For this reason, I have to exercise regularly or else I'll wind up with a butt the size of Texas. I know no shame when it comes to triple chocolate rum cake. I just have to sweat it out of my pores with a strenuous workout.
I enrolled in a women's gym to save myself the embarrassment of men seeing what I REALLY look like at eight o'clock in the morning. It's not fun packing seven pounds of cellulite into a three pound bag. By the time I get to the gym, my Spandex leggings are so tight, they're screaming, “I can't do it, Captain! I don't have the power!” The uncomfortable tightness is further aggravated once I start to really sweat. My thighs become chafed and require a large fire extinguisher just to put out the smoke.
I don't mind using the weight machines. God knows I need to get rid of these bat wings, jello thighs and “cow utters” by my bra straps. I've gotten pretty good at lifting weights but I'm not too fond of the loud grunting noises from the women around me. They sound uncomfortably constipated as they lift, and I'm tempted to toss them a box of Exlax. Some of these ladies don't realize that when they're lifting, they're straining internal parts, which triggers a green light for pent-up gases to head south and out the door.
***Want More Meno Mama? This week I was featured for the first time on Boomeon! I'm dishing on what it's like to go from an empty nest to a full house. You can read it here: http://www.boomeon.com/posts/from-empty-nest-to-full-house