Friday, September 5, 2014

What Makes A Best Friend?

I recently had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, and it was so refreshing to get out of the house for a day. Being a writer, I sometimes forget that there's a whole world outside of the blogging bubble that I live in. I've always fostered my online friendships, but I needed some quality bonding time with my gal pal.  

We sat in the booth at the restaurant for four hours and shared lots of laughs, gossip, wine and some great Mexican food. It was such a nice change of pace for me to get away from book edits, emails and blog postings. Being with her reminded me of how much I miss the days when I had the freedom to attend spontaneous gatherings with friends over dinner and drinks. Lately, I find myself apologizing to the people I haven't been able to spend enough time with. But here's the cool thing---my closest buddies understand how crazy my life is right now with the upcoming book release, and they don't judge me for not having time to hang out. They know I would love nothing more than to spend a few hours sharing funny stories and laughter over a good bottle of pinot grigio, but they also respect the time constraints of my writing career.

These ladies are my tribe. What makes us best friends? We don't judge each other, lie to one another or gossip behind each other's back. My gal pals send me funny pictures of baby owls and squirrels when I'm having a bad day because they KNOW what will cheer me up. The same goes in the blogging community----my closest buddies and I share each other's writing and are happy for one another's success. It's all about support----not a competition to see who has more readers, more features or more awards. Sharing is synonymous with spreading the love when it comes to blogging, and my friends (both online and off) are an integral part of that success.

In the spirit of friendship, I'm sharing another one of my favorite posts that originally appeared on In The Powder Room. This is dedicated to all my besties out there…you know who you are.


   When one of my best friends moved away several years ago, I was crushed. We had been friends since the late 1980s and shared just about everything. We raised our children together and spent our weekends at the beach and backyard barbecues. Some of my happiest memories are from the twilight hours in her kitchen where we cooked side by side, swapped recipes, and gossiped over a bottle of wine while the kids played outside.

What makes a best friend? There are certain qualities we look for in our gal pals: loyalty, honesty, and trust, the trifecta of friendship. Once that's established, it's the little things that become the glue that holds a friendship together:
  1. She doesn't tag you in unflattering pictures on Facebook and is happy to crop the photo if you think your hips look enormous.

  2. Tells you if you need to pop a mint, clip your nose hairs, or pluck your unibrow. Got spinach in your teeth? She'll help you dig it out. She'll also tell you if your arm pits smell and let you borrow her roll-on deodorant.

  3. She'll keep up with you shot for shot at the bar and never judge you for getting sloppy drunk or crying over the man who broke your heart. She'll also hold your hair out of your face while you pray to the porcelain god.

  4. Tells you if your new jeans really do make your butt look big.

  5. She has your back at parties and will warn you if the guy you're flirting with has “douchebag” written across his forehead. She'll also alert you of any exes prowling the room and goes into guard dog mode if he comes near.

  6. Accompanies you to awkward appointments like a bikini wax or pap smear.

  7. She's being honest about your new haircut by asking if your stylist's name is Edward Scissorhands.

  8. When you need to break your diet with snack cakes or a tub of cheese balls, she'll break her own diet too and help you eat the junk food just so you won't feel guilty.

  9. She shares equally embarrassing stories of sexual mishaps in the bedroom, which makes you feel a whole lot better about the time you let some gas slip during an intimate moment.

  10. Never tells your husband how much you REALLY spent on that new dress.

  11. Your periods sync up, enabling you to sympathize with one another when you flip the switch into bitch mode. 

  12. Accompanies you to public restrooms and doesn't care if you pee in front of her.  If you don't make it to the toilet on time and have an accident in her car, she's okay with that, too.


    ****Want more Meno Mama? This week I had a post featured on Humor Outcasts. You can read it here:  http://humoroutcasts.com/2014/if-i-were-a-rich-man/


59 comments:

  1. ***Accompanies you to awkward appointments like a bikini wax or pap smear.***


    Superb. This is so true. LOVE! xxx

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  2. Marcia this is such a great post... it reminds me how much I miss having friends.. My 'D' and I were closer than I can even express... I miss having him as my closest friend because we could say ANYTHING to each other.

    I also lost two girlfriends who I thought were my friends... come to find out they were never my friends

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    1. That is the worst betrayal---people you think are your friends, and then you find out they were using you or are jealous of your success in life so they dump you without so much as an explanation. Cowards.

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  3. These are the best kind of friends - and very precious!

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    1. Trustworthy friends are hard to find----but once you do, those are the ones that are keepers for life.

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  4. Awesome Article. I really Liked it. Hope Every Blogger Must Like This Valuable Article. Thank you very Much for Sharing.

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  5. I love that you have a 'tribe' in real life too... oh, how I love that your friends support you and that you had a four hour break from the madness of all you are doing with your writing every day. Your friends SHOULD support you 100%. I am guessing THIS is your dream... and it's BIG. They must honor that, I'm sure. You are right in the middle of THIS MOMENT. True friends would want to be in it with you... and watch you take off and fly!! *While bringing chocolate and wine over daily*

    LOVE that list. YES YES YES!!

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    1. Hahahaha! Thanks, Chris! As women we should support each other, but there are too many so-called "friends" who are there for you until you get busy fulfilling your dreams---and then their petty jealousies ruin the friendship. Instead of cheering you on, they simply disappear. That tells you they were never a friend in the first place. Thank God for beautiful, kind- hearted people like you, Chris. I've watched you cheer your fellow bloggers on in every endeavor and I think you are one of the sweetest, most giving writers out there. Love you to bits!

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  6. How wonderful that you have an IRL posse too! I'm so happy to call you my friend Marcia. I love you to bits, lady! xoxo

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    1. I'm so glad I got to spend the weekend with you at ERMA. I connected with you instantly and have loved you ever since. You are one of the writers I love and admire---so honored to have you in my tribe of besties XO

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  7. Replies
    1. Awwwww…thanks, Diane. I think YOU are a pure gold friend! Smooches!

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  8. I nearly snorted in my coffee when I read a few of these - a friend would have laughed - and handed me a kleenex. Thanks for making me laugh - and reminding us all how real we really are!

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    1. Only with our besties can we let it ALL hang out, right? My gal pal tribe keeps me SANE!!!

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  9. Hi Marcia! Yay for good friends! I'm glad you were able to get out and soak up some Vitamin D. That way, you and your friends can keep drinking and not worry about falling!
    Old friends are the best. They remember what you were like and see how over the years, you really haven't changed that much. Still fabulous after all these years :)
    Blessings,
    Ceil

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    1. Isn' that the truth? Real friends stand by you through thick and thin over the years. Even if friends screw up or have a stupid misunderstanding, they quickly forgive and forget. THAT is the sign of true friendship. <3

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  10. Great post and yeah for friends who are there for you.When I went threw cancer I had friends who got it and now 12 years later I still get choked up over the love I felt from them! When I meet women who say most of their friends are men, I feel bad for them.

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    1. That's so awesome that your friends stood by you! I feel the same way---when I've been through hell and back--the ladies who are still standing there when the dust clears are my REAL friends! :)

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  11. Friends like that are the best!! :)

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    1. Absolutely! I couldn't survive without my gal pals!

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  12. Love your list of qualities in a friend. It would be interesting to see a list from the male point of view.

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    1. Good point! How about you write a post about your guy friends? Let me know if you do, because I'd love to read another perspective! :)

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  13. Excellent written depiction of what a best friend is. You have many which speaks for yourself also.

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    1. Awwww…you always say the sweetest things. Thanks, Daniel. I cherish my girl tribe but I also have some very nice guy pals like you, who are always kind and supportive. Thank you of that!

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  14. Great post! But I have too many friends who readily participate in #8 - - Binge Buddies can get way outa hand! I need a few more of those friends who ask, "How many points is that??"

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  15. There's nothing like the support of true and honest friendships. We always knew that about IRL, but how wonderful to get to add a whole new group of online friends to that list.

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    1. With the exception of a few IRL friends, my internet buds are my besties :)

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  16. What a good read, I don't really have friends, I have a lot of online friends aka blog friends but no in the flesh friends but that is ok with me I am happy with my life

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    1. That's all that counts! Glad you have 'em!

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  17. YES! Gal pals, really good gal pals, are our lifesavers. They double our joys, and halve our sorrows. They aren't just the icing on life's cake; they're chocolate rum frosting. The best!

    Super post, and I loved that list.

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    1. Thanks Susan! I love your rum frosting quote!

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  18. This makes me both miss my old IRL tribe, who I hardly ever see as they're in a different state, appreciate my great friend here, and the tribe of PAC mamas I see sometimes but don't really know well, and appreciate my writing tribe - as in YOU. I think there's something to be said about reading one another's words year over year or month over month that truly makes us know one another almost better, ya know? And also, I so want somebody to pick me up from an eye surgery and don't know who to ask. Maybe, it starts with a bikini wax!!!

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  19. When we were all younger, it was easy to make our friends our priority. But now, with husbands and kids and jobs and mortgage payments……friendship often takes a backseat. I miss hanging out and doing girls night out, but I think I have recaptured some of that with my online friends. The best part is---I don't have to put on makeup or squeeze into my uncomfortably tight jeans anymore to go out--I can sit right here in front of my computer and share the love. You are such an awesome person, Kristi, and I'm honored to have you as a friend. XO

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  20. This is such a great post :) I love the list of what makes a best friend. So true, it is someone who is always honest with you and who is always there for you when you need them :)

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  21. Friend time rocks, and it gets less and less the older we get, or so that seems to be the case with me. BUT, the flip side is I appreciate the time I do spend with friends more, now that I'm always too busy to just hang. Glad you got some fun/refreshing girl time out!

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    1. So true-----time is a major problem, especially while being a mom,wife, working a full time job, trying to blog, etc.

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  22. The best friends are the ones we can pick up with right where we left off, no matter how much time apart. I had a friend in town this weekend - I hadn't seen her in 2 years - and it was like nothing had changed.

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    1. That is soooo true and I love it when it happens like that!

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  23. Terrific post, providing a bloke like me with a bit of insight into what bonds you girlies together. And as on a few previous occasions, I might shamefully pinch your idea and attempt a male version!

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    1. YESSSS! Write the male version---I want to read it!!!!

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  24. I loved this post the first time I read it, and I love it again now. #'s 3 and 11--been there, done that with my best friend. :) I am in a sentimental mood lately (might have something to do with #11), and I just appreciate my best friend for sticking with me throughout all these years. There's just something about hanging out with someone who has known you and loved you at your stupidest and continues to love you and want to hang out with you. All bets are off when we get together and I don't have to worry about making a fool of myself because she'll still be my best friend in the morning. Thanks for this!!

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    1. My friends---Online and IRL keep my sanity. My Hubs is also my best friend, but there is just something magical about a best gal pal…..

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  25. Thank you very much for your information

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  26. Ha! I accidentally posted a pic from my phone and one of the girls was on display - my GF texted me within five minutes to let me know. GFs are the best!!

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  27. Sadly, I lost a soulmate best friend (we even had our babies in sync) because I was too "judgmental" the saddest part is she perceived me as judging her. I had hoped carefully worded honesty and "tough love" in response to much belabored, long-standing, unresolved issues would open a new deeper friendship and dialogue. A single communication destroyed our 20+ year friendship. Never to be matched, replaced or forgiven.

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    1. There is a fine line between "tough love" and judgment. Perhaps you didn't realize you were being judgmental---but it obviously came across that way. ALWAYS be mindful of what you say to others and most importantly, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. And yes, once those words are out, you cannot take them back. It causes irreparable damage to the friendship. Patience and understanding are KEY in any relationship.It sounds like your plan backfired. Sorry to say but I think it is time to move on.

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  28. Agreed! However, risking tough love at all costs in situations of child abuse, domestic violence and drug addiction is the only sane and loving thing to do. There was no plan to judge or shame. Nothing backfired: my well of patience, compassion and empathy had simply run dry. Still it is a shame. Moving on.

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  29. Yes--in that case, you did the right thing to step away, painful as it may be. The friendship had run its course. I think you will be much happier now for moving on and putting the past behind you. :)

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    1. Wow! Great fun and just great girl talk catching up on everything, let's not wait so long next time. Love Ya Brigitte. Love this post !

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    2. We will DEFINITELY do it again, Brigitte--that was the MOST fun I have had in a long time!!!

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  30. Most of my friends live far away from me, so getting together with them is very special. I'm hoping to get together with one of them over the holidays and I'm looking forward to all the laughter.

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    1. I hope you get to, Theresa. There's just nothing like girl time to lift the spirits, you know?

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