In the Doyle house, this month has been all about holiday preparations. The Christmas tree is up, the house is decorated inside and out, the frantic shopping has begun and there are oodles of baking goods in my pantry for a weekend of marathon cooking. I look forward to having my family here as we sip mimosas, open gifts, start a balled-up wrapping paper war and feast on all the delicacies of the big Christmas dinner. My favorite part of the evening is sitting around the fire pit in our backyard as we cozy up to the warmth and listen to family members who sing and play guitar. When I look at all the lovely faces in the glow of the fire, I'm reminded of how blessed I am to belong to this spectacular family.
If you were a fly on the wall in my house this month, you'd see me designing my own holiday Somee Card memes, which I'm including in today's post. You'd also hear the following snippets of conversation:
"To some, it's a tin of Christmas cookies. To me, it's a support group."
"You could have helped me decorate the tree today instead of being so lazy."
"I'm not lazy. I'm energy efficient."
"There's never a happy ending from a story that begins with, 'that one time I drank Fireball at a holiday party….'"
" I can't enjoy the Christmas feast this year without feeling guilty. You've demonized all the calories."
"It's obvious you're a holiday hoarder. You need a decoration intervention."
"Thank God we have hurricane resistant windows, otherwise they would have cracked when she hit that high note on the Christmas carol."
"It's not good holiday food unless it's really fattening….and you can feel your heart beat slowing down while you eat."
"Need help wrapping all these Christmas presents? …..said no teenager ever."
"Why on earth did you buy a red star for the top of the tree? We now have a brothel Christmas tree."
"I can't do that. I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet."
"I get hungry."
"I hope you don't wait until the last minute to do your Christmas shopping at a Walgreens drugstore. I don't want to find the Ho Ho Ho Enema Gift Set there."
"Forget 'Elf On The Shelf.' I have 'Steve Up Your Sleeve' and 'Elvis On Your Pelvis.' "
"Whoever said 'Patience is a virtue' never experienced instant gratification."
"Or long line at Walmart."
"I have a lot of decorating to do today, but the coffee will keep me going until it's acceptable to drink heavily spiked eggnog."
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Don't forget to grab your copy of my book, "WHO STOLE MY SPANDEX?" from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble! Thanks!