I'm counting down the years until the last of my four children moves out of the house. I get giddy at the prospect of being an empty nester. While there are some parents who might dread this phase of life, I know I'll embrace the newfound freedom of an unscheduled calendar. No more P.T.A. meetings, teacher conferences, football games, homework squabbles, band practice or bake sales. I dream of the day I can lock the front door, hop in the RV and hit the road to Margaritaville.
There are numerous advantages to being an empty nester:
*The laundry room will no longer look like I it has been hit by an atomic bomb of dirty clothes.
*The liquor cabinet that was once locked down tighter than Fort Knox can now be left open for legal libations.
*Our extra bedrooms will no longer resemble hotel rooms trashed by rockers and their overzealous fans after a sold out concert.
*My electric bill will decrease because no one will be checking the refrigerator every ten minutes to see if new groceries have magically appeared inside.
*I won't have to wake up before the owls go to bed to get my kid to the school bus on time.
*I can travel to exotic places like Bore Bora. Just kidding! I'm broke after raising four kids. The only trip I can afford now is to Walmart.
*No more stockpiling of toilet paper, milk or socks.
*It'll take three days to fill the dishwasher---maybe more since I'll only be cooking for two. How much space do I need for a microwave tray, cup of soup or a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal?
*Ant colonies will no longer form on my kitchen counters to feast on donut crumbs or pizza crusts left out by the kids the night before.
*There will be no more squabbling over the TV remote. I can watch Cupcake Wars instead of listening to Kim whine on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
*I won't have to conceal my Chinese leftovers in a container marked, “Urine Sample” to fool hungry teenagers.
*I'll finally be able to hear the birds singing outside instead of covering my bleeding ears to the loud, thumping bass of my son's EDM music.
*My grocery bill will be cut in half since I'll no longer be feeding a school of piranhas at the dinner table.
*The Hubs and I will be able to get our freak on 24/7 without worrying that the kids will catch us playing Little Red Riding Hood in bed with the big, bad wolf.
There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel of motherhood and it's called, RETIREMENT....until the circle of life comes around and bites me in the ass with grand children.
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