Welcome to another edition of Fly On The Wall hosted by Baking In A Tornado. 14 bloggers have agreed to let you hear what secrets the fly discovered while buzzing around their homes. This month the fly spent a lot of time around our bathroom. That's never a good sign. I'm just warning you ahead of time---the stuff he's going to buzz about today isn't pretty. You might even need an air freshener while you read the post. Or a gas mask….."When our broken dryer is running, why does it sound like someone is
beating the crap out of a donkey?"
"I just farted in the car and I feel like I'm stuck in a gas chamber."
"Meet my daughter the toenail factory. She can grow new ones on command!"
"You know what's on my bucket list? To ride on an elephant. Naked."
"You'll have to excuse me from the dinner table. I need to uncork a poop."
"If you keep dancing like that, you're going to sprain an ankle."
"More like sprain an ass!"
"Who the hell thought it would be funny to cover my car door with Vaseline?"
"Are you SURE that's just Vaseline?"
"Everyone knows you're the twisted branch in the family tree."
"I just farted and a corn kernel popped out.""That would be called a 'corn shart'."
"Stop trying to do burnouts in our ghetto-fied mommy mobile.""I should get transvaginal mesh surgery."
"That might be a problem since you're a man."
"I'm surprised I didn't get bad bruises on my butt and thighs after slipping on the wet floor.""That's because you have as much padding there as a linebacker."
"The dog just licked my face and his breath smelled like poop. Does that mean I now have pug fecal face?"
"I used to eat chalk and lick erasers on a dare when I was a kid."
"Well, that certainly explains a lot."
"I just got pulled over by a cop for speeding and he gave me a ticket! It probably didn't help that somebody drew a picture of a large penis on the back of my dusty car window."
If you haven't fainted yet from the obnoxious fumes emanating from this post (the aftermath of our holiday indulgence), then be sure to visit the other participating bloggers to hear what the fly has to say about them!
REMINDER: The VoiceBoks contest is still going on. It doesn't end until Feb.2, and I'd like to stay in the top 10. Can you please help me by taking a moment to vote for my blog? You can vote from your home computer and a cell phone, but be sure and turn the phone sideways to widen the screen to vote. Just click on this link, scroll down to "Menopausal Mom" and click on the heart next to that name. DONE! Thank you for your support! Vote here: http://voiceboks.com/top-50-hilariously-funny-nominated-parent-bloggers-2014/
Are you a MILF? Find out by reading my new post over at In The Powder Room: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/the-edge/2014-01-nine-signs-you-might-be-a-milf.html
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity
http://thelazymomcooks.blogspot.com/ The Lazy Mom’s Cooking Blog
http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother
http://victoryrosevintage.wordpress.com Victory Rose
http://www.pinkheartstring.com Pink Heart String
http://www.spinstersnacks.com/ Spinster Snacks
"The twisted branch in the family tree." Oh yeah! That's ME!
ReplyDeleteCarol
www.carolcassara.com
You too, huh?
DeleteRiding on an elephant naked? That's real rough ride that you might regret for a very long time. Well, at least you've had children already, ha ha ha. Oh, and never let those lovely dogs lick your face. They have a tendency to lick things that will make us humans very very ill !!! and they're immune to it, ha ha ha. And I'm the branch that broke off in my family.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I call a real Funky Town post indeed. Have a wonderful weekend :)
The branch that broke off…..ohhh I like that! Yes, I know I shouldn't let the pugs lick my face but they're just so darn cute! Thanks for stopping by, RPD. You always make me smile, dear friend! XO
DeleteNot sure what you're feeding these people but it may just be time to rethink your strategy. . . just sayin'!
ReplyDeleteMexican food does it every time…..
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRead it - and totally survived the smell!!! Here's where I admit I always wanted to ride a horse naked. But there is a problem with that. You'd have to be outside. Naked. (I tired to bring my horse in the house once. Mom objected...) Love your family!!!
ReplyDeleteDIANE!!!! OMG girl, you have me dying laughing over here!!!!
DeleteToo freaking funny!
ReplyDeleteGas masks are usually required in my household as well. I blame it on my husband and the three cats. Me? I'm innocent (yea freaking right!).
Of course you are---women NEVER smell, right??
DeleteThis is definitely one for Michael - I'm surprised he hasn't plopped in yet?
ReplyDeleteOh I know!!! We need to tell him to get his stinky butt over here!!
DeleteAs usual, I absolutely love your family!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know you're ALWAYS welcome to come visit, right? XO
DeleteHi Marsha! It's always fun to have a little peek into 'Bonkersville'. What a fun, crazy family you have! I love the photo of you and your girls! What happy faces :)
ReplyDeleteKeep warm and have a wonderful weekend!
Ceil (and thank you for your support, so glad we are connected!)
Hi Ceil!!! Yep---we're one crazy bunch but I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for stopping by---always so happy to see you!
DeleteI always LOVE LOVE LOVE your Fly posts!!!! Hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, glad you like my crazy family. Thanks, Stacy!
DeleteCorn SHART?! I'm blown away that not only did one of your family members recognize the phenomenon, but they had a NAME for it. Oh.My.Word.
ReplyDeleteCorn shart. I'm sorry...I'm sure the rest of the post was equally amusing, but I just can't get past this for some reason. Sniggering.
I about fell off the chair when my hubs said it, too! I always thought my kids came up with some gross stuff, but after listening to my hubs, I know where they get it from!
DeleteI know I truly love your family when they let you up put pictures of them posing on the can! From one twisted branch to another, you make me laugh out loud. I need to see pics of this ghetto-fied mom mobile. Love you and your wonderful sense of humor xox
ReplyDeleteOh Michele, the ghetto van is SOOOO bad! I can't believe it still drives!! I won't EVER get behind the wheel of that thing---far too dangerous. The hubs drives it and is used to it, I guess. Every time we are forced to go somewhere in it, I cross my fingers and toes that we get there safely. Glad to hear you are also the twisted branch in the family---I knew there was a reason we got along so well. Love ya! XO
DeleteRemind me, some day when I visit you, to bring the nose plugs :)
ReplyDelete"Fecal face"! I think I like that!!! :)
Bring a suitcase filled with air fresheners too, while you're at it---you'll need it! :-)
Delete"Everyone knows you're the twisted branch in the family tree."
ReplyDeletebwuahahaha
I only speak the truth….
DeleteSo glad I just read this post as I'm eating lunch!
ReplyDeleteYou just know I'll be hitting the bathroom after this. I just love bathroom humor!
As long as you promise me you haven't just eaten corn…..
DeleteWow the conversations at your place sound as crazy as the ones I hear around here. I lost it at the penis drawing on the car. I can't say that one has happened to me yet.
ReplyDeleteGive it time…..you just might wake up to that one morning like we did!
DeleteThis makes me feel better about my own family. :D
ReplyDeleteUt-oh, that's a scary thought…..I was hoping I wasn't the only one….
DeleteThis was hilarious... I laughed so much girl... thanks
ReplyDeleteI loved the whole thing but these two I really laughed hard:
"I just farted and a corn kernel popped out."
"That would be called a 'corn shart'."
"I just got pulled over by a cop for speeding and he gave me a ticket! It probably didn't help that somebody drew a picture of a large penis on the back of my dusty car window."
:)
So gross but SOOO true. A typical day at the Doyle house….
DeleteLoved them all. Reminds me of when my boys were growing up. It was a battle as to who was the raunchiest. I was never sure why either one of them wanted to be crowned King of this battle.
ReplyDeleteBarbara @ www,allmylivesnow.com
I have 2 girls and 2 boys, and I swear, it's the girls who say the grossest stuff!!!
DeleteThat was freaking awesome. I love it and I'm getting this piece tattooed on my back.
ReplyDeleteHow did I just KNOW you would love this? Because we are kindred, poop-obsessed souls….
DeleteHeeelarious!!! Just about peed my pants reading it.
ReplyDeleteNow don't make me get out the Poise pads for ya!
Delete"That might be a problem since you're a man"...not the first line that cracked me up, because all of them did--but that line got me the most. I always think it sounds cliche when people say they almost spit out their coffee from laughing so hard--but I honestly almost spit out my coffee from laughing!! Hilarious as always, Marcia! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shay! I've choked on my drinks reading your blogs too--but it wasn't coffee….it was wine….shhhhh!
DeleteOMG Marcia!!! HAAHAH. I love these posts. I can't decide whether riding an elephant naked is funnier or the twisted branch in the family tree. I can relate to both. You do SUCH an excellent job of capturing the awesome in your family. Each time I read a FOTW post, I want to come to your house for dinner. I'll bring lots of wine, I swear.
ReplyDeleteI would SOOOO LOVE to have you here---are you kidding? You would rock my word if you ever came to South Florida for a visit!!! One of these days, Kristi---we MUST meet up!
ReplyDeleteYou had me at corn shart! LOL. Your family sounds like ours. I'm in a house of boys and a day doesn't go by without ever single bodily function being discussed at length. OY. I love it though. Laughter is everything.
ReplyDeleteBoys love their fart jokes that's for sure. My girls like the gross stuff too, but when I say the gross stuff, they just cringe and tell me to stop. Apparently moms are not allowed to fart or poop.
DeleteSomeone beating up a donkey is hilarious! Those would be my son's GIANT shoes that somehow for some reason always need to be dried in the dryer lately. These are hilarious. Sounds a lot like my nieces & nephews and their gassy friends, when we go up to my sister's lake house if they are there I always call it "Shart Week." Never a dull moment!
ReplyDeleteI love that---"Shart week." That describes my family to the tee, but on a daily basis!!
DeleteMoms don't fart - I've always told my sons that moms don't fart they toot. The only thing about riding an elephant naked is their coarse hair - sounds kinda itchy.
ReplyDeleteOuch! I'd better tell my son that before he tries to complete it on his bucket list!
DeleteSome time a person need to have a laugh or to. I had one of those day a laugh is great way to end my shitty day.
ReplyDeleteAwww…I'm sorry you are having such a bad day---but I'm glad I could bring a little smile into your life <3
Delete