A Survivalist Guide To Loving a Writer
So, you live with a writer. Whether you married her or moved in together, you're now stuck cohabiting with a rare species of human that is quite possibly the hardest to live with.
But you chose her, whatever your reasons. Whether you were in love, thought it would be amazeballs to run around telling the world you're shacked up with a writer, or just thought being with a writer was a novel idea (pun intended). You're stuck, unless you want a divorce or plan on moving out.
I've got some survival tips for you. Pay close attention, read carefully, and heed my words if you're in this for the long haul.
1. She doesn't live in the real world
Once you come to understand and accept this, you'll be a little more forgiving. You won't mind repeating yourself to her ten times because she was spaced out. You'll get it when she's "not here". She has a lot going on in her mind. She checks out on a regular basis and retreats inside her own mind to visit her fictional characters, write tomorrow's blog, or simply take mental notes for later use. She is not like you, and you can't expect her to be.
2. She is going to write everything down. Everything.
You'll have to get used to this one relatively early in the relationship or it will never work out. Sometimes she'll remember to bring her journal and her pen along when she ventures out of the house. Other times, she'll forget and write on napkins, receipts, or her arm. She may grab something of yours and write on it when an idea strikes. Accept it. Deal with it.
3. She is going to take a lot of pictures
Of everything. You may think that's just a display at the store, but she sees more than that. She sees a story. You will have to adjust to life moving slowly. If she's not stopping to write it down, chances are she's taking a picture. Don't make sudden moves or walk fast. And never, EVER, start eating anything until you know for sure she doesn't need a picture and has told you it's okay to begin eating.
4. She's forgetful
See #1. This means being forgiving if you come home to a messy and cluttered house. It means you'll have to be alright with eating take out a little more than you would like because she lost track of time and forgot dinner again. Whatever you do, don't mention how she smells or that her hair is standing on end if she forgot to shower that day. Just smile and kiss her hello. If she's busy writing, don't talk and land the kiss on her cheek so you don't get in the way of her computer screen. Accept her grunt as a greeting and go out and get that dinner. It is never okay to tell her the pen she can't find is in that rat's nest of hair.
5. She doesn't sleep a lot
It is a proven fact that a lot of writers are also Insomniacs. Even if your writer does not suffer from this sleep disorder, if a great idea strikes her in the middle of the night, if she gets a writing bug up her ass at bed time, or she's on a deadline, she'll pass up sleep to write. You're a big boy, you can go to bed alone. Don't whine and bemoan her that she doesn't go to bed when you do. If she sleeps half the day after an all night writing binge, let her sleep. It is not okay to wake her up early just because you're awake.
6. She forgets to eat
It is quite acceptable to check on her and make sure she is eating. It's very common for a writer to get so wrapped up in their world they don't eat. No, you ass, don't interrupt her to ask if she ate today or lecture her. Simply drop some food off on her desk where she can see and smell it. She'll eat it. I promise.
7. She will have erratic behaviors
Lack of sleep, being disconnected from the real world, and having amazing ideas at all the wrong times will lead up to odd behaviors in your writer. She may pull the car over and frantically search for a napkin to write on, jump up from bed at two in the morning yelling, "THAT'S IT! THAT'S HOW TO FIX IT!", or even jump out of the shower and stand dripping wet and naked writing on the mirror with her eyeliner. These are all things you will have to adjust to and learn to live with.
8. She will deal with a lot of rejections. A lot.
And she will be sad. Never say, "I told you so," or "Get a real job." Always support her and tell her she's alright, her writing is wonderful, and there's a next time. Feed her food she loves, bring her wine, let her binge out on a Netflix marathon of her favorite show.
9. She will enjoy a lot of successes
Some big, some small, but for her each one is a big deal. This is her world. Never make her successes seem small. To a writer, reaching 1,000 fans on FB is just as exciting, just as much a milestone, as the first comment on her blog or publishing the first book. It all means a lot to her. Celebrate with her and be happy for her.
10. She loves you
Your writer loves you. She appreciates everything you do to support her, she understands what you put up with, and she knows how hard she is to live with. Sometimes her projects will eat her world and she's disconnected. She'll always come back down to Earth (eventually), straighten up the forgotten house, and sometimes she'll cook for you. (If your writer is a food blogger, you're lucky!)
She's not easy to live with and she's damn near impossible to love. But she's your writer. Nurture her creativity, support her, and you will bask in all of her success with her.
Next time you come home to a cluttered house to find your writer at the keyboard in the same clothes as yesterday, hair askew, ignore the mess. Push aside all those crumpled bits of paper and wadded up napkins, sweep her into your arms and tell her you love her.Starr is a freelance writer and blogger. She works from home when she's not taking care of her two (often disgusting and always funny) boys. She's a little on the crass side, heavy on the snark and serves her writing up with a lot of swears. She writes humorous pieces typically, but sometimes she writes raw and gritty pieces. Never one to let life knock her around she is, "beautifully broken and writing the pieces back together one word at a time". In a life long love affair with Vampires, Zombies, and all things Horror, you can guess her favorite movie genre and what she would most like to write a book about. Her love of boxed wine is infamous. Starr loves to connect with other bloggers, writers, and chat with her readers. Chat her up on FB or on Twitter. You can read her blog here: The Insomniacs Dream