Menopausal Mother

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking in A Tornado. Today, five bloggers are brave enough to invite you into their homes for a sneak peek at what goes on behind closed doors.

     At the Doyle house, we're still recovering from "Distended Belly Syndrome" caused by all the Thanksgiving food we consumed yesterday. I've always said my family eats like vikings, and last night's meal was proof of that. Who can say no to 8 pies, 2 turkeys, 3 different homemade breads, and  5 ridiculously good side dishes?? And don't even get me started on the appetizers. I'm actually looking forward to starting a new diet on Monday! JUST SAY NO TO CHEESE.

     As always, there have been some weird conversations floating around the house (what else is new??). If you were a fly in the wall at my house, here's a few things you might have heard:

"Hey look---it's a landscape worker channeling his inner triceratops."


"Studies show that cats have better hearing than dogs."
"Well, they sure don't act like it."

"You haven't been watering the flowers outside. They're all dead."
"That's because I'm growing zombie flowers."

"Why is it that every time you sweat heavily with a t-shirt on, it leaves wet stains on the fabric in the shape of a smiley face?"
"I don't know; I guess I'm just one giant, human emoji."

"I've been researching homeopathic remedies to relieve my carpal tunnel."
"I can save you the time. It's called, 'Get a Hacksaw'."

"I need something to stop my constipation. All I can do is poop pebbles."
"Yes, and Bam Bam is soon to follow."

"I don't know what's in it, but maybe I should order the mystery box for dinner."
"I have a mystery box that I can show you...." <wink wink>


"This bathroom stall is so tiny---you have to be a contortionist just to be able to turn around and wipe your backside."

"Why is it taking them so long to bring me the Cuban sandwich I ordered? Did they have to go to Cuba to get it?"

 "I've been a Baptist, a Methodist, a Lutheran, and now a Presbyterian."
"That means that you're a sampler platter of religion."

"One of the side effects of this medicine is tarry stools."
"That sounds like a name for a British rock band....."

     Hope everyone had a lovely holiday. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to gnawing on my turkey leg and washing it down with some mashed potatoes. That diet might start sooner than I thought....


***WANT MORE MENO MAMA? I was recently featured in MomCave TV discussing teens and the funny lies we as parents believe. You can read it here:  https://www.momcavetv.com/lies-parents-of-teens-tell-themselves/?fbclid=IwAR1FDie_VA471Snx5u4VXvivD2RikzvqgqVl0vlIBWGbFlI7E11xCJXPiLg

     Welcome to a new edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, seven bloggers are opening the doors to their homes so that you can get a glimpse of their private lives as if you were a fly on their wall.

     This month has been all about spending time with loved ones as our backyard is being transformed into a magical place for family and friends (pictures soon to follow). Listening in on the conversations around me is always a good way to gather fodder for these FOTW posts, but my family knows what I'm up to when they see me scribbling notes during dinner. Here are a few bits and pieces of conversation that I snagged from these gatherings:



"I'm not upset or too anxious-----I'm taking prescription medication to help me relax."
"Too bad it's not working."

"There's some leftover steak in the fridge if you're hungry."
"No thanks. I still have a couple of hooves in me from last night's dinner."

"I need to change the channel to something less scary than this presidential debate. I'm switching over to watch American Horror Story. Definitely less frightening."

"We're in a restaurant for God's sake, please stop farting!"
"I can't help it if the owner called me in to defog the place. My gas is lethal enough to kill the cockroaches."

"Having Carpal Tunnel in both wrists really sucks. I have to wear a brace on each one. My arms look the robot's arms on Lost In Space. 'Warning, warning, Will Robinson---Carpal Tunnel ahead. Danger, danger!'"

ME: "Look at that giant harvest moon!"
SON: "What is it harvesting?"
ME: "Your brain cells."
HUBS: "That will be a small harvest...."

"What on earth was that horrible screaming I heard outside?"
"I don't know but it sounded like someone stepped on a cat."

"I ate so much food at dinner that my belly button is now an outie."

"Our granddaughter is afraid to use the bathroom at night because she said she's scared she'll see a 'conch' roach."
"Tell her that 'conch' roaches only exist in Key West."

"They're selling Smart Water here. How much should I buy?"
"A case, because you're gonna need to swim in that stuff in order for it to work...."


     It's all fun and games at the Doyle house until someone has to deal with gastrointestinal issues. But at least it keeps the cockroaches away.....