Gross stuff is what's always going on around my house. We have no filters for the things we discuss here. If you get squeamish easily, this blog post might scare you off. Consider yourself warned…..
"I ate too many grits and now I have the shits.""That sounds like a new breakfast cereal---'Grits & Shits'."
"If only toddlers came with remote controls to lower their volume."
"A mute button would work better."
"I must have been living under a rock all this time--I had no idea that duct tape came in colors other then gray."
"Of course it does! You can get it in any color you want, plus a variety of patterns. You can even get Hello Kitty duct tape."
"That's awesome! I can use duct tape instead of wallpaper to redecorate my office."
"Yep. Consider yourself duct tape educated.
"If you don't stop picking that pimple on your face, I'm going to strap a doggy cone-of-shame around your head."ME: "There's another politician in the news today who got caught in a video sex scandal. Aren't you glad you don't have any videos like that floating around to come back and haunt you?"
HUBS: "I'm not worried---sheep don't have cameras."
"Stop doing rapid fire farts in bed while I'm trying to sleep. It keeps me awake."
"It's no worse than the neighbor's dog barking all night."
"Yeah it is, because yours are 'butt barks', and that's ten times worse."
"We're getting so fat that we're going to need a sidecar attached to our Winnebago whenever we take road trips.""Forget about a zombie apocalypse survival kit. What we really need is a public toilet survival kit."
"Just saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Time to burn down the house. "
"I hate driving our crappy old minivan. Every time I hit the brakes, it hisses. It sounds like there's a snake coiled under my seat."
HUBS: "I have a GREAT idea for a new invention. You know how some people have large poops that clog their toilets? I think every house should have a special gadget, sort of like a spoon with a long handle, that chops it up before it's flushed. It would prevent clogging and save on embarrassing plumbing repairs. I'll market it as the 'POOPER CHOPPER'."
ME: "Seriously, dude? Why are we discussing this at the dinner table….while we're eating meatloaf?"HUBS: "I can also invent the 'Pocket Pooper Chopper' which is a smaller version of the original one, for camping trips, sporting events or public toilets."
ME: "You're really grossing me out here…"
HUBS: "I've already figured out the commercial for it----it'll go something like this---'Buy the full size Pooper Chopper and we'll send you a free box of latex gloves. Order now and we'll also send you the Pocket Pooper Chopper for free! It works great for those long R.V. trips!'"
ME: "Okay, I'm not hungry anymore…."
NOW do you see what I mean about not having any filters around this nutso house? Don't delay---go order your Pooper Chopper today!
***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I'm featured on What The Flicka this week with my 10 Father's Day Fails. You can read it here: http://whattheflicka.com/10-fathers-day-fails/
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Oh my gosh the whole notion of this makes me laugh. I do believe my readers followers friends family everyone would be terrified if they could be a fly on the wall here!!!
ReplyDeleteSadly, my mother knows all….
DeleteMarcia I always love the photos of your family you guys have so much fun and love! But I'll pass on the cereal!! LOL
ReplyDeleteWe're just a bunch of nuts!
DeleteI tried to find the Pooper Chopper on Amazon and they don't carry it. Do you know where my husband can get one?
ReplyDeleteI'll have my hubs make one special order for you :)
DeleteHmmm . . . I think we're onto something with that pooper chopper. Simply turn on the ad just before supper every evening. Weight loss made easy!
ReplyDeleteYESSS! Thats a GREAT idea!!!
DeleteThat is indeed gross but LOL gross:) Although my favourite is the mute button- I could use that full-time!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I'd like to use the mute button on my teen AND my husband….
DeleteI bought my husband duct tape with bacon strips on it! Your man is as hilarious as ever. He also may be rich one day with that Pooper chopper...
ReplyDeleteHope you are well, Marcia <3
Can you believe I never heard of print duct tape???? Seriously!!!
DeleteMarcia,
ReplyDeleteif anybody is feeling oh-so-blue, I shall send them over here so they can piss their pants! xxx
Please do, ha-ha! I LOVE YOU!!!!!
DeleteOMG just too funny, I wish I had a public toilet survival kit!!!! If only we could control kid's volumes with a remote. You always make me laugh so hard.
ReplyDeleteAwww…you're so sweet---thank you, Karen!
DeleteYou are such a funny lady! I wish you lived close to my mom; you guys would be fast friends! And you share the same first name coincidentally.
ReplyDeleteWe do??? Holy moly! Does she spell it the same way???
DeleteThink your husband can have those Pooper Choppers ready for Father's Day delivery?
ReplyDeleteI'll tell him to work on it pronto! :)
DeleteMarcia..I laughed outloud when your hubby said he wasn't worried because sheeps don't have cameras... and having to burn the house down because you saw a cochroach... from my understanding, if that happend would there be an houses left in Florida... I got a good chuckle over these ones xox ♡
ReplyDeleteYou're right---I think there would be few houses left standing in Florida due to the high cockroach population.
DeleteA public toilet survival kit?? I would definitely invest in that!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo hilarious, as always!!!
See??? I'm not the only one who thinks that would be a great thing to have! Well, that AND the Pooper Chopper.
DeleteSheep don't have cameras!! My favorite line. Hahahaha
ReplyDeleteI died laughing when my Hubs said that---his comebacks are always so swift and so funny!
DeleteI am amused. Rapid fire farts?! LOL.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah…just one of many gross things I have to put up with around this house….
DeleteMy husband and my step son need the Pooper Chopper RIGHT NOW and for real, it's a brilliant idea because a fly in THIS house might have heard me saying to turtle the poops and cut them off one by one to not make it so hard on the plumbing!
ReplyDeleteSing it, sista! That's exactly what I'm talking about!
DeleteIt must be pretty hilarious/gross living in your house!
ReplyDeleteNever a dull moment!
DeleteYour blog never fails to provide warmth and humor.
ReplyDeleteIf I made you chuckle, then I've done my job :)
DeleteThanks for sharing your beautiful craziness here with your loved ones. Life's better with such people around us. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree---life would be dull without humor!
DeleteHaving just returned from a fortnight in Egypt, I think I must have a ate too many grits! (And I'm as far as one can be from requiring a Pooper Chopper).
ReplyDeleteUh-oh---sounds like might need some rubber pants, ha-ha!
DeleteMeno baby you're a gem with a wicked sense of humor!!! Sorry we've been blogging ghosts as of late. We've been learning how to juggle 2 jobs and our writing career and clearly are losing the battle. lol But we're back on and trying to visit some of our fav blogs, yours being one. Love the post Marcia as always, finding myself in stitches. As for my fav, please do your next post on Public Toilet Seat Kits. With a piqued interest in "tired-leg-syndrome." lol My daughter and her friends were discussing this the other day. They've just come back from their vacation at Myrtle Beach & were commenting on the condition of public toilet seats. They said their legs feel like Jell-O from hovering trying not to let their asses touch the disgusting porcelain. I think this would make for a perfect post topic. lol. From the fly on the wall!! ;) xo
ReplyDeleteI've missed you and am so happy to see you back here! Thank you very much for the kind words. I'll have to get to work on that bathroom survival kit post!!!
DeleteOMG. Sheep don't have cameras! I think I choked a little bit.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your duct tape decorating! Things could get sticky...
HAHAHA!!!! I LOVE that, Robin, you clever lady!
DeleteThis post was hysterical!!! Grits and Shits is a new cereal waiting to happen. I'd buy it just for the box.
ReplyDeleteLOL right?? I think I need to approach Post cereal and get this brand trademarked!
DeleteOh my! LOL! Very nutso family you got there. It'll keep you young. Please put me down for one Pooper Chopper.
ReplyDeleteThey ARE nutso. And I'll be happy to save a Pooper Chopper for you!
DeleteHaha! Grits n shits and pocket pooper chopper. OMG, brilliant.There will always be a fly on your wall because they enjoy the conversation so much. They like poop, too. ;) Great Fly on the Wall post, Marcia. It's always so fun to visit you!
DeleteThanks for stopping by, Lisa---love seeing you here!
Delete