Friday, December 20, 2013

Fly On The Wall In A Holiday House

 
      Welcome to my special Fly On The Wall holiday edition, hosted by Karen of http://www.bakinginatornado.com. We've made the fly quite dizzy this month with our frenzied holiday  preparations. He might have landed in my spiked eggnog the other day, so don't believe everything he tells you that he overheard in my home. It's probably the rum talking.

"Oh good, it's Christmas! Time to play my favorite holiday board game, 'Gorge, Party And Purge.'"

"Elves are the illegitimate children of Mrs. Claus, who was the original ho. That's why Santa yells, "Ho Ho Ho!'"

"Reindeer poop is magic fertilizer for the garden---kind of like Miracle Grow."
"Does this mean the roses will sprout antlers?"


"You have too many tubs full of holiday stuff here! You belong on Hoarders….the Christmas edition."

"Santa must have been agoraphobic. He only left his house once a year to drop off gifts and pilfer cookies."

"What is the nog in eggnog? The dregs of the egg?"

"Stop feeding the dog so much Christmas ham. Pretty soon she's going to need a pug girdle."

"I think I have a holiday yeast infection."
"Then you're out of luck because I don't think they make Monistat for men."

"He hated having to wear that tux to the party. He was practically foaming at the mouth for a beer…..it made him look like a rabid penguin."


"Are those moose knuckles in your pants or are you just happy to meet me under the mistletoe?"

"I love your holiday rum cake but it always gives me heartburn. I'll need a barrel o' Tums after eating a slice. An enema might also be in order."

"What does he want for Christmas?"
"An alligator, but it needs to be toothless."
"Why, so it can gum him to death?"

"Are you planning on spending New Year's Eve passed out on the front lawn again?"
"I wouldn't mind it as long as there aren't anymore fire ants on the grass. Last year I woke up looking like I had measles."

"What a nice surprise! A Coconut Bliss pillow from the mattress store for Christmas. It smells like vanilla cake. If I wake up a few pounds heavier tomorrow and the pillow is missing, you'll know why."


"Feeling blue during Christmas? All you need is pug therapy!"

"I  just had a two layer burp---Special K cereal on top of taco salad. I think I'll follow it up with some Christmas fudge."

"I don't need Viagra. I have you."
"Now THAT'S the holiday gift that keeps on giving!"

"Elves are the mischievous cousins of yard gnomes. Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' We have Elf In The Butt."

"Time to upgrade your radio for Christmas, Mom. You know, they do make ones that aren't as big and heavy as a cinder block."

"I just got my period after two years, just in time for Christmas. WTH, I'm menopausal! Well played, Santa."

"Next year I want to be in the Christmas boat parade."
"Forget it---the pirate rum ships disappeared a long time ago."

"I'm not trying to be a grinch but I'm tired of putting up Christmas yard decorations. The lights always burn out and inevitably the reindeers will end up beheaded. The others have backward antlers. They're dyslexic reindeers."


     Merry Christmas from our crazy home to yours! Now put down that eggnog and go visit the other merry bloggers participating in today's Fly On The Wall!


***Don't forget to check out my weekly post over at In The Powder Room. I've put a new spin on some old Christmas tunes. Check out, "I'm Dreaming Of A Cheap Christmas" here: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/me-time/2013-12-dreaming-cheap-christmas.html


http://BakingInATornado.com                                     Baking In A Tornado
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                Just a Little Nutty
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                                    Menopausal Mother
http://themomisodes.com/                                       The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade
http://www.therowdybaker.com                              The Rowdy Baker
http://sorrykidblog.com/                       Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                             Juicebox Confession
http:// bethteliho.wordpress.com                                Writer B is Me
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                         Dates 2 Diapers
http://kissmylist.com/                                              Kiss My List
http://momsdontsaythat.com                                        Moms Don’t Say That
www.adventureintodomesticland.com                           Adventure into Domesticland



54 comments:

  1. Hahahaha, you and yours may not be right in the head. Thank god for that.

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    1. Life is a heck of a lot more fun like that…..

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  2. I had no doubt that your family is going to have one hell of a Christmas do. Wish I was there, even though I don't celebrate it. I have an urge to be crazy with you all, if you know what I mean.

    Your pug needs to stop exposing herself, and your husband needs to think about what message he is sending out to millions with a pose like that, ha ha ha. A slight bend with a cocky face :). And the elf in the bottom? And it's not even Christmas yet, so I can't wait to hear about what happens next in your household.

    Have a great one MM, enjoy because we only have one life to live and nobody has come back from beyond to tell us any different.
    Seasonal Greetings. You've been a very good friend to me and being from the East End of London we don't forget.

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    1. You are so kind, RPD. I hope one day you'll hop on a plane and pay me a visit. We could sip libations in my garden and chat about this crazy thing called life. Thanks for being such a dear friend! XO

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  3. As usual, I effing love your family!!!! You guys are so much awesomesauce in one pot, it's not even kind of funny.

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    1. I'm tellin' ya Sarah, I've got a seat saved for you right here next to me…..

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  4. YOU are one hot Mama. A man with moose knuckles who doesn't need Viagra 'cause he's got you babe. Now THAT is one helluva package!!

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  5. Two things: One can never have too many holiday tubs. NEVER! And...you must have the most cooperative guy in the world. What a ham! Um...I'd pack that elf away somewhere for a while after hitting it with a little Lysol. Just sayin'.

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    1. I think it needs to be sterilized by a hazmat team now….

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  6. Pug girdles, New Year's measles and moose knuckles. Classic.

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  8. Wow! That is a LOT of Christmas decor...Wow! And I agree, Santa is kind of a strange man...

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    1. I have far too much Christmas stuff. I've tried to give it away to my grown kids but they don't want to end up on an episode of Hoarders.

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  9. You have a very entertaining household.

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    1. Is that a polite way of saying….strange?? LOL thanks for stopping by, Sharon--I'm happy to see you here!

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  10. Marcia! Your family! Those sayings! I am buying a ticket to visit you after the holidays.I want a toothless alligator and a double layered burp :) I hope you have the happiest holiday season. I feel blessed having you as a bloggy friend :)

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    1. My bloggy world is a much better place for having such a sweet friend as you in it! AND…I'm still waiting for you to buy those plane tickets….

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  11. Your kids are utterly gorgeous, your dog is adorable, your home is warm & hysterical & we want you to adopt both of us & talk to us 24/7 as you have the best & most comedic outlook on life EVER!! We are still laughing over this one & had never heard of the coconut pillow nor the theory that Mrs. Clause was a ho, ho, ho!! Makes sense as to why Mr. Clause has learned how to be a crew member of CHEATERS sneaking into peoples chimneys & lurking around their roof at night!! As for the "Elf on a Shelf" we''ve been so tired of seeing this on every blog that your buttcrack-elf gave a whole new meaning to "Santa's little helpers". From that position I can most definitely see where they'd be of some use. lol~ This was great MenoMama~ we will be sharing this with all of our networking community so as to spread the wonderful gift of Christmas laughter!! :)

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    1. Thank you so very much for your kind words, Ginger! It always makes me feel great when I can bring a little laughter into someone's day. And your words just made my day absolutely perfect! XO

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  12. HaHaHaHa...elf in the butt. A new trend me thinks. Merry Christmas Marcia! I would love to be a fly on the wall at your wacky, yet loving home.

    Barbara @ www.allmylivesnow.com

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    1. You are always welcome here, my friend, as long as our craziness doesn't make you crazy! :-)

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  13. Merry Christmas Marcia from Australia! You've made me feel like Rum Cake. It was hilarious as usual. Do you mind if I use the "Fly on the Wall" theme for one of my blog posts? I'll put a link to your site on as well of course. If you just want to reply on here I'll check back...or I've reinstalled comments on my blog :)

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    1. You are more than welcome to do that! Even better, if you contact Karen, she will add you to the team and you can do it with us each month if you want!

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  14. Love seeing that your family has so much fun during the holidays. That poor elf in the butt might never recover! Holy smokes do you have a lot of Christmas stuff!

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    1. That picture only shows half of it……aren't you glad you aren't married to someone like me? HAHAHA!!!

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  15. Great stuff, as always. I love the dog with legs akimbo.

    Merry Christmas.

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    1. My pugs always give me so much fodder for blog posts and pictures!

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  16. OMG, hilarious as usual, I think I loved this one the best, lol: "You have too many tubs full of holiday stuff here! You belong on Hoarders….the Christmas edition." Your family is just as funny as you are :)

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    1. They are the inspiration behind every post I write. MM wouldn't exist without them! <3

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  17. WOW that's a bunch of tubs. Hoarders may visit you soon for a Christmas edition.
    that poor elf, tell him crack kills. lol

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    1. OMG HAHAHAHA that is BRILLIANT, Dawn! Wish I'd thought of that!!!

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  18. Hmm . . . what is that elf supposed to see?! I love spending time with your quick, clever, witty and just downright fun family. We must do this more often! Cheers!

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    1. It would be even better if you came to visit me here in the tropics

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  19. Moose knuckles! LOL This is a great post Marcia! Hysterical & love the pictures too! Your home sounds like loads of fun! Hope you & yours have a very happy & Merry Christmas - though I have no doubt you will. :)

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    1. My husband is a good sport about letting me use his pictures. Of course I don't tell him until AFTER I've posted them on my blog…..

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  20. Awesome!!! Favorite line: "I don't need Viagra. I have you." Love it!!!

    Have a Merry Christmas, Slu

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    1. It's one of the nicest things a man can say to his wife, LOL! Merry Christmas to you too, Slu!

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  21. SO FUNNY! And I demand to know you and your daughter's skin care secrets this instant!!! My god you two are so beautiful. Seriously. Your whole family is beautiful!

    This was hilarious and you guys are SO much fun! I can tell we'd get along juuuust fine. I love all the jokes, and of course the copious amounts of alcohol don't hurt either. :) Oh, but the elf is going to need therapy.

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    1. The elf will need therapy AND a good wash in antibacterial soap! Thanks for all the compliments, Beth. I've seen your pictures--I don't think you need any help from me because you are BEAUTIUL, my friend! XO

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  22. Nice job on this, MM. Keepin' it real, as always! Have a great Christmas.

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    1. Ohhhh so good to see you back here, MJ! I missed you!!

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  23. Wait! you can get your period after two years of menopause???? WTF!!! Also, the asscrack elf? My favorite elf pic, ever.

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  24. you're hilarious. I'm fairly certain we'd be friends. along with my mama. ahah :)

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  25. I'm here to wish you a Merry Christmas!! I already know you're going to have a wonderful day, and I'm very glad for you. Christmas rocks...dyslexia reindeer and all. ;)

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    1. Merry Christmas to you too, Rosey, and have a HAPPY New year!

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  26. Insane as always...but keeping the Merry in Christmas!!! So glad you had an awesome holiday! Sorry about the unpleasant arrival for Christmas, but maybe Santa thought you'd like to be a bit more...uh..."festive"...LOL. I guess this is what I have to look forward to :)

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