Friday, September 6, 2013

If I Were A Rich Man

 
 It's Secret Subject Swap time again, thanks to our host Karen at http://bakinginatornado.com. Twelve bloggers are revealing their answers today in response to twelve secret questions. My prompt comes from Sarah Nolan of http://themomisodes.com. Her question is: "Congrats! You've just won two million dollars playing lotto. What do you do with it?"
     This question is a no-brainer for me. I'd pay off my debts and donate a large portion of it to cancer research. But the whimsical side of me would also donate the money to a home for wayward squirrels....or "Bears, Badgers and Beavers Without Borders."
     As I contemplated this conundrum over martinis on the front porch with The Hubs, his tongue loosened up with each sip of gin. He knew EXACTLY what he would do with the two million dollars.

***Something you should know about the other half of the Meno Mama equation: The Hubs is a wannabe inventor. Most of his ideas are so far out there that NASA cannot retrieve them. But sometimes I see that flash of brilliance in his eyes and I know he's onto something unique. Or scary. I'll let you decide.

10 THINGS THE HUBS WOULD DO WITH TWO MILLION DOLLARS

1.  Invent tequila laced ice packs for hot flashing, menopausal women.

2.  Create a testosterone teddy bear. Men would sleep with it and wake up as hairy as the bear. Stay tuned: next week he'll be introducing Veronica the Viagra Doll.

3.  Invest in latex underwear. It will be leak proof and won't get holes in it from excessive sharting.

4.  Build affordable army tanks for easy travel. You'd never have to worry about speeding tickets, door dings or expensive tire replacement. It would also come equipped with a toilet and a well stocked mini bar.

5.  Invent an underarm, automatic hair braider for men. It would alleviate the pain of armpit hair being yanked out by the root from roll-on deodorants.

6.  Start a new support group, "Burpers Anonymous," for chronic burpers. This would be a safe haven for burping freely without judgment. Carbonated beverages and spicy, bean burritos would be served at every meeting.

7.  Invent donkey fur toilet paper so people could stop making asses out of themselves.

8.  Create a robotic beer butler that would carry a mini keg on its back at all times with a tap at your disposal, 24/7.

9.  Start a chain of zip line courses that stretch across giant shark tanks just to make things more interesting.

10.  Open an underwater golf course. Instead of golf clubs, you would use spear guns with balls attached to the ends of them. No need for special golf attire----you'd wear a wet suit and fins. It would become a competitive sport in the Olympics known as "Snorkel Golf."


     I think it's time to hide the gin and slip The Hubs some Lunesta. Sweet dreams, Dear. I'm taking off with the two million to open a squirrel orphanage in Cancun with a bottle of sunscreen in one hand and a tequila ice pack in the other.


     Please be sure to visit all the bloggers participating in today's Secret Subject Swap!

http://BakingInATornado.com                              Baking In A Tornado
http://themomisodes.com/                                   The Momisodes
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                              Just A Little Nutty
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                        Follow me home . . .
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/         Moore Organized Mayhem
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/             Stacy Sews and Schools
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl              
http://dinoheromommy.com/                                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                      Searching For Sanity
http://crazyasnormal.com                                         Crazy As Normal
http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com                       Menopausal Mother
Http://momsdontsaythat.com

64 comments:

  1. Oh, I've missed you. I have so much to catch up on. Snorkel golf sounds like it could happen, but then again so does the robotic beer tap :) As a heads up, I would be your husband's first customer on the tequila-laced ice-packs. I would even if I didn't have those measly hot flashes :) Love you lady! Happy Friday

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    1. I say you and I grab some of those tequila laced ice packs and hit the beach!!

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  2. HILARIOUS!!!!!! I want to be a tester for the tanks!!!! We reallllly could have used one on I-95 trying to drive back from our vacation! LOL

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    1. I HATE driving I-95---especially down south here--lousy drivers!

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  3. Haha! Loved the list, specially the under arm hair braider for Men! Genius! :)

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    1. Yup--I thought that was pretty clever of him!

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  4. That was fun and got me to thinking what I'd do if I had it. I also think my hubs would really agree with some of these on the list~

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    1. I was thinking the same thing--if i had a personal driver, I could sit back and enjoy that mini bar!

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  6. OMG...I just can't...his ideas are so funny and awesome...love how you included him babe.

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    1. I definitely could not come up with this brand of weird humor without his input! Haha!

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  7. Bwahahahaha! I love the way you think! I especially see the wisdom in #1. But his idea for golf will finally make the game interesting...

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    1. I am going to hound him to make those tequila laced ice packs. And I am so with you on the golf thing...boring sport!!!!

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  8. He has some very interesting ideas! =)
    Have a great weekend!

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    1. Interesting in a crazy, I-think-he-needs-a-therapist sort of way haha!!!

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  9. You had me at tequila laced ice packs. Now I'm sitting here hoping that's not his sense of humor and he's really going to invent those.

    I LOVE how your blog is coming along!

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    1. The problem is that I would drink mine so fast, it wouldn''t be icy anymore to cool me off...but then again, after consuming all that tequila, I may not even notice a hot flash....

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  10. Tequila laced ice pack....i love it!

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    1. He really needs to get on that invention soon.....

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  11. I don't know why you just don't donate those wayward squirrels to me???? You would really enjoy my squirrel pot pie. Hahahaha I couldn't resist. Seriously, my husband refuses to use roll on deodorant and still prefers to kill the environment with the aerosols because he says the roll ons get stuck in his pit hairs. Obviously there is a need for the hair braider.

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    1. Exactly! I'm tired of hearing the hubs curse every morning when he gets out of the shower. As for the squirrel pie I think I'll pass. How about a good, vegetarian tart? Haha!!!

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  12. Beavers Without Borders!
    Could I get my tequila laced iced packs in a tank seat cover version so I can stay cool while driving the tank to meet you at squirrel orphanage in Cancun!
    You'll need something "Just A Little Nutty" for the job. ;)
    I love the way his mind works!

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    1. And I LOVE the way your mind works! I say let's pack up that tank NOW and head to Cancun!

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  13. I think having those tequila ice shots available to all menopausal women... would be hilarious... he may want to rethink that, I think most women who get to that age say what they think... look out adding alcohol... hahahah

    Enjoy the squirrel orphanage, I am sure they will be happy there :) lol

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    1. I think I could LIVE at the squirrel orphanage....I would be happy there if I had my tequila pack with me!

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  14. #8...I can't believe that hasn't been invented yet. Tell your hubs to get his butt to the patent office and make us some beer robots. I'll be first in line to buy one!!

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    1. You and me both!!!! It could be like Star Wars R2D2!!

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  15. My husband is all for the beer bots. He said he will gladly and extremely enthusiastically help fund such a creation. It's so weird how different we wives are from our husbands.......we are all "Save the furry creatures!" and they are all "Save the beer!"

    Men!

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    1. OMG Sarah!! You are too funny! But everything you're saying is true. If the house was on fire and everyone got out safely, I would run back in for my pets. He'd run back in for the beer!

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  16. BA HA HA! I'm glad no one was here to witness me almost peeing myself as I was howling at this one. I don't just want to meet you in person, I totally want to meet your husband. And then help him win the lottery so he can make and put those inventions to work!

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    1. Yes--his mind goes to some WEIRD places....how did I know you would appreciate this post so much? Hahaha! YES, we MUST meet--and WE WILL!!!

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  17. My oldest son needs the Burper's Anonymous. With 3 men/boys in the house, I have grown used to these things, but my daughter for some reason can not take burping and let's everyone know. The weird thing is farting does not bother her whatsoever.

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  18. Great post! Your husband must be a very funny man!

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    1. He is the inspiration behind a lot of these blog posts haha!

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  19. I think Sarah is on to something. Maybe we should start a joint charity called For Beer and Bears Sake where we save furry creatures AND beer. Who doesn't love beer and bears?

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    1. Let's do it!!! We could meet every Wednesday night over some beers! And talk about saving the bears, badgers and beavers while we drum up donations for the squirrel orphanage!

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  20. That was a good laugh for a Saturday morning (in India)! I am so loving point no.7 - I you don't patent it, I will! :P

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    1. Yes--just think how much nicer people would be if they used donkey fur toilet paper?

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  21. Hubbie seems to have some wonderful ideas mate. He better get them all registered with one of those invention agencies before someone else takes advantage.
    That donkey fur toilet paper is right up my street, how relaxing it would be to wipe with a soft touch.. I'd be on that loo for days, ha ha ha.
    Latex underwear is brilliant. It's a good one for the oldies who drip and dribble a little, ha ha ha. Just think that when you go on those long car trips, you won't have to keep stopping to search for a loo. Hubbie needs to get that out on the market soon. And I can see the tequila packs being constantly out of stock too.

    Oh, how I could spend 2 million right now. Have a great weekend and leave the gin out MM, let those ideas keep flowing.

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    1. You are so AWESOME, RPD! I love everything you said here and I am laughing my ass off over it--read it out loud to The Hubs this morning too---he is cracking up! I think you are right--we need to hurry and get a patent on this stuff!

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  22. Your hubby has some great ideas. Especially the one where you zip line across sharks...I know a few people I would like to send on that one.

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  23. Hmm, Are there any squirrels on the Yucatan peninsula? If not, you guys might start an ecological disaster like the python problem in Florida. There goes your money LOL.

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    1. Oh crap--never thought of that!!! I kinda figured squirrels where EVERYWHERE...at least everywhere that I have been Lol!

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  24. Great List!!! On #10: So, if you hit one in the 'water,' you don't lose a stroke. I like it. A Lot!!!

    Have a great weekend, Slu

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    1. You'll have to come down south Slu, and play snorkel golf with The Hubs!

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  25. So funny, great list! Thanks for joining us this week at the Let's Get Social Sunday party. Have a great week.

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  26. Pretty sure he could make you all rich with just #1. :)

    Thank you for linking to Super Sunday Sync!

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    1. I think you're right! And thanks for the hop invite!

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  27. Funny list.. You have a great thinking sense..
    http://fashionwithfitness.blogspot.com

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    1. I try, haha! Thanks fro stopping by, Irfan!

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  28. Now *really*, Marcia. How responsible is it for you to advocate driving tanks while drinking? I expect better from you. You forgot the autopilot for when you're hitting the mini-bar!!! :)

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    1. Oh MAN!!!! I knew i forgot something!!! Gotta tell The Hubs to be sure and install that before the tanks go to the manufacturer!!

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  29. I'm all for number 1! And you better tell hubs that latex undy has already been invented! Hilarious!

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    1. Oh man, he should have patented that idea when he first got it!

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  30. I have thought the same thing for number 4, but more because I want to crush other cars. Your pic looks cute!

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    1. Trust me---there are MANY times on I-95 when I feel like doing just that! Glad you like the pic--my daughter took it a few weeks ago when we getting ready to go out. She can make anyone look good with a camera--- haha!

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  31. Wonderful list....
    Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up

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