Friday, July 25, 2014

Fly On The Wall In Loco Land

    Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall, a group posting hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. My issue this month is not with flies, but with mosquitoes. Those blood suckers are EVERYWHERE this summer! They're like the annoying, uninvited guest who crashes your BBQ, drinks all you beer and steals the last of the potato salad. I'm fed up with these bionic insects from hell  and would rather deal with the flies.


     If you were a fly (or a mosquito) on the wall at my house, this is what you would have heard at the BBQ:

"The dog snores so loud, she sounds like she just inhaled a pig."

"I don't understand why we still have so many mosquitoes in our yard when we've done every method possible to combat the little vampires from sucking our blood."
"Obviously, we have the Russian Chernobyl strain."

"I love our Tempur-Pedic mattress!"
"I don't! If I'm near the edge, it sags downward and makes me feel like I'm free-falling off a cliff. The memory foam remembers that I'm not a rock climber."

"There was a free tree giveaway at the park today."
"I know, but by the time I got there, all the good trees were gone. The only thing left were the tiny trees. I thought I'd stepped into a chapter of Gulliver's Travels."

"When I'm lying in bed at night and I have the urge to pee, I slap my bladder to stop the urge."
"So…..what does that make you? A bladder slapper?"

"Let me get this straight…..you sent a taxidermy raccoon to The Bloggess for publicity purposes?"
"Yep. And it worked. Got a nice thank you message and blurb from her for my book cover."
"Maybe from now on I need to send in taxidermy rodents along with my job applications."
"If I catch you hovering around my chinchilla cages too long, I'm kicking you out."


"Why do you stand so long in front of the open refrigerator? I'm beginning to think you're looking for the Museum of International Foods."

"Thankfully we have hurricane impact windows, otherwise they would have shattered by now over our granddaughter's wild banshee screams."

"My stomach hurt so bad that I thought it was either gallstones, a hernia, or I was having labor pains."
"Since You're a man, you know you can rule out one of those things right away."
"Yeah, we can rule out the hernia because the last heavy thing I lifted was a six pack of beer."

"What did I do to deserve a dirty toilet brush on my tongue?"
"That was an accident! I didn't mean to tap your tongue with the brush!"
"It was like licking a lollipop with bristles….or a Charms Blow Pop the smelled like feces."



     I hope you enjoyed your voyeuristic view of my crazy family life. Don't forget to visit the other 13 bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall.  AND REMEMBER: Beware of the brown toilet brush!


****Want more Meno Mama? This week you can find me TWICE on the Huffington Post! Holy Moly! First is my serious post about raising an ungrateful generation of children over at The Huffington Post here:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/rude-children-_b_5589057.html and then they featured my funny one on colonoscopies here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcia-kester-doyle-/i-need-a-what_b_5615732.html. I also have a humorous post for you about my husband's unemployment featured over at the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop. You can read that one here: http://humorwriters.org/2014/07/19/5314


Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com                                          The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                                   The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                  Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                          Menopausal Mother
http://www.gomamao.com                                    Go Mama O
http://www.kimulmanis.com                                    Kim Ulmanis
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                        Dates 2 Diapers 2
http://dinoheromommy.com/                            Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                         Someone Else’s Genius
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                      Battered Hope    




46 comments:

  1. The brown toilet brush! Aaaaaaaaaa! LOVE it! That is all!

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    Replies
    1. I can't believe it happened. He gagged for a good ten minutes afterwards.

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  2. Bladder slapping never world for me!
    Congrats on getting the "blurb" for your book; I know it's going to be a major hit :)
    That granddaughter of yours- she's a doll!
    Thanks as always, for the smiles <3

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    Replies
    1. Bladder slapping doesn't work for me, either, LOL! Thanks for the sweet comments----I'm really enjoying having my granddaughter here with me now. Love you! XO

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  3. If I slapped my bladder I'm pretty sure it would slap me back... It's mean like that.
    LOVE that you sent taxidermy as a gift! HILARIOUS!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. HAHAHA!!!!! My bladder would slap me, too!

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  4. I'm hoping that my stomach will stop heaving by dinner time. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a toilet brush again.

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  5. "You're about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop!" - Dodgeball (in case you didn't already know)

    As usual, nothing but hilarity in your household. How the hell do you guys come up with this? Nevermind. People probably ask the same thing about us. Haha.

    And damn those pesky mosquitos! (Not that I'd know...I haven't been chomped on one in several years).

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    Replies
    1. I'm telling ya, I live with some crazy people and I love 'em to pieces. Their insanity keeps MY sanity in check!

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  6. I am so familiar with banshee screams...I may have to invest in those types of windows. Bladder slapper...LOLOLOL

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    1. Ear splitting screams, right? Makes my ears bleed, LOL!

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  7. If he starts having labor pains... you'll be wealthy for sure... lol :-D

    Oh my to the toilet brush...EWW

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    Replies
    1. I agree! If he had a baby we'd all be rich off the miracle.

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  8. You could totally market that - Poopy Pops. LOL Gross.

    In my house, you stand in front of something too long, we assume you're looking for a secret entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Woot! #potterhead

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    Replies
    1. I LOVE that, Robin!!! Wish I had thought of BOTH of those things!!

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  9. Crazy, crazy family alright! I liked the hernia comment the best :)

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    Replies
    1. LOL thank you, Pinky! Happy to see you here!

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  10. Just said goodbye to the banshee screamers that were here all week...so I feel your pain. Great post. and a big congrats for getting into Huffington Post TWICE. Woo Hoo!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lorinda! That's the great thing about the banshee screamers----they go home at the end of the day.

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  11. I love your family! Have a great weekend.

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  12. I like the tree give away - never heard of it! Didn't you want just a tiny one?

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    Replies
    1. I prefer the taller ones---we got four but they are tiny sprouts. It will take at least ten years for them to grow.

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  13. Oh my goodness each blog I have read this afternoon has had me cracking up and it does feel good to laugh so thank you for that

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    Replies
    1. Yay!!! That makes my day to hear that I could bring some laughter into your life! Hugs!

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  14. I'm still retching at the toilet-brush quip (you should be hearing from my health insurer in the next few days!). And I'll give bladder-slapping a go tonight and let you know how I got on.

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    Replies
    1. Yes! I want to hear all about it---better yet, blog about it! :)

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  15. Oh I hope that hubby has had his tetanus shot...

    A hoot as always.

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  16. The toilet brush photo is a winner! Thanks for the laughs!

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  17. No one ever deserves the bristle lollipop. Ever. :)

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  18. Yet another great view of your crazy family -- loved the bladder slapper

    Carol of Battered Hope

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  19. So funny. Love all the comments also.

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    Replies
    1. I am Really Agreed you you. Thanks for your Feedback.

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  20. Bladder Slapper was one the lesser known villains from Batman.

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  21. I love all your posts but these are my favorite because your family cracks me up! I'm still so pumped for your book and THE BLOGGESS giving you a blurb! I want to punch you I'm so excited!!! It's well-deserved.

    Much love to you!

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    Replies
    1. I love you too, Lisa! You and I have been through the wringer this week with troll comments but on the other hand, I was so happy to see your post go viral on Scary Mommy---you are an AWESOME writer and I know you are going to come out with a best seller! XO

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  22. Yeah. When I make my world, I'm going to make mosquitoes that suck FAT!!! Then everyone will want them!

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    Replies
    1. Can I order 3000 of those fat suckers right now, Please?

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  23. I hope you didn't kiss him after he licked that brown toilet brush! Ewwwww!!!!

    I'll also take some fat sucking mosquitos. I would not have to hit the gym as much!

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    Replies
    1. Amen to that! Think I'll go stand outside naked and wait for the mosquitoes to come over.

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