"When our broken dryer is running, why does it sound like someone is
beating the crap out of a donkey?"
"I just farted in the car and I feel like I'm stuck in a gas chamber."
"Meet my daughter the toenail factory. She can grow new ones on command!"
"You know what's on my bucket list? To ride on an elephant. Naked."
"You'll have to excuse me from the dinner table. I need to uncork a poop."
"If you keep dancing like that, you're going to sprain an ankle."
"More like sprain an ass!"
"Who the hell thought it would be funny to cover my car door with Vaseline?"
"Are you SURE that's just Vaseline?"
"Everyone knows you're the twisted branch in the family tree."
"I just farted and a corn kernel popped out."
"That would be called a 'corn shart'."
"Stop trying to do burnouts in our ghetto-fied mommy mobile."
"I should get transvaginal mesh surgery."
"That might be a problem since you're a man."
"I'm surprised I didn't get bad bruises on my butt and thighs after slipping on the wet floor."
"That's because you have as much padding there as a linebacker."
"The dog just licked my face and his breath smelled like poop. Does that mean I now have pug fecal face?"
"I used to eat chalk and lick erasers on a dare when I was a kid."
"Well, that certainly explains a lot."
"I just got pulled over by a cop for speeding and he gave me a ticket! It probably didn't help that somebody drew a picture of a large penis on the back of my dusty car window."
If you haven't fainted yet from the obnoxious fumes emanating from this post (the aftermath of our holiday indulgence), then be sure to visit the other participating bloggers to hear what the fly has to say about them!
REMINDER: The VoiceBoks contest is still going on. It doesn't end until Feb.2, and I'd like to stay in the top 10. Can you please help me by taking a moment to vote for my blog? You can vote from your home computer and a cell phone, but be sure and turn the phone sideways to widen the screen to vote. Just click on this link, scroll down to "Menopausal Mom" and click on the heart next to that name. DONE! Thank you for your support! Vote here: http://voiceboks.com/top-50-hilariously-funny-nominated-parent-bloggers-2014/
Are you a MILF? Find out by reading my new post over at In The Powder Room: http://www.inthepowderroom.com/read/the-edge/2014-01-nine-signs-you-might-be-a-milf.html
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