Menopausal Mother

    Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today we're sharing what has gone on behind closed doors this month in our homes.

 

     If any of you have been following the news, then you know that South Florida was slammed with heavy April rains and flooding about a week ago. Luckily, my neighborhood remained fairly dry, but plenty of people were flooded out of their homes. Many used boats to get around the major streets and it was indeed a strange site to see canoes floating down the highway. Seriously, I was expecting Noah's Ark to float by my house at any minute. My husband suggested we take a few fishing rods down to the community park and see what we could catch on the flooded baseball diamond. Uh, no thanks.

     Speaking of fishing and flies, every time we grill fish (usually 1-2 times per week), a fly or two follows my husband into the house and buzzes around while we eat. It's extremely annoying and the buggers are hard to catch. My dogs snap at them but to no avail. There is a fat fly in particular that has been zooming around now for a few days and I'm about to lose my mind. I guess he is sticking around for the conversations he has been eavesdropping on......

***Please excuse all the photos of us with our cups of "joy." What can I say? It has been a celebratory month with birthdays, Easter, family parties, and a special anniversary getaway....champagne, wine, and some of the best martinis I've ever had (maybe I'm just trying to make you thirsty!).

     Well, it looks like it might rain again today, so I need to cut this short and help Noah divide the squirrels into groups of twos. At least we won't starve---Hubs is headed to the baseball field on a canoe with his fishing rod. 

***Want more Meno Mama? I've been super busy writing for my editors at AARP and Big Edition this month!! But I am especially proud of a personal essay I recently wrote for AARP about the menial jobs I've had---and how they shaped who I am today. Please take a read HERE then check out my new foodie recipe (solo dining) on AARP HERE  Also, you can view my latest on Family Minded about the largest movie theaters in the U.S. HERE Then on Work & Money, I wrote about the fastest-growing cities in the U.S. HERE 

 

Baking In A Tornado                                https://www.BakingInATornado.com

     Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall group postings hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, six bloggers are welcoming you into their homes to catch a glimpse of what goes on behind closed doors.

     Looking though the photos on my cell phone, I realized that the people in my family (plus their closest friends and their significant others) have trouble posing for "normal" photos. What I believe I have captured here is the true essence of life with the Doyles. No matter where we go, when we're all together and in one place, shenanigans occur. Which is why I feel so blessed to be a part of this crazy family. They are my heart and soul, and the fodder for the humor I write.

                      Just two siblings, wrestling in a nice restaurant......

     Welcome to a new edition of Fly On The Wall group blog postings, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, seven bloggers are opening the doors to their homes so that you can get a glimpse of their private lives as if you were a fly on their wall.

     This month has been all about spending time with loved ones as our backyard is being transformed into a magical place for family and friends (pictures soon to follow). Listening in on the conversations around me is always a good way to gather fodder for these FOTW posts, but my family knows what I'm up to when they see me scribbling notes during dinner. Here are a few bits and pieces of conversation that I snagged from these gatherings:



"I'm not upset or too anxious-----I'm taking prescription medication to help me relax."
"Too bad it's not working."

"There's some leftover steak in the fridge if you're hungry."
"No thanks. I still have a couple of hooves in me from last night's dinner."

"I need to change the channel to something less scary than this presidential debate. I'm switching over to watch American Horror Story. Definitely less frightening."

"We're in a restaurant for God's sake, please stop farting!"
"I can't help it if the owner called me in to defog the place. My gas is lethal enough to kill the cockroaches."

"Having Carpal Tunnel in both wrists really sucks. I have to wear a brace on each one. My arms look the robot's arms on Lost In Space. 'Warning, warning, Will Robinson---Carpal Tunnel ahead. Danger, danger!'"

ME: "Look at that giant harvest moon!"
SON: "What is it harvesting?"
ME: "Your brain cells."
HUBS: "That will be a small harvest...."

"What on earth was that horrible screaming I heard outside?"
"I don't know but it sounded like someone stepped on a cat."

"I ate so much food at dinner that my belly button is now an outie."

"Our granddaughter is afraid to use the bathroom at night because she said she's scared she'll see a 'conch' roach."
"Tell her that 'conch' roaches only exist in Key West."

"They're selling Smart Water here. How much should I buy?"
"A case, because you're gonna need to swim in that stuff in order for it to work...."


     It's all fun and games at the Doyle house until someone has to deal with gastrointestinal issues. But at least it keeps the cockroaches away.....

   Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, nine bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a peek at what you might see if you were a busy body fly buzzing around their house.

     My family thinks I've lost my mind because I've spent the past month doing a belated but thorough spring cleaning job around the house. This is probably the first time in 10 years that I actually went through every single closet, drawer and shelf to clean out the clutter. What inspired me to do this? After my mother passed away, my family had to go through all of her things to clear out her house. It was not only emotionally challenging for us but also exhausting, because there was so much STUFF that none of us knew what to do with. The experience made me think of my own kids and all the junk they'd have to clear at of my home once I passed away. You see, I'm a pack rat who hangs onto everything: clothes worn back in the 90's (never mind that they were three sizes too small---I was certain I'd fit into them one day....uh-huh....right....), several year's worth of magazine subscriptions, kitchen tools still wrapped in plastic, hundreds of paperback books that I've already read (but thought I'd have the time to read again in the future---laughable, I know), piles of old papers, notes, cards, and various mementos from people I hardly remember.

     Looking at 10 years of accumulated crap, I felt the sudden urge to purge all the unnecessary items taking up space in my home. "Minimize" became my favorite word (especially since I started watching nonstop episodes of "Tiny House, Big Living" on HGTV). I was a woman obsessed, and my husband steered clear as I filled garbage bag after garbage bag with junk. I'm talking at least 20 lawn-size plastic bags full of STUFF. Some of the items that were still in excellent condition were sold during a a rainy garage sale or donated to a charitable organization. Whatever was left went to the dump.

     I feel cleansed of all my clutter impurities and free from the ghosts of 90's era clothing......and it feels GREAT. After all that hard work, it was time to hang out with family and have FUN. For this Fly On The Wall post, I don't have clever little snippets of conversation to share with you, but I DO have photographic evidence of Doyle Shenanigans that went on once the cleaning overhaul was complete:


Be sure to click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
When I Grow Up                       http://kimberlyyavorski.com/ whenigrowup/         

   
    Welcome to another Fly On The Wall group posting, hosted by Karen of Baking In A Tornado. Today, 10 bloggers are inviting you into their homes for a peek into their private lives.

     For years, I have wanted to visit St. Augustine, Florida. I'm a native Floridian, and believe it or not, I have never visited one of oldest cities in the U.S. even though it's only a five hour drive from my home. Say What?? Yeah, I was too busy carting the Family to Disney World a gazillion times over the last 30 years. I've traveled all over the country, and after college, did the whole student tour thing in Europe where they cram 20+ countries into four weeks. I think I might have slept on the bus through a few of them.

     With my husband's birthday looming on the horizon, I thought it might be a good time to seize the moment and book a trip to St. Augustine...... Best. Decision. Ever. So much to do and see there! We stayed at a cozy little B&B and pretty much ate and drank our way through the city. Incredible seafood dishes and the best handcrafted cocktails I've ever had. For those of you familiar with the city, here are the places we visited during our four days in St. Augustine: St. John's Jail, Potter's Wax Museum, The Fountain of Youth, The old wooden school house, the old Drugstore, and both the Tolomato and Huguenot cemetery. We also did the ghost tour, plus the Old Time Trolly Tour; visited the oldest Museum store, the history museum, all the shops on St. George Street (the historic walking mall district), the Cathedral Basilica, Flager College, Lightner Museum (and we ate in the famous cafe in the old swimming pool area), San Sebastian Winery, and the Castillo de san Marcos fort. We also ate at all the yummy restaurants that were recommended to us: O.C. White's, Harry's, The Columbia, A1A Ale Works, and the Raintree.


     There were a lot of funny conversations going on during our trip, but I can only remember a handful of them (I was too busy stuffing myself with lobster and pomegranate martinis). If you had been a fly on the wall during out vacation, here are a few snippets of conversation you would have overheard:

"Those figurines in the wax museum look younger than me, and they've been here for over 100 years."

"This ghost tour can't be the real deal. How are we supposed to believe in this stuff when we have Casper the Friendly Ghost as our tour guide?"

"As many bars as there are in this town, no wonder so many tourists see ghosts in St. Augustine. I just saw a pink elephant float by on St. George Street."

"On the outside I'm older, but on the inside, I'm still 33 and living in the moment. Which means I mentally do everything but physically do nothing."

"If I was a soldier back in the 1700's in this fort, I would have gone AWOL because there was no A/C and they had to wear wool uniforms, even in the summer."
"Thank God none of them were menopausal in this heat. Then they would have really had a mutiny on their hands."

"For us, the saying 'Ride or Die' is the equivalent of sitting in a motorized wheelchair and pretending we're Peter Fonda reliving his role in Easy Rider."

"The food here is incredible, but this B&B needs to have a midwife on call because I'm so full I think I'm birthing a food baby."

"This reminds me of our trip to St. Petersburg when we went to the Titanic exhibit. I'll never forget those gorgeous first class staterooms."

"If my family had been on the Titanic, we would have been in the third class section because we were so poor. Actually, we would have been the ones working in the boiler room. In other words, we would have been dead."

ME: "I know you thought it was a good idea to walk to the Fountain of Youth from our hotel because you thought it was just a few blocks from the fort. But we've been walking forever and I still don't see it."
HUBS: "It's just around the corner, I swear."
***THREE MILES LATER***
ME: "We're still walking, and its been almost an hour, in 96+ temps with only a drop of water. Even the drivers are laughing at us because we look like stupid, sun-baked tourists. I could kill you for this!"
HUBS: "No worries---I was already contemplating jumping in front of one of the tourist trolleys."
ME: " Good, because at least then I'll get a free ride back to the B&B."

"Isn't it cool to think we're staying on Aviles street---the oldest street built in the U.S.?"
"As old as you are today on your birthday, I would think you'd recall watching them build it."

     It was a great trip folks, and if you are ever in the area, I highly recommend a trip to St. Augustine. Just be sure to bring pants with elastic waistlines.....unless you plan on hiring a midwife for your food baby.

    Welcome to the April edition of Fly On the Wall groups postings, hosted by  Baking In A Tornado.  Today, 15 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you'd see if you were a fly on the wall in their homes.
 
    As for my house, there has been a lot of yawning going on. Lately, I'm always tired. The Hubs is tired too, and now the teen is tired. Heck, I'm beginning to feel envious of my dogs because they get to nap all day long. I'm trying to combat my drowsiness with more coffee, but even after several cups of java strong enough to wake the dead, I'm STILL yawning at the gym and dreaming of when I can curl up on my Tempur-Pedic.

     Here's a glimpse of some odd, conversational tidbits going on around me while I was trying to sneak in a few cat naps over the weekends:


"I wish our female dog was spayed. When she gets her period, she leaves her doggy DNA all over the new carpet."

"Why don't stores sell elephant print leggings for working out?"
"Because no sane woman would wear elephants plastered all over her butt and thighs while doing squats at the gym."

"Don't bother me while I'm writing."
"Are you working on the new book?"
"Nope. This little piece is known as Book Proposal Purgatory."

"When you have A.D.D., your brain is like a computer with 20 tabs open all at once."

"You know we can't afford another car, Hon. You can still squeeze a few more years out of that 1999 Honda Odyssey minivan."
"That's easy for you to say! I'm the only man in Broward County driving the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car from hell."

"When it comes to quality time in the bathroom, our son defies the success of any odor-eliminating spray."

"Nana, do you want a lobster roll or lobster ravioli for dinner?"
"No thank you. I don't like my lobster adulterated."

"I'm convinced that stemless wine glasses were invented for sloppy drunks."

"On Pinterest, it says that pinning a dryer sheet to your shirt will ward off mosquitoes when you're outside.  I have a better idea---just pin a poopy diaper to your hat. I'm pretty sure that would keep the mosquitoes away."
"Yeah, but then you'd be inviting the flies to a feast."

"I'm so full from dinner, I feel like someone put a sandbag in my stomach."

"It doesn't matter if you're in your 80's---you can still join a Cross Fit Class. But it will have a different name----like "Wheel Chair Aerobics" or "Walker Workout."

"If you eat that blueberry, raisin, and apple bran muffin before going to Zumba, you're going to end up with fruit flavored flatulence at the gym."

"After all the margaritas I've consumed tonight, I think the last mosquito that just bit me is going to be hungover for a week."