Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Abandoning Pretense

     Oh, do I have a treat for you this week on my WWW guest series! My Wacky Wednesday Writers GUEST is the incredibly funny Kristen Mae of Abandoning Pretense! Kristen is a fellow Florida gal and I'm hoping that sooner or later we'll be able to meet up and share some gossip and giggles over a cup of coffee. In the meantime, I get to laugh over her hilarious and heartwarming blog posts. While sharing the uncensored truth about marriage, parenthood and life, Kristen is making a name for herself on popular sites such as Scary Mommy, Bluntmoms, Mamapedia and Mamalode. I predict it won't be long before this talented writer comes out with a book. And when she does, it will be a roaring success!

     Please welcome Kristen to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love!


Skinny-shaming Is NOT The Same As Fat-shaming


It seems like every other day I stumble across another article purporting that skinny-shaming is just like fat-shaming. These articles are written by skinny people who were traumatized by some ignoramus who called them “bean-pole” or accused them of being anorexic. While I don’t condone name-calling with regards to body shape, I have to say, I really don’t think these skinny people “get it.”
I’m probably going to get called out for skinny-shaming by writing this, but hear me out, okay? Especially if you’re skinny and you’re mad about skinny-shaming. First of all, I’m sorry if someone said something mean to you because that’s totally not cool, but seriously, really? Please don’t say skinny-shaming is the same as fat-shaming or that being too skinny is just as sucky as being too fat. Because it’s so totally not.
First of all, society looks at “too fat” and “too skinny” completely differently. People who are too skinny get: Freak of nature. Genetic lottery. Skinny bitch. Okay, none of those things actually sound like compliments but here’s what people who are fat get: Loser. Pig. Disgusting. Lack of will-power.
Society recognizes one as being out of the person’s control and the other as being a lack of self-control. Nobody looks at a skinny person and thinks, “What an idiot for letting herself get like that,” or “Geez, how could she do that to herself?” People think that kind of thing all the time about overweight people. So please let’s not pretend like being too skinny is just as undesirable as being too fat.
I don’t know why I’m getting so defensive on behalf of heavy women. I’m not even overweight. And by the way, I actually do believe it’s every person’s responsibility to take care of their body. I do think when a person is overweight that they “did it to themselves.” I’m merely asserting that fat and skinny aren’t equally sucky adjectives, and to be blessed with skinniness and be able to eat whateverthefrickyouwant all the time is something that should never be taken for granted, and certainly not complained about.
I know, because although I’m not overweight, I’ve always flirted with the upper-most boundary of my recommended BMI in spite of living a healthier-than-average lifestyle. I exercise two or three times per week, I eat a nutritious, mostly-organic diet, I don’t eat much sugar and I never drink soda. My guilty pleasures are coffee (three cups per day, okay I guess that’s kind of a lot), chocolate-chip cookies maybe once a month (but seriously half a freakin batch at one time), and a glass of wine (or four) here and there. My weight has been fairly static at 145. (I’m 5’4”.) Not fat. Just… almost fat. One batch of chocolate-chip cookies away from fat.
BUT DAMMIT, I WANNA EAT MY FRIGGIN CHOCOLATE-CHIP COOKIES AND NOT GET FAT!
And that really is the crux of this issue: If you’re super-skinny and someone calls you a skeleton, you can go drown your sorrows in a tub of icecream without exacerbating your problem. A fat (or even almost-fat) person doesn’t have that luxury. In fact, once a person is overweight, all they have to do is look at a cupcake and they gain weight. (When I eat my half-batch of chocolate-chip cookies I swear I gain five pounds by the next day. How is that even possible when half a batch of cookies doesn’t even weigh five pounds???) No, if an overweight person wants to drown their sorrows in anything, they’d better find something that doesn’t involve food at all.
And that’s where another big misconception lies: many people think that when a fat person goes on a diet it’s like, “Okay, I’m going to stop eating two whole pizzas per day and I’ll cut down from a two-liter of Pepsi to just one can – and VOILA - I just lost fifty pounds!” Okay sometimes that really is how it happens, especially for the initial chunk of weight that comes off. But after that, a fat person is eating the same as everyone else and either not losing or actively gaining weight. WTF is that all about???
And sometimes they’re torturing the shit out of themselves eating a f*cking salad while everyone else noshes on cheeseburgers and tacos, and I’m sorry but it’s so totally not fair that the quick metabolism people get to partake in yumminess while the fat people stand on the sidelines nibbling a goddam stalk of celery. SO NOT FAIR.
Maybe I just like food too much.
Skinny-people-who-are-angry-about-skinny-shaming, I understand you don’t want to be called names. Who does? But just please give all the slow metabolism people a break and let’s stop staying skinny-shaming and fat-shaming are the same thing, okay? Because they’re not. I’m not mad at you and I really hope I didn’t make you feel bad; I just want you to understand.

But in the event that I did inadvertently stab you in the feelings with my sharp words, I must ask that while you’re sobbing over your freshly-baked batch of chocolate-cookies, please eat a few of those little hunks of heaven for me. I can’t, because I’m still working on losing the five pounds I gained last month when I glanced at the cupcakes at my niece’s birthday party.


BIO:
When Kristen Mae isn’t running absurdly long distances, washing poop out of her dog’s butt-hair, or taming her two booger-machines, she’s tossing her expensive master’s of music performance degree out the window by feverishly attacking her “writing career.” Kristen is the voice of Abandoning Pretense, where she tells the whole, uncensored truth about marriage, parenthood, and life. In addition to her blog, Mae shares hilarious and heart-warming tidbits of her life on her Facebook page, Google+, Twitter and Pinterest, and is also a regular contributor at ScaryMommy.com, Bluntmoms.com, Mamapedia.com and Mamalode.com.


25 comments:

  1. BMI is a bunch of BS and I know many doctors that agree with me. Just because your skinny does not make you healthy I have had many skinny friends with major health problems and based on their BMI they are classified as "healthy" we need as a society to stop placing body types and shaped under one generic table.

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    1. So true. Just because you're skinny doesn't mean you're healthy. But my main point is that skinny shaming is not the same as fat-shaming. I think overweight people are judged far more harshly than those who have issues with being too thin. That was my point. =) Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  2. I believe BMI was invented pre-1900. You're right about name-calling, it accomplishes nothing. People who cannot gain weight have real problems, they may be different than ours, but they do. The horrible truth about the overweight is that they sometimes deal with stress in a perfectly harmful way, but THEIR particular method? Is blatantly obvious to everyone they meet. Unlike smokers, drinkers, domestic abusers, etc., who have worse habits, but are more able to hide their bad habits. Why should we treat bigger people any differently? We should not. But I can tell you first-hand, people DO. It's sad but true.
    What we need to realize is that HEALTHY has nothing to do with SIZE, and we shouldn't judge WHY someone is overweight, or make them prove they're trying to lose weight, or be healthy, or anything else. We should also NEVER listen to the media, Dr. Oz and/or any person who SELLS snake oil to people under the guise of making them "healthy." Yoyo weight loss and "dieting" which is proven not to work for long-term health, are not in the best interest of our health.
    It's also not in the best interest of anyone's health to tell ME how to deal with my stress. If I want to have a margarita w/sugar on the rim after a bad day? DUDE just back away.

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    1. You're right. BMI can be misleading. But it can still be useful as a guideline. My main point is that society judges overweight people far more harshly than those who have issues with being too thin. It's just not the same thing, ya know?

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  3. I am 5'7" and 156 lbs. After I had my twins I was 180. I rapidly lost over 40 lbs and everyone kept saying "you're so thin, are you sick?" I indeed was sick and hated when they asked me that. 138 is not too thin. I was size 6-8. I have never been accused of being fat, but it is never fun to be shamed about your weight or size. I do think it probably is worse when you are fat cuz although I was sick I was very happy to be as thin as I ever was and was sad when I gained enough to be my usual prebaby weight. I weigh less, but my clothes don't fit anymore. The weight is now in my butt thighs and belly. Very depressing to feel so fat even though I weigh less. I get it. I couldn't even imagine how bad I would feel if someone pointed it out to me. I live in yoga pants or sweats since nothing else fits and that is depressing enough. I lost muscle when I was sick for 8 months straight and gained all fat!

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  4. Very funny, and so true. As someone who'd overweight I can tell you from experience that society treats overweight people much differently than skinny people. Airlines don't charge more if you're skinny.

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    1. Huh. I could've sworn I replied earlier. I said, "good point, Stephen." Watch, now I'll refresh and there will be two comments. Anyway. Good point.

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  5. When I was 21 I weighed 118 pounds, I am 5"8". Too skinny by most counts. Now I weigh 172 , and while I am ok with it,I am officially obese. Having been on both sides, it is very different. Great article! Makes you think, and that is always good!

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    1. Grrr. I just commented. This thing is losing my comments every time. Was just saying I'm surprised that you're considered obese. I'm 4 inches shorter and 145. Meh. I just want cookies. I really hope my other comment doesn't magically appear now, because it will look like I just said the same stuff twice.

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  6. I think everyone should be happy in their skin, as long as they really are happy and living a fulfilling life. Skinny or post-skinny. It's all good! Great article! :)

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    1. I'm REALLY REALLY happy when I'm eating chocolate chip cookies. But I'm really unhappy when my pants are too tight. This is a huge problem. lol

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  7. Okay...Deep breath...I'm not mad at you. I am a formerly naturally skinny girl who was teased to no end in school and bullied and who hated, yes hated my body for years. Years because people were mean to me for being skinny. It's not the same as fat shaming, but it's still not okay. People did always say things to me like, "you should eat a cheeseburger or two." I could never look at someone and say, "You should eat fewer cheeseburgers," so you're right, it's not the same. Because society has said it's okay to be skinny, and it's not okay to be fat. What society has also said is that it's wrong for people to shame others for being fat, but it's just fine to say whatever we want to about that girl whose ribs stick out because...hey, at least she's not fat.

    Here's my stand on it. It's none of my business. I don't care what you eat or don't eat. I don't care what you look like on the outside. I just want you to like you, and I'll like me, and instead of calling each other names like "bean-pole" and "pig," let's find good things to say about each other.

    I'm no longer naturally thin. I have to work really hard to stay fit, and it's not easy. I took a week off recently and ate like crap and gained 6.5 lbs. IN A WEEK! I totally understand your need for eating that entire batch of chocolate chip cookies. I want to eat them, too. Maybe we should split a batch. Would that mean that we only gain 2.5 lbs?

    Again, I'm not mad at you. I hope you're not mad at me. I'm going to have to check out your blog.

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    1. Ugh. I'm sorry you went through all that. You're totally right. It's still not okay. And it is a little ironic isn't it, that because "skinny" is seen as a good thing, that somehow this makes it okay to make fun of someone for it? How strange. That's a whole 'nother blog post.

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  8. Here here I couldn't agree more this short fat woman has struggled her whole life with wait but do people see that it is a struggle and that if I didn't eat I might be ok but as soon as I eat the weight becomes a problem and I know that there are some super skinny people who are so because that is the way they are not because they don't eat I just wish more people could see how hard it is for a fat person and I wish those skinny people would take a step back and think before they speak because I have had a lot of skinny people call me names because I am fat.

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    1. Yeah... either way the name-calling and shaming sucks. But CAN I JUST EAT MY FRICKIN' COOKIES??? (WITHOUT getting fat??) GAHHH!!!!

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  9. Oh my gosh... lol... I am with you on the skinny shaming not being anywhere near the fat shaming... this coming from a woman who was very over weight a year ago. I watched everything I ate and I walked massive miles and lost 80 pounds. 3 weeks ago I gave myself a break and ate a few things here and there... I gained 10 pounds... yeah I am with you... what the heck... back to the salads and celery for me... ;)

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    1. Congratulations on getting healthy! (But doesn't it FREAKING SUCK to not be able to eat a piece of cake every now and then and not gain 5 pounds? I'm calling bullcrap!)

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  10. Kristen Mae is taking over the world, one blog post at a time. And I love your no nonsense approach to being healthy; we are in control of our bodies (barring outstanding circumstances), and as a lady with more junk in her trunk than she would like, I would much rather be skinny-shamed than fat-shamed, which I have been. P.S. Every time you wrote chocolate chip cookie, I gained 5 pounds.

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    1. So did I. And on top of that, tonight I ate tacos. I am so screwed.

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  11. I think we women just can't win - we're either too skinny or too fat! I agree - how can I gain 5 pounds from something that doesn't even weigh that much? Very funny stuff - glad Marcia featured you today!

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  12. I enjoyed your piece and agree that shaming is wrong, whether it is directed at a skinny or overweight person. You hit the nail on the head, though, when you said that fat people are looked at as having no self control. No one is ever turned down for a job because they are too thin. While not being able to gain weight is a struggle for some people, it is not the opposite spectrum of the same problem. Because the images we are bombarded with by the media are images that are too thin ... unhealthy thin, when you can see someone's collarbone and ribcage. But regardless of that being unhealthy too, thin is accepted in this society. That is the ideal image. So to be fat is to be an outcast ... not one of "them" ... "them" being people with weights considered healthy or less than healthy for their body frame. That said, there is also a skewed perception that fat=unhealth and unfit while thin=healthy and fit, which is not necessarily accurate. I've seen many a thin person who is out of shape and unable to jog to the corner, and I've seen people who are fat by society's standards run a marathon. Things are not always what they seem. Great piece!

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  13. You make some valid points in support of your distinction between skinny- and fat-calling. And you deliver it in a form that is enjoyable to read. I'll be dropping in to nosy around your blog sometime soon.

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  14. I hear what you're saying. I was always long and lean like a colt until I became pregnant and gained 80lbs. Didn't bother me, I was just happy to have a healthy baby girl (a very high risk pregnancy). 13 years and a divorce later I've shed the lbs,...BUT my daughter was often teased about her weight, or lack thereof. And it was just genetics. She eats like a horse! One particular day a few years ago when I picked her up from summer camp, she was in tears because another said "you're unnaturally thin. That's not healthy!" She's strong and healthy, and not 'petite', as in shorter in stature. In fact if she takes after my sister and most of my and her father's family, she'll probably be close to 6' tall. (My sis is 6'3") and that's another issue she'll have to deal with. But I just look at it all like one would a colt, or Great Dane. She's going to eventually grow 'into' her own body as an adult. Luckily, she's not weight discrimative, which so many young girls are today, unfortunately.

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