Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Finding Ninee

       Welcome to anther edition of Wacky Wednesday Writers! I am thrilled to introduce my new guest today, Kristi Campbell of  http://www.findingninee.com. I found Kristi last year through mutual blogging friends who told me about her awesome writing skills and asked me to check out her site. I'm glad I did. Kristi has a wonderful, quirky sense of humor and some hilarious illustrations to accompany her posts.
       There is also a poignant side to many of Kristi's blog posts. She shares her perspective on what it's like to be a special needs mom, and these entries often leave me in awe of her courage and strength as a mother. She also features writers on her Our Land series, which she describes as, "a place where empathy and wonder rule."
     I am proud to call this talented writer with such a beautiful heart my friend. Her post today had me laughing out loud after I read the very first few sentences!! She is discussing something that we tend to obsess about way too much in our home. I'm not going to tell you any more than that--you just have to read this post and see for yourself. Hilarious! Please be sure to check out the latest blog posts on her site and leave her some comment love while you're over there!


When My Dog Lost His Spot as #1


Before I was a mom, my good friend made a comment about the fact that her kids were more important than her dog was.  It went something along the lines of “Well, yeah, but he’s just a dog.”  Just a dog?!? This from the woman whose dog had been sleeping in her bed each night. Who took him through drive through’s because “he enjoys them.” I can’t remember the exact conversation, but “he’s just a dog” obviously meant that her dog was the lesser being, and no longer her #1 favorite.  I was horrified and insulted on her dog’s behalf.  Just because she had kids, her beloved mutt had become a second-class citizen?  The injustice!  I promised myself that I’d never adore my dog any less than I did at that moment. 

Fast-forward a few years to the time that I became a mother myself. Which is when some of my views of my “my dog is my baby” began to shift. I’d even go so far as to say that my dog’s habits began to really piss me off.  For example, what’s up with eating grass so that he can make himself puke (bulimia, anybody)? 
Also, why, when he pukes, must it almost always be on the carpet?  Hard wood and tiled floors dominate the two lower levels of our home, so for him to get it on the small rugs strewn about takes some serious effort.  My dog has chronic diarrhea, and again, pretty much decides the carpets are a more comfortable place to relieve himself than my much more easily cleaned floors.  Asshole!

Once you have a baby, and then a crawling kid who tends to put everything that he finds in his path inside his mouth, poop is just as appealing as shiny coins, and, having dog diarrhea lying around isn’t really an option any longer.  

My dog continued to make me question just how much he was actually my #1 baby by wiping his ass in unexpected places.  Take a typical day, for example.  My new son and I go to the playground, take a walk and pick up some food on the way home. We have fun. Play. Do what we’re supposed to do. And come home to dogshit diarrhea and streaks everywhere. 

Everywhere.

Because my dog is so gigantically tall, this includes him leaving snail trails of shit on the cushions on my couch.  There’s diarrhea on the carpet, butt-relieving trails of poop-streaks on the floor runner, making a path from the kitchen, to the hallway wall, to the damn couch. 
And my kid is curious. Of course! We come home to this disaster and I am forced to scream at my little boy to  “Stay! Over! There!” Which means that no matter how engaged he was five seconds ago in greeting all of his toy airplanes, he’s now completely focused on playing with my dog, his poop streaks and is soon to be poisoned by the chemicals it takes to clean up dogshit. 

Playing with toxic chemicals is much more fun that even the coolest toy airplane can ever be. I guess I should just be happy that my little boy didn’t eat the dog poop streaks.  But damnit, the dog became #2. Just like that. 

Because I didn’t have a camera set up to photograph our experience that day, I’ve drawn you a picture. 



Kristi Campbell is a semi-lapsed career woman with about 18 years of marketing experience in a variety of national and global technology companies.  More recently, she was a co-host on a hilarious (and under funded) weekly radio show.  Once her son was born, she became the mom who almost always leaves the house in either flip-flops or Uggs, depending on the weather.  

While she does work part-time, her passion is writing and drawing really stupid-looking pictures for her blog http://www.findingninee.com.  Finding Ninee (pron. nine-ee for her son’s pronunciation of the word airplane) started due to a memoir, abandoned when Kristi read that a publisher would rather shave a cat than read another memoir.  Its primary focus is humor and support in a “Middle World,” one where the autism spectrum exists but a diagnosis does not.


34 comments:

  1. I see what you did there. #2. Poop. BA HA HA! I'm honored to be the first one to comment here! I had kids first BEFORE I had the dog, so he has always been #2 to me. That's no way being offensive to dogs, it's just the way it is! Great post there lady!

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    1. Sarah,
      HA #2 is funny right? Poop. #2. And yeah, kids win. Thanks so much!

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  2. It's called a dogs 'jealous rage'.
    The dog is behaving badly because it's jealous of the fact that you've had a child. It's going to teach you a lesson every now and again, and pooping all over the house whilst your having fun with your child at the playground is just one lesson you've got to get use to. Oh how I wish you had CCTV around the house. You'd see it in full action from the moment the front door shut until you returned ha ha ha.

    And guess what? When you get back, it will have it's tail between it's leg looking sad and solemn and may even go into hiding, hoping you will feel sorry for it. You're lucky it didn't rip all the furniture, clothes etc but that may come later if you have more kids. Don't we just love dogs? Yep. Your post brought back some good memories when I once had dogs.

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    1. Haha! The idea of having CCTV to film it all is priceless! That would be awesome. I think you're right that he was jealous. Guess I should have taken him to the playground with us. And yeah, he does the tail between his legs really really well. Sneaky jerk!

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  3. And this is why my dogs never enter the house. Well, one of the reasons.

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    1. I can most definitely see the advantages of having outdoor dogs.

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  4. My husband still throws up when he has to clean up our dog's puke which is mixed with grass and pine needles. Hey, at least the pine gives it a fresh clean scent.

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  5. Ew. Nothing like fresh clean scented puke. I guess it's the little things we need to be thankful for.

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  6. Marcia,
    Thank you so very much for the kind and wonderful introduction today, and for allowing me the pleasure of being featured on Meno Mama! Whoop! Thank you :)

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    Replies
    1. I LOVE LOVE LOVE having you here. This blog post is a riot! Anything with the mention of poop in it wins my heart every time!!!

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    2. Poop! #2! Ew! Funny! Gross and horrible.

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  7. Haha...I don't have a dog but I do have a cat... she constantly leaves nice fur balls where ever... oh ans pooping in the clean cat box... best of all peeing on on clothes my daughter leaves on the floor. So she is number two... lol

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    1. Ew to the peeing on clothes! Freaking #2 animals! Ha :)

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  8. All I can think of is the line from 'Over the Hedge'. "I have a cork in my butt!" Probably would have worked here. Totally agree with your dog's placement! Looks like #2 to me! :)

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    1. HAHA, Diane! We've SO often joked about how he needs a cork in his butt!

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  9. Dear, dear friend, THANK YOU for this post. It absolutely cements why I will never have a dog...

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    1. Lizzi,
      They're worth it. Really.

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    2. I have yet to be convinced. But will retain a sort-of open mind.

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  10. We have wood floors and tile too but inevitably, they have any accidents they are going to have on the rug. I don't get it. And half the time when the cats bring me something dead, they leave it for me on the carpet too. Seriously, I do not get this!!!

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  11. Michelle,
    Isn't it funny how they ALWAYS go on the rugs? It's like they do it on purpose! So annoying! I don't get it either. Ugh.

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  12. Our cats pull that stuff. I didn't like it before I had a kid. Can you imagine how much I like it now? But they're cats. You are right; I can't imagine feeling that way about a dog. Maybe, it's good I don't have a dog!

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    1. Sorry Rachel but dogs are way better than cats. My dog was for real my baby. He slept with me and everything. But then? He started wiping his ass on the couch. And well. #2. Quickly.

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  13. Hello! So nice to meet you from the Bloglovin' Hop!
    This post was too funny! I am sooooo not a dog person. I've ever had one and never will. However, I do have a cat that is still trying to figure out why he got demoted from diety to regular old ordinary house pet about 5 1/2 years ago (when I had my twins). ;)

    I hope you'll stop by some time - Desert Momma!

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  14. Desert Momma, I'm going to stop by now, and I'm sure Marcia probably already has! I guess the cat demotion is the same? Maybe? Not a cat person. At all. But thanks!

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  15. Hi Menopuausal Mother,
    I am new to your blog, came to it from blog loving blog hop.
    I love your blog and have become a follower.
    If you hve the time or inclination you would be very welcome at my blog, http://www.wabyerley.blogspot.com.
    I hope that you have a wonderful day.
    Great big hug.
    Love and best wishes.
    Anne

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Anne! I'll be sure to check out your site!

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  16. Dogs are just like kids. They get jealous of the other kid. They can also be messy at times.

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  17. Phil,
    So messy. So jealous. So shedding!

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  18. Anne,
    You're gonna LOVE Meno Mama! Love. She's awesome.

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  19. haha!! My family totally wants a cat or dog. I always wonder which is less disgusting. I'm totally an animal person but I have two young kids and I can barely keep up with their habits!

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  20. Tamara? Just wait. You already have Hans Solo to clean up after.

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  21. I LOVE Kristi!! So glad to see her over here!!

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