I'm doing something a little different today on the blog. I want to give a HUGE shout-out to a good writer friend of mine who just released her first book and it is AWESOME! I LOVE Stacey Gustafson's "Are You Kidding Me?" because it is so relatable and hilarious! From the driving lessons with her daughter to the ill hamster and the snoring husband----I swear she has encapsulated my life in her writing and I can't stop laughing. There are so many good sections that I've gone back to read some of them twice. This book is a must have if you love good quality, comedic writing!
Here are a few sneak peeks:
Stressed Out in the Passenger Seat
“Hurry up, Mom,” Ashley yells. “I can’t wait. I’m so excited! Are you?”
“Uh yeah. I’m ready,” I stammer.
We hold hands as we walk towards the family van, car keys in my sweaty grip. The smell of freshly cut grass permeates the neighborhood. My feet begin to sweat and my lower eyelid twitches. It is time to give my daughter her first behind-the-wheel lesson. I feel like Tom Hanks in The Green Mile, going down that last stretch to the electric chair. I am not ready for this.
Good Pets Gone Bad
The next morning, I placed Chubby Cheeks in a box and drove to the vet. After the doctor examined him, we met in the waiting room. He said, “Good news. We can operate and remove the tumor. What would you like us to do?”
“Hmmm…how much will it cost?”
“$300,” he said, checking his watch.
“Do you mind if I ask my husband first?”
I called my hubby and explained the problem. He listened without interruption for a few minutes. After a long pause I asked, “So what should we do? Operate? They can squeeze it in today.”
“How much does a new hamster cost?” he asked.
Does Size Really Matter?
And even when he wasn’t snoring, his heavy breathing was impossible to ignore.
Air in through the nose, out through the flaring nostrils. In and out. In and out. In. In. In. Out. No particular rhythm. Even the dog jumped off the bed in search of some quiet. But I vowed tonight was going to be different. I had enough.
Lying next to him, I could just make out my husband’s face from the dim nightlight in the hallway. He slept like an angel, lips in a small circle, eyelids fluttering. Quiet for the first time in months. I can’t stand his breath in my face. Must wake him up.
“Hey, Darth. Roll over, you’re snoring,” I lied
Stacey Gustafson is an author, humor columnist and blogger who has experienced the horrors of being trapped inside a pair of SPANX. Her work has appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Not Your Mother’s Books, Midlife Boulevard, More Magazine, Better After 50 and on her daughter’s bulletin board. Her book, Are You Kidding Me? My Life With An Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, was released September 2014.