This month, the fly overheard more than he needed to know when it came to conversations between the men in my family. Other than that, we're all buzzing over here about the new edition of my Spandex book that was launched by Booktrope Publishers on Tuesday. Right now, that's a heck of a lot more entertaining to me than discussing the male anatomy.
"When there's cornstalks growing out of your rain gutters, you know it's time to clean them out."
"Just because you haven't worked for a few days is no excuse to let your whiskers grow so long that you look like a woolly mammoth."
"We can't let him leave the house in that shirt. People will see his breasticles."
"If I don't stop pigging out on all the good food in this house, the 'Manatee Preservation' truck is going to pull up in our driveway."
"You've been in the bathroom way too long. What are you doing, nutscaping your man parts?"
"His dirty laundry pile is so high, I think another family is hiding under there. The least they could do is pay him rent."
"This storm is bad enough to be classified as a 'Hornado'."
"A tornado and a hurricane combined."
"Sounds more like a hooker's stage name."
"If our granddaughter doesn't stop singing B-I-N-G-O, I'm going to go N-U-T-S-O."
"Of course he's scared of having a vasectomy. No man wants to be part of the cropped testicle club."
"If you're going to straighten my spine by popping my back, be sure to do it correctly so that I don't turn into a pile of sand."
"He compares his manhood to a prawn, but it's really more like a langoustine shrimp."
"That new hedge trimmer you bought would come in handy next time you decide to cut your toenails."
"I still haven't found the perfect turkey for Thanksgiving. The largest one I saw was only 28 pounds, not the 35 pounder that I had hoped for to feed our crowd."
"You don't want a turkey; you want an OSTRICH."
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy your day with the family and friends you're blessed with. This is my favorite holiday and one that I look forward to every year! Be sure to keep plenty of Alka-Selter on hand for the day of feasting, or else the Manatee Preservation truck will come looking for you, too!
***I'M EXCITED TO SHARE THE NEWS THAT BOOKTROPE PUBLISHERS JUST RELEASED THE NEW EDITION OF MY BOOK, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX? LIFE IN THE HOT FLASH LANE" ON 11/17! YOU CAN PURCHASE IT HERE:
Be sure to click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com Never Ever Give Up Hope
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com/ Eileen’s Perpetually Busy
http://www.southernbellecharm.com Southern Belle Charm
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com The Angrivated Mom
http://www.gomamao.com Go Mama O