Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Rubber Shoes In Hell

I'm so excited to introduce you to my WWW guest today! Please welcome Michelle Poston Combs of Rubber Shoes In Hell! The first time I saw the clever title of her blog,  I just knew this woman had to be funny. And I was right! Michelle and I write the same type of rogue comedy that only other writers with a twisted sense of humor understand. The post she's sharing today on her teen's sudden lack of vocabulary is totally relatable to me since I've raised four teens of my own. I think there will be quite a few of you nodding your heads in agreement and laughing along with Michelle's witty post. Please welcome her to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love!



You Mad, Bro?


What do we do as soon as our babies are born? We start talking to them. We
wait anxiously to hear ‘mama’ or ‘dada’. Usually, we hear ‘dada’ first,
don’t we? Dad gets to brag to everyone ‘Junior said dada first’! Even
though most babies make dadadada or babababa sounds before speaking their
first words.

The words eventually come and then flow from their sticky little mouths
without end. A torrent of words begin when they wake up and don’t stop
until they pass out. In fact, when they are toddlers and you don’t hear a
steady stream of words, then something off limits is being eaten or broken
or drawn on.

My baby boy is 16 years old and as I watch him grow into adulthood, I can’t
help but ask myself a question.

What happened to my son’s vocabulary?

I hate to brag (that’s only kind of true), but my youngest child has been scary smart since he was little. He said his first word at 7 months and had a vocabulary of about 30 words by the time he was 10 months old. He began reading at age three and read Animal Farm when he was in Kindergarten.

That last thing? Yeah, when I saw him reading Animal Farm, I thought I’m sure he’s reading the words, but he doesn’t get it. I asked him what he thought about the book and his response was: Pretty sure the pigs are going to take over.

Like I said, scary smart.

His vocabulary was out of this world. He loved words. He loved learning new words. And he never ever EVER stopped talking. I would give my left arm to hear my baby boy ask me a million questions in his four year old voice now, but back then? The questions grew tiring.

I remember one day, when he was around 4 years old, telling him that he was going to use up all his words. He said ‘What? What does that mean”? I told him that people only had so many words they could say and if they used them all up, when they got old, they wouldn’t be able to talk anymore. He looked at me and said “Mom, that’s preposterous”.

He wasn’t buying that multi-syllable words counted as two words in the total count, either.

We lived in a small Ohio town when my baby boy was four years old. We didn’t go anywhere without running into someone we knew. We were out for dinner one evening. I had a particularly rough day at work that day, dealing with a grumpy boss. Who also happened to be having dinner at the same restaurant with his wife.

My husband and I were friends with my boss and his wife and my son had been to their house a number of times. My son listened to me complain about my rotten day during dinner and how my boss could be a real douche when he was in a bad mood. Then, as we were leaving, we ran into my boss.

My son looked very sternly at my boss and told him that he was supercilious. My boss, who I could see was trying to not laugh, asked my son what supercilious meant. The boy looks at him and says dismissively ‘It means you think you’re better than everyone else’. Then, he asked him if we could go to his house and play Xbox.

He’s 16 now and he’s still wicked smart. But his vocabulary, well, it was better when he was 4. Mostly, he communicates in grunts and intermittent smells.

The one thing he says to me more than anything else is ‘You mad, bro’? Every time he says the phrase, I roll my eyes a little harder. Pretty soon I’m going to roll them hard enough to time travel. When I do, I’m going to go back in time, to when he was 4 and listen to him ask as many questions as he wants.

I remember when he couldn’t wait to see me when I came home from work. Now, when I call him, he answers with an annoyed “What”? I understand the ‘what’ just fine, but if I’m talking to him on the phone, it’s like listening to the adults talk on Charlie Brown.  I’m not completely sure about this, but I think teenage boys stuff their mouths with marbles or cotton balls before speaking on cell phones. I think it’s punishment for parents for calling them instead of texting.

I understand what is happening, he is growing up and separating himself from us. His vocabulary is changing from learning to live to learning to leave. Sure, the thought makes me sad, but I am proud of the man he's becoming. He's quick-witted, kind, and can be sarcastic. He’s intelligent and well read. I’m sure he will suffer the setbacks that most young adults do. There will be some lessons he will learn the hard way. He’ll probably have at least one broken heart. But I’m not afraid for him. He’s going to be fine.

I’m sure there will come a day when I would give my left arm to hear ‘you mad, bro’?



BIO:

Michelle Poston Combs is a blogger who lives in the Midwest with her
husband and her youngest son. She is at the precipice of learning to live
with an empty nest which she finds both terrifying and exhilarating.

Her blog, Rubber Shoes In Hell is where she writes about topics ranging from awkward conversations with strangers to learning how to overcome being an adult child of a narcissist. Michelle has appeared on numerous blogs as a guest writer, including The
Huffington Post. She programs computers to pay the bills and counters this soul sucking
endeavor by writing her observations on life, menopause, anxiety and marriage

twitter:  https://twitter.com/RageMichelle


33 comments:

  1. This was touching and funny at the same time... It is so true though... Since I have one daughter all grown up and a younger one at home... I try to remember how quick it goes and enjoy the time I have with her... before she becomes a teen... ;)

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    1. It flies, right? We have three adult children. Joey is very nearly like an only child as his next closest sibling in age is 11 years older than he is. I do appreciate my time with him and I am sad that it's running short...but I'm also kind of looking forward to finding out what it's going to be like without a kid in the house...because at this point, I've forgotten.

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  2. Very Helpful Article for every Blogger, Thanks for Share.

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  3. I hate the grunting phase. It only passed with my oldest when he moved into his own place. Even then I think it's only because he can't escape into his bedroom anymore that there is real conversation again.

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    1. This is so true. My adult son, who barely spoke in his teens, calls me every day. Just to CHAT. It's amazing.

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  4. And the older we get, the faster time speeds by, it seems!

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    1. Right? I can't believe how quickly it's passing.

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  5. Ah, the age where, "Because I said so." No longer works.

    Great post

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    1. Thank you! And exactly...because I said so really doesn't work anymore. Good thing he's mostly reasonable.

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  6. Hi Michelle! What a lovely story of your relationship with your boy with mad skills in the vocab department. It does seem like our kids can't wait to talk, then can't wait to hold back on us moms. Erg. Just when their lives get a little more hidden, they clam up!

    I'm sure your son will someday do a big 'reveal' and start talking again.Won't that be fun? In the meantime, I always prayed that my son not do anything too stupid. Hopefully those prayers were answered, because he's sure not going to tell me about it!
    Nice to meet you today :)
    Ceil

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    1. Nice to meet you, too! I really can't complain..he's the youngest out of 4 kids and he is definitely more forthcoming that the older ones were. Still...he does speak the language of a teen.

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  7. Great meeting you, Michelle. Loved reading this about you and your teen. You'll both survive just fine :)

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    1. Great to meet you, too! And we will survive. I survived his big brother which pretty much means I can survive ANYTHING.

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  8. Michelle has really tapped into the young male mentality. Our boy was much the same; he worked on a single run-on sentence from the age of four to seven. Now he doesn't say much.

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    1. Single run on sentence. HAHAHAH..that's it PERFECTLY!

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  9. Ah yes, and then they turn a corner and call you and won't let you get a word in edgewise....oh wait, that is my story! great having Michelle here. Big fan. big big fan.

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    1. Thank you so much!! You gave me a big smile, which is nice..because I'm at work and I don't smile a whole lot here.

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  10. Then one day he'll be 22 and he won't stop talking about his job and you'll wonder "who is THIS person???" The changes are breathtaking.

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    1. Haha..yep. His brother is 27 and I get daily updates on how his job is going.

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  11. Michelle, this was fantastic and so right on! My son is 20 and we've had these moments - a lot of them! Thanks Marcia for sharing this awesomeness with us!

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    1. Thank you, Stephanie! And thanks for sharing this post on facebook!

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  12. Oh yeah teenage boys communicate with grunts and shrugs and sometimes a roll of the eyes..........
    teenage girls communicate with slams of the door, cupboards and anything else they can find to slam and storming down the hall to their bedroom............... oh such fun times

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    1. And flouncing..lot's of flouncing. I remember when my stepddaughter was in high school, her pointedly not speaking to me for a month. That was 10 years ago and I still have no idea what I did.

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  13. I get there faster and faster every day! The day my son asks me "You mad, bro?'....I'm calling you! I already get a pretty steady attitude from my daughter but my son is my baby and still thinks I hung the moon. He's ten. How long do I have??

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  14. Hmmmm...I'm going to give you four or five years...and you can get my number any time.

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  15. As the mother of two teenage boys, I can so relate. Why do they insist on calling me "dude"?

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  16. What an enjoyable read! My only son is 24 now but I can truly identify with the teenage grunting (not to mention the frequent emissions of bad odors!).

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  17. Great post! How well I remember those days, but mostly with my brother back in the '50s. It was like pulling teeth to get him to say anything beyond a grunt. My kids took after me, and hardly ever shut up, no matter what their age. Now they're dealing with their own teenagers, who are more interested in communicating via text message than with their mouths.

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  18. Mine are teenage girls. Lots of 'swag' 'sweg' and 'bae' run around my house a lot. Provided they still say please and thank you, I'll let the swag, sweg and bae slide. I'm not mad, bro.

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  19. My son will be 13 in March. I hope he'll still talk properly. My main thing is to make sure he knows how to use the proper your and you're when typing online.

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  20. Hahahah...you cracked me up with the 'supercilious' word. Your son is really smart. My son is 11 and in pre-teens. He still talks enough though. May be your post will make me ready for the next phase. But I can already visualise it with my 5 yr old daughter who speaks a lot :) Enjoyed reading you, Michelle.

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  22. Animal Farm at FOUR?!?!?!?! I didn't read it until I was in my mid-twenties. I'm gonna try that "use up all your words" thing on my son who talks entirely too much. I always say some day I'm going to miss someone pounding on the bathroom door while I'm in the shower, but somehow I don't think so. My daughter, who's a bit younger than your son, always says "What up, brah?" & that's about all she ever says. Can.Not.Stand.It.

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