Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Lisa Newlin---Seriously

     I absolutely ADORE my Wacky Wednesday Writer guest today! I met Lisa Newlin of http://lisanewlin.com last year through a mutual blogger friend who recommended her site to me. I'm so glad she did, because I have found a kindred blogger spirit in Lisa. We share a similar zany sense of humor and everything she blogs about is not only relatable but laugh-out-loud funny. Whether it's Zumba class, Spanx or her love for Chipotle, Lisa always delivers the giggles. Please welcome her to my site today and share a little comment love with this beautiful, funny friend of mine!




THINGS I LEARNED ON SANDRA BULLOCK MOVIES


Sandra Bullock is a beloved American leading lady, known for her poise, charm, and arms of steel. However, she's not all just beauty and biceps. (She's abs too.) She's also an iconic actress whose films entertain while teaching us lessons about love, life and bus driving.
SPEED
Who knew a bus could go two hours through a busy city, traveling over 50 mph, without crashing? Apparently Sandra knew.
I can't go ten minutes on the highway at 70 mph without slamming on the brakes because of random debris, traffic, or squirrels. Yet somehow, in this film, Bullock maneuvers a bus around city streets, pedestrians and cars, all while traveling greater than 50 mph, and all while looking fabulous and charming Keanu Reeves.
The only logical conclusion from this is that Sandra hates squirrels and has horrible taste in men.
MISS CONGENIALITY
From this tale, we learn that with just a little makeup and a wardrobe change, you can completely transform the way you walk, talk, and look. However, you cannot change your love of donuts.
I wish I would have known that makeup and a dress could have a positive impact on my appearance, especially when I was in high school. I already knew nothing could change my love of donuts.
The 90s grunge scene was not a good look, and perhaps abandoning my Doc Martens for Jimmy Choos would have made those teenage years less awkward. Although, it probably would have made those years more painful for my feet.
At least my Doc Martens were comfortable.
THE LAKE HOUSE
What I learned from this film involved a little bit of math; or at least an equation. Bullock taught me here that Sandra Bullock + Keanu Reeves = horrible movie, no matter the decade.
In this film, we learn that love can transcend time, and so can poor acting. The good news is that it's easily learned in the first five minutes of the film.
THE PROPOSAL
A valuable lesson came out of this comedy as well. The lesson? No matter how much you despise someone, when you go to a strip club with Betty White, you will magically fall in love with the one person you hate most.
People don't need a love potion or a magic spell to fall in love. They just need Betty White. She's magic.
So there you have it. The lessons I learned from Sandra Bullock. Granted, I still have more to learn from her, the most important of which is how she avoids flabby arms. I'm hoping she will say it's with a strict diet of Skittles and ice cream.
Wait...that's how I got them.


BIO:

Lisa is a humor blogger who plays an unconvincing lawyer in real life. She shouldn't be allowed around sharp objects, anything breakable, or anything with carbohydrates. She prefers dogs over most people, and food over most everything. Her blog, http://lisanewlin.com will make you feel better about your own life and remind you that vodka is the answer to everything. Except if the question is "What should I throw on this fire?" Then the answer is definitely NOT vodka. Lisa writes for http://nickmom.com and also writes a syndicated humor column, Under Analysis. She's also one of the co-authors of the bestselling humor anthology, "You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth."

She's also been known to eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting.

FOLLOW LISA NEWLIN AT:



15 comments:

  1. Two of my favorites in the same place! So glad I saw this! I like Sandra Bullock - I really enjoyed The Proposal. Betty White is awesome...that scene in the woods and the strip club...she is a riot!

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    1. If I had known Betty White was so much fun at strip clubs, I would have incorporated her into my bachelorette party plans! I would party with that lady any day of the week, but preferably before 5:00 so I could get in on the early bird specials.

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  2. I was one of those that liked the Lakeside, lol... I did.. even if it was poor acting. I love Keanu and Sandra together ;-)

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    1. I respect Keanu because he may not be a great actor, but he has made a lot of money being subpar. I wish I could be so lucky...

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  3. Sandra Bullock is da bomb! She's a chick with spunk, I tell ya! I will never lose my enthusiasm for donuts either and I fully subscribe to the Krispy Kreme diet. Suck it, Atkins!

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    1. Krispy Kremes are what got me through law school...and what account for my additional weight gain during that very trying time.

      What did I learn from that? Drowning your sorrows in icing is quite effective.

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  4. It's Skittles and ice cream I can attribute moving arms too?? I thought it was the broccoli I was eating, so I stopped. ;) Kidding. :)

    My SIL saw the new Sandra Bullock film and said it's a must-see. :)

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    1. Apparently her new movie is good, it's just not my thing.

      And yes, I like to attribute anything bad to broccoli. It's always broccoli's fault. Always.

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  5. Oh, Sandra! You've taught us so much! Let us worship at your flickering, million-dollar throne! May some of your poise/slenderness/wealth come to us! :)

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    1. I'm considering building a shrine of her made entirely of Skittles. It's the best way I know to show my devotion to her.

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  6. The phenomenon that is Sandra Bullock! An enjoyable read. It's also given me an idea for a future post: 'Things I've learnt from Dustin Hoffman movies': The Graduate (allow your future mother-in-law to have her wicked way with you and everything will turn out hunky-dory). Forest Gump (being the victim of bullying renders leg-irons redundant). See! I'm on a roll!

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    1. I want to say I've inspired you to make these realizations, but you're much wittier than I am so I know that's not the case. But let me have this...please.

      I've also wondered about the whole relationship thing in The Graduate. That would make for some awkward Thanksgivings!

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully I didn't make you crave Skittles with this read.

      Crap. Now I'm craving Skittles.

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  8. Sandra is one of my favorite actresses so I found this really funny!

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