Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Housewife Plus

     My charming guest today on Wacky Wednesday Writers is a humor writer I met through some blogging groups on Facebook. Please welcome Sarah Cottrell from Housewife Plus! She was kind enough to feature me on her site a few months ago (you can read it here) and is now doing me the honor of sharing a slice of her comedy with you, dear readers. Sarah writes a popular parenting blog at the Bangor Daily News that features funny posts, parenting tips and plenty of entertaining guest writers. I love her sense of humor and the enthusiasm that shows in her writing. Her post today is HILARIOUS and oh-so-true! Please welcome this talented blogger to my site with lots of comment love!


Dear Mom,

I remember clearly the day I sassed you so hard that you looked me square in the eye and said, “I hope you have a child exactly like you someday.” I laughed and shrugged it off. It made no sense. Didn’t you mean that you wanted to ground me for eternity? Or didn’t you mean that you wanted to take away my MTV?

It took nearly 20 years before the zing of that admission rang some truth. And holy shit, Mom…why would you curse me like that!?

It is a hard pill to swallow but I must admit that you were right.

You were right that it is possible to simultaneously love and dislike your own child in a single moment of time.

You were right that scraped knees and banged up elbows are sometimes harder for the Mom than for the kid to deal with.

You were right that there is nothing hiding under the bed. I know. I just checked.

You were right that no matter what, kids would always behave better for damn near anyone other than Mom.

You were right that I would never sleep a full night sleep again. Not because the children keep me up but because my brain can’t quit.

You were right that I would still sneak into my son’s room and stare at his chest to make sure he is breathing. Even at five years old.

You were right that kids shouldn’t eat candy after 3pm. Ever.

You were right that kids would change marriage in profoundly difficult ways.

You were right that my teenage brat pack friends, Tiffany, Ashley, and Jessica would turn out to be bitches. And I will probably warn my sons about problematic friendships too.

You were right that Mom pants are goddamn comfortable.

You were right that nothing brings out aggressive, over protective, don’t-fuck-with-me reactions like rushing a sick or injured child to the hospital.

You were right that 7:00 pm is not too early to want to go to bed.

You were right that vegetables wouldn’t kill me.

You were right that spills can be cleaned, hair grows back, heartache heals, but tattoos are forever.

You were right that inner beauty is more important than outwardly appearance. But damn those Doc Martens were cool.

You were right that days would never end while the years would slip by.

You were right that a station wagon is not the death of freedom.

You were right that motherhood is the easiest/hardest over/underrated job there is.

You were right that I would someday realize that although I try my best I have no idea what I am doing.

You were right that there is no greater love than that between a parent and a child. Even though there was a time when I was sure I would die for a certain rock star or author. But nope. Doesn’t even compare!

Now before I get all crazy with emotional tender hearted stuff here let me point out that there was a whole lot of shit you were totally wrong about (TV did not rot my brain!) But you did a pretty damn good job. And while I will never admit this out loud, I do steal mom tips from your playbook all of the time.

Now I Know It All


Sarah Cottrell is a stay-at-home-mom in rural Maine. In 2012 she earned her MFA and immediately shoved it in the back of a closet where appliances go to die. She is the author of Housewife Plus, a popular parenting blog at the Bangor Daily News. Sarah’s work has been published on BlogHer, In The Powder Room, Mamapedia, Mamalode Magazine website and she is a regular contributor to Scary Mommy and Huffington Post. You can follow the fun on Facebook and Twitter


  1. This was on the mark, it was both funny and emotional... I kept say, oh yes... that is so true... I really enjoyed this ;)

  2. My only child still at home is 16 and I still check on his breathing when he's asleep..

    This is gorgeous

  3. This was so hilariously true I had to read it out loud to mom! Now my daughter is pregnant and I made that comment to her at 12 and now she is having twins...ultimate payback!

  4. Things I knew I would never say or do (that my mom said or did, of course), I now do.
    My oldest is a dad now, and he's fiercely protective, yet gentle w/his little girl. It'll be interesting to see how many things he swore he'd never do...that he's totally going to do. ;)

  5. I still don't get why kids have to behave like angels in front of others while chewing mom's brains out!!
    You nailed it with this post, Sarah!!

  6. If only our thirty-five year old son would settle don, get married and have a child, so I can have my revenge.

  7. I bet your Mom is going to enjoy this...We love being told we were right!

  8. Love this! My Mom was right about many things too.

  9. Haha!!! So true. I'm just a stepmom but even I can see how much my mother had to endure when I was a teen. Here's a saying that could go for both fathers/mothers and sons/daughters:

    By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

  10. Oh this is so spot on, my mum told my sister she hoped she would have a child just like her and she did, I was also lucky to have one of my three daughters just like me as I was one of those dream children who didn't give their parents a lot of heartache...................don't get me wrong I was not perfect just not that bad either compared to my sisters

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  12. Sarah's story completely resonated with me. It reminded me of the time my mother was so angry with me that she called me a smarta**. I'd never heard my mother swear before. I was almost impressed with my teenage ability to get her to go that crazy.

    Now, some 15 years later I'm more inclined to side with her and think, well, I deserved it. I WAS being a smarta**.

  13. The circle of life, eh? And how many times do you find yourself using phrases that were the hallmark of your parents? When it happens it is disturbing and reassuring, in equal measure.

    An enjoyable post. Thank you.

  14. Sarah - it's even alright to want to go to bed at 6pm!!



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