Joy describes herself as a "mostly foul-mouthed, immature hooligan and sometimes a sweet mother of 3 doing my best." When you visit her blog, you'll be treated to some of her reader's favorite posts about 80's prom pictures, Hogwarts Hotties and weird halloween costumes. She often includes funny memes and photos with her posts, which always bring a smile to my face. Her guest post today has me in stitches because I have grown children of my own and can relate to EVERYTHING she has written here.
Kick back and relax, folks. This is a funny one! Please welcome Joy to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love. Thanks!
MOTIVATING YOUNG ADULTS
If getting ADHD/ODD (or any) teens through high school is a battle, trying to guide these young adults into adulthood is World War Can’t. Mission: NotPossible. I wish I could offer advice on these special not-quite-adults, but just like children, adults and Anal Polyps, each is different.
I’m no expert on your young adult. If I wrote a blog on the subject you could find it at www.iCan’t@Even.com, however I have learned a few things about mine, mostly the hard way. My one piece of advice to survive this stage with any hair left on your head, is to focus all of your energy on making them financially and completely self-dependent. As soon as possible. Then when you can’t take anymore, fast forward their independence.
Meaning: Kick their hams out the door.
The mere threat of being on their own is enough motivation for some young adults to start them on a path. Mine has always pushed to the limit, and then a little farther. Once you feel they're able to provide for themselves, stop making their lives at all comfortable. They may not ever launch into their own orbit if their life in your home is easy and enjoyable.
Here are some tips on that kind motivation, in no particular order.
Stop buying their favorite food, and all edible snacks.
They can get a(nother) job and buy their own snacks. If you want snacks your own in the house, hide them well. NOT anywhere in the kitchen, they’re smarter than that, and how many hollowed-out bags of broccoli can you realistically have in your freezer before tipping your hand?
(Answer: About 4.)
In fact, this is the perfect time to:
Dramatically announce your family is going vegan/paleo/all organic.
Nothing makes my son more angry than “Meatless Monday.”
Think of them as a roommate, start treating them like one. Start thinking and acting like the worst roommate you can imagine. They should probably get used to it.
Make them install something similar to the Homeslice app on their phone. Homeslice is basically an electronic whiteboard for divvying up chores, groceries, bills, etc. You want to make SURE you can annoy them when they’re not home.
Why should leaving the house for small amounts of time mean the annoyance should stop? YOU are still annoyed by their actions when they’re not there, right? Send that youngin reminder texts, full of slang, dawg! Youngins love texts. And adults using their slang, yo.
What else do bad roommates do?
If you see they bought or brought home leftover food, be sure to eat it, even if they marked it as theirs. What? That’s what bad roommates do. Trust me on this.
When you see their laundry in the washer/dryer, leave it in a crumpled ball on the floor.
No more thinking that if you teach them how to be considerate, they will follow suit. After years of failed negoatiating (yelling) mine only learns the hard way.
At least he will now leave our clothes on TOP of the dryer, though he still won’t fold it or even place it nicely. Back at ya, Bro.
If they leave their dirty dishes all over, take all of the clean ones from the cabinets and hide them.
They open the drawer to find NO forks, spoons or knives anywhere to be found, just a note telling them to go get their dirty ones and wash them.
This did eventually work to some extent with my son, but we were REALLY tired of hunting for flatware when we needed it. I needed to carry a survival backpack of supplies.
Speaking of hiding, move their jackets, shoes, any clutter they leave lying around, and hide them. Either tell them you’ve donated them, or actually donate them. There are in fact, many people in our country who would love and take care of those expensive sneakers, so why shouldn’t they have them?
“Oh you needed those shoes? Here’s a Kohl’s coupon and some bus fare, they close at 9:00. This will never happen when you live by yourself, just sayin’.”
Leave the toilet paper roll empty.
Tell them they have to buy their own. They can buy it from you, but cash in advance. No credit! This is another item for your backpack of survival essentials. It’s also a perfect place for your hidden snacks.
Hit them where it hurts. If they don’t like it, they will be more motivated to work and save for their own place.
What works for some, may not work for others. Some don’t like their privacy “invaded” so when they’re out, go in their space and move things around. They’ll think you were snooping, this drives them crazy.
My son wasn’t too bothered by most of this, so I had to step up my game. Hiding plates and flatware didn’t bother him, he just eats with his hands. But telling him I used his razor to shave my personal parts? I could tell that was a Home Run. He is also grossed out by my under garments hanging to dry in the bathroom. Make sure to leave it there right before their shower time.
Pro-tip: Don’t forget to take that down when your in-laws come over.
If this doesn’t work, you’re going to have to play dirty. Or, at least tell them that’s what you did on their bed. If they don’t believe you, consider a sending them a selfie of you in their room, but remember these pictures could (and mostly likely will) end up in front of their friends’ eyeballs.
If that doesn’t bother your young adult, not much will.
You’ll know what is best (worst) for your child, dig deep. Don’t be afraid to leave emotional scars. Our parents weren’t afraid of that, were they? Keep your eyes on the prize, soon they’ll be out and on their own. As my mother said of almost all my siblings at this age, “You did your part, they’re society’s problem now.”
Joy Christ writes Comfytown Chronicles, which is sometimes a blog about a mother of 3 just doing her best, but mostly is about silly humor, cussing, day-drinking, binge eating and other things she won’t go to meetings for.
Read just how low she can go at the following places