The fly that has been buzzing around my crazy household this month has seen me go through a roller coaster of emotions---anxiety, fear, relief and elation as the editing process on my forthcoming book, "Who Stole My Spandex?" reached the final stage of completion. A week ago, I left my "baby" in the very capable hands of my publisher. Since that day, the fly has witnessed my nail biting habit in full swing, along with me staring blankly at the computer screen. Yes, the anticipation is killing me. Mark your calendars, folks. Black Friday, Nov. 28 is LAUNCH DAY!
I've been too nervous lately to be funny, but as always, I can rely on my family for humorous blog fodder. Here's what the fly overheard in my crazy house recently:
"We're hopelessly lost. I think my GPS is drunk."
"I would only consider plastic surgery if the doctors could put my food baby belly on my butt. They could call the procedure a 'bellybottomy'."
"Ahhhh…the innocence of youth….when a two-year-old tries to put a dirty toilet plunger in her mouth."
"I'm going to cut you off from the wine now, because nobody sings 'This Land is My Land' or 'Leavin' On A Jet Plane' when they're sober."
"What the heck is this Farmers.com site I keep hearing about?"
"It's a site for lonely dairy cows looking for true love."
"I'm awake, but if you're expecting bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, go catch a squirrel."
"You're about to exceed the limits of my Prozac."
"A meal without wine is called breakfast."
"My belt, socks and baseball cap are black. My shirt and my pants are also black. NOW do I look thinner?"
"Whoever stole all of my leftover chicken salad from the fridge is a Motherclucker!"
"I just heard a commercial from a place called Harbour House for the Blind, and they're looking for used car donations. Isn't that an oxymoron…. cars for the blind?"
"I can't stop spilling beer into my mouth."
"What are you--the World Pug Herding Champion"?
"If you keep weary my socks, then I'm going to start wearing your underwear."
"I just burped and farted at the same time. It's called a 'Bart'."
"I know how I can help you sell your book. I'm going to wear an owl costume, stand by the highway with a bag of books and yell, "Whoo! Whoo! Who hasn't read this book?"
You heard the owl, folks. Buy the book on Amazon November 28th! WHOO WHOO!
Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://www.therowdybaker.com The Rowdy Baker
http://www.justalittlenutty.com/ Just A Little Nutty
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://www.menopausalmom.com/ Menopausal Mother
http://batteredhope.blogspot.com Battered Hope
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com Crumpets and Bollocks
http://www.juiceboxconfession.com Juicebox Confession
http://www.risanye.com Risa Nye
http://www.gomamao.com Go Mamma O