful ideas, now to go shopping with my boys to help them choose a gift for my ex-husband. :)

    -The Insomniacs Dream

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    1. I'll bet you'll make sure it's something special now that I have given you some ideas, Lol!

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  10. Pickled Pigs feet and Manilow tickets? I thought that alone would be a win! Congrats on your SITs feature, lady. I love your guts. :)

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    1. I was hoping he'd go for the hair plugs and the enema--sounds like a party to me! Love you back, girlie! XO

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  11. Happy SITS day! This list is of things not to give your spouse or father is hilarious!

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    1. Thanks SITS sista!!! Glad you stopped by and got a chuckle out of this post!

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  12. Happy SITS Day! Great list of "don't" gifts, LOL - not one man I know would want anything on that list. What's even funnier is that there are probably some dads out there who are GETTING some of those things. Mwahahahaha!!!

    Kim @ {enjoy the view}

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    1. Hi Kim! You are probably right---I pity the man who ends up with any of these things! Thanks for stopping by SITS sista!

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  13. These are FANTASTIC! LOVE IT! Happy SITS day!

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    1. Thanks, Writermom--glad you enjoyed it!

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  14. Happy SITS Day! This is a VERY funny list! I like it! I hope you have a great day!

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    1. Hi Kristin! I'll admit I had some fun compiling this list!

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  15. It took me a second to decipher the photo accompanying suggestion #4. YIKES! Also, hilarious!!
    Happy SITS Day!

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    1. Oh I know--aren't those hair plugs gross? From whatI have heard, they are very painful to put in, too! Thanks for stopping by!

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  16. Hilarious list! Stopping by from SITS to wish you a happy feature day :)

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  17. As always you know exactly how to put a huge smile on my face. Love the list and was cracking up about the all, especially the hair plugs. And huge congrats today on your SITS Day. Hope you are having a wonderful day!! :)

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    1. Awww....thanks, Janine! I smile just seeing your name here whenever I post! You are so kind!

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  18. Happy SITS day! I'm not sure if this was an intentional pun - but the SITS gave you a warm welcome. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who caught that, but if it was intentional - it was hilarious!

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    1. Glad you like it! Thanks for stopping by!

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  19. Happy SITS day! Loved this list. Scratching my head trying to think what to get Hubby.

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    1. Ummm...maybe one of the gifts mentioned above?? Lol!

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  20. I love the list of what not to buy... lol


    Congratulations on the SITS day and for being the featured blog... that is awesome:)

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    1. Thanks, Launna! I always love seeing you here--you are so incredibly supportive!

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  21. Love the Blog (love the little heart for the pointer!) - and your post is hysterical.

    Happy SITS Day and wishing you well!

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    1. Thanks Jeanine for stopping by! Yes, everyone loves the heart cursor!

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  22. Happy SITS Day - congrats on your feature.

    I like that list. My hubs def. would not like the non-alcoholic beer xoxo

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    1. Neither would mine. My Hubs says non-alcoholic beer is as bad as decaf coffee!

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  23. Your list is great! I haven't botched any Father's Day gifts in ages because we were so far apart and being single, there was litle to do, but I have a fuzzy feelin' that whatever I do this year for Dad, it will have to be a funny one. He is a jokster through and through!

    Bev @ Give me a paintbrush

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    1. Just make sure you don't get him any of these items Lol!

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  24. You have hit the big time! Whoo Hoo! I esp. love #9. If I saw a man wearing that shirt, I would die laughing. Just between you and me, I happen to like Barry Manilow! I think he's really hawt.

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    1. I used to have a mad crush on Mr. Manilow when I was in high school! He doesn't look so good now but his song Mandy has a very special meaning to me and makes my heart beat a little faster when I hear it!

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  25. Congratulations! =)

    Love your list, so cute!
    Have a great weekend!

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  26. Shoot! Are pickled pigs feet returnable??

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    1. Oh man, I doubt it! I'd get him the Fleet enema if I was you!

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  27. Replies
    1. It has been truly AMAZING!!! Thanks for stopping by, sista!!!

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  28. Hope you had a great feature day on SITS! You have a very cute blog.

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    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate you stopping by to say hello!

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  29. These are too much. I can just see my fathers face if I gave him Barry Manilow tickets. Have a great day.

    Heidi’s Wanderings

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    1. Hahaha! He would look at you like you're crazy, right? I tried to pass them off on my husband but she didn't want anything to do with them....or the non alcoholic beer...

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  30. Happy SITS Day!

    That is some gift list that you compiled :)

    Rachel recently posted The 16 Habits of Highly Unsuccessful People

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    1. Hello SITS sista! Thanks for stopping by!

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  31. The list gave me a good chuckle. Happy SITS day. xoxo

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  32. A big congrats on being featured MM. Just had a look and left you a comment there.

    Oh, I can smell that car boot cologne for miles. I guess when you ain't got the cash to spend on daddy, then what can you do but buy some spiked water, ha ha ha. Daddies ought to think about giving their children more pocket money :) so this doesn't happen.

    I think that any child who gives their fathers over to constipation research is doing a good thing for society, ha ha ha ha. Just think, when you next have bum troubles, it's because some man went through trauma to get your relief product on the market :)

    You always give me such a laugh here. Have a great weekend mate.

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    1. I think my Hubs definitely qualifies for constipation research! And yes. I am forever grateful to the poor man who had to invent medications like this for relief Haha!!!

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  34. I'd like to say along with the rest, CONGRATULATIONS on being featured, that's pretty awesome!

    I think you have put together a near perfect list of what not to get, I would agree with any one of them. I would just like suggest adding Neil Diamond to #3 along with Barry... ;)

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    1. Thanks, Jon! OMG Neil Diamond??? Throw Manilow in there with him and you've got the concert from HELL!!!

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  35. omgosh I loved this list!!!! Toooooooooooo funny! and CONGRATS on being a featured blogger at SITS girls! :D:D

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    1. Thanks, Jen--glad you liked it! Hey Jen--what is your blog URL? I have been trying to find it and it's not coming up on your profile. Can you send it to me?

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  36. Ha... Totally enjoyed your Top 10!!! Stand Outs:

    #4: Love this one and the Pic just plain Hurts!!!

    #5: Too funny!!!

    #6: Love this and "Blow my Horn" brought a chuckle!!!

    Have a great week, Slu

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    1. Now how did I know you'd like #6 so much? Lol!

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  37. Yikes!!! And CONGRATS on the Feature... Nice.

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    1. Hahaha! Thanks, Slu! Always love seeing you here!

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  38. Brand new to the SITS Girls and your site! Great list, the pickled pigs feet in habanero sauce is one I will have to stay away from I can just imagine the mood in the room after trying that gift. Look forward to reading more :)

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    1. Yes, it's not a pleasant thing! Thanks for stopping by from SITS!!

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  39. My father has since passed on to that Great Mancave In The Sky, but I think he would have heartily approved your list ;)

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    1. Let's hope he has plenty of non- generic beer in that man cave in the sky!

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  40. LOL!! Fathers sure do get crappy gifts don't they? We mothers would have a fit if they even THOUGHT about giving us some of the gifts they get...hahaha!! Your list is hilarious(especially #4)! :-D HAPPY SITS DAY, hope you enjoyed it!!!!

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    1. I sure did--what great group of women! Thanks for stopping by, Michell!

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  41. Love your list of what not to give for Father's Day. thanks. Happy SITS Day. How do you get involved with SITS. You can email me at marykatbpcsc45@gmail.com PS love the heart. How do you do that?

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    1. I put the SITS link in my post--click on it and it will take you directly to their site to join the community. The heart cursor my son did for me about a year ago. Not sure HOW he got it on there---I think he just Goggled it to find it.

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  42. Oh, the non-alcoholic beer one is the best! I mean, the best worst gift suggestion...haha! I laughed out loud when I read bejeweled cremation urns. Where the hell did you come up with that?? Tell me you haven't actually seen those! Hilarious.

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    1. My mind travels down some scary, weird roads--and I don't even need to drink or smoke anything to get there!

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  43. Laugh if you must, but Barry Manilow still has great hair.

    And, don't you know? Pigs feet are for Thanksgiving.

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    1. Nooooo! I would DIE if the in-laws brought pickled pig's feet to the party! I can't even eat the turkey giblets! Gah!

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  44. Fails and then some. Too funny.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

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  45. Those sound like great gifts to me!! Especially the Rogaine!

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  46. OMG!! This list is totally hilarious! I am laughing so hard right now!

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    1. Glad you liked it, Hope. Always good to see you here!

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  47. Well as tempting as those are, I made a Shutterfly photo book for my ex. It's so cute, I might keep it for myself!

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    1. Sure you won't change you mind? He just might like that Fleet enema after all....

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  48. Excellent post (as always!), and congrats on all of your recent blogging success!!! SITS Girls, Scary Mommy--you're fabulous and people are starting to take notice!

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    1. Awww...thank you, Stephanie!! I love seeing you here and I think your blog is amazing, too!

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  49. Marcia I'm going to have to start shadowing you, you get all the cool gigs! That was a great list, of what not to do....have to say my hubby would love the pigs feet...it's an island thing! :-)

    Congrats, on your feature!

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    1. Hahaha that's funny! He really eats the pig's feet? But not in habanero sauce, right? RIGHT?

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  50. I've come over from Dish of Daily Life (after recently coming over from SITS!)...I don't really have a botched Father's Day gift--even my ex (who comes closest--and I only mean botched in the sense that we were a terrible match for each other) has been a gift to my girls and I am so so grateful for the gift of my girls. I like your list, though!

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  51. Well this was a timely one to link up. Think I'm going to go with the Spongebob tie. LOL Great post, very funny!! I'm going to resist the urge to mock sits and say, "Acckk!! OMGAWD girl, happy Sits day!" Well now look -- I just did it. :)

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    1. Julie, you are too funny! Yeah, I think I'm going with the tie this year and definitely the generic beer!

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  52. Funny funny funny! I usually give my dad cologne. :)

    Diwata
    http://theclothesmuse.blogspot.com/

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  53. Hey now! Nothing says love like pickled pigs feet! :) Thanks for linking up with us, Marcia! :) Luv yer funny, wicked self!

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    1. And nothing says love like home brewed beer out of a sewage plant. Maybe that should be reserved for the exes, though....

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  54. Marcia....just laughing so hard at your list! Yes, i promise not to get any of those!
    Could you be a dear and change the font from italics to regular...I guess my eyesight is not as good as it used to be and I have trouble reading your otherwise fabulous posts!

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    1. So sorry about that! I have been thinking of changing the font---I'll have to get the 17 yr. old to do it as I still have not figured out how. Thanks again for stopping by. Roshni!

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  55. Fortunately my dad is happy with lottery tickets. Thankfully, I never got him anything from your list.

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  56. Haha - I wish I could sign my hubs up for constipation research but he is the guy who says "I have to use the bathroom" like four times a day (annoying). Your list is awesome! I usually just tell my hubs that we can trade some time alone for these days. He sucked at Mother's Day. I'm allowed to suck at Father's Day. For my dad? I've recently given him access to my audible.com account. He's in heaven. I always want to do secret subject swap - so awesome but I don't know that I have the commitment to do it. Working sucks.

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    1. Oh, I wish you could do the Swap with us but yes, that pesky thing called work sucks up a lot of our creative time! I almost wish my hubs didn't go all out on Mother's day because now I have to get creative and get him something like....TOOLS. Gah!

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  57. hi! Do you know who's behind the blog? Come check it out and see. http://pinkowl07.blogspot.com/2013/06/meet-night-owler.html Dont forget to leave some lovin

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  58. lovely post as always..
    http://fashionwithfitness.blogspot.com

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  59. I don't know how I lived without this list. You are a gift to humanity, Marcia!

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    1. Hahaha yo are too funny, Rachel. Maybe next time we should go shopping for our husbands together!

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  60. I am always last minute! Tonight my husband informed me that he put a book in the Amazon cart that he wants. How's that for a surprise? I bought my own dad a bunch of gourmet pickles from a pickle company that I love...I know it sounds like a weird gift but he doesn't need anything and he likes that kind of stuff. However, so do I, so I ordered a few jars for us too. It came today and my husband was wondering why I ordered pickles. Free shipping, sale, brand I like. I said "Oh, that's your Father's Day present." (He is not a gourmet pickle guy). You should have seen the look on his face. Too funny!

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    1. Pickles?? Now THAT is one father's Day gift I have never heard of...but hey, that just might work for me this year....

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  61. My father-in-law is hard to buy for. I wonder if he'd like the sewer beer and silk Sponge Bob tie. He probably would like the former, but his wife wouldn't let him have it, lolol!!

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    1. I say go for both of them and make his day special!

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