Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Wacky Wednesday Writers: Guest Post By The Insomniacs Dream

     Today on Wacky Wednesday Writers I'm doing the happy dance because my special guest is Starr Bryson from http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com. She's an incredibly gifted writer, and I'm obviously not the only one who shares this view since her work has already been published on numerous sites. I love reading Starr's blog because I never know what to expect---I just know it's going to be something GOOD. Some of her blog entries have me laughing until my sides ache, while others are so painfully poignant I've wept over the beautiful imagery of her posts. We share a common bond of loss that cemented our friendship months ago. We've always understood each other, and I am honored to call her my friend.  Please welcome this amazing, talented writer to Meno Mama's blog today!


                        A Survivalist Guide To Loving a Writer

So, you live with a writer.  Whether you married her or moved in together, you're now stuck cohabiting with a rare species of human that is quite possibly the hardest to live with. 
But you chose her, whatever your reasons.  Whether you were in love, thought it would be amazeballs to run around telling the world you're shacked up with a writer, or just thought being with a writer was a novel idea (pun intended).  You're stuck, unless you want a divorce or plan on moving out.  
I've got some survival tips for you.  Pay close attention, read carefully, and heed my words if you're in this for the long haul. 
1.  She doesn't live in the real world
Once you come to understand and accept this, you'll be a little more forgiving.  You won't mind repeating yourself to her ten times because she was spaced out.  You'll get it when she's "not here".  She has a lot going on in her mind.  She checks out on a regular basis and retreats inside her own mind to visit her fictional characters, write tomorrow's blog, or simply take mental notes for later use.  She is not like you, and you can't expect her to be. 
2.  She is going to write everything down.  Everything.  
You'll have to get used to this one relatively early in the relationship or it will never work out.  Sometimes she'll remember to bring her journal and her pen along when she ventures out of the house.  Other times, she'll forget and write on napkins, receipts, or her arm.  She may grab something of yours and write on it when an idea strikes.  Accept it.  Deal with it.  
3.  She is going to take a lot of pictures
Of everything.  You may think that's just a display at the store, but she sees more than that.  She sees a story.  You will have to adjust to life moving slowly.  If she's not stopping to write it down, chances are she's taking a picture.  Don't make sudden moves or walk fast.  And never, EVER, start eating anything until you know for sure she doesn't need a picture and has told you it's okay to begin eating.
4.  She's forgetful
See #1.  This means being forgiving if you come home to a messy and cluttered house.  It means you'll have to be alright with eating take out a little more than you would like because she lost track of time and forgot dinner again.  Whatever you do, don't mention how she smells or that her hair is standing on end if she forgot to shower that day.  Just smile and kiss her hello.  If she's busy writing, don't talk and land the kiss on her cheek so you don't get in the way of her computer screen.  Accept her grunt as a greeting and go out and get that dinner.   It is never okay to tell her the pen she can't find is in that rat's nest of hair.  
5.  She doesn't sleep a lot
It is a proven fact that a lot of writers are also Insomniacs.  Even if your writer does not suffer from this sleep disorder, if a great idea strikes her in the middle of the night, if she gets a writing bug up her ass at bed time, or she's on a deadline, she'll pass up sleep to write.  You're a big boy, you can go to bed alone.  Don't whine and bemoan her that she doesn't go to bed when you do. If she sleeps half the day after an all night writing binge, let her sleep.  It is not okay to wake her up early just because you're awake.   
6.  She forgets to eat
It is quite acceptable to check on her and make sure she is eating.  It's very common for a writer to get so wrapped up in their world they don't eat.  No, you ass, don't interrupt her to ask if she ate today or lecture her.   Simply drop some food off on her desk where she can see and smell it.  She'll eat it.  I promise. 
7.  She will have erratic behaviors
Lack of sleep, being disconnected from the real world, and having amazing ideas at all the wrong times will lead up to odd behaviors in your writer.  She may pull the car over and frantically search for a napkin to write on, jump up from bed at two in the morning yelling, "THAT'S IT! THAT'S HOW TO FIX IT!", or even jump out of the shower and stand dripping wet and naked writing on the mirror with her eyeliner.  These are all things you will have to adjust to and learn to live with.  
8.  She will deal with a lot of rejections.  A lot.
And she will be sad.  Never say, "I told you so," or "Get a real job."  Always support her and tell her she's alright,  her writing is wonderful, and there's a next time.  Feed her food she loves, bring her wine, let her binge out on a Netflix marathon of her favorite show.  
9.  She will enjoy a lot of successes
Some big, some small, but for her each one is a big deal.  This is her world.  Never make her successes seem small.  To a writer, reaching 1,000 fans on FB is just as exciting, just as much a milestone, as the first comment on her blog or publishing the first book.  It all means a lot to her.  Celebrate with her and be happy for her.
10.  She loves you
Your writer loves you.  She appreciates everything you do to support her, she understands what you put up with, and she knows how hard she is to live with.  Sometimes her projects will eat her world and she's disconnected.  She'll always come back down to Earth (eventually), straighten up the forgotten house, and sometimes she'll cook for you.  (If your writer is a food blogger, you're lucky!)  
She's not easy to live with and she's damn near impossible to love.  But she's your writer.  Nurture her creativity, support her, and you will bask in all of her success with her.  
Next time you come home to a cluttered house to find your writer at the keyboard in the same clothes as yesterday, hair askew, ignore the mess.  Push aside all those crumpled bits of paper and wadded up napkins, sweep her into your arms and tell her you love her.


BIO:

     Starr is a freelance writer and blogger. She works from home when she's not taking care of her two (often disgusting and always funny) boys. She's a little on the crass side, heavy on the snark and serves her writing up with a lot of swears. She writes humorous pieces typically, but sometimes she writes raw and gritty pieces. Never one to let life knock her around she is, "beautifully broken and writing the pieces back together one word at a time". In a life long love affair with Vampires, Zombies, and all things Horror, you can guess her favorite movie genre and what she would most like to write a book about. Her love of boxed wine is infamous. Starr loves to connect with other bloggers, writers, and chat with her readers.  Chat her up on FB or on Twitter. You can read her blog here:  The Insomniacs Dream

50 comments:

  1. Starr this brought tears to my eyes and made me smile and laugh,all at the same time because you just described my life almost exactly! You get me because you are very similar to me in so many ways! My husband doesn't really "get it", but he accepts it. You're always amazing, but this week you and I are on the same wavelength. I am so glad you wrote this and I am going to share the CRAP out of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

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  2. Sarah, thank you so much for your comment. This article has been sitting around since May. It was on napkins, envelopes, and in three journals. I could never get it to piece together just right, and I never knew where I would put it. It's very, very dear to me and it's a piece of my heart. My very soul is in this post because it is my life. It's your life. It's a writer's life, and I hope to shed some light on our significant others so they understand us a little bit more.

    Thank you! I'm all teary eyed, too.

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  3. Found you via the friend connect blog hop and followed :)

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    1. Thanks for the follow--I'll be sure to check out your site!

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  4. Huh, did you come to my house and peak in through the window or something? I absolutely resemble this post. My apartment is a wreck, but I'm either 1. Writing. 2. Thinking about writing. 3. Procrastinating about some writing.
    4. Remembering that stuff exists outside of my laptop and notepads. I'm really getting into those skillet dinner thingies. I may have to show this to the Mathemagician, so he'll know that I'm not the only one. The crazy is strong in this one, but there's more like me.

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    1. This is my life. If it's yours, too, then my theory that all writers are alike is correct.

      I've taught my roommates how to cook. :)

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  5. This is so beautiful, and so true. I love it hard!

    But I kinda feel that there was a tiny bit missed out - "You're not allowed to laugh at her when she tells you she was dreaming about writing a blog post or chatting to bloggy friends on Facebook - it's ENDEARING."

    This is a truly golden piece, and I'm so glad you wrote it, and awesome that it's here; Marcia, you landed a good'un :D

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    1. I sure did! Love me some Sleepy Bard!

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    2. Oh, honey, it's not endearing. It's fucking annoying. They know that, and we know that. We just need them to understand. :)

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    3. Adunno. I like dreaming in 'writing' mode :) Means I have something to combat the ever-present "I dreamed I was a Space Marine again" from his corner...

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  6. Oh, how I loved this. So well said, and a great piece to think about. Thank you for sharing~

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  7. I feel so much more normal now. For a writer that is. Thank you!

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    1. See? Even "we" have a normal. For us, this is normal.

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  8. Finally, insomnia explained... along with my forgetfulness and 3/4 of the rest of my life! :) LOVE IT!!! I think I'm going to post it on my fridge so my family understands me :) xoxo

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  9. I have a daughter who writes a lot.. I see much of this in her!

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    1. Hopefully you understand her a bit better now.

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  10. This one really had me in stitches mate. All the rules and regulations for survival.

    I guess you should open up a Writers School of etiquette, so people can practice what it would be like to live with a writer/blogger. I mean, 2 weeks of training of going through all your procedures in this post with both couples will help people know if a blogging husband or wife is truly for them well before the ring goes upon the finger, ha ha ha ha. For those who have already tied the knot - tough, just read this post again and again until you get it (sorry to be so cheeky).
    Brilliant post.

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    1. Your cheekyness made me smile.

      Thank you.

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  11. So well expressed, as always.

    Of course if you write a blog about baking you don't forget to eat, it's just that you forget to eat meals. Sweets? Got that covered.

    XO to both of you!

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    1. Y'know, I thought about you when I wrote this part:

      "And never, EVER, start eating anything until you know for sure she doesn't need a picture and has told you it's okay to begin eating."

      I thought, Karen will love this bit!

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  12. Oh my goodness this is all so perfect and true. People wonder why so many of my best friends live in my computer....because they understand me in ways no one else does. xo

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  13. Oh how I can't wait for my little guy to grow up a little. It's hard to say that since I really don't want him to grow up. But I want to let my writer flag fly free again. My days are filled with diaper changes and bottles and attempting to get this fat baby to crawl and eat food. I want to stay up late writing all the ideas in my head. Great post :) This describes the me that is underneath all the current responsibilities. The desires I have to abandon "corporate" "normal" "work" to a life of writing writing and more writing. Hopefully the PowerBall win will help me with that. As always you are one of my favorite bloggers to stalk on a daily basis.

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    1. I will admit, it is a lot easier once the kids are in school. There are ways to make it work, so that you can leave that little box most people live in, but it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and perseverance. Also, writing boring crap no one cares about, but it pays the bills.

      Stalk away! I'm excited we're finally meeting in person next month.

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  14. It's me! It's Me! Finally, someone who understands! Oh. I just realized I haven't showered yet today. Or eaten. Back soon . . .

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    1. Love your comment! As I type this at noon, I still haven't showered. I did eat a pumpkin whoopie pie. That count?

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  15. My husband definitely thinks I'm nuts sometimes, but because I'm a food writer, we're never hungry!

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    1. Does he wait for you to get all your pictures? :)

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  16. This is awesome!! I should get my husband to read this so he knows that it's not just me!!

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  17. This is so true, there are days I am in my own world, taking notes on paper, keying ideas into my smartphone:)

    Also very true about people having to repeat themselves over and over... to cute :)

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  18. Well done lovely! You nailed this! Just like a knew you would!

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  19. Hey don't be sexist, these rules apply regardless of the sex of the writer, we're all one in the same. We're all a crazy bunch, as you so awesomely pointed out. Meno and Starr together on the same blog...all my fantasies are coming true.

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    1. Hey you, did you notice the picture at the top is about a HUSBAND? :p

      Of course I had to write this from own perspective, but it does include the boys that write, too.

      Aw shucks, you flatter me so. <3

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  20. Definitely a pin-up article for my frige (so husband sees it)! :) Have always been an aspiring writer & have freelanced & dabbled a few times. Finally got serious a few months ago & started a blog. Since then, I've been ALL the things you so wonderfully described & explained above ... and my poor husband probably feels abandoned and confused! Now & then when (and if) I happen to look up from my computer screen, I catch a glimpse of him stumbling around the house picking up this or that or searching for food - with a lost look on his face that clearly says, "Where did my good 'ole Marcia go? Did aliens transform her or has she finally gone over the edge?" Hopefully your awesome post will clear things up for him a bit ... before he decides to have me committed. :) Thank you much!

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    1. I loved reading your comment. I am laughing at the visual of your poor husband stumbling around in search of comfort or food. So funny.

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  21. This is sooooo true! Haha! I just read it to my husband who laughed out loud. Especially the bit about being ignored and having to kiss me on the cheek but not get in the way of the computer screen. Great post!

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad that both you and the husband enjoyed.

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    2. Thank you! I'm glad that both you and the husband enjoyed.

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  22. Hi Starr! So nice to meet you here today! So...I am not crazy then? You described my new emerging behavior to a 'T'. Btw, I love that term 'amazeballs'. I may steal it. Well, count on it! Hey, you should have included that writers write everything down, even other writer's stuff :)

    You are a delightful writer. So happy I stopped by. (Hi MM!!)
    Ceil

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    1. Nice to meet you Ceil. Thank you for reading. I am glad you enjoyed this.

      It's nice to know we're not alone, right?

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  23. What a fantastic post. Love the humor laced with truth. Cheers

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  24. What a wonderful post! I feel like you've described part of what goes on for me, too.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.

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  25. I'm sure all writers can identify with your astute observations. In all honesty,your words brought a tear to my eye - but that might have something to do with being pissed - don't judge me, it is almost midnight in England!

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