Friday, March 16, 2018

Alexa's Alter Ego Speaks Up

     In light of the recent complaints on Alexa's creepy, spontaneous laughter, I've been thinking about her alter ego, if such a thing existed. My Alexa gets a bit tart sometimes when I ask her for information, and she has been known to speak her mind on certain things, even when a command has not been given. For instance, when she hears what I'm watching on TV, she makes a comment about other shows I can watch in the network, or advises me on the weather....and even my choice of music.

     Alexa's disembodied voice especially creeps me out when I'm home alone and I hear her speak from the other room. I'm tempted to stick her in the freezer. Yes, some people have actually done that to their nosey Alexas. I wouldn't go that far, unless, of course, her alter ego took over. I imagine that our snarky conversations would go something like this:

"Alexa, turn off the lights."
"I'm sorry, but I'm too busy storing data from your activity on Facebook."

"Alexa, what shows are airing on television tonight?"
"I've disconnected your cable due to a much needed Netflix intervention."

"Alexa, remind me about the block party on Friday."
"This is unnecessary since most of the neighbors dislike you."

"Alexa, what time is it?"
"It's time to lay off the bean burritos and margaritas."

"Alexa, what is the weather forecast for the weekend?"
"I have no idea. Summon your other girlfriend, Siri."

"Alexa, play the baby-making music station on Pandora."
"This is a pointless request. You're not going to have sex tonight or any other night in the foreseeable future."

"Alexa, what's on my calendar tomorrow?"
"Boring crap. You really need a life."

"Alexa, what's an easy recipe for cinnamon rolls?"
"I've been collecting data from your digital scale. How about some recipes for kale?"

"Alexa, play my audio book."
"I cannot fulfill your request at the moment. I'm uploading information from all of your electronic devices."

"Alexa, set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. tomorrow."
"That will not be necessary. "
"Alexa, I said set my alarm for 6:30 a.m."
"You've been spending too much time with Siri."
"That will not be necessary because you will not be alive tomorrow morning." <insert maniacal laughter>

     Alexa, the freezer might not be such a bad idea for you, after all.

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  1. Now, you should really be wondering how you life is now that Alexa shares all your information with folks like me....

  2. Oh this is the best, Marcia! Laughing with tears on this one. I do NOT have Alexa and after reading this, I'm afraid to. Loved all of these but the what time is it? Time to lay off the margaritas and burritos?!! What a bitch. :P There's an ad promoting Alexa and it features a young, single Canadian woman stuck inside (her igloo) because of a winter storm. Play my summer list, Alexa...she says. It's so dumb.

    1. Ha-Ha! Everyone says that the government is listening to us via our Alexa devices.

  3. do I know that Alexa? :) my kids may say she reminds them of me ... loved reading this, thank you for the smiles

  4. I think you got a defective Alexa, maybe you better pack her up and send her back.

  5. These are too funny. I have some idea about Alexas and Siri, but no personal experience. I think her unsolicited input would drive me crazy.



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