Friday, January 2, 2015

Why I Look Forward To Being An Empty Nester


    I'm counting down the years until the last of my four children moves out of the house. I get giddy at the prospect of being an empty nester. While there are some parents who might dread this phase of life, I know I'll embrace the newfound freedom of an unscheduled calendar. No more P.T.A. meetings, teacher conferences, football games, homework squabbles, band practice or bake sales. I dream of the day I can lock the front door, hop in the RV and hit the road to Margaritaville.

     There are numerous advantages to being an empty nester:

*The laundry room will no longer look like I it has been hit by an atomic bomb of dirty clothes.

*The liquor cabinet that was once locked down tighter than Fort Knox can now be left open for legal libations.

*Our extra bedrooms will no longer resemble hotel rooms trashed by rockers and their overzealous fans after a sold out concert.

*My electric bill will decrease because no one will be checking the refrigerator every ten minutes to see if new groceries have magically appeared inside.

*I won't have to wake up before the owls go to bed to get my kid to the school bus on time.

*I can travel to exotic places like Bore Bora. Just kidding! I'm broke after raising four kids. The only trip I can afford now is to Walmart.

*No more stockpiling of toilet paper, milk or socks.

*It'll take three days to fill the dishwasher---maybe more since I'll only be cooking for two. How much space do I need for a microwave tray, cup of soup or a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal?

*Ant colonies will no longer form on my kitchen counters to feast on donut crumbs or pizza crusts left out by the kids the night before.

*There will be no more squabbling over the TV remote. I can watch Cupcake Wars instead of listening to Kim whine on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

*I won't have to conceal my Chinese leftovers in a container marked, “Urine Sample” to fool hungry teenagers.

*I'll finally be able to hear the birds singing outside instead of covering my bleeding ears to the loud, thumping bass of my son's EDM music.

*My grocery bill will be cut in half since I'll no longer be feeding a school of piranhas at the dinner table.

*The Hubs and I will be able to get our freak on 24/7 without worrying that the kids will catch us playing Little Red Riding Hood in bed with the big, bad wolf.


     There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel of motherhood and it's called, RETIREMENT....
until the circle of life comes around and bites me in the ass with grand children.



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41 comments:

  1. Well, while I'm totally laughing reading this, I have to admit I'm going to be sad. My hubby is on the road a lot, so empty nest is going to equal some pretty serious quality time with my dog... but the idea of traveling to Bora Bora... very appealing!

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    1. Awwww…I'd probably be upset about empty nesting too, if my husband was on the road a lot. I DO like company, but I suppose I'd end up talking to my pugs quite a bit if no one was ever home with me!

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  2. My mother could've done with some of your enthusiasm for an empty house I think.

    I swear she's spent the last ten years since we all moved out trying to sabotage our lives so we have to move back in with her. Bless her.

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    1. Ha-Ha!!! Why do parents do that? I swear, I really do like my peace and quiet. The thought of any of my four children moving back home indefinitely is a scary thought, indeed!

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  3. We were empty nesters. For about six months. Now it is a dim and distant memory. But with kids and grandkids back in the house, I'm 'Back in the Trenches Again' (With apologies to Gene Autry)! I couldn't be happier!

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    1. I was in those trenches for about six months until FINALLY my daughter and granddaughter moved out just before Christmas. While it was great having them here, I really do love having my own space and my own office back!!

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  4. I'm have many years before this happens... then I'll be too old to enjoy it...lol

    I hope you get to enjoy your time soon... ♡

    Happy New Year girl.. I hope it's an amazing one for you xox

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    1. It has been an INCREDIBLE, successful year, and I wouldn't have had it without the love and support from loyal friends like you. HAPPY NEW YEAR! XO

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  5. You'll have to let me know how that empty nest works out. I was almost there but somehow, when my back was turned, while the second one was moving out, the first one snuck back in.
    And I am FURIOUS with you for not having shared your Chinese leftover hiding method before this. Genius!

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    1. It works, I swear! As moms, we have to go to great lengths to keep our boys out of our leftovers!

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  6. It is great when all the children grow and leave the house and it doesn't take long to get used to not having them around all the time.

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    1. I agree! I only have one left, and whenever he is out for the day, I relish the peace and quiet.

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  7. I have to admit I'm one of the "dreaders", but this made me feel a little bit better! Have a great weekend.

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    1. It's not so bad if they move out BUT live nearby!

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  8. I only know how I am like your children to my parents~ I now know how my parents felt for me!

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    1. It's an interesting perspective, to be sure!

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  9. Our boy is 35 and we're still waiting for those grandchildren. The house is pretty quiet with just the two of us, often too quiet.

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    1. I hope you get those grandkids soon, Stephen. They will certainly add some noise to your home!

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  10. Somehow, I think you're going to be a wonderful grandmother... ;-)

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    1. Awwww….thank you so much! I'm trying to be a good grandma!

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  11. Oh,come on now. It's all about doing the nasty on the kitchen counter, living rom sofa, the garage, in the pool, on the lawn, etc.

    Freak time!

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    1. This is why I love you Phil---you totally get me! Bwhahahahaha!

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  12. Warning, they do keep coming back to visit.

    I hope no on ever had a real urine sample to chill.

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    1. Easy to mistake a urine sample for apple juice……EWWWWW!

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  13. Great post as always!! Definitely got tears in my eyes thinking about my kids growing up and leaving us one day...hope they remain as babies' always. Thank you for such a wonderful post- making all parents realize that LIVE these days before the kids' grow big- really big and change from what they are today, and or what they do today:)

    Love
    A Very Happy New Year Dear
    Epsita
    epsita.blogspot.com

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    1. Absolutely! I always thought I'd be upset when my kids grew up and left the nest….well, three have moved out and only one is left now….I think I'm adjusting quite well to the peace and quiet, LOL!!

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  14. It was not a sad day when my youngest daughter moved out, and Wifey and I became bona fide empty nesters. It was, however, and celebratory day when she moved back home. The up side is, we love having her here. The down side is, the next time she wanders off, it will not be a happy moment.

    I did enjoy your take on this. You are endowed with a wicked sense of humor, and you wear it well.

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    1. Awwww…she sounds like an awesome daughter. I'm glad you have such a close relationship with her. I love my babies but I love my quiet time as well. It was always difficult writing when I had a full house. Much easier now that 3 of my 4 have moved out. But my kids all live nearby, and that makes a difference. If they lived far away, I know I would miss them terribly.

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    2. Writing with youngsters under foot can get tedious.

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  15. Heck I got the kids out and here came mom!

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    1. That's right! And with your twin grandchildren, I don't think you will ever have an empty nest, Rena!!

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    2. Ha! That's so true! They are both staying all night with me and hubby tonight (Sat.) I may not survive!

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  16. Here's an upside to empty-nesting: There's a great boost of joy when they come home for visit. It's fun to cook for them again; even untaxing to do their laundry; and the long talks late in the evening. Such a pleasure. Of course, there's the undercurrent of worry that over the course of a three or four day visit someone will step on someone else's emotional-meltdown button. But then comes the second joy boost--bittersweet but nonetheless comforting: They pack their bags and go home to wherever they live now.

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  17. Marcia, your stories crack me up. I am reading your book and laughing out loud. I just read "One Size Fits None" - I love your descirption of department store mirrors as fun house mirrors. So true!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Lisa! I love knowing that you're enjoying the book. "One Size Fit None" has always been one of my favorite stories that I've shared!

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  18. Oh I hate it!! I still have kids at home, but I miss my two grown ones being home. I feel the empty nest thing... I'm glad we had one more baby. He's only 7, so we'll have a kid home for quite awhile. :)

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    1. Oh yes----you still have plenty of time!

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  19. Hey, don't sweat it...my parents didn't get Empty Nest Syndrome when my bro' and I moved out...I'm pretty sure they were just glad we weren't...what do they call them now? Bounceback kids? Recoil kids? You know, when they move back in with you. I did, temporarily, when they moved to CT and I followed soon after, but it was understood that I needed to move out once I got on my feet.

    My parents both had rich, full lives so they didn't lack for anything to do that didn't include cleaning up poo :)

    Enjoy your retirement with The Hubs when it happens and don't forget to change the locks :)

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    1. Damn right! We're already pricing out Winnebagos!

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