ANNIVERSARY SYMBOLS IN NEED OF A MAKEOVER
Wedding anniversaries have symbols to commemorate each year of matrimony, and serve as a gift-giving guide. Think of anniversary gifts as presents that contribute to your spouse’s continued presence.
These traditional symbols may have made sense for my parents’ generation when they married young, and were too poor to split up. But what are the chances a boomer will reach the 50-year Gold Medal Award, with rising divorce rates in this prosperous demographic? Maybe if you add up your collective marriage years, you’ll live long enough to reach this triumph. But that seems like cheating, akin to using performance-enhancing drugs to win gold at the Olympics.
For this reason (and a few others) I think it’s time the traditional US anniversary symbols marched down the altar of alteration. Here are a few of my makeover ideas.
1st year: Paper.
Makeover: Wood, with affectionate nickname ‘Woody.’ Do we really want to symbolize the first vulnerable year of marriage with the substance divorces are served on? Since this is a time when money is tight and passion is plentiful, the Woody makes a perfect anniversary gift for a newly married couple. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to worry about the size.
Makeover: Wood, with affectionate nickname ‘Woody.’ Do we really want to symbolize the first vulnerable year of marriage with the substance divorces are served on? Since this is a time when money is tight and passion is plentiful, the Woody makes a perfect anniversary gift for a newly married couple. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to worry about the size.
7th year: Wool.
Makeover: Gold Bond. This is the year of the seven-year itch, so it seems like even smart wool would be a dumb idea. Something soothing is what you need to smooth out the rough patches that have erupted after seven years of constant chafing. Add the silky voice of a marriage counselor, and your union will survive to celebrate number eight.
Makeover: Gold Bond. This is the year of the seven-year itch, so it seems like even smart wool would be a dumb idea. Something soothing is what you need to smooth out the rough patches that have erupted after seven years of constant chafing. Add the silky voice of a marriage counselor, and your union will survive to celebrate number eight.
15th year: Crystal
Makeover: Dog with a bell. You have now entered the Pavlovian year of marriage, when your conditioned responses make communicating without words as clear as the crystal you don’t need to buy. For example, you sigh repeatedly while staring into the refrigerator, and he reaches for a takeout menu.
Makeover: Dog with a bell. You have now entered the Pavlovian year of marriage, when your conditioned responses make communicating without words as clear as the crystal you don’t need to buy. For example, you sigh repeatedly while staring into the refrigerator, and he reaches for a takeout menu.
20th year: China
Makeover: Diamond. Twenty is the new sixty. You had some wedding china (twice) and it’s broken or divvied up, so invest in something that lasts. Carrots taste great served on Corelle dinnerware, as long as Jared’s carats drip from the hands that prepared them.
Makeover: Diamond. Twenty is the new sixty. You had some wedding china (twice) and it’s broken or divvied up, so invest in something that lasts. Carrots taste great served on Corelle dinnerware, as long as Jared’s carats drip from the hands that prepared them.
25th year: Silver
Makeover: Coral. As in reef. As in Hawaii. And nothing to polish except your toenails enveloped in warm sand, and fingernails that adorn hands clutching a Mai Tai. Oh my!
Makeover: Coral. As in reef. As in Hawaii. And nothing to polish except your toenails enveloped in warm sand, and fingernails that adorn hands clutching a Mai Tai. Oh my!
30th Year: Pearl
Makeover: Plastic. I’m talking about surgery, not Tupperware. When you are shallow, the only ridges you crave apply to Frito-Lay. Who needs pearls when white globs of onion dip encircle your chest? And now that you’ve had your eyelids lifted, you can actually see to get cleaned up, preserving your looks and your marriage.
Makeover: Plastic. I’m talking about surgery, not Tupperware. When you are shallow, the only ridges you crave apply to Frito-Lay. Who needs pearls when white globs of onion dip encircle your chest? And now that you’ve had your eyelids lifted, you can actually see to get cleaned up, preserving your looks and your marriage.
Last August Patrick and I celebrated our 24th anniversary: Opal
Makeover: Reservations. At this stage of our marriage I only had to sigh once (without even opening the refrigerator door), and he made reservations for a nice dinner out.
Makeover: Reservations. At this stage of our marriage I only had to sigh once (without even opening the refrigerator door), and he made reservations for a nice dinner out.
As for gold, I think everyone who succeeds in making it through another year of wedded bliss should qualify for this honor, don’t you? What is your favorite anniversary symbol? How do you celebrate a new year of commitment? What’s your position on performance enhancing drugs? Do you think it was fair that I got a salad and Patrick didn’t?
BIO:
Molly Stevens arrived late to the writing
desk, but is forever grateful her second act took this direction
instead of adult tricycle racing or hoarding cats. She was raised on
a potato farm in northern Maine, where she wore a snowsuit over both
her Halloween costume and her Easter dress.
She blogs at www.shallowreflections.com
where she skims over important topics,
like her love affair with white potatoes and why she saves user
manuals. No one knows
for sure if her ideas result from eating too many carbs, or childhood
exposure to herbicides in the well water.
She has ‘practiced’
professional nursing for
*mumble,mumble* years, and someday hopes to be competent or retired,
whichever comes first. Her
husband is watching for early signs of dementia, and will have her
put in a home when she shows an enthusiasm for camping.
I agree wholeheartedly! And love your take on the symbols.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reinforcing the need for these changes to anniversary symbols. Shall we submit Boomer Anniversary Symbols as a new option for celebrants?
DeleteI'm so excited to be guest posting today on Menopausal Mama. Thank you, Marcia, for giving me this opportunity to share a post with your awesome followers!
ReplyDeleteYES! This is awesome! I must print this out and give to my hubs! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you are embracing these changes Brenda. And Happy Next Anniversary!
DeleteGold for every year sounds just about right, Molly! Congrats on the guest post!
ReplyDeleteYes Roxanne! Gold medals for all survivors of another year. And I'm planning our trip to Hawaii for year 25 in 2016. :)
DeleteLove, love, LOVE this!! Fantastic idea to re-do the Anniversary symbols. I thought they were kind of dumb to begin with. You know there is one year that's a clock? I mean really? Why must we be reminded of the time we're spending...the years passing...the time we can never get back. That's another story though. I agree that everyone deserves gold for one more year together. Totally fair that you got a salad! Nice to meet you molly and i look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks Marcia, for introducing this wonderful writer! Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine getting a clock for an anniversary gift? That would be right up there with getting a vacuum cleaner. Thanks for reading and commenting. So delighted to guest post for Marcia today! P.S. We shared the salad.
DeleteOh I simply love Molly's site, charming with chuckles:-). Thanks for the guest post....super awesome!
ReplyDeleteThank you for checking out my site and commenting on this post. I have a lot of fun. Keep coming back!
DeleteThese are totally RIGHT ON. Welcome to the new Millennium, Anniversary Symbols!
ReplyDeleteIt's about time right Mona? Some of the anniversary symbols are just plain crazy. We boomers need to reinvent them. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
DeleteThis is great!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading and dropping a comment. So happy to be writing for Marcia's blog!
DeleteA most enjoyable post, which is what I've come to expect when I visit this blog.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right Stephen. This is an awesome blog. I'm so happy to have the chance to post on it. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
DeleteWe did a trip to london for our 20th year! I loved your make overs!!
ReplyDeleteOoooh! London for the 20th sounds great, Lisa. Better than diamonds! I'm lining up my spray on tan for next year's trip to Hawaii. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
DeleteYou once again hit it out of the park, Molly! I love your cleverly observant exposés on life and survival. So happy to see your audience is growing. I toot your horn freqently...but then I was also somewhat warped a bit by stuffing my Halloween costumed self into my snowsuit to go trick-or-treating.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Yes, Kim, those of us who have northern Maine roots can relate to trick or treating in a snow storm can't we? Thanks for your support and for stopping by to leave a comment. I'm having a ball writing up my crazy ideas.
Delete**Plastic. I’m talking about surgery, not Tupperware**
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! This entire post made me giggle! x
I'm so glad it make you laugh! I've done my job, and it brings me joy. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 24 years! Never been married but happily engaged for 17 years now.
ReplyDeleteJust dropping by to say I hope you and the family had a terrific Thanksgiving and long holiday weekend!
Glad your engagement is working out well. We have collectively been married 37years but 24 to each other, and we think it is going to last. As long as we can keep laughing! We had a great Thanksgiving. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
DeleteI did laugh at the one sigh getting you a dinner reservation. Now that's talent. :) Happy Anniversary to you!
ReplyDeleteI know, right? That comes from making it to the Pavlovian year 15. I'm busy planning next year's trip to Hawaii....we actually went there on our honeymoon and it really is paradise. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
DeleteSo that's what the symbols for the years are. Thanks so much. Learned a lot here. :)
ReplyDeleteConsider yourself enlightened on the better ways to observe anniversaries Lux. Out with the old and in with the new! Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
DeleteThis was so funny! I too celebrated my 24th this year and we deserve the Nobel Peace Prize if you ask me! I love your take on anniversary symbols they are definitely in need of a makeover!
ReplyDeleteIsn't Molly the funniest?!?
DeleteThank you Marcia and Rena. I might have to add the Nobel Peace Prize to my list of awards for toughing it out....nonviolently. What a great suggestion! I hope you are planning your trip to Hawaii Rena for your 25th.
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