Thursday, October 1, 2015

10 Lies Parents Of Teens Tell Themselves

   
     Smart teenagers know that the way to a parent's heart is through obedience, love and respect for the people who raised them (plus offering to do a few loads of laundry will go a long way). But smarter teens know when to keep their mouths shut, even though chances are they disagree with most of what their parents tell them. They have their own agendas, but the clever ones know how to distract their parents long enough to cloud their judgment. They'll push the limits to borrow the family car or extend a curfew, all the while swearing that they'll be careful.

      As parents, we want to trust our little beastlings, so we give them the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes it backfires…..

1. I'll co-sign on their student loans because I know they'll never be late on a payment.  
    Yes they will. And when it happens, you'll be inundated with robo calls from collection agencies          because your college-age teen chose to buy the latest iPhone, stereo system, or big screen TV rather than make a monthly loan payment.

2. Sure, my kids will help me mow the lawn this weekend, fold the laundry and dust all 90 squirrel figurines in my curio cabinet. 
     For real? What planet are you from? First off, no teen wakes before noon. After that, you'll be lucky if they brush their teeth and put on deodorant. In other words, you'll be cleaning out the A/C grate and weeding the garden by yourself.

3. My kids won't remember family night at the sports bar/restaurant when I had one too many beers. 
       Yes. Yes they will. And they will remind you until your 80th birthday about the time you entered a punching bag contest after nine beers and the punching bag won. Nor will they let you forget what you looked like after you swung, missed the bag, and ended up on the floor curled up like a cocktail shrimp.

4. My teen just got his driver's license. He'll do fine since I taught him how to be a consciencious driver and to always obey the speed limit.  
     What you don't know won't hurt you….until your child hands you a $150 speeding ticket from going 65 in a 25 mile-per-hour school zone. This same teen still believes that his 1991 Dodge Caravan can outrun a 2015 Mustang GT.

5. Of course my kids know better than to break their curfew. 
     Uh-huh. That's why they leave their bedroom window unlocked and oil the hinges on the front door with W-40 while you're sound asleep in Never Never Land.

6. I know my kids enjoy spending time with the family, especially when it's Monopoly night.
     Wrong. They would rather scrub grout from their shower tile or babysit the neighbor's toddler who has a bad case of diarrhea than spend an evening with dear old BORING mom and dad.

7. Their first love will be the school valedictorian who has a full scholarship to an ivy league school where they'll earn their doctorate in nuerosurgery. 
      Dream on. Every teen goes through their "I-wanna-bad boy/bad girl-phase." Grit your teeth and gnaw on a leather strap until they outgrow this nail-biting phase of life.

8. I don't need to spend more than $200 a week on groceries for a family of four. 
     There's a little known fact that teens, especially boys, consume a gallon of milk a day washed down with an entire package of cookies and chips. You might as well buy a few chickens while you're shopping because you can never have enough eggs in the house when there are one or more teenagers living under the same roof.

9. My teen hates the smell of cigarette smoke and the taste of alcohol, plus she hates taking any form of medication. Chances are she'll never drink, smoke, or try drugs.
     Sadly, this is wrong. Chances are your teen WILL try one or all of these things at some point because peer pressure is mightier than you can imagine. Brace yourself for a bumpy ride…"Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore."
   
10. My kids will never get a tattoo or body piercing. 
     You wanna make a bet? The good news is that some of those things will be in areas on their body that you will never see, so don't worry about it. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist, right?
   
     The only lie you're allowed to believe is the one that really isn't a lie, even though at the time (while raising teens) it might feel like one. They love you. They really do. And one day when they're old enough to understand all that you've done for them, they'll appreciate you.

     But don't forget to hide the WD-40, just in case….
   



***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? This week I'm up on BLUNTmoms again with the Seven Dwarves of PMS: http://www.bluntmoms.com/seven-dwarves-pms/


       
     

70 comments:

  1. Hahaha, oh yes. All this and more! Teenagers are awful! I know, I was one of the "awful-est"....and then there were the college years. But luckily, I was about 5 hours away from home so what they didn't know didn't kill them!

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    1. Distance is the best thing.I also was not on Facebook when my kids were in college---a blessing, for sure

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  2. Maybe out of denial sometimes? I can only imagine how difficult it is for parents to raise teenagers.

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  3. I think when parents believe these lies about their teenagers it's because they refuse to remember what they were like as teenagers. No matter how good our children are and how we raise them with good choices and morals... they have crazy hormones and peer pressure and the attitude it won't happen to them. We just hope for the best... what you wrote here are the funny and truthful takes on being parents to teenagers ♡

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    1. Thanks, Launna! I agree about folks not remembering their own teen years---we did a LOT of the same crap, ha-ha!

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  4. UBC follower! Love love love this post. I work with teens and was a stepmom to two of them. You are spot on. Remember folks, the teenage brain doesn't complete it's re-wiring into adulthood until around age 26. And your teen's intelligence has zero to do with making correct emotional or sexual/physical decisions. That's another part of the brain. "Lending" money? Dream on! That one bit us in the butt big time, to the tune of $30,000. Can't wait to read more of your posts.

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    1. That's a lot of money! Scary, isn't it? I shudder to think of what my four kids owe….

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  5. Yep Lies all Lies! I am so glad I have God to pray tp when my girl is a teenager.

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  6. but we all want to believe those lies because they help us sleep at night! The number of times my son drove his RED car like a bat out of hell, or my daughter dated inappropriate boys etc etc probably gave me the grey hairs I'm busy colouring now! PS I have a bet going with a friend of mine who swears his daughter won't get a tattoo.......I'm on a winner with that one!

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    1. Yep---you'll win that bet. I never would have believed 10 years ago that my daughters would do it, and they have them, plus multiple piercings….you just never know…..

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  7. Yikes! My oldest just started high school. I'm going to live in denial for at least a few more months. Then I'll get real.

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    1. Live in denial as long as you can. It makes life easier…..

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  8. Loved #10 my friend. To be fair, I kept a tattoo hidden from my son for many years, so, fair is fair.

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    1. Ha-Ha! I remember that story---it's a gem!

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  9. I can relate to the hungry teen boy! Wow I don't know where he puts it! I thought my daughter would never get a tattoo. Of course I was wrong! She has two now!! I can relate to all these :/

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    1. They're always full of surprises, aren't they?

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  10. So true. Awkward but true. Thanks for a great post.

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  11. Truth is a scary thing in black and white!! Great Post...

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  12. Glad to know what I'm in for ten years from now...

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    1. Fasten your seat belt. Bumpy ride ahead.

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  13. [shaking head and sighing] All true. Every last one on this list.

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    1. Yep. Good news is that we're in this together :)

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  14. Trying not to toot a horn but I know from experience of two very different kids (one adopted) it can be an extremely positive experience raising teens. You mentioned every single thing that concerned me when my kids were teens and I am so grateful to say (NO, I DO NOT HAVE MY HEAD IN THE SAND) it never happened. I knew I was one of the lucky ones and hoped some parenting skills played a part. I always tried to think and act outside the box and it worked out. Now my kids are concerned about what kind of teens their kids will make but realize their mom did something right and pattern after that. One of the keys was that my kids and now their kids had jobs by the time they were 2 and that never changed. Sure makes a difference in their focus.

    When my daughter got a tatoo she was proud to show me because it was of her in utereo heart beat of her baby -- Heck, I would have done that if I had had the idea.

    My daughter was a counselor in high school because the regular counselor knew that most teens listen to a peer more than an adult. Saying all that to say this -- it can be different than what a lot of parents have to go through so, to those who mentioned it -- yes, keep the faith.

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  15. phase to go through, that's for sure. But I think the key is providing a solid, loving foundation for the kids. They'll spread their wings (as they should) and do some stupid stuff, but in the end, they all grow up and hopefully turn out to be decent human beings. I'm pretty proud of the way my four have turned out…..but oh yes, they took that little detour on the wild side for a bit :)

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  16. Nodded "yes" on 9 out of 10. Do I win a prize?

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  17. Haha - raising teens is not for the faint of heart! My older son couldn't lie if his life depended on it, but my younger one is quite the "charmer" and keeps me on my toes. Overall they're good kids though. Have a great weekend!

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    1. My younger one is the charmer as well, so I totally understand where you're coming from :)

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  18. Sigh...I tell myself these lies all the time. $200 a week on groceries -- ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

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    1. I try and try but I can never get to below $300…..

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  19. My child will save part of her salary for her future....

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  20. Once again, Marcia, spot on! I was indeed fortunate that only one of my six heard the siren song of drugs and alcohol. He's doing well now, but for a few years . . .

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    1. Awww…sorry to hear that you went though it but happy to know he is better now!

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  21. So much of this is right on, reminding me of many of the dicier moments of raising our son.

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    1. Yes, it brought back plenty of dicey moments for me as well writing it.

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  22. Hell yes many parents have told them selves such lies, we know we are fooling velours but still we do so

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    1. Yep. Sometimes pretending their brand of mischief doesn't exist makes life easier. I don't miss the teen years, that's for sure!

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  23. Hi,
    Great post! I have 3 daughters, my youngest is 18. While some of these tips were sad, like they don't want to spend time with us because we're boring, etc. You told these with humor. An important message told with levity. Well-done.
    Janice

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    1. Thank you so much, Janice!! We have to keep a sense of humor during the teen years for sure!

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  24. On #4: Hand that ticket right back to them and say "deal with it." Quickest way to drill "actions have consequences" into thick skulls.

    Just remember your mother is laughing her ass off as we speak.

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    1. Absolutely---lesson learned---Karma is a bitch :)

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  25. Things to look forward to! Thank you lady for the laughs!!

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  26. Loved this post, Marcia! It's so true. I think I was nodding through the whole list. You can explain these with such humour, it almost seems fun to have a teen. ;) My daughter is covered in tattoos and a few piercings

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    1. It can be fun…..but I'm not gonna lie. I got through most of it with the help of some good pinot grigio.

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  27. I can't wait to have teenagers lol!

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  28. Replies
    1. Thanks, Lisa! I'm just glad that my youngest is about to outgrow being a teen!

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  29. Ugh. I dread the day when my son is a teen a little bit. He's so totally going to want a tattoo. Which is ok if it says Mom right? ;)

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    1. Absolutely! Although I was never successful in convincing my kids to do that….

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  30. Our grocery bill did go down exponentially when the big boys grew up and moved out. And I think you're right, they did go through a gallon of milk a day, and a ton of food. ;)

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    1. Boys are eating machines. I just told my youngest that now that he has is out of school and has a job, he needs to contribute to the grocery bill.

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  31. Loved your piece. So true! The only thing I see missing is "I promise if you buy me a pet, I'll take care of it." Getting your teen to walk the dog, better yet feed it is up there with getting them to study for the SAT. Because, you know, sticking a measuring cup in a bag of dog food and pouring it in a bowl is exhausting.

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    1. OMG you are so right, Parri!!! They make terrible pet owners!!

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  32. HAaahaaaaaaaaahaaa.
    yeah, I've heard parents say these exact words.
    Anyhow, they are now EATING their words!! xx
    That's what they get for being SO DAMN ANNOYING!!

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    1. It freaks me out when I see my kids acting and doing the EXACT same things that I did when I was their age. Noooooo!

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  33. God Meno Mama it's scary how right you freaking are!!! Funny enough I'm going through the "teen years" with my eighteen year old son who I'm sure has an agenda to gray me faster than mother nature can. lol as for #7 I keep telling myself that she'll grow out of that phase....problem is, she's 29 years old and seems to have adapted the phase as a way of life. lol Luv the post Sharing it now!! ;) xoxo

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  34. Thank you so much, Natalie! Yeah, I think after 29 years, it is pretty hopeless, ha-ha!

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  35. Well this is very timely since my eldest just turned 11 years. I got a few more years to rid my head of such lies -- although I gotta say, I am already seeing what seems like very "teen-ish" behaviour. I think I am still at the stage where I can bribe him with extra 15 minutes on the Xbox or jelly beans. I know the window is closing..

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  36. Excellent post, Marcia. Many of these resonated with me: my son eradicating the contents of a full fridge in one afternoon; my daughter getting a ring through her nose (I suspect, just to irritate dad). And as for number 3, since I fell naked into an empty bath-tub at 4 in the morning in a drunken stupor, the story has been retold many times, usually when we have visitiors!

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    1. I have one of those stories too, my friend, and my kids NEVER let me forget it.

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  37. I think I need to go in and wake mom up and tell her that I'm sorry for all of the hell I put her through. Way worse than my own kids did to me, but they got their's too. I guess we all did at some point in our lives!

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    1. I know, right? I owe my mom a TON of apologies!

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