Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Wacky Wednesday Writers Guest Post By: Writer Mom Blog

   My lovely WWW guest today is funny lady Angela Keck from Writer Mom Blog! I met Angela last year when we were both published in Mother of All Meltdowns, and have been a fan of her writing ever since. Her blog is a beautiful mix of humor posts, heart-felt stories and parenting tips. She has also been featured on numerous websites with posts that have gone viral and created quite a buzz.
 

     Not only is Angela a talented writer, but this woman also has a heart of gold. Several months ago when I was in the middle of an "I-can't-write-my-own-book" meltdown, Angela sent me a kind message of encouragement that lifted my spirits and reminded me of why I needed to finish my book. Thank you for that, Angela. You truly are an inspiration!

     Please welcome this sweet, talented writer to Meno Mama's site today with lots of comment love!







I knew when I started dating my husband that he’s the kind of guy who believes that farts happen.  He’s not a ‘hold it in’ kind of guy.  I firmly believe he has never, ever had the urge to pass gas and suppressed it.  No pun intended.

Not only is he a guy who believes that holding a fart in will give him some kind of excruciating stomach ache and probably worse, he also believes that farts are meant to be heard.  The louder the better!  And he takes pride in the stench he creates.

Yes, you read that correctly.  The stinkier the fart, the more proud he is.

I know you’re jealous right now, but he’s all mine ladies so stand back!

I’ve been with my husband in a variety of situations where he has farted, and I have been embarrassed.  I have left him standing alone in the grocery store, I have walked away in the middle of a conversation, and I have smacked him on the arm for embarrassing the kids and me.

But there was at least one time when he took that embarrassment to new heights, and yes believe it or not it did occur at Walmart.  The place where I thought it was impossible to be embarrassed by my family.

I mean it’s Walmart!

My husband had Wednesday’s off and we would drop the children off at their schools and run our errands.  If you’ve never run errands at 8 am I highly recommend doing so, the stores are virtually empty!  No lines, no crowds, no idiots.

Well, except for one.

My husband was pushing the shopping cart through the grocery department at Walmart, and talking at the same time, we were discussing the list and what we needed to get when suddenly, and unexpectedly he not only farted extremely loudly he actually lifted his leg-dog on fire hydrant style-to do so!

The store was virtually silent so the sound echoed.  A LOT!

Me: “Oh my God, seriously?” As I make a beeline away from him and down the nearest aisle, which just happened to be the paper goods aisle.

I can hear what sounds like young men laughing hysterically about three aisles away.

Husband: “What? It wasn’t that loud was it?”

Guys three aisles away: Laughing even harder now.

I’m picturing them holding onto each other and falling over into shelves as they try to control their hilarity at my husband’s gas issues.

Husband: “Holy shit, that’s a stinky one.  We might have to head home soon.”  waving his hand behind his rear-end to dissipate the stench he is now standing in.  Alone.

I’m about halfway down the paper goods aisle now, and seriously ticked off!

Husband: “Hey, where are you going? Do we need toilet paper?” (that’s the aisle I darted down…see)

Guys three aisles away; “Ohmygawd” more laughing.

Me: “You might!”

Elderly woman at the end of the paper goods aisle looks at me disapprovingly

Me (to elderly woman) “I don’t know him.”

Husband: “Yes you do.  Hey, wait up!”

Husband is laughing, the guys three aisles over are laughing, the elderly woman is giving me the stink eye and I am considering how fast I can get out the front door before he catches up to me and everyone knows I’m with the farting dude in the toilet paper aisle!

Me: “I can’t believe you did that.”

Husband: “What, I just farted.  Everyone farts.  Get over it.”

Guys three aisles away: “Ohmygawd that’s HILARIOUS!”

Me: “You’re a dead man.”

Elderly lady at the end of the aisle sniffs her disgust at us, inhales a whiff of what he’s trailing behind him and immediately looks like she’s going to hurl.

That will teach her to stick her nose in other people’s business, unfortunately none of this taught my husband a damn thing about not farting in public!

Has your spouse or significant other ever done anythin to embarrass you in public?  Share your story in the comments!




BIO:


Angela is a social media and online community professional who has always dreamed of being a writer. She’s proud to be a contributor to the anthology Clash of the Couples and The Mother of all MeltdownsBlogging combines two of her passions, social media and writing! She blogs about anything that strikes her fancy and is always thrilled (and a little surprised!) when someone lets her know they enjoy reading her work. You can find her on her blog www.writermomblog.com, Google+, Facebook,Twitter, and Pinterest.

29 comments:

  1. I don't know what it says about my choices in men or my friend's choices in men, but I swear every woman I know has a "My husband farted in Canadian Tire" story. Including me. I think it's a caveman way of staking territory. Personally I'd prefer they just lick the damn tool they're eyeballing.

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    1. Maybe it's the husband/boyfriend equivalent of a dog peeing on a tree to claim their territory? Also, they seem to find farts endlessly entertaining! I don't get it!! Thanks for commenting!

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  2. This was funny... of course it's only funny because it didn't happen to me... lol :) I would find ways to make embarrass him...in every way possible...he would do everything he could to hold it in after I finished humiliating him... haha

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    1. I don't know if it's possible to embarrass my husband, I think he's immune to it! I guarantee you that someone farting wouldn't embarrass him, he'd crack up laughing!! Thanks for commenting!

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  3. That's hilarious! I'm lucky to be married to a guy who actually does suppress his farts in public...his mother taught him well!

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    1. Only in public though, huh? lol! Thanks for commenting! :)

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  4. Marcia, I am so glad that my little message gave you the encouragement you needed to finish climbing that hill! Your book is terrific and I can't wait to see all the love you receive when it goes on sale in just a few days!!

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  5. This one made me laugh so hard! What is it about men and farts?!?!?

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    1. I think it's a genetic defect personally!

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  6. Farting is fun. Aside from jumping to conclusions, farting is the only exercise I get.

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  7. My husband once hula hooped while wearing a sombrero in the toy aisle at Walmart. Thankfully he didn't fart! Well maybe he did. I left him standing them by himself.

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  8. Wow, some security guard was enjoying his duties of watching mindless surveillance video that day!

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  9. My husby once sent into the dressing room. Sat there a while, then shouted that there was no toilet paper. He's still there . . .

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  10. OMG so so funny! My husband farts in public all the time and thinks it's no big deal. GROSS.

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  11. Now THAT made me laugh! Very, very funny. I would have killed my husband if he did that.

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    1. Yep, I seriously considered murder for a few minutes!

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  12. OHMYGOSH I could picture this ENTIRE smelly scene unfold!!! HILARIOUS Angela!!!! I sooo wish I was there!!!

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    1. I wish you were there too, and I was not! LOL

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  13. BAHAHAHA! I so feel your pain sister! My hubby is the same way!

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  14. Hilarious story! I''m a bit prissy when it comes to farting; I never do it in front of women - God, that sounds old fashioned and anal-retentive (if you excuse the pun).

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  15. Laughing so hard my stomach hurts! This is an awesome story, can't wait to share it with my hubby!

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  16. Oh my goodness Angela you had me at the title of this post!!! HAHAHAHA!! Are you sure we are not both married to the same man. When we are at home, my husband's farts are epic, reverberating through every room in the house. They usually send me running for cover, and my poor daughter...a TEENAGER! Need I say more. I must say however, he does try to tame himself when we are in public. Thanks so much for a good laugh.

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