Gross stuff is what's always going on around my house. We have no filters for the things we discuss here. If you get squeamish easily, this blog post might scare you off. Consider yourself warned…..
"I ate too many grits and now I have the shits."
"That sounds like a new breakfast cereal---'Grits & Shits'."
"If only toddlers came with remote controls to lower their volume."
"A mute button would work better."
"I must have been living under a rock all this time--I had no idea that duct tape came in colors other then gray."
"Of course it does! You can get it in any color you want, plus a variety of patterns. You can even get Hello Kitty duct tape."
"That's awesome! I can use duct tape instead of wallpaper to redecorate my office."
"Yep. Consider yourself duct tape educated.
"If you don't stop picking that pimple on your face, I'm going to strap a doggy cone-of-shame around your head."
ME: "There's another politician in the news today who got caught in a video sex scandal. Aren't you glad you don't have any videos like that floating around to come back and haunt you?"
HUBS: "I'm not worried---sheep don't have cameras."
"Stop doing rapid fire farts in bed while I'm trying to sleep. It keeps me awake."
"It's no worse than the neighbor's dog barking all night."
"Yeah it is, because yours are 'butt barks', and that's ten times worse."
"We're getting so fat that we're going to need a sidecar attached to our Winnebago whenever we take road trips."
"Forget about a zombie apocalypse survival kit. What we really need is a public toilet survival kit."
"Just saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Time to burn down the house. "
"I hate driving our crappy old minivan. Every time I hit the brakes, it hisses. It sounds like there's a snake coiled under my seat."
HUBS: "I have a GREAT idea for a new invention. You know how some people have large poops that clog their toilets? I think every house should have a special gadget, sort of like a spoon with a long handle, that chops it up before it's flushed. It would prevent clogging and save on embarrassing plumbing repairs. I'll market it as the 'POOPER CHOPPER'."
ME: "Seriously, dude? Why are we discussing this at the dinner table….while we're eating meatloaf?"
HUBS: "I can also invent the 'Pocket Pooper Chopper' which is a smaller version of the original one, for camping trips, sporting events or public toilets."
ME: "You're really grossing me out here…"
HUBS: "I've already figured out the commercial for it----it'll go something like this---'Buy the full size Pooper Chopper and we'll send you a free box of latex gloves. Order now and we'll also send you the Pocket Pooper Chopper for free! It works great for those long R.V. trips!'"
ME: "Okay, I'm not hungry anymore…."
NOW do you see what I mean about not having any filters around this nutso house? Don't delay---go order your Pooper Chopper today!
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I'm featured on What The Flicka this week with my 10 Father's Day Fails. You can read it here: http://whattheflicka.com/10-fathers-day-fails/
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